I wonder what weird psychological phenomenon it is that prevents people from just articulating what they want or need. It's so common! Is it because they don't really know what they want? Is it because they've been trained to ignore their needs? Is it because they fear rejection? Is it because they think it's impolite??
Most of the time it feels to me like everyone is just being obnoxious on purpose for no reason, but like. there has to be a reason right?
It's just so exhausting and frustrating to be on the other side of it, desperately trying to find out how to help and getting just no hints whatsoever despite asking repeatedly.
Usually I end up having to just try a random way only to be told no, that was not it actually, but here's what would work better. .......okay like.... why didn't you say so before, maybe one of the twelve times I asked maybe??
The thing is I have my issues as well. I have the kind of autism that hates trial and error situations. My MO is to gather intel and prepare. I seem to clash horribly with most of humanity that way.
I run into this same problem every single day, mostly in small ways like at work, when I ask customers at the pharmacy questions to find out which medicine would fit their problem best, and they either give me no answers or more often than you'd think exactly the wrong answers, leading me to inevitably suggest something they know they don't want, and that's the point when the real info starts spilling out of them.
Or sometimes in bigger ways, when my elderly mother has a problem I need to fix but just won't work with me to find out how.
Or many many other situations that all basically can be boiled down to
me: [is tasked with a thing that affects person]
me: so hey can you tell me [information i need to do the thing in a way that's good for person]
me: [war flashbacks to every time i've been through this before]
person: yeah man whatever
person: [detailed explanation on why my suggestion is terrible and what they would actually prefer]
me, inside: this misery could have been prevented so easily.