It has been a LONG time friends. TW: suicide, rape, SH
I deleted Tumblr during a very dark part in my life and I feel like it’s a nice diary to pick up once in a while and update it every once in awhile. In the span of a year/two I broke up with my toxic ex that raped me and verbally and physically abused me. I lost my best friend when my ex went back to his home state because she was bullying me on FACEBOOK and when I confronted her about it she essentially said that he didn’t do the things he did and that sent me into a dark spiral since I was staying in my dead grandmothers home alone with no friends except one. I relapsed into self harm and was contemplating suicide when I called my mother crying in my grandmothers bed and said “I don’t want to be here anymore.” She helped me get therapy and I started my healing process. I started to unpack my grandmothers death, my ex best friend hurting me, my ex being a piece of shit, and I entered my hoe phase. It boosted my self esteem and made me comfortable being alone. In the middle of my hoe phase I met Ryan. Ryan wasn’t interested in the Punanny, he was interested in me. Which took me by surprise. I kept waiting for the other shoe to fall (hell I still do) but he has been the best partner a girl could ask for. We’ve done a lot in almost two years and we recently bought a house and got a cool ass cat. I still get depression episodes sometimes but Ryan and healthy coping mechanisms helps me through them. He’s been with me through my healing periods and has helped a lot with the process. We don’t scream at each other, we don’t get physical and cry which was a new ballgame. When we have an issue, we talk about it and sometimes it gets emotional but not outrageous (example if the paint wasn’t covering in the first layer I’d start to cry but he’d comfort me and just say “well we can always do another layer!”). I’m in a good point in my life. I realized I didn’t want to be a veterinarian anymore and now I’m a dog groomer. I love doing my job even when it’s rough. I wanna eventually be a grooming trainer where I train other dog groomers or run a mobile dog grooming business. I’ve come a long way from the depressed, angry, and self indulgent teenager/young adult person I was. I’m more patient, more vocal about my feelings so they can get processed sooner than later. I still have a long way to go but here’s the update.
