she nods against his chest, biting her lip to keep a response at bay. it’s instinct to retort back, to say that she isn’t a good person. she doesn’t deserve praise. another thing she’ll have to work on, among an entire list of things. she has to believe charlie isn’t saying that because he thinks it’d make her feel better, she believes he means it.
cathryn’s lived many places over the years. she’s never stayed in one place for long, a habit of being homeless. of life getting in the way. settling down wasn’t really an option for her, until recently. until charlie. it feels like she’s known him forever ( almost three years now. something like that. it’s weird to think about. ) like he’s her best friend along with being her boyfriend. witches around her would often talk about soulmates and she never thought much of it, but maybe there’s some truth to that. she really believes she found a soulmate in charlie.
and it’s scary. terrifying. she knows she could be happy with charlie, she was happy with charlie. probably the happiest she’s been in a while. and happiness is frightening. when she gets happy, something takes it from her. at least with the break up, she controlled that. and it was stupid. an act of a fucking child. but she’s here not, that has to count for something right?
she won’t ask for forgiveness. she’ll never expect that. she looks up at him, eyes red but a smile present. “i want to try, to.” and she means it. with everything. “i got scared, because i knew i could be happy with you. which sounds, completely fucked up but i i’m just so used to the anger and all my fuckin’ baggage that i just don’t know who i am without it. it’s fucked up, but i want to try. i want to change.” her hand comes to wipe her eyes, makeup ruined from it all. “i love you. i don’t want to be without you.”
that doesn’t make a lick of sense to him. it isn’t that it sounds fucked up ( alright, no, it does sound a little fucked up ) but he simply can’t wrap his mind around the logic that something like that would entail. he knows now it’s probably because of all the mental baggage that she hauls around in her figurative backpack, and sure, he struggles with his own bullshit but he can’t imagine struggling with something like that.
( he was so naive to think that a week in a treatment program would fix anything. )
but that doesn’t make it any less difficult to understand. he sighs, not out of any sense of frustration with her, but with himself for being so thick-headed about this. even if they do try it’s not going to be easy, and he knows it’ll be hard, but he still loves her. and if she still loves him? why wouldn’t they make another effort to fix this? right? all his nervous thoughts slowly creep up, and it’s a physical effort to ignore them for the time being.
he shakes his head. “that’s... gonna take a while for me to understand, but i love you, too.” and he’s relieved to be able to say that to her again. his hand comes up to brush against her cheek, wiping away some of the smeared makeup before settling against her skin. after a moment his hand drops and his fingers interlace with hers. the hallway is no place to have this conversation.
he asks again, a little more confident this time: “do you want to come in? you don’t have to stay if you’re not cool with that yet, but... i think,” he breaks out into soft laughter, “we’d be better off talking inside.” oliver meows as if in agreement. “i think he agrees.”