◤ ✕ golden boy !

Twistin' me up like licorice,Think I need someone who can handle it. Ice and my boys and my wrist this flex I don't need nobody tryna give me shit

[n1cotin]

[fvckmatts-blog]

iashmres:

“it doesn’t matter if i had so many things going for me.” her tone is still soft, but the air is thick in gemma ashmore’s home. it is although she can barely breathe standing in her own living room. matteo was so close now. honestly, she wasn’t sure whether she was hearing his heart beat or the pumping of the blood in her veins. for the first time in far too long, gemma and matteo were closer than they’d been. all gem could ask for was to stay in this moment forever, but she knows it won’t last. she reaches up to him, placing her hands on his chest. her fingers curl up forming small fists grasping the material of his shirt. gem’s eyes are shut, yet tears still roll down her cheeks silently. for a second, she can smell his cologne and things are okay again. why don’t you hate me? the question lingers too long in the air, and she wonders what she could possibly say to change his mind. make him stay, gem. you’ve come too far. “there’s nothing i can hate about you, matteo. why couldn’t you just understand that despite everything i still needed you - hell, i still wanted you. i still do.” she leans forward, her forehead resting on his chest. this time - she’s sure that it’s his heartbeat she hears, and it’s racing just as fast as hers. “i love you, matteo santiago.” she says softly, her voice breaking mid-sentence as her cries choke her up. “i love you with all my heart and there’s nothing i can do to make you stay.”

he can feel the way his heart was beating at a rate much faster than normal. how it’s rhythm is growing quicker the closer gemma gets to him. it had felt like ages since the last time the two of them were ever this close to each other, and matteo couldn’t help but find himself entangled by the smell of her perfume that traveled it’s way to his nose.  “ i broke your heart. that should be enough to hate me for good. ” he could feel her delicate hands gripping at his shirt, how she desperately wanted him to stay right beside her. he didn’t want to go. he didn’t want to see her drowning in her own tears at the sight of him walking out of the door once again. at this very moment, matteo wanted to stay. he wanted to wipe her eyes clean of her tears and reassure her that everything would be okay. that he would be there for her. his shaky arms wrapped themselves around her frame, bringing her body against his. he doesn’t know what he’s doing at this point. all he knows is that the girl standing in front of him and breaking in front of his very eyes and he needs to fix it, to repair the damage he’s done in the past. without thinking, his hands cup her face  — bring her face up so that he could look into her eyes. he could see all of the hurt mixed with desire. she wanted him to stay, she wanted to have him back in her life despite all his flaws. it was hard for matteo to actually feel wanted, to know that someone could actually beg for him to stay. there was something about gem. something about her that made him feel like he was actually worth something, a feeling that was rare for him. it was almost in that moment where everything felt right again, he had never abandoned her and they were still happy. he then found his lips against hers, leaving a tender kiss on the girl’s lips. he pulled away soon after, releasing his arms from around her and taking a step back almost as if to stop himself from going any further. “ fuck, i-i didn’t mean to do that. i’m sorry. ” 

[fvckmatts-blog]

ashmres:

everything was so vivid. her brain so tortuously played memories one after another. it felt as though the walls were closing in, and air was scarce. in her head, she was drowning in her own mind, feverishly gasping for breath as she went under. above water was matteo, reaching for her - a savior if you may. however, beneath the stormy waves that were the vicious memories of their time together was also matteo, reaching for her ankles and dragging her down. gemma’s mind was playing cruel, and she knew she needed to get out. but there was something so satisfying about staying right in this moment. and that’s what she needed - to cherish this just a little longer. “of course i do.” she says quietly, almost defeated. gem’s tears were silent now, flowing freely down her face. so many emotions could be read in her tone. perhaps pain, or sorrow? heartbreak or happiness? who knew. but this was closure. “i never gave my body something else to destroy itself with when i lost you. i let my mind play its tricks, and that was that. but matteo -” her fingers curl softly, almost reaching out to him in the slightest. “we both lived this hell. and i know that you thought it was for the best. but… was it?” her question cuts through the air, although her voice tender. it was an innocent question, but gem thinks she might know the answer. matteo moves to leave, and his words hit her again. everything tonight had felt like punches to her, words flying about the room carelessly. with an ounce of courage, she reaches forward and follows him, her hand immediately reaching for his. “matteo, wait.” she says, gem much louder and stronger sounding now. “please don’t go. i need you.”

‘was it?’ her words rang in his head, cracking open the what if’s that popped up in his mind from time to time. always during the late nights, always when his medication wouldn’t work and no amount of booze was able to cloud his emotions. seeing her hands reaching out for him made him nervous. almost as though she was trying to pull him back into the man that he once was, the man that was able to charm her and make her fall in love with him. the version of matteo that always stayed with a smile, and got a kick out of keeping the people that he loved happy  — gemma being one of those people. “ it-it had to be. look, you have so many things going for you. you have all of these amazing things beginning to happen in your life and you’re too hung up on me to accept it. i’m literally blocking you from finding any kind of happiness and the thought of that alone just confirms that as much as it hurt, i did the right thing. ” he knew that they weren’t perfect. that there were issues in their relationship that neither of them wanted to believe was true, but matteo knew that his bad habits was one of the things that broke them for good. just as he was about to open the door the leave, he turned around, her voice pulling him back in. just like it always found a way to do. “ why? so i can keep making you cry? ” he asked. “ there isn’t anything that i can do  — nothing i can say or even do can help fixed all that i’ve wronged. you should want nothing to do with me, gem. you should be begging me to get out, and yet you still want me to stay. ” he wanted her to yell at him. he wanted her to hit, push, and tell him that he’s the worst thing to ever happen to her. he needed to hear her say that she no longer wanted him in her life anymore, tell him all of the right things that he needed to hear that would make walking away from her one last time along with the memories that they’ve shared for good. because looking at her now, seeing her in such a weak state, begging for nothing else but to have him with her almost made him regret that night  — a thought that he knew was wrong in so many ways. he instantly moved closer to her, their bodies almost touching. “ why don’t you hate me? ” 

[fvckmatts-blog]

ashmres:

a year of attempting to heal, and this is what gemma ashmore amounted to. her blonde hair hung around her face, ragged and unbrushed since returning home from work. tears welling in her eyes, one would think she was falling apart. and in a sense - she was. stitched together by the thought of the sun rising the next morning, and the thought that maybe - just maybe - things would be alright again. but truly, what was alright? was it having a good paying job and a stable lifestyle? a friend group she could rely on? gemma didn’t know. but what she did know was that matteo’s hand came a little too close and rests on her shoulder. she flinches - almost as though she was scared what were to happen next. she can smell his cologne and feel his warmth. for a second, she feels alright. “you thought wrong.” she whispers as she turns to see him, barely meeting his eyes in a broken, watery gaze. “i wish you understood what you did to me. we talked about everything - our lives together, our plans for the future, for what? - it all washed up empty. matteo, i loved you. hell - i still do.” her voice cracks, and she knows she’ll regret that statement later, but for now she shoves it aside and moves on. “you gave me pure happiness. nothing meant more than coming home to you at the end of a night, or our long drawn out phone calls. that went away when you left me.” she sighs and turns away from him again. “all those nights i was cold. i spent hours staring at my phone, out the window, at the ceiling. i felt void. you took a huge piece of me that i’ll never get back.” 

he remembered showing up to her place that night. how he had spent the whole drive trying to figure out what to say. how his hands shook once he saw her, a smile on her face that warmed even the coldest parts of him. that night he cut out the last piece of happiness that he was still attached to.he had been cutting out everything else throughout the months, though trying to figure out how exactly to tell gemma that he no longer wanted to be with her anymore was the hardest. matteo almost completely froze when gemma admitted that she had still loved him, despite all of the hurt that he’s caused her. a part of him wasn’t surprised though, due to the fact that any person could take one look at her  — see her eyes stained red with tears along with her disheveled hair and know for a fact that the feelings that the girl held for him were still strong. though, another part of him was confused. after all that he’s caused her, he still couldn’t believe that she still believed that there was some good in him. “ you...you still love me? ” she believed that there was still a piece of the old matteo that she loved so dearly, trapped somewhere underneath the mess of himself that he wouldn’t even be able to recognize and the thought of that alone made his heart shatter. “ i probably could never understand how you must have felt back then, but all i know is that for weeks afterwards i couldn’t sleep because you were all i kept thinking about. i tried to forget about you but i couldn’t because every single thing around me reminded me of you. i drank more because that was the only time you weren’t in my head, i tried to fill the void by hooking up with all these girls but that only helped for a few hours, and then i was back to missing you again. it was hell. ” he started to feel himself crack. like all of the feelings that he had sealed shut for a year was starting to spill out. “ i made a mistake coming here. i-i should go. i’m sorry for even coming.  ” he breathed. he couldn’t stand to see her crying any more, see the person who was always so strong, always managed to keep it pushing with a smile on her face, completely broken knowing that he couldn’t fix it. he tangled his fingers through his tousled hair, starting to make his way to the door. 

[fvckmatts-blog]

ashmres:

“i wanted to stay!” her voice cuts through the air like glass shards, and she wonders whether this was worth it at all. this moment had been a long time coming for the both of them. the day he left was the beginning of gem’s down spiral as a human being. on the outside, she was a cool and collected legal assistant. inside? she was dying. emotionally robbed, exhausted, and cold. yet still, he stands here in front of her wearing his heart on his sleeve and she can feel it all over again. “your life didn’t bother me.” she states, glancing over at him. “i knew everything you did even if you didn’t need to say it out loud. i turned a blind eye toward it, and every night when you came home, it all disappeared. the racing, the probable drugs - i forgave it all. you know why, matteo?” his name falls from her lips so naturally - just like she’d always said it. matt was never the name of choice for him. so many of their friends used that instead of his full first name, but matteo was where she fell. “because despite everything, i loved you. i loved you with anything and everything i could muster. looking back now, it just didn’t seem like it was enough for you.” gemma hadn’t encountered any other person she wanted to pursue after him. it seemed sort of sad - girl meets boy, they fall in love, it falls apart, and she can’t seem to love anymore. what once was a feeling of joy, happiness, and pure ecstasy to gemma was an emotion that made her shrink at the thought of ever experiencing that again. and here she was, feeling that same emotion for someone who had been dead to her for almost a year.  “there was no amount of love that could’ve fixed you, hey?” she asks, turning her back to him. gemma purses her lips for a moment before shaking her head ever so slightly. “i’m glad that i gave you all the love i had left then. i don’t have anything left to give.”

as much as it hurt him, matteo couldn’t deny that everything gemma was saying was true — realizing that he underestimated just how well gem actually knew him. how she was able to read him as though he were an open book. there was absolutely no way that she was unaware of all that he was doing during the last months of their relationship. from him coming home late at night, to the unexplained sudden disappearances where he would sneak off to spend hours in an empty bar as opposed to being with her.  “ don’t you see? i did this...ended what we had so that you could be happy. all of the stuff that i was doing was going to hurt you in the long run and even you know that.  ” he stood up from the couch, dragging his feet to close the small amount of space that lay between the two of them. he barely even realizes what he is doing once he gently places his hand on her shoulder, almost afraid that she would shatter into pieces just from his touch. he was afraid that he would break her even more than he already has. “ you were supposed to be happy without me. i thought you would be able to live happily without be. ” he immediately removed his hand away from her, shoving both of his hands into his pockets and taking a step back from her. scared that the closer he got to her the more pain he would bring her. “ gem, i never thought i could love anyone as much as i loved you. you made me feel like i was someone worth actually giving a shit about. you gave me so much and what could i give you in return? nothing. ” his voice was low. “ and don’t ever think that you weren’t enough for me. you were everything and more. you were too good for me. ”

[fvckmatts-blog]

wcndrlustx:

when matteo blocked the exit she could tell that he was aware that something was up, something was very different in this goodbye then the many others before. the thing was bee could feel herself going numb, that with every painful time he turned cold on her she became a little more and more numb to it all. it was hard for her to be so vulnerable with him, to give someone parts of her heart time and time to only be returned with a cold shoulder the next minute, and always a quick kiss to keep her lingering on a bit longer. but she was beginning to realize it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t enough to only be held by someone when they were half asleep and drunk. to only be kissed in a backroom where no one could see them, to be around someone who could only tell her he cared by playing a love song instead of actually saying it. “nothing i’m good.” she lied trying to to get too emotional, but it somehow felt like this was a goodbye, and not one of their many goodbyes but a real honest to god goodbye. she felt a little shaky, like she was cutting off the one thing in her life that brought her joy. bringing around matteo when he was interested in her was oh so intoxicating, but when he cut her off or blew her off for another girl she felt like she couldn’t breathe. she was tired of acting like she was fine, like she was okay with him constantly making her feel like she wasn’t enough. “i’m not acting weird, isn’t this what we do. we hook up and then you pretend i don’t exist for the next few days until you find it useful to use me again.” she said revealing a little much in her shaky tone that was actually very much upset. her eyes were stinging a little and bit on her lip a little trying to stay strong even though she could tell her was upset himself. she didn’t want to lose him but with how things were now she didn’t really have him either. when he asked her to talk to him she could hear the desperation seeping in her voice. “I can’t do this anymore..” she said her voice low and weak, but she knew she had to do this, despite how much her heart didn’t want her to. 

it was hard for matt to explain his feelings for bee. mainly because of the fact that he was scared to admit the fact that he actually liked her way more than he had intended to when the brunette first stepped into the record store, capturing his attention almost instantly. he didn’t know then that the girl with the pretty smile would soon cause for his emotions to become even more confusing than they already were. he knew that all of his hot and cold tendencies were starting to affect bee more than they had in the past. he could tell by the way that she was starting to push herself away from him, avoid his eyes whenever he tried talking to her, and lose the same passion that she gave him that made him crazy about her in the first place. “ if things were good you wouldn’t be so quick to get away from me just like you are right now. ” he retorted. it wasn’t hard for him to read exactly how she was feeling, how he knew that she was on the verge of breaking down at any minute, the feelings of hurt mixed with despair being displayed all over her face. he had studied her face on multiple occasions, soon realizing that she displayed all of her emotions on her face. one of the many habits that he learned about her that made him fall for her even harder than he already was. he was shocked at her outburst, hearing the words that he knew was going to come eventually, but he never prepared himself for. he opened up to bee in so many ways, yet he still managed to keep her feeling as though she didn’t even know him at all — keeping his distance between her to make sure that he wouldn’t fall too hard, knowing that he wasn’t sure if he would be able to give her everything that she needed. though he wanted bee. he knew he wanted her all to himself, as selfish as that may sound. so when she told him that she was tired of their dysfunctional relationship, the fear of losing yet another person he cared about caused his mind to go into overdrive  —  no no no, he thought. “ what do you mean you can’t do this? ” he asked her quietly, almost allowing his voice to be completely muffled by the music playing on the speaker in the store. “ i thought you were fine with...this. ” he gestured between the two of them. “ we said it would be easier this way, remember? ” 

[fvckmatts-blog]

ashmres:

tears began to well in gemma’s eyes, and in that moment she knew his arrangement to return her things had been a mistake. those articles of clothing had been gone for a whole year, just like he had. clearly, unlike matt, the clothes weren’t something she was missing. many nights after their breakup did she yearn for his touch, numb on her side in bed. just like now, tears would run down her perfectly rounded cheeks, and she’d stare at her phone screen just waiting for him to call her - to say goodnight like he always had. but times had changed. they say time heals all wounds, but gemma was far from healed. a scar had been left on her heart when he’d been, and only now had it been shredded open. “a reason?” she asks, raising a brow. her voice is cold, and she stares at him with glazed eyes. his words are a slap in the face, and she’s ready to scream at the top of her lungs. but she doesn’t, and gem attempts to hold back ever so slightly. “i was trying to help you!” she snaps, her bottom lip quivering as she makes eye contact with him again. “i wanted nothing more than to celebrate my wins with you, and to help you find yours. we were a team, matteo. i supported you day and night, everything else aside.” her voice becomes quiet, and she chokes back her tears for a moment. compose yourself, gem. “you were everything to me. our pictures together? i don’t recognize that girl anymore. i got my education despite everything, but there was nothing more in this world i wanted more than you.”

maybe he needed the closure. maybe he needed to tell the girl all of the things that had been bottled up in his chest for all this time, more so for his own healing than her own. the box of close that now sit besides him was nothing more than a petty excuse to be able to see her again, if he were being honest. he knew that she could care less about the clothes, but that was the only excuse that he could think of to get them to communicate again. however, now he thought that he would have been better off just leaving the box at her front door without a word. because now his mind was becoming clouded with memories of their relationship as well as the hurt that surrounded him at the time as well. “ don’t you see? this is why i needed to leave. you needed to get away from me. i’m not the same guy that i was in those pictures, i’m not the one you fell in love with. you couldn’t have been able to fix me. ” as he talked, stared at her feet. he he didn’t want to look at her. he didn’t want to see her cry. he had seen her eyes filled with tears too many times. he’s heard the sound of her voice cracking too many times. “ you don’t get it, gem? i’m no good. ” he shook his head, knowing that his last statement was more of him talking to himself rather than himself. almost as a way to remind himself just why he had to get away. remind him why he felt as though he wasn’t fit for love and why he had spent the last year and a half of his life stringing along different women just because of his own fear of being loved. the scars from him and gemma’s relationship hurt matt enough to the point where even the idea of someone else having the same amount of feelings as she did for him made matteo want to do nothing but drive the person away. “ i’m not good. and instead of giving you any more time to figure that out, i needed to end it before you realized that i changed and there was no amount of love that you could’ve given me to fix it. ” he spoke, his voice coming out as low as a whisper. 

[fvckmatts-blog]

ashmres:

when he pipes up, the room was silent. you could hear a pin drop, perhaps, amongst the eerie quiet that had built up over the last year. gem had never anticipated it ever coming to this. the day she met him was still vividly engrained in her memory. she was only twenty — just having entered her second year of university as a legal assistant. she met him, and she was sold. matt was the person that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, and she could only hope that he would feel the same. and that’s how the story goes — boy meets girl, happily ever after… or so she thought. “funny you should ask that.” she begins, her tone cold. “I’ve been great. peachy, actaully.” gemma could feel a stinging in her chest. is this what heartbreak is? her eyes move up to meet his and she doesn’t even sit down on her couch. she remains where she stood after placing the box down, and she crosses her arms. “the only person who ever made me feel like I mattered decided that they didn’t want me anymore. life’s great.”

one of the things that matteo had loved the most about gem was how she could manage to change his mood completely just by the sound of her voice. a hidden talent that he had depended on whenever he was upset and ready to explode. because of this, he was shocked at how harsh her voice sounded now. so much that his eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, finally realizing now that gemma was no longer the same girl that he knew when they were together. instead of being warm and filled with life, she was now cold and distant. her voice bled with nothing but disgust for him with each of her syllables hitting him like a ton of bricks. he remained quiet for a few seconds, letting her words sink in before trying to figure out what exactly was the right thing to say. it is in this moment, for the first time in months after they had first broken up, where matt could feel his chest tightening. a feeling that he knew all too well. usually whenever he would feel like this, he would smoke to ease his pain or drown himself in a bottle of liquor to remove himself from the mixture of sadness and heartbreak that he tried to block out completely.  “ you know i had a reason to...i- ” he stopped himself, licking his lips as he tried to let his words flow. “ you had everything going for yourself. everything in your life was going perfect while mine was turning into complete shit and you know that. ” flashbacks of the past where matteo’s relationship with his father was at an all time low, to the point where the only words that his father spoke to him were ones of discouragement and disappointment. moments where he felt as though his life was on pause while gem’s life was moving at full speed. 

[fvckmatts-blog]

wcndrlustx:

“oh well you know you don’t suck seeing you so it’s not too much of a hassle making my way down here.” she said smirking and poked his ab gently. this was so true to how they communicated, they used sly comments masks by sarcastic tones so they couldn’t admit how true the statements were. her heart sunk a little knowing that with matteo the closest thing she’d probably ever get to him telling her he actually liked her would be accompanied by a comment on how she was just a distraction. a distraction from what she often wondered? a distraction from the millions of other girls he seemed to do the exact same thing as he did with her. and try as she might to be completely cool with the little deal they had made it still stung every time she find a hickey she most definitely didn’t leave. or when she’d find hints that his body had been used with someone else. she knew their deal was purely physical but still try as she might she find herself wanting and liking matteo for much more than their backroom hook ups. she moved away from him when he coldly asked her to go and she wondered how long she could really continue doing this. how long could she let him string her along, her self esteem and confidence lowering with every time he pushed her away. she knew any girl with any self respect would tell him to get lost, to go back to the gaggle of girls waiting on standby. but still something always seemed to pull her back to him, as if he was a magnet with a killer smile and a soft sweet side she knew rarely many saw. but how long was she supposed to put up with his cold, uninterested demeanor, just for those brief moments where he was kind and intoxicating. she couldn’t help want him, to want him in ways he just wasn’t maybe ready, or ever ready to give. sighing she heard him ask if she made him another tape. of course she did it was part of their deal. they’d make each other tapes of songs that spoke the words they never could and maybe as a way to keep the other lingered on. “you could try listening to it.” she snapped back when he asked about the type, her voice a little harsher tone than she hadn’t managed to use until now. it was obvious she was annoyed and feeling now rejected and distant from him all so suddenly. as he asked for a kiss goodbye she rolled her eyes, relaxing a little when he kissed her gently. she knew this move all to well, he’d use it whenever she grew some confidence a little as a way to keep her crawling back. however this time it felt different, she felt like the lines were beginning to lose the magic they once held with every time he used them. so instead of saying see you soon let she always did she just grabbed her stuff and headed for the door. 

letting his guard down was something that was difficult for matt to do. he always liked to keep himself alert at all times, always making sure that no one was to ever get too close to him. he preferred it that was, mainly stemming from his own issues of allowing himself to be ‘weak’ in front of others. however, it was easy for bee to break down the walls that he had spent the past year and a half building up. it was easy for him to allow her into the deepest aspects of himself that he swore that he wouldn’t allow anyone to see ever again. before she could make her way out of the record store matteo stepped in front of her, blocking her way from exiting out the door. a sense of panic arose through his body, seeing as though he had made the girl upset — a bad habit that he did a little too much. “ hey, what’s up with you? why are you acting so weird all of a sudden? ” he questioned, his voice coming out a little harsher than he had intended it to, only adding salt to an already bleeding wound. he was never good at handling the emotions of others, which was one of the reasons why he failed to understand just why bee was upset. he thought that she understood the routine already — he liked to keep her close, but also distant as well. it was something that matteo believed would make it easier for the two of them, especially since his feelings for her have only grown stronger. something that particularly scared him. the last time he had felt these kind of feelings for someone was with gem, and judging by how that relationship had ended the last thing that he wanted for the two of them was to end up hurting one another, just like he had done with his ex. he liked the dynamic that he and bee shared. he liked that he could spend hours talking about music with her, or spend the entire day cooped up in his house doing nothing but enjoying each other’s company.  “ talk to me. ” please, he wanted to add. he knew that if she were to leave, this would only be the start of her getting rid of him, and he knew that as much as he didn’t want to admit it to himself, he needed bee more than she knew it.  

[fvckmatts-blog]

ashmres:

wounded. that’s how gemma felt standing there. her heart was bleeding out, beating itself into overtime at the sight of him. but he stands there, in all his glory (and voice like silk, she might add) and he rubs salt into her wound. it felt like the day they broke up again. the pure agony she felt the day he told her he didn’t want her anymore - that this wasn’t working. that was the night that gem knew that this was the beginning of a long journey of recovery. her eyes move to meet his, and she shatters inside. everything aches when she sees his warm brown eyes; eyes that she used to look into every day and night before she fell blissfully asleep. but instead of the warmth they once offered, she’s cold. everything freezes the moment she makes eye contact. time stops, and for a second she forgets everything that had happened. but then he speaks up, and reality snatches her back with its cruel grasp. “thanks.” she says, her voice wavering for a moment. be strong, gemma. not now. extending her reach, she takes the box and places it on the floor next to her couch. she intentionally ignores the polite-ish comment directed toward her looks, and she can’t help but stare for a second. you look as good as i remember. “i’ve been fine. working lots.” gem states. “you?”

he could tell that she was hurting. it was easy for him to notice, seeing as though her eyes showcased a deeper level of pain that she knew she was keeping from him. a pain that he was well aware that he was the cause of, which brought nothing but a wave of mixed emotions that had only left matteo feeling even more worse about himself than he already did.  “ i’ve been...alright. you know, just been hanging around and stuff. ” if by hanging out he meant spending most of his days smoking his anxiety away, and his nights racing and nearly risking his life just for a couple hundred dollars. he was aware that gem had known about his street racing  — it was one of the many things that caused the distancing between the two during their relationship, which ultimately lead to their break up as well. though it wouldn’t be much of a surprise to him if she already knew all that he had really been doing. even though he attempted to remain as cold and distant as possible, gem knew him. and as much as matt hated it, she out of all people would be able to see through him. he sat on the couch, fiddling with his fingers as he asked the one question that he knew would open up a wound for the both of them that he wasn’t sure he was ready to deal with. “ how are you really feeling though? with everything? ” his voice lingered after the second question, his eyes looking up at the girl in front of him. 

[wenchyfloozymoo]

[fvckmatts-blog]

i’m going to be out all day hanging out with my bff but i’ll be on probs later on tonight or tomorrow!

[rpxmusings]

                                rub the  𝚜 𝚊 𝚕 𝚝  in my wounds                                  ᴛʜɪs is what I’ve done to you

[fvckmatts-blog]

@ashmres !!

[fvckmatts-blog]

ashmres:

there wasn’t a single bone in gemma ashmore’s body that wanted to deal with this right now. curled up on her couch, she stared absentmindedly at her phone as a random netflix tv choice playing in the background as white noise. i’ll come by later on tonight. the words on her screen were enough to give her heart failure as it frantically beats into overtime. she’d deleted his number long ago, shortly after they’d broken up with no intentions of ever requiring it again. not that she didn’t recognize those digits though. when they popped up on her homescreen, gem’s heart sunk in her chest as she prayed that it wasn’t him. that maybe, just maybe, he changed his number and it belonged to someone else now. but only two messages in, she realized that wasn’t the case. for months after their separation, gemma mourned the loss of someone who was still alive. many nights spent alone wondering why she wasn’t enough, and why she couldn’t salvage their relationship. matt had become her world in such a short space of time – someone she hoped would be by her side for years to come. but their time ran out and they came to an end.

a knock at her door breaks her from her thought train, and she immediately “fuck.” she mumbles, letting out a heavy sigh before slowly standing up. gemma moves toward her front door, and she leans forward to look through the peep hole. fuck fuck fuck. her thoughts run wild, and this no longer seemed like a nightmare she could wake up from. undoing the deadbolt, she took a deep breath and opened the door. “hi.” she says, the word escaping her mouth quickly as she makes eye contact with her former lover. gesturing to the hall behind her, gemma steps out of the way. “come in.”

if matt were to be completely honest with himself, the first months after their break up was when he missed gemma the most. there had been moments where he had wished to talk to gemma months after their break up. times where his head was spinning and he felt like the world was closing in on him, moments where he needed somebody to calm him down, help him come back down to reality. gemma used to be that person for him. however, he knew that it keeping his distance was the easier option for the both of them. he knew that it would be completely selfish of him to continue dragging her along into the messiness that was making it’s way into his life. matt looked at the girl who he hadn’t seen in much, noticing how different yet familiar she looked. he made the effort to block her on social media weeks after their break up as an attempt to get over her quickly. because of this, the last time that he had seen his old lover’s face was the night he decided to break up with her once and for all –– leaving him with just the painful memory of seeing her tear stained face as he told her the one thing that he knew would shatter her heart to pieces. “ hey. ” he breathed out, stepping inside. the place had still remained the same, causing a wave a nostalgia to hit him. realizing why he was even here to begin with, he held out the box for her to grab. “ uh, here. it’s the last of your stuff. you look...fine by the way. ” he said in an attempt to ease the discomfort between the two of them, though he felt as though he was only making the situation worse. “ how have you been? ”

[rpxmusings]

                                                            I  h o p e  that these drinks                                                             have a  sʜᴏᴛ  at  replacing                                                             the things that I  {  𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚝  }                                                             along the way.

[lmonsour]

&&open !!

            his mercedes-benz was his pride and joy.  ivan fancied himself a collector: he liked antique chessboards, nice cars and sailboats. he couldn’t begin to NUMBER all of each he had in possession or how many even got USE. they were  HIS  and that was all that mattered. the young man runs a thumb over a spot on the driver’s side door, rubbing away a speck of dirt.  “a beaut–– isn’t she?”

[fvckmatts-blog]

“ beautiful is an understatement. ” matteo replied, his eyes scanning over the car. his mind was already starting to think about just how fast it could go, how he’d definitely be able to make a lot of money racing with something like that. “ you mind getting it a little dirty? there’s a lot of guys down at the tracks that definitely need their asses kicked by a car this dope  –– you down or what? ”

[poseystaco]