funnyname.txt

[funnynamedottxt]

Pronouns: he/him.

in case any of the two people who will ever read this are insane and want to read MORE of my ramblings about fuck shit, there’s WAY more of that on my Letterboxd, especially if you like Looney Tunes.

[funnynamedottxt]

the funniest and MOST important wiki pages ever

Sexuality of Abraham Lincoln (Wikipedia)

Political positions of Scott Wozniak (Scott the Woz Wiki)

Political career of Scott Wozniak (Scott the Woz Wiki)

to be updated sometimes

[funnynamedottxt]

Remember when talk radio was a joke? Remember when it was the pinnacle of boringness?

Remember how podcasts exist now?

[haughtyraban]

“there’s an ai tool for that” okay ?? there’s probably an ed sheeran song for it too who gives a fuck

[gem-andromeda]

[funnynamedottxt]

Doctors HATE this SIMPLE TRICK to STOP EVERY AIRBORNE DIESEASE (not breathing)

[storybookprincess]

so back when my little brother was in high school, my mom went as a chaperone for their senior year field trip to an amusement park. which, you know, brave move to volunteer to supervise a bunch of high school seniors let loose in a wonderland of rollercoasters and sugar

my brother and his friends in this field trip group were truly great kids. but they were not above run of the mill teenage boy shenanigans. it’s the end of senior year, you and all your buddies are at the amusement park, you’re naturally going to want to act like a complete moron

there was one kid in the group who was especially prone to goofing around. committed to the bit, some may say. my mom knew that if nonsense was going to break out, he’d likely be at the center of it

so she goes up to this kid at the very start of the trip and says “hey, i’m kinda worried about this chaperoning thing. this might be a lot to ask, but can you help me keep an eye on everyone? you wouldn’t have to do anything big, just be an extra set of eyes for me.”

friends, this kid proceeded to run their field trip group like the fucking us marines. everyone is at the meet up spots at the designated time. everyone waits in line for the rides like a bunch of boy scouts. the second the horseplay gets too out of hand, this kid is getting it back under control

it’s incredible how differently people act based on the expectations you set. instead of going to this kid and saying “hey, i know you’re trouble, so i’ve got my eye on you,” my mom went “hey, i know you have influence in your peer group, so i think you can help me.”

treat someone like a problem, they’ll act like a problem. but give people a chance to help, make them feel important, and they usually rise far above the occasion. it was a stroke of genius that i’m honestly still in awe of

[teaboot]

I’m not Christian, I don’t go to church anymore, and my pastor died, but when he was alive I’d sometimes go to his sermons and I remember one time he said “it feels good to hate, but we know that it isn’t allowed, so when we’re told that we’re allowed to hate someone we get so excited that we forget we’re supposed to love”, and if my humble atheist ass might borrow some church talk I’d like to perhaps submit that

[teaboot]

Anyhow sometimes on the day to day I feel disgust or revulsion and I have to ask myself “is this a danger to anyone at all or am I just looking for something I’m allowed to hate” and a solid 98/100 times it’s the latter so once again thank you pastor D

[solarprominence]

I maintain that the best summation of my feminist beliefs are that men and women are not fundamentally different. There are a few quantifiable differences if you average out every woman and every man, but they are not qualitative. And most of them are socially constructed, and would be fixed if we started treating men and women the same. Neither is inherently smarter, neither is inherently kinder, neither is inherently more stoic or stronger or angrier or softer. Everyone is obsessed with the differences between women and men, with finding them and creating them and distancing themselves from the "other half". It's fucked up

[funnynamedottxt]

as much as I hate to say it, if Back to the Future was made today, the Delorean WOULD be a cybertruck.

[funnynamedottxt]

bbrespectableamountof$

[funnynamedottxt]

more like oppendiemer, am I right

[funnynamedottxt]

what’s pokémon got to do with today anyways

[funnynamedottxt]

gonna laugh so fucking hard when smash 6 comes out and the new zelda rep is Claymation Link

[funnynamedottxt]

God save the queen? What happened to her, did she die?

[funnynamedottxt]

The weirdest thing about super religious Christians is how EVERYTHING needs to be about Jesus. Nothing can just be normal, nothing can just be about random everyday stuff, no, it HAS to be about Mr. Christ and absolutely NOTHING else or so help you God. Like, I have never been able to have even the slightest modicum of respect for contemporary Christian music and the people who make it because EVERY song HAS to be about Jesus, and absolutely NOTHING else. It just feels so ingenuine, even more so than any boy band or gangster rapper could (which is saying something). Like, I refuse to believe that you are constantly and exclusively thinking about God and absolutely nothing else at all times. For Literal and Lyrical Christ's sake, write a song about traffic or high school or your wife or LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE. It's okay to write about religion sometimes, it makes perfect sense, it's a very important part of your life, but it isn't your ENTIRE life, not even if your some monk in Tibet or wherever monks live. Plenty of people are religious, plenty of people are very religious, but they've also got other shit going on, and it's weird as hell that you act like you don't. And if you REALLY somehow don't, then that's just depressing. God didn't put you on Earth to slave away CONSTANTLY, play a fucking board game or something man.

[funnynamedottxt]

elton john if he had a severe gambling addiction:

muh muh muh money and the bets