does anyone else sometimes remember that there are still 1 million people out there who like regularly watch supernatural??? and you just like wanna tell them hey it’s okay to let go sometimes,,,,,,,,,,,, just let it go
Here’s a quick tip: if people enjoy something harmless that you personally don’t care for, Shutting Up about it and letting them have their fun might be a good option for you.
Forgive me for sounding salty, but even if an interest seems trivial to you, you have no idea what it could mean to other people. For some reference, here’s an entire website devoted to stories about how Supernatural and its fandom have helped people through difficult times in their life, depression, mental illness, and trauma.
There are other popular fandoms that I don’t personally enjoy and find annoying, but I would never denigrate their interests for notes, as I understand how important they can be to people.
In general, negativity isn’t cool, bruh. Instead of talking about how much you dislike something, why don’t you talk about the things you do enjoy?
I'm late to the party but I made it. Since getting into Heated Rivalry I've dipped my toe back into Hockey RPF. I have been so amazed by the talent and creativity of the fandom, and have learned so much about hockey! (Wait... the winners room isn't real?!)
SidGeno was the obvious place to start fic-wise. Sidney in particular is making me mad at my past self for not getting locked into sports 15 years ago. In my defense, I did not know overly-polite twunks played hockey.
🔒 All these fics are locked, you will need an Ao3 account to view them.
way to the heart by mnabokov
⭐️ Chef Geno, Hockey player Sid
Crosby didn't look like he did in the pictures. He looked like a normal guy in his worn jeans and T-shirt, not some larger-than-life figure that Andy and the others had made him out to be. Handsome, sure, but—just a guy.
Notes: An intriguing story built on really strong character work. I loved Geno's characterization and did not want to say goodbye to him when the fic ended. What I really appreciate about this fic is how adult and lived-in Sid and Geno's characters are.
The Real Thing by @sevenfists
⭐️ De-aging, Time travel, Established relationship
Sitting at the table was Sid: Sid as Zhenya had first known him, almost a decade before: dorky, long-haired Sid, his cheeks round with baby fat. He couldn’t have been older than twenty, and even that was generous. “Wow,” baby Sid said. “Are you Evgeni Malkin?”
Notes: De-aging fics are on my favorite thing ever, they are always so dirty and wrong and hot. Plus, this features established relationship SidGeno to make it interesting. I'm in heaven!
Howl by @plethoriall
⭐️ Werewolves, Mating rituals
Geno’s acting wolfish around them, or sharp in tooth, as Gonch had described it when he’d get like this years ago. It’s nothing compared to now.
Notes: This fic is so sexy and sweet at the same time! Sid is so unsure but eager to help Geno. Really vivid and physical storytelling. I did a lot of squealing while reading this.
To Be Seen Aright by @youhideastar
⭐️ BDSM AU, Character study
Sid’s gotten pretty used to total strangers asking him what he’s trying to prove, or telling him he wasn’t raised right, and they always expect it to bother him. He doesn’t tell them he hears much, much worse on the ice.
Notes: The first Hockey RPF fic I ever read, bookmarked it way back in 2017. I still think about it all the time. Great world-building and writing that makes you fall in love with Sid instantly.
The Killing Kind by @beggingwolf
⭐️ Mob boss Geno, Hockey player Sid, ABO dynamics
Sidney gets scruffed in the halls of a Helsinki hockey arena. The only omega to ever play on Team Canada, he wants two things: to get through World Juniors without succumbing to his first heat, and to win Gold. Zhenya left hockey behind when he chose to follow in his father’s footsteps. As the violent right-hand of an oligarch, Zhenya knows that the world of the Bratva is no place for an omega like Sid. Sidney has always been exceptional.
Notes: Might be my favorite SidGeno fic so far! This story is told over many years and really envelops you in a grand love story. ABO world-building is top tier. You follow SId and Geno's perspectives and root for them so much. I love Sid's characterization and how he grapples with being an omega.
Snowdrift by @plethoriall
⭐️ Dubious consent, ABO dynamics
As an omega, Sid has extra duties on the team. Zhenya disagrees.
Notes: A dark fic told through Geno's POV. Interesting commentary on gender dynamics and the hierarchies of the hockey institution (in this AU at least).
All the Way Through by @sevenfists
⭐️ Fake dating, Forced outing
“I hope you’re going to tell me that you’re in a loving, committed, long-term relationship,” Jen said.
“Well. No,” Sidney said. “We’re—it’s a casual thing.”
“Not anymore,” Jen said. “Congratulations, you’re in love.”
Notes: I will be the first to say fake dating AUs are usually not my thing, but oh man this one is amazing. The characterization and plot beats are all there, and the whole thing is just built on a really great foundation. Also, hot sex scenes, because those will always win me over.
anything that touches by @ticklefighthockey
⭐️ Prostitution, Character study
Sid knew how to smile. He knew how to make the muscles work, how to soften his face into something less rigid. Geno liked him happy. If he wanted Sid easy and pleasant, here at the end, Sid could give him that. Geno asked so little of him.
Notes: Ok this fic is a lot, in the best way. A very intense and emotional story about exploitation. It is so beautifully and expertly written. You can see it all playing out in your head like a movie, I don't know how else to explain it. I did not want it to end.
swallow the fire by @cascara-soda
⭐️ Winner's Room, Young Sid
“It’ll be okay. It’s my choice,” Sid said, and it was only sort of a lie. Or, the 1989 Super Series Winner’s Room AU.
Notes: Hot. Read it right now. That is all.
King and Lionheart by @thehoyden
⭐️ Arranged marriage, Slow burn
Sidney’s wedding day doesn’t go quite as he’d planned. When he’d bothered to imagine it at all, he’d thought of a nice June wedding in Nova Scotia, outdoors with the sun streaming down. He hadn’t imagined this hurried affair on the tarmac on a rainy and unseasonably cool day in early September, a month after his twenty-fifth birthday.
Notes: I love arranged marriage AUs, and this one is so sweet. I like the emphasis on how Sid and Geno are both very family oriented how their love builds over time. Seeing that in fics nicely mirrors the themes of playing a team sport like hockey.
defined by their histories by @sequestering
⭐️ Found media, ABO dynamics, Fame
In 2005, Sidney Crosby skated onto NHL ice as the first omega in professional hockey. Ten years and countless controversies later, he is a household name, a political icon and widely regarded as one of the greatest sportsmen alive. Now with the Pittsburgh Penguins set for another record-breaking season, he opens up about a life lived in the spotlight.
Notes: This fic is so cool and completely draws you in from the first chapter. It's kind of like an outsider POV fic, following Sidney's rise to stardom as the first omega in the NHL. Deals with interesting themes of sexism and the expectations of fame in sports.
still on that tightrope by @ticklefighthockey
⭐️ Established relationship, Family planning
Sid would leave him. Not yet, maybe, but Zhenya had gone into this clear-eyed. He wasn’t twenty years old anymore, buoyant with hope, blinded by his own naivety. For Sid—for any alpha, really—Zhenya was the interlude, not the finale. There would always be another Kathy waiting in the wings. He wouldn’t try to change Sid’s mind, not this time. But maybe there was still a chance that he could change himself.
Notes: Yay, another established relationship fic! (Don't call me boring) This one is heartbreaking. It deals with the inner turmoil of expectations in a relationship and planning for the future. A nice change of pace from the "getting together" fics on this list.
callused heart by mnabokov
⭐️ ABO dynamics, Hockey-centric, De-aging
“Ah,” Dubas put his glasses back on. “Yes. The legacy clause. I started to make arrangements for you, just in case. You’ll like him. Malkin. He’s a young Alpha, from Russia. We can have him over in two weeks.”
Notes: Another really cool world-building fic with de-aged Geno sprinkled in. A well written and unique story about captain Sid trying to balance being an older omega and going after what he wants. Usually omegas are in less power and are younger, so the premise of this fic really caught my attention and did not disappoint.
i've been reading a lot of sidgeno and so here is a good old fashioned rec list. a note that some of these are very old and may have some older characterizations of sidney and geno, and some may be newer. i've broken them down below into categories and length based on this post on length
short (1-7.5k), medium(7.5k-17.5k) and long (17.5k+)
if you don't know me, i'm rosie, most known for my f1rpf fic parallel players but i also wrote double vision myself in the sidgeno tag. also apologies if this isn't the best/neatest. all omegaverse will be in the final category for reference as well. ♥️ are well loved
in universe (plug and play, they're playing hockey for the pens, nothing too strange)
short in-universe
idiomatic by trillath (E, 6.3k) (2015-2016-ish? Sid & Geno) (smut)
how do you say ... butt dial?
medium, in-universe
talkin' bout by malk1ns (E, 10.2k) (late 2000's era Sid & Geno I think) (Possessive Behavior, Gender Dynamics)
Geno's always liked having a girl.
Sidney just never thought it would be him.
(the perfect description to ME)
long, in-universe
This Cold Harbor Now Home by hkafterdark (E, 60.1k) (2012 era Sid & Geno) (Kid Fic, angst, James Neal)
The one person Geno wants to build a family with already has one. (this could theoretically go in au but I like it so much it goes here)
hockey au (someone is still playing hockey but with one or more elements changed.)
short, hockey au
medium, hockey au
Make Yourself at Home by SnickFic (T, 8.5k) (2014 Sid & Geno) (bowerbird au, angst)
In this universe people must build bowers (aka nice homes to nest in) to entice mates. Except Sid likes Geno's and is too stressed to make his own.
3:30 by sevenfists (E, 11.4k) (2018-2019 Sid & Geno) (No Anna or Nikita so in AU, getting together, feelings, Mother Russia) ♥️
the napping fic
The Final Rose by fanforthefics (M, 10.1k) (Hockey Player!Sid, Geno was sent on The Bachelor)
the bachelor au
long, hockey au
there is a lake in me by hauntologie (E, 21.8k) (2012 Sid & Geno) (Magic Gender Swap, angst, Sid being ... Sid, multiple POV)
Geno gets a new body and is unable to resist an interested Sid.
The Real Thing by sevenfists (E, 34.8k) (2015 Sid & Geno and also 2006 Sid) (time travel, threesome, established relationship, ANGST)
2015 Geno goes over to his boyfriend Sid's house only to be faced with the Sid he first met (and the issues that have been simmering for a while).
And Never Been Kissed by thehoyden and twentysomething (E, 166.7k) (2004-2006 Sid & Geno) (the world's biggest what/if fic)
What if Sid & Geno met at Worlds in 2004, and everything that followed.
(if you liked parallel, this is for you; if you like this, you may like parallel ngl).
alternate universe
short, au
The In-Between by CoffeeStars (T, 4.2k) (regency, time travel) ♥️
Evgeni Malkin is a Regency Lord in love with his valet who leaves him. Bereft, the universe shows him they're meant to be in every era.
Keep Calm and Marry On by umbrellacam (T, 3.8k) (Intelligence Officers and Also Idiots)
Geno had no reason to be suspicious about the first undercover marriage, especially since he was the one who immediately called dibs.
More Than His Life by vestigialstell (E, 2.8k) (King!Geno, Assassin turned Concubine!Sid)
Only Geno would take an assassin and turn him into his most prized possession.
In The Meadow We Can Build A Snowman by uraneia (4.8k, G) (Santa, hockey)
Geno is Santa, Sid is his Head Elf that he can't figure out a gift for.
medium, au
To Love And Cherish by hkafterdark (M, 11.4k) (Wedding Industry, Religion Mentioned, Mother Russia, Ovi As A Plot Point, other hockey players as ensemble)
Sidney the wedding planner takes up with Geno, pastry chef extraordinaire. (another beautiful description)
Zaychonok by @beggingwolf. (E, 7.8k (Royalty, War, Historical Fantasy) (L DO NOT READ THIS)
This is the masterlist for this fic, but I accidentally read the main fic first and then read the other bits because I am bad at reading author's notes. I think this is more dark fantasy than a royalty AU but overall one I revisit.
nesting instincts by MapleMermaid (E, 12.2k) (here ye be dragons and trolls, magic, asexuality)
sid is a dragon who moves into a cave and instincts decide that he needs to hoard the local troll's hand made eggs.
blessed are the chosen by beggingwolf (E, 10.3k, E!!! DARK) (non sid or geno POV, cult leader!geno, penguins ensemble, dubcon, outside pov)
At the farm, Jake met God.
God’s name, as it turned out, was Geno.
long, au
unveiled by Mad_Lori (E, 38.4k) (royalty, mpreg not omegaverse, a little angst) ♥️
this is a unique premise, where royal couples marry but can't communicate with words and the one marrying in cannot reveal their face. so well written and organized!
And If My Heart Should Somehow Stop by witblogi (E, 23.4k) (werewolf sid, Fed Geno, Mating Bites, James Neal)
FBI Agent Evgeni Malkin comes to a small town in Maine to investigate a string of gruesome unexplained deaths, but finds himself perplexed and preoccupied with the dreamy, yet suspicious, sheriff instead.
omegaverse
short, au (omegaverse)
is anyone else seeing this? by SmartPeach3 (1.8k, E) (2006 sid & geno, same age) (alpha!g, omega!sid, brat!sid)
sid uses everything in his arsenal to get what he wants, and it seems that geno is the only one to catch on to his ... strategy.
medium, au (omegaverse)
antipyretic by Dangereuse (7.8k, E) (2006 sid & geno, same age) ( alpha!g, omega!sid, not a hockey player!g, early penguins ensemble, angst-ish)
The Penguins Front Office, in their infinite wisdom, hire an Alpha specialist to help Sid with his heat.
not a cure, but a comfort by @couthbbg (E, 12.4k) (Older!G, young!Sid, not a hockey player!g, inferred previous non-con, consent and dynamics interplay) ♥️
Sid has a "heat problem." Geno, the Pen's newest dynamics consultant, is on the case.
think of me better by malk1ns (E, 8.9k) (both omegas, gender dynamics interplay, jealousy, miscommunication)
Omegas don't have relationships with other omegas, Zhenya knows this. He also knows that Sid isn't serious about him and never has been. So why is watching Sid get courted so difficult? (or what happens when your team trades for Erik Karlsson)
long, au (omegaverse)
(you fit into me) by @ticklefightgeno (E, 22.7k) (older alpha!sid, fuckboy!!!sid, young omega!geno, Mother Russia and her bitter sister Sergei, dub/non con mentions)
When 19 year old omega Geno finally escapes Russia, 27 year old Captain Sid is interested in taking him for a spin ... if only Russians weren't so strange. (And if only Sid wasn't a fuckboy)
A Few of My Favorite Russian Proverbs (with their literal translations)
Большой секрет — знает весь свет. Big secret—the whole world knows.
Борода не делает философом. A beard doesn’t make a philosopher.
В темноте все кошки серы. All cats are gray in the dark.
В Ту́лу со свои́м самова́ром не е́здят. No one brings a samovar to Tula. (Tula is famous as the city where samovars were manufactured. This is the equivalent of “Don’t bring coal to Newcastle.”)
Волко́в боя́ться — в лес не ходи́ть. If you’re afraid of wolves, don’t go to the woods.
Говорить правду — потерять дружбу. Tell the truth—lose friends.
Доверя́й, но проверя́й. Trust, but verify.
Долг платежо́м кра́сен. Debt is beautiful once it’s repaid.
Доно́счику — пе́рвый кнут. The informer is whipped first.
Друг познаётся в беде́. You get to know your friend in trouble. (A friend in need is a friend indeed.)
Дру́жба дру́жбой, а де́нежкам счёт. Friendship is friendship, but count money.
Знать всё — значит не знать ничего. To know everything is to know nothing.
И у стен бывают уши. And even walls have ears.
Когда́ де́ньги говоря́т, тогда́ пра́вда молчи́т. When money talks, truth shuts up.
На чужо́м го́ре сча́стья не постро́ишь. One can’t build happiness upon another’s grief.
Назва́лся гру́здем — полеза́й в ку́зов. If you called yourself a mushroom—get in the basket. (Sort of like, “don’t just talk the talk—walk the walk.”)
Не ошиба́ется тот, кто ничего́ не де́лает. He that does nothing makes no mistakes.
Любовь не картошка, не выбросишь в окошко. LOVE IS NOT A POTATO YOU CANNOT THROW IT OUT A WINDOW (that is, love is not a small thing that is easy to get rid of)
What do you think would have happened in Shane and Ilya were outed during the Sochi Olympics? I'm reading a fic about this and them running away and I'm aware it's not realistic, but I think you're the only writer in the fandom really capable of putting things into perspective, so your opinion is important to me
Anyway I'm actually starting to think you're a genius!! How do you know so much about so many topics it's crazy
I am so honored by the trust you have placed in me. I did my absolute best for you.
Shane’s going to be a lot safer than Ilya in this situation.
Like, Shane should not run if he’s outed in Sochi. He’s actually going to be in a lot more danger if he runs. Russia cannot go after a visiting Olympian—especially one of Shane’s stature—without causing an international incident. I wouldn’t exactly be extending my stay in Russia (I personally would not be leaving the sight of my country’s officials) but Shane’s going to be relatively safe if he gets outed in Sochi as long as he stays in the Olympic village. If Shane’s the only one who’s outed, I’d say he’d be fine to stay and finish competing, as long as he 1) does not leave the Olympic village and 2) does not comment on the situation while he’s in Russian borders. He’s there to play hockey and say “no comment” and that is fucking it. He is not making any goddamn statements on his sexuality while in Russian territory or this all becomes a lot more complicated, for reasons I’ll explain below.
If he leaves and tries to flee Russia himself, he may get murdered in a hate crime by a random Russian homophobe. He should not run. There is no benefit in running for him. His country can protect him if he stays with their group. They cannot protect him if he absconds into a fuck-off big country filled with people who hate him.
In the absolute worst case scenario, Russia could try to subject Shane to a period of incarceration followed by deportation. I personally see this as incredibly unlikely. But it is technically an option.
To be clear, openly gay athletes attended the 2014 Olympics as part of the official U.S. delegation. It is not illegal to be gay in Russia. It is illegal to promote LGBTQ+ rights in Russia. If Shane’s only been outed, then he hasn’t actually broken Russian law. He didn’t promote shit because he didn’t do anything. This is also why Shane can’t make statements about the situation while he’s in Russia. If anything he says could be construed as promoting LGBTQ+ rights, then he has actually broken Russian law, and Russia’s response becomes much more unpredictable. His mouth needs to be goddamn shut until he crosses that fucking border. Shane Hollander is not coming to terms with his own sexuality and making passionate declarations about the rights of gay men in Sochi fucking Russia. He is shutting the fuck up until he’s out of Russian airspace.
That all being said, Russia isn’t exactly known to be adverse to holding kangaroo court. The United States actually advises its citizens not to travel there in part because of the likelihood of wrongful prosecution. And Shane just got outed as a gay man who’s fucking Putin’s favorite hockey player. So maybe Russia’s feeling vindictive and tries to construe some random bullshit words he says as promoting gay rights in violation of their law. In 2014, the absolute maximum penalty a foreign national can face for promoting LGBTQ+ rights within Russia’s borders is 15 days incarceration followed by deportation.
It is incredibly unlikely that Russia attempts to incarcerate Shane Hollander under this statute. It is even less likely that he would serve any time in Russian prison over it. The chances of Shane Hollander going to jail in Russia under their anti-LGBTQ+ legislation are negligible.
You have to contextualize this within the circumstances. Shane Hollander is not some random athlete who got caught breaking the law in Russian territory on a personal visit. He is Shane fucking Hollander, Canadian National Treasure, and this is the goddamn Olympics.
I’ve talked about this in other posts, but let’s make something clear for the sake of this post: International law is not law in the way we traditionally think of it. It doesn’t work like the criminal code of your state or US federal law or anything like that. It is not a legitimately binding code where authorities will show up to incarcerate you if you break it.
It is playground politics on a global scale. To simplify it greatly, it’s about following playground rules so you get to sit at the cool kid’s table at lunch.
To create legitimately binding, codified law, it has to flow from some kind of central authority. In America, Congress is vested with law-making authority over America. America is not listening to some goddamn Europeans tell us what to do. I have read speeches from actual U.S. senators that can be summed up as “America is not listening to some goddamn Europeans tell us what to do.”
When you hear about international law, the Hague, international criminal courts—those are all systems that countries have decided to voluntarily participate in for the sake of diplomatic relations. They cannot be forced. Those institutions have authority because countries consent to their authority. Everyone’s just all playing nice with each other so international trade deals run smoother and no one raises tariffs on each other and so that their citizens can enter your country without applying for a visa first and vice versa. It is an extremely elaborate web of peer pressure and it plays out on an international scale.
The Olympics is a massive fucking part of that.
Countries want to be in the Olympics. That is something that I cannot put in strong enough terms. If we are talking about international diplomatic relations, the Olympics is about as big as it fucking gets. Countries will bend over backwards to protect their place in that fucking show. It is huge for promoting a sense of national pride. It is huge for stimulating the economy. And it is huge for the international pissing contest that is global diplomacy. Countries use the event to either affirm alliances or establish dominance over their enemies.
For example, have you ever watched Miracle (2004)?
For those who haven’t, Miracle is about the 1980 Olympics, and specifically the US v. Soviets men’s hockey competition. Imagine: It is the middle of the goddamn Cold War. The Soviets were the heavily favored team to win. They won Olympics hockey almost every year. They’d just cleaned America’s clock in an exhibition match that happened in advance of the game.
The 1980 Olympics happens. America somehow beats the Soviets.
It united the goddamn nation. Like. We might as well have just won the Cold War. It was a symbolic victory over the USSR, even if it was just a sports match. America rode that high of national pride for a long time.
When it’s the Olympics, the entire world is watching. Them being outed would be so far beyond being about just Shane and Ilya. Every single world leader participating in those Games would have an emergency briefing on their outing within the hour. Even if those are not their athletes, they may have to issue a formal statement or response regarding how Russia handles this. They may have the prime minister of Canada calling them in an hour saying I need you to agree to levy fuck-off tariffs against Russia if they do not give me back my special hockey boy right the FUCK now.
Because that’s the rub. This is not just any athlete. This is Shane fucking Hollander.
Hockey is in an integral part of the Canadian national identity. This is a country that cares profoundly about their hockey boys. It is a load-bearing part of the national zeitgeist. And if we say that Shane Hollander is the Sidney Crosby analogue, then almost every single person in that country knows his name.
I didn’t really grasp just how big of a deal Shane Hollander was likely to be the first time I watched the show. So much of the show focuses on their private interactions, where they’re just Shane and Ilya together. We don’t see them as celebrities nearly as much. We know they’re famous, we know that they’re in press conferences, we know that they get recognized by fans sometimes and that Shane at least got pap’d with Rose Landry. But when I first watched it, I figured that Shane and Ilya were just like. Athlete famous. Or like “drummer in a band” famous. Like you know them if you really follow the sport but other than that they’re pretty low profile. And I was coming from the perspective of someone who grew up in the American south, where hockey’s just not a big deal.
It is a big deal in Canada.
If Shane Hollander is their world’s Sidney Crosby, then he is a national fucking hero. He has been in national news since he was 12 years old. That country has watched him grow up. It has cheered for him. It has hung their hope and their national pride to the idea of Shane Hollander, and it has been doing it for a fucking decade.
The prime minister of Canada is going to crawl up Putin’s ass to get Shane Hollander back home without so much as a single hair out of place.
It is internationally embarrassing if he can’t. It’d be sending a message to the Canadian public and the world at large that Russia is stronger than Canada and can do whatever the fuck it wants to Canadian citizens without fear of retribution. That is simply not an option.
If Russia even suggests that it’s considering pulling shit against Shane Hollander, the prime minister is making phone calls. He is calling in favors. He is threatening tariffs and international sanctions. He is getting on a plane if he has to. Shane Hollander is the people’s princess and he is coming fucking home. The prime minister will personally be at the airport to receive him, with a fleet of the goddamn press. Look at the might of Canada, bringing babygirl home to its tender, maple-scented embrace.
Gay marriage has been legal in Canada for nearly a decade at this point. Canada is pushing itself in the international landscape as an LGBTQ+ safe space. The fact that he was outed as gay wouldn’t necessarily be a deterrent to Canada applying political pressure. And you cannot be the host of the fucking Olympics and imprison a country’s most beloved athlete for being a member of a minority group without opening a massive can of fuck around and find out.
Honestly I’d be fascinated by the global response. I can’t think of a single time in history where a country’s tried to fuck around and find out like that. Like. They may legitimately get banned from the Olympics if they try that shit.
Under the Olympic Charter, you can get banned from competing in future games as a sanction for human rights violations. This has historically only been used as a sanction for actions against a country’s own citizens as far as I’m aware, and it’s very rarely invoked. Like. South Africa was banned due to apartheid for a while but also we let did fully let the Nazis host the Olympics right before WWII. So. Hit or miss.
I just can’t personally think of a single time in history a country tried to imprison another country’s Olympian over something as contentious as wanting to violate specifically his human rights. Like. Olympians have been arrested during the Games before but that’s because they like. Tried to buy cocaine. And even then the police let them go to be disciplined by the Olympic committee for their country. Countries just do not like touching other country’s athletes during the Olympics. That’s so diplomatically explosive that I can’t begin to imagine the global backlash that would come from going after Shane Hollander for being gay and sucking off Putin’s favorite hockey player. But I do see the Olympics committee reacting strongly, because something like this would be a direct attack on the principles of comity underpinning the games. Countries are going to be way less willing to keep participating in the Games if they know their athletes can be unjustly imprisoned in the host country without consequence to the host country. There would likely be multiple countries reacting very strongly to any kind of formal sanction against Shane Hollander, not because they give a shit about him, but because they want to set the precedent that you do not fucking touch another country’s Olympians. Ultimately, I do think the Olympic committee would straight up ban Russia just because the Games may fall apart if they don’t.
Notably, Russia did actually receive a ban from the Olympics after the 2014 Games. This had nothing to do with human rights violations. They got caught doping their own athletes during the 2014 Games, which also violates the Olympic Charter. I’m assuming that this did not happen in the game changers universe because, critically, they doped their ice hockey team. Ilya would have been caught up in it, and there’s no evidence of that happening in canon.
So, presumably, Russia is in a position where the only thing that could endanger its future participation in the Games is if they do something as batshit fucking crazy as trying to arrest and incarcerate Canada’s Favorite Hockey Boy. That is simply not fucking happening. They’d be too worried about a potential Olympic ban and the firestorm of global backlash that would rain down on them for jailing a goddamn visiting Olympian. Like, it doesn’t matter whose dick he sucked, sometimes it’s just not worth it.
So, if Shane gets outed in Sochi, he is fine. Like. He’s not fine, he’s just been outed, but he’s not in any real danger from the Russian government.
Ilya’s situation is different.
Ilya needs to get his ass over the goddamn border.
Ilya does not need to worry so much about legal repercussions. He does not need to worry about incarceration. He can’t actually be incarcerated for this. The anti-LGBTQ+ promotion law that’s in place in 2014 does not actually permit incarceration for Russian citizens, just foreign nationals. If we’re just looking at official state sanctions, the most he’s getting is a fine. So if he’s arrested, it’s because he was framed for something. Which like. Not impossible for Russia to do. And it would be very difficult to get him out of incarceration if he was arrested on false charges.
But if we’re just looking at the consequences of him being outed, Ilya is not going to the gulag for this.
He is going to “kill himself.”
He is going to be found dead, having fallen from somewhere tragically high, or overdosed on drugs no one knew he was addicted to, or having shot himself twice in the head with his non-dominant hand. This was, of course, due to his own overwhelming shame from the embarrassment he’s subjected himself and his nation to, and was absolutely not a state-sanctioned hit, no, really. Really. They promise. They are crying too!!!
Again, contextualize the situation. It is 2014. It actually used to be better for gay people in Russia before 2013. The Russian government started to pass increasingly strict laws against queer people that started in 2013 (and have gotten fuck off bad in the last few years, but those won’t be a problem for the 2014 Olympics). So the Russia government has just kickstarted a national campaign against LGBTQ+ rights, and they find out that their hockey godling who is in all of their nationalist propaganda has been trading blow jobs with Canada’s own Prince of Hockey.
By this point, there has very likely been a very recent press conference that involved Ilya Rozanov shaking Putin’s hand. Putin has endorsed Ilya as one of the greatest this country has to offer. Ilya Rozanov was named the captain of their Olympic team over all of those KHL players who are all major and active participants of Russian state propaganda. And then right after he was picked, Putin turned around and warned the entire goddamn world “do not have your athletes in my country promoting the queer agenda.” There is a fuck ton of preexisting global attention on queer rights in Russia because of the Olympics.
So. In sum: They are at the launch of a national campaign against the very thing Ilya turned out to be. They just endorsed Ilya Rozanov as their national ideal that everyone should aspire in almost the same breath that they told the entire fucking world that Russia did not want that fag shit happening within its borders. And then he lost to goddamn Latvia.
And then he was outed for having gay sex with an equally famous hockey player from a competing country.
This is internationally humiliating for them. They do not want to just let this go with a fucking monetary fine.
And they are smart enough to know that if Ilya Rozanov gets over the border, he is not coming back.
He is getting on a plane to America and filing asylum paperwork the second he crosses the border. He’s moving to Canada and getting hitched to a pretty freckled Canadian in a ceremony officiated by the fucking prime minister. He is never going to be seen on Russian soil again.
There is a time limit to solving the problem of Ilya Rozanov. It is counting down. Russia will have to decide very quickly if there are too many eyes on them right now to retaliate against him or if they need to send a message to their citizens that you do not get to globally humiliate them the way Ilya Rozanov just did.
The options you have to resolve this are going to depend on how exactly Ilya and Shane are outed.
Like. What happened? Did someone put the pieces together and sell the story to the press? Was his incredibly literal sexting thread with Shane Hollander leaked? Did someone get a photo of them kissing on the Vegas balcony when they were rookies and they’ve been sitting on it since 2011? Some other third thing? Were Shane and Ilya outed simultaneously or was it staggered? All of that is going to affect their options to get Ilya out of this fucking country.
Like. If it’s a situation like in snapping birch, where Shane is outed first and it’s unclear for the first few hours whether Ilya’s going down with the ship, maybe you risk having him make a break for the goddamn border. Maybe he just tries to clear Russian airspace before they figure out that he’s Shane Hollander’s bisexual love machine. I’m not saying that’s the safest option, but it’s one I can see them at least considering.
If they are outed simultaneously, Shane and Ilya are now 1) handcuffed to each other, 2) performing gay hockey Romeo & Juliet on the international stage and 3) having some very awkward meetings with world leaders.
Again, Shane Hollander is much safer than Ilya Rozanov is right now. His country still likes him, mostly. He is still Canada’s special hockey boy who they love so so much, and Ilya is on the hit list for the fucking kremlin.
Ilya is not going home. He is not facing his family. They will fucking shoot him and then say he shot himself. #theyarecryingtoo!!!
If he is smart about it, Ilya is now attached at the hip to Shane Hollander, who has the type of bulletproofness that comes with being in a parasocial relationship with your entire goddamn country. That gives him his best odds.
If I’m Shane? Ilya is staying within five feet of me at all moments. We are going to the bathroom together. He is sleeping in my bed with me directly on top of him because it’ll be harder to kill him in his sleep if you have to physically move me to do it. Shane and Ilya would need to jump straight from “uncertain situationship stage where one of you took the other’s virginity and didn’t call after and the other kept texting for several months despite getting no response and now you both feel existential angst over it” to “disgustingly codependent couple that is never ever physically apart.”
They are not staying in the Olympic Village. They are not competing in the rest of the Games. They are sleeping in the Canadian embassy and getting on the first flight they physically can get out of that fucking country. And I am not talking commercial. I mean a world government needs to send a plane to go get them.
Like, if Shane wants to give Ilya his best odds, he is refusing to leave the country unless it’s holding Ilya Rozanov’s hand. He is throwing every single ounce of national goodwill at his disposal at the Canadian government to try and force them to get his situationship out with him.
Legitimately, they need Ilya out of that country so fast that it leaves a fucking smoke trail. They need to get him out before he “dies in a tragic accident” or “kills himself.” They need to get him out before he gets framed for a crime they can actually incarcerate him for.
In this situation, the win conditions are if they can get Ilya out of the country safely when he’s trapped like a rat in the Olympic village in a country where everyone knows his face because the state purposefully promoted him to them as the national ideal. He cannot just go to fucking ground and try to stealth his way across the border. You need the eyes of other governments watching him closely so it’s harder for him to “kill himself.” You need a safe, secure method out of the country—i.e. a diplomatic flight—so he can’t “fall down the stairs” at the airport. Which means you need to 1) convince world leaders to let Ilya Rozanov on one of their planes and 2) ideally get them to pressure Russia to not stop him on the way to the airport.
I want to be clear—Russia can’t just close its borders to Ilya Rozanov specifically. At least not easily. He has a passport. It’s not a simple as just taking away the passport.
A recognized principe of international human rights law is freedom of movement. Countries cannot just revoke their citizen’s passports willy nilly—especially if they’re revoking his passport because he’s gay and they want to stop him from leaving the country. They have to have some kind of cognizable ground to put a travel ban on him—like if he had a warrant out for his arrest, owed debts to the government, was a national security threat, etc—or it violates the playground rules that the world governments agreed to abide by. Russia will no longer get to sit at the cool kids’ table if it just goes up to Ilya and says “hey man you can’t leave the country anymore”
It is 2014. Russia is still, for the most part, trying to maintain diplomatic relations. It just convinced the world to let it host the Olympics. And because of that, the entire fucking world has its focus on what they do in response to this. They cannot just fly off the fucking handle and refuse to let Ilya Rozanov leave the country. That would violate their own laws and international principles of law, and the entire world would see them do it. They would be looking for a legal way to keep him in the country, which means Shane and Ilya need a way to get him safely out of the country before Russia has the time to come up with an excuse to keep him there or just, you know, fucking shoot him.
And that. Is not a lot of time. Like every second that he stays in Russia post-outing decreases his odds of leaving the country alive.
If you really want to play out the logical consequences of this kind of fic, you are now writing RPF about former President Barack Obama.
Shane is Canadian, but Ilya is playing for an American team. And, critically, a lot of the spotlight around queer rights and the 2014 Olympics was focused on America.
If we’re talking about 2014, we are pre-Obergefell. Gay marriage is not legal across the United States. But Obama made it a key issue during his time in office. He’s declared that he wouldn’t defend the Defense of Marriage Act. He’s gotten rid of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. He’s publicly endorsed queer rights and he’s directed American agencies to promote queer rights worldwide through diplomatic measures.
Obama was under pressure to boycott the 2014 Olympics because of Russia’s recent anti-LGBTQ+ legislation. He chose not to, but he did send openly queer athletes as part of the official U.S. delegation as an implicit condemnation of Russia’s actions. The spotlight was on America because of this.
So America was participating in the Olympics even after human rights’ activists petitioned for a boycott because of Russia’s anti-queer legislation. It was subtweeting Russia’s stance on gay rights on a global scale. And then a major athlete for an American team who lives in America on an American visa gets outed for making passionate gay love to the Hockey Prince of America’s closest ally.
America’s going to be expected to say something about that shit.
Now, they may say “we don’t actually have any citizens involved in this, we support queer rights but we will not be directly intervening out of respect for international comity.” Or they may say “AMERICA STANDS BY ITS GAY HOCKEY PLAYERS EVEN IF THEY ARENT BORN HERE. LAND OF THE IMMIGRANT RED WHITE AND BLUE MOTHERFUCKERS” *eagle screech* *gunfire*
It. Responses could really vary here. And I think how involved America is willing to be will depend on how much political capital Shane and Ilya can offer them.
Again, at this point in history, the president’s office is on a tear in favor of queer rights for once. It is a major platform actually. It’s a topic that Obama historically has pushed boundaries for.
Who are they trying to bring home? Is it gay hockey Romeo & Juliet?
Or is it just some Slavic fuckboy?
This situation is going to be a lot worse for Shane and Ilya if they are outed because their texts leak. Because their texts do not look good for them. Their texts look like Ilya spent two years saying “please please PLEASE let me fuck you” *unsolicited dick pic* “you want these nine inches so bad cmon baby” *thirsty tongue emoji* *eggplant emoji* *prayer hands emoji* and then ghosted the day after Shane Hollander finally texted that he could come fuck him. Like. Their texts are low key embarrassing for both of them. Ilya comes off looking like some dickhead who just wanted to get his dick wet and Shane looks like a jilted girl who couldn’t figure out she was just a notch in the bedpost after several months of being left on read.
That is not the kind of thing diplomats burn bridges over. Like. American democrats are fighting for their life trying to get people to accept the idea that gay people can get married. They are not about to throw down the gauntlet with a world power in defense of what looks like a chapter torn out of the fuckboy playbook.
But maybe they apply some political pressure if Shane and Ilya at least look like they at least have the potential to be gay Romeo & Juliet.
Yes, the rivalry makes them a divisive couple. But it makes them a divisive couple for specifically some American hockey fans. This is bigger than the NHL. This is bigger than their individual cities. This is a tale you’re selling to the world, most of whom found out that Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov existed 0.5 seconds ago when they got outed and suddenly became headline news in every paper on the planet.
They are both very attractive men. They are talented. And they have a tale of star-crossed love that has the potential to be very sympathetic if it’s told right. And maybe that’s enough to make them valuable as a very compelling story about the need for equal rights, including marriage equality, which the White House is actively campaigning for.
To be clear—America and Canada are not threatening war over this, but they also don’t need to. All they need to do is 1) let Ilya get on their plane with Shane instead of telling him to get his own ride and 2) pressure the Russian government behind the scenes to let him get on the plane. Maybe the White House + the Canadian government would be willing to apply pressure on Russia and package it with promises of a prisoner exchange or trade deal or something if Russia just doesn’t stop Ilya from leaving? I dunno. This part is the most uncertain. I’m not privy to backdoor inter-continental governmental negotiations. Shane and Ilya would have to be really, really worth it for that kind of effort, but they’re high profile enough to have the potential. Otherwise, you just have to have Ilya make a break for the border and pray he gets across before someone shoots him.
If world powers do successfully intervene on their behalf, Shane and Ilya do not just get to shake hands when the plane lands and go their separate ways.
The fuckboy dynasty is over. Their best odds in this situation if they convince the fucking president that they are in a serious relationship—or at least convince him that they can convince the world that they’re in a serious relationship. You can’t just have the fucking president making serious political moves for you and then disembark the fucking ride. Like. You can, the president isn’t going to make you keep fucking each other at like, gunpoint, but it would not be good for their careers or getting any kind of continued aid from the government when it comes to keeping Ilya safe from his very very angry home country.
If they want to minimize the real-world consequences from their outing, they are in a committed relationship now whether they like it or not. They are at the White House on Thanksgiving standing next to the fucking turkey in matching Burberry coats and clapping politely. They are each other’s dates to Christmas dinner with the Canadian prime minister. The upside is that it actually may insulate them somewhat from official NHL retaliation against their relationship, but only because fucking Obama is coming to their games now.
They’d be placed on a collision course with marriage once it becomes legal across the U.S. after it’s codified into federal law by the Hollanov law that democrats named after them. They could probably drag out the dating phase for several presidential terms and then claim they grew apart if they didn’t want to get married? I’d be very careful about how they announce any breakups. But like. In the initial aftermath, they are not telling the world that the gears of goddamn nations just moved so they could be fuck buddies. They need as much public goodwill as they can get or someone will get mad enough to shoot them. No, they are in the kind of gay love that changes history, whether it’s true or not.
It’s political theater. They’d be performing a love story for the eyes of the world. And whatever they do would likely have consequences for if gay people get rights and how fast that happens. It would be a huge deal.
with how pr-centric snapping birch is, i was curious about how closely rose landry is coordinating with the hollanov camp — are they coordinating at all? did she Intuit the angle they were playing (not too hard to guess with context tbf) and go along with it? how much does her family know (i’m guessing/hoping very little bc it makes the callout video so much funnier).
separately. while you mentioned that dave is the side character you latched onto this time. the way that this entire fic is tailored hell for shane is so in line with your other fics. incredibly locked in man with medically concerning levels of anxiety being Tormented. truly such a peak combo.
Dave is the side character I latched onto this time but Rose is a close second in my heart. I love her and Shane as best friends SO MUCH. She was the first person to get shane’s new phone number and the SECOND she got the call she was like “hey so I’m gonna marshal my army of emotionally unbalanced terminally online psychopaths for you” and Shane was like “haven’t they stalked you nine times” and she was like “eleven times and that was only some of them” and he was like “didn’t some of them try to mail a bomb to the house of that one ex boyfriend of yours” and she said “yes but not you they still love you” and Shane said “yeah dont they still think I GOT YOU PREGNANT and we faked a break up to cover up the coming of the Shandry baby” and she said “I mean probably not NOW” and he said “yeah that’s fair”
She is all in on this. she is a direct contributor to The Movement and if she could kill Roger Crowell with her mind he would be dead at her feet already. Ilya may be the love of Shane’s life but she is his platonic soulmate and she will destroy an industry for him in a heartbeat.
Her family however is not sitting at the war table with her. That was 100% her brothers’ genuine reaction to her saying “hey I need to talk about Shane again now that he got to confirm that he was gay and dating Ilya Rozanov” and they immediately said “you traitorous bitch that should have been us”
They know with broad strokes that The Shane Hollander needs them (and their backstabbing loser sister) to get him back on that ice inventing new ways to be good at hockey and by god will they get him there. They are very confident in their heterosexuality and very confident in the fact that they would let hockey god Shane Hollander put a baby in them with zero hesitation. He is just That Good at hockey. Don’t worry king we won’t let the internet have a single doubt about how much we believe in you.
But the Landry brothers aren’t nearly as involved as rose herself. They don’t know the nitty gritty of the pr strategy the way she does. All they know is that someone’s trying to fucking kill the greatest hockey player of all time and that is not happening on Their Fucking Watch. That beautiful man will be back on the ice defying physics with his hockey powers next season at LATEST if they have ANYTHING to say about it. Do NOT worry babygirl they are ON it
Ilya Rozanov wants an international border between Shane Hollander and the entire Landry family at all fucking moments. Back OFF sluts
… as to your second point you are devastatingly and hauntingly correct. My deepest fear is that I secretly only write One Story about One Character in different fonts. I’m a hack destined to languish at the hallmark channel writing about gingerbread cut into different goddamn shapes saving the town every Christmas
Post 1 (OG post. Fic first mentioned in tags of Snapping Birch post.)
Post 2 (Shabortion. Carter Vaughn suffers. Ilya suffers. Boston suffers.)
Post 3 (Scott is homophobic. Carter Vaughn is bi and disrespectful.)
Post 4 (Ilya's Terrible, Awful, No Good, Very Bad Day(s))
Post 5 (The NHL can just LIE?! About Hockey God, Shane Hollander?!)
Post 6 (Scott is homophobic. Rose can shoot him. RIP Carter Vaughn)
Post 7 (Shane finds out about the omegaverse and he WILL abort.)
Post 8 (Rose's 12th stalker works for her home security company. Shit.)
Post 9 (Matti Jalo enters the chat only to wave sadly at Carter Vaughn.)
Post 10 (Scott Hunter knows NOTHING. Sorry Vaughny.)
Post 11 (Montreal is on fire. Montreal loves✌🏽things. Queers & hockey)
Post 12 (Nobody suspects Hayden or JJ - Carter Vaughn or bust.)
Post 13 (Rose DONT shoot Scott Hunter. You still need a Grammy)
Post 14 (Hayden & JJ wish they did right by Shane after the hit.)
Post 15 (What happened that plotful night, Shane Edition.)
Post 16 (Rose did NOT consider Ilya in Smash or Pass. Ilya rages.)
Post 17 (Gay smoothie-rista, Kip Grady is dating a hockey player???)
Post 18 (Rose and Shane think They Are Fading - actually cryptids.)
Post 19 (NHL ranking: skilled enough for Shane to want to fuck you?)
Post 20 (People think Vaughn fucked Shane. Ilya: "STOLEN VALOR")
Post 21 (Does Kip know who Shane's disrespectful bisexual lover is?)
Post 22 (Rose and Shane: The Bestie Reverse Suicide Pact Love Story)
Post 23 (What happened that plotful night, Rose Edition.)
Post 24 (Fucking Denmark??? Also...Cameras 2: Electric Boogaloo)
MEMES PART 1 (Denmark?! Poaching THEEEEE Shane Hollander?!)
MEMES PART 2 (Carter v Ilya, Hollandry v Public, Canada v Shane.)
MEMES PART 3 (President Sanders, Kip is Tired, Hollandry)
MEMES PART 4 (#GodSaveTheRaiders, #GodSaveVaughny)
MEMES PART 5 (#GodAndPertussisBlessPresidentSanders)
MEMES PART 6 (Hollandry and the Danes)
MEMES PART 7 (Kip🫱🏼🫲🏾Vaughn, Hollandry v Stalker, Ilya v Carter)
Post 25 (Sweden enters the chat. Denmark and Canada are typing.)
MEMES PART 8 (Hollandry v Bread, Carter Vaughn v The Public)
Post 26 (Someone get Sveta, the Boston Bros need a fucking break.)
Post 27 (Vaccines for everyone EXCEPT for that one baby.)
MEMES PART 9 (Carter the Sex Freak & Sweden Guerrilla Marketing)
MEMES PART 10 (Crashout Count: Raiders, Montreal, Ilya, Scott...)
Post 28 (Sweden and Denmark are changing TAX LAWS for Shane)
MEMES PART 11 (Shane is marked safe from Cave Diving)
Post 29 (Sports fans are crazy on another level. Hollanov Suffers™)
MEMES PART 12 (The Raiders are dead to Ilya. Kip is Bro now.)
Post 30 (The politics and personal/cultural identity wrapped in sports.)
MEMES PART 13 (Woman and her gay best friend.)
MEMES PART 14 (Hollandry v Living, Scott v Public, Raiders v Ilya)
Post 31 (AU-ception. The Bachelor AU - Kidnapping Edition)
Post 32 (Ilya is aware that Shane is headed for a cliff & MUST find him)
Post 33 (It could be worse. They could have done heroin about it.)
MEMES PART 15 (🖕🏼the NHL, More Guerrilla Marketing - Ilya Edition)
MEMES PART 16 (Needs another monster labeled "cave diving")
MEMES PART 17 (Decisions decisions...)
Post 34 (All Hail President Bernie Sanders 🙌🏽)
Post 35 (Crashout/Snapping Birch Crossover, WHERE IS YOUR ILYA?)
Post 36 (Crossover Cont, SERIOUSLY SHANE - WHERE IS YOUR ILYA?)
Post 37 (Someone (not Shane!) needs to give Carter Vaughn a hug.)
MEMES PART 18 (Everything and everyone is on fire.)
MEMES PART 19 (Ilya is a feral dog. The Raiders need to tie him down.)
Post 38 (Crossover Cont, The Raiders see 2 Ilyas and just Give Up™)
Post 39 (Sometimes you 'besties for the restie' too close to the sun.)
Post 40 (Hollandry are trying REALLY REALLY hard.)
Post 41 (Agency, healing, Hollandry coming back on their own terms.)
Post 42 (Rose lets Shane terrorize American roadways as enrichment.)
Post 43 (Rose: Do you want to form an alliance with me? Shane: 🫱🏼🫲🏻)
Post 44 (Canada: We have Canadian gays for your son. Yuna+David:😰)
MEMES PART 20 (Montreal murder/suicide, Loss.jpg - Shane Edition)
Post 45 (Is Shane Dodging and Weaving DHS? Obligatory🖕🏼🧊)
Post 46 ("only good thing about trash who hatecrimed My Shane is how breakable his bones are." - Ilya probably)
MEMES PART 21 (Shane, Scott, Carter, & Ilya - "this is fine 🫠☕🔥")
Post 47 (Ilya is gnawing - slightly less - at the bars of his enclosure.)
ART POST 1 (Consider Sweden 🏒🏳️🌈🇸🇪 - but make it sad.)
Post 48 (Rose's backstory and real-world equivalents.)
Post 49 (Countries audition for the role of Shane's disrespectful lover)
Post 50 (Shabortion. Carter Vaughn's mom did NOT raise her son to deny his lover like this. For the love of GOD, someone get Mitski off of Ilya's playlists.)
MEMES PART 22 (Rose Landry fans enter the chat)
Post 51 (Shane on Kiss Cam. Ilya is Not Okay. Cliff Marlow is gay????)
Post 52 (Ilya is Not Okay because SHANE is Not Okay. Rose & Co.)
Post 53 (Chicago and Kansas Lore!)
MEMES PART 23 (Montreal v Sweden. Shane v Existential Dread)
Post 54 (How do you lose a woman and get gay crashout bestie?!)
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: Heated Rivalry (TV)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Shane Hollander/Ilya Rozanov, David Hollander & Shane Hollander, Shane Hollander & Yuna Hollander, Shane Hollander & Hayden Pike, Shane Hollander & Rose Landry, David Hollander & Ilya Rozanov, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau & Ilya Rozanov
Characters: Shane Hollander, David Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, Yuna Hollander, Hayden Pike, Rose Landry, Scott Hunter (Game Changers), Kip Grady, Cliff Marlow | Cliff Marleau, Roger Crowell
Additional Tags: Social Media, PR Campaign, Outing, Supportive David Hollander and Yuna Hollander, David Hollander loves his son to the point of compromising his data security, pov you make your famous son your password to everything and suddenly your iCloud data is released to the internet, Homophobia, Ableism, Racism, the siren call of organized labor movements made me write this, discussions of suicide/suicidal thoughts
Summary:
Shandry’s Third @shaneybaby
uhhh so im on r/shanehollander rn and some guy is claiming to have cloned shane’s dad’s phone and uploaded it to the internet?? has anyone else clicked on this link will it give me a virus if i do
okay I googled his dad and he’s a 52 year old forensic accountant who thinks fashion peaked with ralph lauren polo shirts. am I enough of a hollander simp to risk my laptop just to look through the phone of his dad who acts like sandals and bermuda shorts are a risqué choice. yes.
Post 4 (Ilya, the attorney’s advice, and who’s telling the truth in snapping birch)
Post 5 (Yuna’s love)
Post 6 (Yuna taking Crowell down and Shane’s panic)
Post 7 (Shane’s not going to go through the leak)
Post 8 (Shane the changeling)
Post 9 (Rules for writing social media)
Post 10 (Shane’s not. mad.)
Chapter Post 4 (Chapter 4)
Post 11 (JJ foreshadowing)
Post 12 (Realistic hockey games vs. Shane & Ilya’s generational talent)
Post 13 (The anti-Hollanov side is quiet)
Post 14 (The mastery of the social media fic art form)
Post 15 (Where is hollanovofficial?)
Post 16 (Yuna as hollanovofficial? 👀)
Post 17 (People rediscovering polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup through snapping birch)
Post 18 (Shane’s in a Hell designed for Shane Hollander right now)
Post 19 (Is Happily Ever After possible with systemic issues this big?)
Post 20 (Pure social media fic and question about update schedules)
Post 21 (Dave Hollander is in a Greek Tragedy.)
Post 22 (Scott is a part of the Hollanov machine)
Post 23 (The special sauce in snapping birch)
Post 24 (The psychosomatic effects of snapping birch)
Post 25 (Structuring social media fics, and the status quo importance in engaging with other players in the NHL safely)
Post 26 (Rose’s PR strategy, and the beginning of the child star crash out summer AU in the tags. Find the rest here.)
Post 27 (Question about the update schedule)
Post 28 (The joy of the social media fic)
Post 29 (Comparing snapping birch to pez dispenser debris, another one of polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup’s fics (Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia))
Post 30 (The everlasting beauty of “… by Skittles.”)
Post 31 (There probably won’t be a companion piece to see what’s actually going on, but feel free to send asks about things on Tumblr!)
Post 32 (The Landry family dynamics)
Post 33 (Messy guys from Shane’s high school?)
Post 34 (This Scott Hunter hates Ilya Rozanov)
Post 35 (Love for snapping birch)
Post 36 (Invasively parasocial celebrity culture making the audience and the characters deeply uncomfortable)
Post 37 (snapping birch crossover with pez dispenser debris (another one of polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup’s fics), with a fic idea in the tags)
Post 38 (Shane Hollander and privacy, and Shane Hollander and hockey)
Post 39 (The Raiders Boys, and Dave Hollander’s privacy)
Post 40 (A hypothetical The Magnus Archives crossover)
Post 41 (polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup’s NHL team of choice, and the intensity of Montreal Hockey fans and sports fans everywhere)
Post 42 (Shane Hollander in his own personal hell is Ilya Rozanov’s personal hell)
Post 43 (We’re still in the opening chapters of snapping birch (at Chapter 4))
Post 44 (Hayden v. Ilya and his Etsy witch, with Shane’s pain in the tags)
Post 45 (Stories growing on their own, and corporate PR)
Post 46 (Organizing and structuring the posts in the story, and the contrast of Ilya and Shane’s support/isolation)
Chapter Post 5 (Chapter 5)
Post 47 (Ilya’s visa and the meeting with the immigration lawyer)
Post 48 (Love for snapping birch)
Post 49 (More love for snapping birch and the Admirals)
Post 50 (Ilya’s visa and the timing of their immigration lawyer appointment)
Post 51 (It’s the worst week of their lives. Shane is not sleeping.)
Post 52 (Ilya and language)
Post 53 (Who leaked David Hollander’s phone information?)
Post 54 (Ilya’s tweets about marriage)
Post 55 (More on hollanovofficial)
Post 56 (Accidentally uniting people from across the fandoms)
Post 57 (On Shane and medication)
Post 58 (Shane and food, and Hayden’s new feelings in the tags)
Post 59 (On Shane and medication, part II)
Post 60 (Hayden Pike is going through it.)
Post 61 (Any exciting scene from Montreal soon?)
Post 62 (Will the public find out about Ilya’s family, and Ilya’s current fears)
Post 63 (Their dreams for their wedding, and the outing and their teams.)
Post 64 (The full story of Ilya’s reaction to the suicide news story)
Post 65 (The endless struggles of the Skittles PR Department)
Reblog 1 (Gif to match the Dance Partners scene)
Post 66 (Did the team doctors notice Shane’s medical situation?)
Post 67 (People discovering the “snapping birch” tag on tumblr)
Post 68 (Kip’s POV of the whole situation so far)
Post 69 (Where was Ilya when he found out about the leak, and where is Svetlana?)
Post 70 (Catching up on snapping birch and the posts)
Post 71 (Good Captain Shane Hollander™ and the difference between the reactions of the Metros and the Raiders)
Post 72 (The decisions Metros players are making)
Post 73 (The outing can never be a positive thing)
Post 74 (On race in Heated Rivalry and hockey hating Shane for everything he is)
Post 75 (Accidentally stumbling into a snapping birch addiction)
Post 76 (What was Patty’s husband getting up to?)
Post 77 (The internet jumping to conclusions in general, and about Patty’s husband)
Post 78 (On internet judgement)
Reblog 2 (The Landry brothers on Shane Hollander)
Post 79 (Looking forward to ProudHockeyDad24)
Post 80 (Shane and Ilya’s differences around coming out)
Post 81 (Shane would like to not. be. perceived.)
Post 82 (How the Hollanov camp is handling the sex angle)
Post 83 (Shane fucking loved his team.)
Post 84 (The Dead Puck era, and being cancelled for the press conference)
Post 85 (How the spotlight of scandal works in the fic, and Shane’s Autism diagnosis being made public)
Post 86 (Hayden Pike on Ilya)
Post 87 (Have we reached the part where polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup made themselves cry yet?)
Post 88 (NFL players have been shipped based on Dave Hollander’s reddit posts)
Post 89 (The Raiders are untested elements of himbo chaos and it is glorious)
Post 90 (Secret Shakespearean plots in every famous athlete’s parents’ phones)
(Tumblr apparently limits posts to 100 links a post, so here is part two ->)
If you've been reading "The chips are set to fall" by the incredible @exactphoify then you also probably know that it's grown into a delightful logic puzzle of trying to keep track of who is who, who's out, who knows what, etc.
(if you haven't, hi, you should be reading "The chips are set to fall," Ilya makes it his personal mission to make the MLH gayer and he's using his impeccable powers of gaydar to make it happen by recruiting everyone into a bet. It's insane and delightful Ilya's Army grows by the second but he mostly refers to them by the order they joined the bet in so it can occasionally be hard to keep track of everyone)
Anyway, I've collated a running list from the author's notes helpfully provided at the end of each chapter, and I'm going back now and starting from the beginning with my own list and posting it in the comments of each chapter. I'll link to the chapter comments here, and the current, up-to-date list up to Chapter 41 (with all the spoilers) is under the cut.
Chapter 1 - 1
Chapter 2 - Mafia
Chapter 3 - Lois Shane
Chapter 4 - Council of Straight Elders
Chapter 5 - 5
Chapter 6 - Pike-Shane Problem
Chapter 7 - State of the Gay Union 2018
Chapter 8 - After Party
Chapter 9 - Underground Journalism and the other kind *
Chapter 10 - Shane's backup
Chapter 11 - Pick 6
Chapter 12 - Shane Hollander, pick-up artist
Chapter 13 - Barrett
Chapter 14 - 14
Chapter 15 - Bianca
Chapter 16 - Dept. of Gay Agriculture
Chapter 17 - Las Vegas Bathroom
Chapter 18 - Powerpoint
Chapter 19 - r/MLHCorruption
Chapter 20 - Bad Meetings
Chapter 21 - Excellence in Noncompliance, Ill-Timing, or Scandal
Chapter 22 - Melnyk
Chapter 23 - And Rivera
Chapter 24 - 24
Chapter 25 - Box Suite
Chapter 26 - Scott Hunter, Politician 2020
Chapter 27 - Democracy, or The MLH Players' Union**
Chapter 28 - Wiebe
Chapter 29 - Ilya’s backup
Chapter 30 - DaddyTrouble69
Chapter 31 - Luca Haas, pick-up artist
Chapter 32 - Nothing bad happens in Carolina
Chapter 33 - When you frame it like that...
Chapter 34 - Heterotitanium
Chapter 35 - Audio Transcripts
Chapter 36 - Happy Birthday, Brad!
Chapter 37 - Shane's Plan
Chapter 38 - 38
Chapter 39 - Box Suite 2: The Box Sweetening
Chapter 40 - State of the Gay Union, 2021
Chapter 41 - Honeymoon Season
Chapter 42 - 42
Other works:
Observational Reports Given by a Serial Monogamist (#7's story)
* the point where I started having to leave multiple comments to include everything
** the point at which I had to add a cheat sheet to the cheat sheet because the notes were becoming unreadable
Up to Date List through Chapter 41
ENDLESS SPOILERS BELOW
These notes have become so long and detailed that it's probably hard to get information, so this first comment is going to be a shortened cheat sheet for the group numbers, and what's been added every time, and the thread below will contain all the additional notes for everyone (like their involvement, etc) and notes on the other armies, acronyms and such.
Notes Added this Chapter:
New Notes for Individual Players/New Numbers:
Ilya Rozanov - about to become commissioner?, at the 2021 MLH Awards Party
#6 (Shane Hollander) - Officially playing for the Centaurs, at the 2021 MLH Awards Party
#7 (Vinny Marcello) - making out with #50 on the dance floor at a gay bar in Brooklyn, has a plan to come out with #50
#10 (Bay) - Identification is likely as we had him down as a likely #10 and we got more confirmation this chapter. MICROPEEN (came out during the chaos of the 2021 MLH Awards), at the 2021 MLH Awards Party, likely the mentioned non-binary player (thanks @PumpkinPrincess22!)
#16 (John Kakogiannis) - at the 2021 MLH Awards Party
#26 (Doblen) - officially outed by the leak, at the 2021 MLH Awards Party
#40 (Jim Rice) - MICROPEEN (came out during the chaos of the 2021 MLH Awards), due to a lot of process of elimination this seems incredibly likely to be #40
#50 - making out with #7 on the dance floor at a gay bar in Brooklyn, is historically not the most cautious of people about this, has a plan to come out with #7
Helthon - No official number (is either #20, #22 or #36) but came out with MICROPEEN, at the 2021 MLH Awards Party
Garza - No official number (is either #20, #22 or #36) but came out with MICROPEEN
Rayan - No official number (is either #20, #22 or #36) but came out with MICROPEEN
Chucky Rhodes - possibly #42 according to some things implied in comments (thanks to @PumpkinPrincess22!)
MICROPEENS (comes out in chaos of MLH Awards)
Rice, Helthon, Garza, Rayan, and Bay, who are #10, #20, #22, #36, and #40 (probably not in order), one is non-binary. Rice is likely #40 and Bay is likely #10 due to previous process of elimination
15 openly queer players in 21/22
There’s multiple rookies joining in 21/22
At the Party (around 30 people total, these are the confirmed ones) -
Ilya Rozanov, Scott Hunter (#1), Shane Hollander (#6), Bay (#10), John Kakogiannis (#16), Doblen (#26), Helthon
Other Notes:
u/sir1589shelf - posts about marriage
u/Gr4mofs1lv3r - scared for the other teams
u/LiveBreatheHockey - Repping for Ottawa on the subreddit
Kavita Kingsley - joint interview with Shane and Ilya
PHOODS (Professional Hockey's Order Of Dick Suckers):
Bisexual Batcave Owner: Ilya Rozanov (Ottawa Centaurs) * ° ^ “ ™ † ⁀ ⌤ - Canon Book Bisexual. Captain.
#1 - Scott Hunter (NY Admirals) * ° ^ “ ™ † ⁀ ⌤ - Canon Book Gay. Captain, comes out for 2017 Cup.
#2 - (Retires after 16/17)
#3 - ( away from Carolina in 17/18, traded to somewhere out West) ° ⁀
#4 - Kowalski ° ™ ⁀
#5 - Baldwin (Vancouver, retires after 2018) * - Minor Canon Book Gay. Goalie, comes out for the 2018 Cup (and is forced into retirement).
#6 - Shane Hollander (Ottawa Centaurs) * ° ^ “ ™ † ⁀ ⌤ - Canon Book Gay. Captain, comes out for 2020 Cup.
#7 - Vincenzo “Vinny” Marcello (New Jersey) * ° ^ ™ ⁀ - Alternate Captain. Potentially outed by Crowell leak.
#8 - Ryan Price (Buffalo 17/18, Toronto Guardians 18/19, retires in 19) - Canon Book Gay. Enforcer, comes out more publicly (sort of already out) in 2019 on Instagram as he retires.
#9 - (Retires after 16/17)
#10 - Bay (Likely?) ° “ ⁀ ⌤ - Comes out for 2021 MLH Awards
#11 - Lundin (Los Angeles) * - Minor Canon Book Gay. Comes out on Instagram summer 2018 and moves back to Sweden.
#12 - Eric Bennett (NY Admirals, retires after 19/20) ^ - Canon Book Bisexual. Goalie, comes out on Instagram in retirement announcement (2020).
#13 - Danylo (Danny) Melnyk (Washington) ° “ ™ † ⁀ - Comes out before 2020 Playoffs. Defenseman, dating Mateo Rivera (#14).
#14 - Mateo Rivera (Washington) * ° ^ “ ™ † ⁀ - Comes out for 2019 Cup. Dating Danny Melnyk (#13).
#15 - (Anaheim) * ° ™ ⁀
#16 - John Kakogiannis (Houston) * ^ ™ ⁀ ⌤
#17 - (Retired by 2021, according to Scott Hunter)
#18 * ⁀ -
#19 - Ricky D’Amato (New Jersey) - Potentially outed by Crowell leak.
#20 - ™ - Comes out for 2021 MLH Awards
#21 - (Retired by 2021, according to Scott Hunter)
#22 - (Anaheim) ° - Comes out for 2021 MLH Awards
#23 - Jethro Young (Utah) * - Captain.
#24 - Wainwright “Wayne Colander” Strainer ⁀ - Retired, not in the league, and also dead. Definitely, totally exists.
#25 - Ray Henderson (Buffalo) ™ ⁀ - Comes out for 2020 MLH Awards. The one who realized he was gay and in love with his roommate.
#26 - Doblen (Nashville) ⌤ - Outed by Crowell leak.
#27 - Silas Wagner - (Washington) ° ™ - Comes out at 2019 MLH Awards.
#28 - Lavelle (retires after 18/19) - Comes out on Instagram (soft launches boyfriend) after retiring.
#29 - Alfred Fredericks (Ottawa Centaurs) ⁀ - Defenseman, comes out on Instagram after Scott Hunter's 2018 Gay State of the Union.
#30 - Beltran (Utah) ™
#31 - Richards (Anaheim) °
#32 - (Toronto) ™ - tells Ilya that Kent has outed Haas (#46) to Crowell
#33 -
#34 -
#35 - ™
#36 - Comes out for 2021 MLH Awards
#37 - (Tampa Bay) ™
#38 - (Columbus) °
#39 -
#40 - Jim Price - (likely, due to a lot of process of elimnation), comes out during 2021 MLH Awards, likely
#41 - Madrigal - on the Union
#42 - (Possibly Chucky Rhodes? Might have been implied in the comments)
#43 -
#44 -
#45 - Troy Barrett (Ottawa Centaurs) † ⁀ - Canon Book Gay. Comes out on Instagram during the 20/21 Season (after RogueMLH posts audio). Players’ Union President, dating Harris Drover (of the Staff and WAG Armies).
#46 - Luca Haas (Ottawa Centaurs) ⁀ - Canon Book Queer. Comes out after Crowell leak. Is u/LiveBreatheHockey on r/MLHCorruption
#47 - Lowery (Booted from Tampa Bay)
#48 - Osmo “Ossi” Junnila (Vancouver) † ⁀(?) -
#49
#50
Also mentioned/relevant:
Chucky Rhodes (Brooklyn Scouts) - Goalie. One of Hollander’s initial guesses to Rozanov, who flirts with him at the 2019 All Stars weekend, possibly #42 according to some things possibly implied in the comments
Jeffries - possibly somewhere on this list
Helthon ™ ⌤ - (is either #20, #22 or #36) Noticed by Barrett to not be at usual 2020 MLH Awards After Party because he was at the Queer After Party, not sure which number, comes out at 2021 MLH Awards
Pena - Voted onto the queer-friendly Players’ Union, and therefore likely in the bet
Kirby - Voted onto the queer-friendly Players’ Union, and therefore likely in the bet
Schwartz - Voted onto the queer-friendly Players’ Union, and therefore likely in the bet
Garza - No official number (is either #20, #22 or #36) but came out with MICROPEEN
Rayan - No official number (is either #20, #22 or #36) but came out with MICROPEEN
Unnamed Player (Boston Raiders) - a rookie who joins the pact in the 19/20 season (likely #42, #43 or #44 due to timing)
Starting a symbol list for the various meetups so it's easier to see who knows about who. Each symbol means all these people know about each other because they were in attendance
* - attended 2018 MLH Awards Party/After party
° - attended 2019 MLH Awards/DICK COMA After Party
^ - attended 2020 All Stars Meet Up
” - attended 2020 Cup Win/After Party at Shane's house
™ - attended 2020 MLH Awards/DICK COMA After Party
† - attended 2021 All Stars Meet Up
⁀ - attended 2021 Cup Win/After Party at Ilya’s house
⌤ - attended 2021 MLH Awards/DICK COMA After Party
MLH Awards Weekend (DICKCOMA):
Fredericks (#29, 2018 Awards)
Silas Wagner (#27, 2019 Awards)
Ray Henderson (#25, 2020 Awards)
Bay (#10 (we think), 2021 Awards)
Jim Rice (#40 (we think), 2021 Awards)
Helthon (Either #20, #22 or #36, 2021 Awards)
Garza (Either #20, #22 or #36, 2021 Awards)
Rayan (Either #20, #22 or #36, 2021 Awards)
During the Season (PENIS):
Ryan Price (#8, 18/19 Season)
Eric Bennett (#12, 19/20 Season)
Troy Barrett (#45, 20/21 Season)
Before the Playoffs (TOPPING):
Danny Melnyk (#13, 2020 Playoffs)
Luca Haas (#46, 2021 Playoffs)
Came Out for Other Reasons/At Other Times:
Lundin (#11, Summer 2018)
Lavelle (#28, Summer 2019)
Lowery (#47, out rookie who does media circus after being booted by Crowell)
Doblen (#26, Crowell Leak)
More Thorough Notes:
PHOODS (Professional Hockey's Order Of Dick Suckers):
Bisexual Batcave Owner: Ilya Rozanov (Boston Bears, traded to Ottawa Centaurs in 2018) * ° ^ “ ™ † ⁀ ⌤ - Canon Book Bisexual. Captain. Marries Hollander Summer 2019, groomsman at Hunter/Grady wedding, apparently has dreams of being the MLH Commissioner, about to become commissioner? (as of 21/22 season). Originator of “SHIT,” “SHANE,” “ASSHOLE” and “MICROPEEN.” Attends 2018, 2019, 2020 & 2021 Awards Parties, 2020 All Stars Meet Up and the 2020 Cup Win (where he kisses Hollander) & 2021 Cup Win, comes out as married to Hollander at 2020 Awards Party.
#1 - Scott Hunter (NY Admirals) * ° ^ “ ™ † ⁀ ⌤ - Canon Book Gay. Captain, comes out for 2017 Cup. Recruited at 2017 All Stars, finds out about Shane & Ilya at a fundraiser in Dec 2017, “connections to” #26, tells Crowell there's 6 missing teams (early 2019) and feeds him incorrect teams, has a partner (Kip), finds out about Hollander/Rozanov marriage in Fall 2019, marries Kip Grady (Summer 2020), looks over Luca's coming out statement for him, calls the New York Admirals owner to encourage him to nominate Astor Yates as MLH Commissioner, is keeping a spreadsheet of the queer army. Originator of many group nicknames. Attends 2018, 2019, 2020 & 2021 MLH Awards Parties, 2020 All Stars Meet Up and the 2020 & 2021 Cup Wins.
#2 - (Retires after 16/17 Season) - Thought Ilya was hitting on him when he clocked him, recruited at 2017 All Stars.
#3 - (Carolina in 16/17, traded to somewhere in the Western Conference in 17/18) ° ⁀ - Thought Ilya was threatening him when he clocked him, tried to call out the shitty culture in Carolina and got traded, having a conversation about the right way to eat a cupcake (2019 after-party) with #10 & #38, in the Western Conference Group Chat, presumably older than 25. Attends 2019 MLH Awards Party and 2021 Cup Win.
#4 - Kowalski ° ™ ⁀ - Thought Rozanov was hitting on him in the bathroom when he clocked him, reaches out to Ilya about “Tiny Dickman”, would flirt with a cereal box, flirting with Cooper Lee (hooked up with him at 2019 After Party), tells the 2020 Awards Party that he witnessed the Hollander/Rozanov engagement in the bathroom last year, sent around screenshots of Montreal Voyageurs Owner's Grindr (which means he was possibly one of the unnamed Army members who attended the 2020 Cup Box/Party?). Attends 2019 & 2020 MLH Awards Parties and 2021 Cup Win.
#5 - Baldwin (Vancouver, retires after 17/18 Season) * - Minor Canon Book Gay. Goalie, comes out for the 2018 Cup (and is forced into retirement). Rozanov thought his team was unlikely to ever be in the playoffs, older player whose contract negotiations stopped when he came out to his coach to invite him to his wedding, helps review the rigged games of the 2019 playoffs, attends Hunter/Grady wedding (with husband), confirmed 2018 Cup interference to Shane Hollander (#6). Originator of “SCHUMEM.” Attends 2018 MLH Awards Party/After party, stays behind and finds out about Hollander/Rozanov.
#6 - Shane Hollander (Drafted to Montreal Voyageurs, traded to Ottawa Centaurs for 21/22 season) * ° ^ “ ™ † ⁀ ⌤ - Canon Book Gay. Captain, comes out for 2020 Cup. Outs his and Rozanov’s relationship to Hunter in Dec 2017, comes out to his team in Fall 2018 (outed to coach and Crowell with phone calls after 2019 cup), figures out the rigging of the 18/19 season (coaching, referees, faulty stick tape/equipment, crowd distractions), marries Rozanov summer 2019. Originator of “AGBHP/AOGBHP.” Attends 2018, 2019, 2020 & 2021 MLH Awards Parties, 2020 All Stars Meet Up and the 2020 Cup Win (where he kisses Rozanov) & 2021 Cup Win, accidentally outs his relationship with Ilya to Baldwin (#5), Marcello (#7) & Young (#23) at 2018 After Party, kisses Rozanov at the 2020 Cup Win party and comes out about his marriage at the 2020 MLH Awards Party.
#7 - Vincenzo “Vinny” Marcello (New Jersey) * ° ^ ™ ⁀ ⌤ - Alternate Captain, potentially publicly outed by the leak (still has plausible deniability). Bisexual. Older, wants his “Scott Hunter” moment, comes out to Hunter after Ilya's ribbing, shady, makes fun of the “axis powers” jerks by coming out “as an asshole,” eavesdrops on Shane attempting to flirt with Chucky Rhodes at the 2019 All Stars game, out to his team (outed to coach and Crowell during phone calls after 2019 cup), congratulates Rozanov on marriage to Hollander, calls Hunter a moron, seems to clock Melnyk/Rivera (possibly helps get them back together?), attends Hunter/Grady wedding (with boyfriend!), noticed by Troy Barrett (#45) to not be at the usual 2020 MLH Awards After Party, is angling to be the new paramour of Wayne Colander (#24), seems to leave Wayne Colander (#24) for #50 as they’re caught making out on the dance floor of a gay bar in Brooklyn, has a plan to come out with #50. Originator of “RASHYCOCK” & “PENIS” and one of the originators of the “NJMLHLGBTQFOIR” monstrosity. Attends 2018, 2019, 2020 & 2021 MLH Awards Parties, 2020 All Stars Meet Up and 2021 Cup Win, stays behind and finds out about Hollander & Rozanov at 2018 After Party.
#8 - Ryan Price (Buffalo in 17/18, traded to Toronto Guardians in 2018, retires in 2019) - Canon Book Gay. Enforcer, comes out more publicly (sort of already out) in 2019 on Instagram as he retires. Takes Tiny Dickman out of the playoffs in 2018, attends the funeral service of Duncan Harvey and chats with Rozanov, helps review the rigged games of the 2019 playoffs, coach for Irina Foundation camps (therefore knows about Shane & Ilya), taking over the Retiree Army, attends Hunter/Grady wedding, was the muscle for Rozanov during his meeting with Yates (Montreal Voyageurs Owner/Chair of the Board), confirmed interference in 17/18 Cup to Shane Hollander (#6). Originates “EIGHT.”
#9 - (Retires after 16/17 Season) - Recruited in 2017
#10 - Bay (Very, very likely) ° “ ⁀ ⌤ - Came out for the 2021 MLH Awards (true of #10 and Bay), likely to be the non-binary player mentioned, and #10 was noted by Rozanov to be "mentioned in minor speculation" during the Crowell audio leaks, so is possibly Bay (the only other mentioned name not currently connected to a number). If #10 is Bay, Crowell noticed them leaving after 2020 MLH Awards, might mean they were at Queer After Party. #10 has definitely reported to Ilya that Dallas Kent is assaulting women, wants Crowell to pay more attention to the date rape allegations, having a conversation about the right way to eat a cupcake (2019 after-party) with #3 & #38, plots about Dallas Kent with the WAGs at the 2020 Cup, is in the Western Conference Group Chat. Attends 2019 & 2021 MLH Awards Party (and 2020 MLH Awards Party if they’re Bay) and the 2020 & 2021 Cup Wins (and therefore sees Hollander kiss Rozanov at the 2020 Cup Win).
#11 - Lundin (Los Angeles) * - Minor Canon Book Gay. Comes out on Instagram summer 2018 and moves back to Sweden. Willing to come out for the 2017 cup and getting pushback from the league, recommends Ilya reach out to the third line forward from Nashville (possibly #26), comes out to Scott Hunter at the 2017 Cup, thinks an all-gay team would be good, skeptical that Ilya isn't disclosing who's in the group to Hunter/Hollander, soft launches his sexuality by posting pictures of his boyfriend on Instagram in summer 2018, attends Hunter/Grady wedding, mentioned in Crowell tapes as having been close to Doblen (#26), confirms that he hooked up with Doblen (#26) in the out players groupchat. Originator of “FRIEND.” Attends 2018 MLH Awards Party/After party.
#12 - Eric Bennett (NY Admirals, retires after 19/20 Season) ^ - Canon Book Bisexual. Goalie, comes out on Instagram in retirement announcement (2020). One of Hunter’s best friends, (was) married to a woman, now divorced, starts dating Kyle Swift during 19/20 season, taking over the Retiree Army, is Best Man at Hunter/Grady wedding. Attends 2020 All Stars Meet Up.
#13 - Danylo (Danny) Melnyk (Drafted to Brooklyn for 17/18, traded to Montreal Voyageurs in 2017, traded to Washington for 20/21) ° “ ™ † ⁀ - Comes out before 2020 Playoffs. Defenseman, Rookie in 17/18. Ilya wants to set him up with #14 (Rivera), is “a corrupt little loose cannon with zero moral qualms” according to Rozanov and an “abrasive, cocky little shithead” according to Hollander, looks a bit like Rozanov, ~20 yr. old (2018), out to Hollander. Met (and started seeing) Mateo Rivera in an ice rink in Rivera's hometown when they were 17 (Summer 2016), has cut ties with his homophobic parents, has an old elbow injury, looks like “an uglier Rozanov,” thinks Rozanov is old, thinks Hollander is hot, relationship seems to have been clocked and possibly helped?) by Marcello, officially starts dating Rivera in Feb 2020, comes out via Instagram in April 2020, team tries to fire him. Originator of “SHART,” “TOPPING,” “FIRMASS” (with #14 (Rivera), “PROLAPSE,” “WHACKOFF,” “RAWDOG” (with #25 (Henderson)) & “JACKOFF.” Rozanov downplays the 2018 MLH Awards Party/After party to him so he doesn't come, but attends 2019 & 2020 MLH Awards Parties and the 2020 & 2021 Cup Wins (and therefore sees Hollander kiss Rozanov at the 2020 Cup Win).
#14 - Mateo Rivera (Washington) * ° ^ “ ™ † ⁀ - Comes out for 2019 Cup. Rookie in 17/18, first Puerto Rican player ever. Reminds Rozanov of a young Hollander and he wants to set him up with #13 (Melnyk), not comfortable playing dirty but okay with non-physical harm, wants to come out but can't (2018), seems to idolize Hollander, a hockey nerd, seemed turned on by the idea of Hollanov, has/had a crush on Rozanov, 21 yr. old (2019), is invited to Marshal the DC and the Puerto Rican Pride Parades, apparently has an ex boyfriend he's trying to make jealous, thinks everyone should come out, has been getting beaten up more since coming out. Met (and started seeing) Danny Melnyk in an ice rink in Rivera's hometown when they were 17 (Summer 2016), prefers to be called “Mateo” but only Melnyk ever does, is (was?) on Shane Hollander's macrobiotic diet, relationship seems to have been clocked and possibly helped?) by Marcello, officially starts dating Melnyk in Feb 2020, confirmed 17/18 and 18/19 Cup interference to Shane Hollander (#6). Originator of “GABPHU,” “RC” and “PHPGBQU.” Attends 2018, 2019 & 2020 MLH Awards Parties, 2020 All Stars Meet Up and the 2020 & 2021 Cup Wins (and therefore sees Hollander kiss Rozanov at the 2020 Cup Win).
#15 - (Anaheim) * ° ™ ⁀ - is a sassy bitch (tells Rozanov to tell Scott Hunter to lick his balls), likes Ilya being carrier pigeon to chirp at Scott Hunter for him, thinks Hollander/Rozanov would be hot, thinks Hollander’s gaydar is more of a wishlist, volunteers to come out at the 2020 MLH Awards because his grandpa died and that was the only thing keeping him in the closet, out to his family, apparently often asks Rozanov to tell Hunter things for him, in the Western Conference Group Chat, thinks Wayne Colander playing for the Toronto Blue Jays is hilarious. Originator of “CHODE.” Attends 2018, 2019 & 2020 MLH Awards Parties and 2021 Cup Win.
#16 - John Kakogiannis - (Houston) * ^ ™ ⁀ ⌤ - (Possibly? a) Center Forward. Seems to be clocking Hollander/Rozanov, thinks Rozanov should come out next, would apparently sleep with Hollander, hooked up with Adrian Dela Cruz for a week in 2019, thinks Ilya should come out (2020 Awards), has always been a bit of a dick to Rozanov, noticed by Troy Barrett (#45) to not be at the normal 2020 MLH Awards After Party. Originator of “OLDSHAFT.” Attends 2018, 2020 & 2021 MLH Awards Parties, 2020 All Stars Meet Up and 2021 Cup Win.
#17 - (Retired by 20/21, according to Scott Hunter) - finds it wild that the league is pissed about their action against Dallas Kent but not about racist fans
#18 * ⁀ - has reported to Rozanov that Dallas Kent is assaulting women, wishes he had a chance to hurt Kent during the Kent-Pocalypse, thinks playing nice in the Gay State of the Union speech is ridiculous, derides reserve players, is technically in Ilya's Straight Army, in the Western Conference Group Chat, matches with DaddyTrouble69/Astor Yates (Montreal Voyageurs Owner/Chair of the Board) on Grindr, only on Grindr for sexting (doesn't meet up with people), makes a new Grindr after they catch Yates. Attends 2018 MLH Awards Party/After party and 2021 Cup Win.
#19 - Ricky D’Amato (New Jersey) - Potentially publicly outed by the leak (still has plausible deniability). Gay, 21 yr. old (in 2018), out to his team (outed to coach & Crowell in phone calls after 2019 cup). One of the originators of the “NJMLHLGBTQFOIR” monstrosity.
#20 - ™ - Comes out for 2021 MLH Awards. Thought Ilya would come out at 2020 Awards. Attends 2020 MLH Awards Party.
#21 - (Retired by 20/21, according to Scott Hunter)
#22 - (Anaheim) ° - Comes out for 2021 MLH Awards. Names the assholes trying to prove they're not allies “the axis powers,” in the Western Conference Group Chat. Attends 2019 MLH Awards Party.
#23 - Jethro Young (Utah) * - Captain. Older, Mormon, clocked by Marlow, thinks dating a hockey player would be disgusting, shocked about the league rigging things, confirmed ready to come out if he wins the cup in 2019, denies having any gay players to his Coach when called after 2019 Cup (and directly defends/hides Beltran (#30). Attends 2018 MLH Party, stays behind after for outing of the Hollander/Rozanov relationship.
#24 - Wainwright “Wayne Colander” Strainer (Toronto Blue Jays) ⁀ - Retired, not in the league, and also dead. Bisexual, single. Because THERE IS NO #24. Loves loud noises, hates sex, is bad at hockey.
#25 - Ray Henderson (Buffalo) ™ ⁀ - Comes out on Instagram for 2020 MLH Awards. was “straight” until Ilya checked in and he discovered he's actually in love with his gay roommate, knows Melnyk & Rivera from Juniors and they think he talks about his roommate too much, wants to come out so boyfriend can propose (2020 Awards), democratically elected to come out for MLH Awards. Originator of “GROUP” & “RAWDOG” (with #13 (Melnyk). Attends 2020 MLH Awards Party and 2021 Cup Win.
#26 - Doblen (Nashville) ⌤ - Outed by the Crowell audio leak, does not make a statement acknowledging his outing in the tapes but it becomes a line in his Wikipedia page. In contact with/out to Scott Hunter, is ready to come out with a very conservative statement if he wins 2020 Cup (comes out to his team and coaches in preparation), thinks dating another player is the grossest thing he could possibly imagine, is the third-line forward who Lundin (#11) recommended Rozanov reach out to but was never explicitly mentioned joining the pact, was outed to Crowell and associates by team management before the 2020 Cup, is mentioned in the Crowell tapes about having been “close with” Lundin, denies ever having a history with Lundin (#11) even though Lundin confirms they hooked up in the out players group chat. Attends 2021 MLH Awards Party.
#27 - Silas Wagner- (Washington) ° ™ - Comes out at 2019 MLH Awards. Ready to come out for 2019 cup but agrees (and sounds relieved) to wait until a more tactical time, has a partner (Chris), has been getting beaten up more since coming out. Originator of “CIRCUS” and “DICK COMA.” Attends 2019 & 2020 MLH Awards Parties.
#28 - Lavelle (retires after 18/19) - soft launches a boyfriend on Instagram after retiring.
#29 - Alfred Fredericks (Carolina, traded to Ottawa Centaurs for 19/20) ⁀ - Defenseman, comes out on Instagram after Scott Hunter's 2018 Gay State of the Union. Bisexual. Hollander's proudest guess for his gaydar (in 2017) that Rozanov thinks is utterly incorrect, starts being targeted with illegal checks ignored by the refs in fall 2018 and is put on Long Term Injury Reserve (LTIR) after Comeau breaks his arm with an illegal check, helps review the rigged games of the 2019 playoffs, Rozanov pulls strings to get him traded to Ottawa after Carolina tries to force him to retire. Originator of "ROOKIES" with Luca Haas (#46). Attends 2021 Cup Win.
#30 - Beltran (Utah) ™ - Almost outed in the Crowell audio leak, "mentioned in minor speculation" but probably safe due to the homophobes' terrible gaydar. Reached out to Scott Hunter to join after 2018 Gay State of the Union, confirmed ready to come out for 2019 Cup, volunteers to come out because he thought no one else would, happy to stay in the closet, was hidden/defended by Jethro Young (#23) during the post-2020 Cup calls. Attends 2020 MLH Awards Party.
#31 - Richards (Colorado, traded to Anaheim for 19/20) ° - reached out to Scott Hunter to join after 2018 Gay State of the Union, at 2019 All Star weekend and hanging out with the rest of the Queer Militia. Attends 2019 MLH Awards Party.
#32 - (Toronto) ™ - reached out to Hunter to join after 2018 Gay State of the Union, thinks Wagner & Fredericks should choose the next DICK COMA winner, tells Ilya that Kent has outed Haas (#46) to Crowell. Attends 2020 MLH Awards Party.
#33 - reached out to Hunter to join after 2018 Gay State of the Union
#34 - reached out to Hunter to join after 2018 Gay State of the Union
#35 - ™ - reached out to Hunter to join after 2018 Gay State of the Union, doesn't know about the cheating/moral questionability of the group. Attends 2020 MLH Awards Party.
#36 - Comes out for 2021 MLH Awards. reached out to Hunter to join after 2018 Gay State of the Union, in the Western Conference Group Chat, does not know about Hollander/Rozanov, presumably younger than 25.
#37 - (Tampa Bay) ™ - reached out to Hunter to join after 2018 Gay State of the Union, calls Rozanov to let him know their rookie came out and got booted from the team. Attends 2020 MLH Awards Party.
#38 - (Columbus) ° - reached out to Hunter to join after 2018 Gay State of the Union, having a conversation about the right way to eat a cupcake (2019 after-party) with #3 & #10. Attends 2019 MLH Awards Party.
#39 - reached out to Hunter to join after 2018 Gay State of the Union
#40 - Might be Jim Rice (see below) - Comes out during 2021 MLH Awards. Implied to be a rookie in 18/19, in the Western Conference Group Chat, presumably younger than 25, might be interested in hooking up with Yates.
#41 - Madrigal - A rookie in 18/19, Mexican, very closeted, backup for his team, voted onto the queer-friendly Players’ Union in 2020, considered not a threat to the homophobia of the league by Crowell, relatively unknown in the league, has never posted in support of the cause
#42 - joins sometime between 18/19 and the 2020 Cup. Could possibly be Chucky Rhodes according to some things that might have been implied in the comments.
#43 - joins sometime between 18/19 and the 2020 Cup
#44 - joins sometime between 18/19 and the 2020 Cup
#45 - Troy Barrett (Toronto Guardians, traded to Ottawa Centaurs for 20/21) † ⁀ - Canon Book Gay. Comes out on Instagram during the 20/21 Season (after RogueMLH posts audio). Was originally not in the bet, Rozanov saw him checking out Hollander, clocked that the Gay Army seems to be targeting Dallas Kent, reaches out to Rozanov in Spring 2019 because he starts dating a closeted Adrian Delay Cruz (Hollywood actor), has clocked Hollander/Rozanov, gives them intel on the distractions from the audience during the 18/19 season and meets Harris, apparently texts with Harris for the next year, helps the WAG Army get in contact with Dallas Kent’s ex-girlfriend, thinks Dallas Kent is a monster, gets added to the group officially after he agrees to run for the Players’ Union for them, apparently requests to be traded to Ottawa, called Harris after finding out Adrian Dela Cruz was cheating, Players’ Union President (20/21), seems to have finally locked down Harris as a WAG (Dec 2020), looks over Luca's coming out statement for him. Originator of “WANG” & “PRICE.” Attends 2021 Cup Win.
#46 - Luca Haas (Ottawa Centaurs) ⁀ - Canon Book Queer. Comes out on social media after the Crowell leak (during the season). “Nerdy Swiss Kid” scoped out by Ilya at the 2019 Draft, says all the rookies have scheduled phone calls with Crowell, is u/LiveBreatheHockey from r/MLHCorruption (one of the Reddit users that Rozanov deems “the least dog shit crazy” out of r/MLHcorruption, confronts people about guessing who's gay in the league, mentions that Rozanov is Russian on the list of people posting gay-adjacent selfies, posts trying to figure out who RogueMLH is, posts the test post to figure out if outlandish claims pop up every time someone posts a substantiated claim (they do), says they basically staged a coup to take over the subreddit, thinks u/RogueMLH is a legend, offers to do the initial approach and assessment of rookies in the 20/21 season for Rozanov, approaches a rookie on Toronto who talks about it to the Toronto locker room/Kent, is outed by Kent to Crowell, is almost sent down by Crowell but is saved by the beautiful queer-friendly Ottawa Centaurs infrastructure, implicated in the audio of Crowell threatening the Ottawa Centaurs that @RogueMLH posts, heavily heavily implied to be queer in the leaked Crowell audio, as u/LiveBreathHockey posts Luca Haas' coming out statement on r/MLHCorruption and that it's cool to be outed by the commissioner and/or picked because he might be queer. Originator of "ROOKIES" with Fredericks (#29). Attends 2021 Cup Win.
#47 - Lowery (Tampa Bay) - Homosexual, aromantic, genderqueer (he/him pronouns). First round draft pick rookie who came out to Crowell got booted from the team, agrees to let @RogueMLH come out for him and post about it, does a series of interviews after being booted, says nice things about Rozanov, told Crowell he would take the bet, had already told Tampa about his identities when they signed him, has life threatened by Crowell.
#48 - Osmo “Ossi” Junnila (Vancouver) † ⁀(?) - Rookie (20/21 season), Finnish, initially assessed by Luca Haas (#46), looks over Luca's coming out statement for him (and Luca uses his first name, implying they might be close). Possibly/likely attends 2021 Cup Win (as someone disappears with Luca Haas (#46)).
#49 - One of Luca’s new rookies (20/21 season)
#50 - One of Luca’s new rookies (20/21 season), is photographed making out with Vinny Marcello (#7) on the dance floor at a gay bar in Brooklyn, is historically not the most cautious of people about this, has a plan to come out with Marcello (#7)
Starting a symbol list for the various meetups so it's easier to see who knows about who. Each symbol means all these people know about each other because they were in attendance
* - attended 2018 MLH Awards Party/After party
° - attended 2019 MLH DICK COMA After Party
^ - attended 2020 All Stars Meet Up
” - attended 2020 Cup Win/After Party at Shane's house
™ - attended 2020 MLH Awards/DICK COMA After Party
† - attended 2021 All Stars Weekend(and likely the Meet Up
⁀ - attended 2021 Cup Win/After Party at Ilya’s house
⌤ - attended 2021 MLH Awards/DICK COMA After Party
Also mentioned/relevant:
Marcel Houde - mentioned by RogueMLH and by Kavita Kingsley in article, implied that Houde is not gay or, at least, not out to anyone
Liam Casey - player who injured Marcel Houde
Chucky Rhodes (Brooklyn Scouts) - Possibly #42 according to some things implied in the comments, but very uncertain. Goalie. One of Hollander’s initial guesses to Rozanov, Hollander attempts to flirt with him at the 2019 All Stars game to prove his point (he is clearly interested), Hunter thinks is straight
Jeffries - listed by Hollander as one of the safe people he's looking for when approached by Crowell at 2019 MLH Awards, so likely to be an unknown number of the army (possibly 3, 10, 15, 22, 38, or one of the “guys from the western conference” in attendance)
Guy Bonavi (Tampa Bay) - probably not gay, talks about cunnilingus more than hockey
Jim Rice - Possibly in the army (one of the players Ilya was testing Shane’s gaydar with), through a lot of assessing it seems like he is on Chicago and might be #40
- Helthon ™ ⌤ - No official number (but is either #20, #22 or #36 by process of elimination), came out for the 2021 MLH Awards. Noticed by Troy Barrett to not be at the normal 2020 MLH Awards After Party (and was therefore attending the MLH Queer After Party). Attends 2020 and 2021 MLH Awards Parties.
- Garza ™ ⌤ - No official number (but is either #20, #22 or #36 by process of elimination), came out for the 2021 MLH Awards.
- Rayan ™ ⌤ - No official number (but is either #20, #22 or #36 by process of elimination), came out for the 2021 MLH Awards.
Holmberg (Ottawa Centaurs) - tied in FanDuel’s 2021 Best Bet to Come Out (at the Cup) with Rozanov
New Players Union:
There are 4 players (in addition to Troy Barrett (#45)) who are so closeted they aren't out to anyone else, and who would like to be excused from the bet if they can be, and get voted onto the Players’ Union. The people who have never been to a meet up (and therefore aren't at all out to the group) are: #17, #21, #24, #33 (but is out to Hunter, so probably not), #34 (but is out to Hunter, so probably not), #39 (but is out to Hunter, so probably not), #41, #42, #43, #44. These players are:
Pena - Voted onto the Union Summer 2020, considered not a threat to the homophobia of the league by Crowell, has never posted in support of the cause
Kirby - Voted onto the Union Summer 2020, considered not a threat to the homophobia of the league by Crowell, considered a "good kid" by Crowell, has never posted in support of the cause
Madrigal - see #41
Schwartz - ("one of the Schwartzes", apparently there's more than one), likely somewhere between #41-#44) Voted onto the Union Summer 2020, considered not a threat to the homophobia of the league by Crowell, has only played in the MLH for two years (as of 2020), has never posted in support of the cause
Unknown Players in attendance at 2020 MLH Awards have -
- a sex tape about to be leaked
- a desire to go on dating apps
- already come out to their coaches
- an ultimatum from their Partner
Unnamed Player (Boston Raiders) - a rookie who joins the pact in the 19/20 season (likely #42, #43 or #44 due to timing)
- It’s implied that Luca successfully susses out more rookies who also join, but we don't know how many (to be able to assign numbers)
- Rozanov offers MICROPEEN to 30 guys, 5 take him up on it.
-15 out players by 21/22 season, with multiple rookies joining that year.
Teams Included/Additional Notes:
- Nashville (Has a third-line forward who Ilya is keeping an eye on as of 17/18 season but has not been mentioned as joining the pact, is likely #26)
- Toronto Guardians (Has an additional unnamed player, was a backup for Ryan Price (#8) before came out and retired)
- Montreal Voyageurs (The only team with an out player (Shane Hollander, #6) who are not attempting to defend them from targeted hits)
- 3 teams without queer players by Jan 2020 (previous teams without players include San Jose (has some allies), Los Angeles (after Lundin comes out and leaves), still true as of Jan 2021) with rookies and transfers orchestrated by Rozanov). Carolina is definitely one of the teams without a queer player (as of Jan. 2021)
- Official teams with no one to come out as of Jan 2021: Brooklyn, LA, Carolina, New York, Montreal
- There is one non-binary player as of Dec 2017, and a retired trans player (might be someone named “Reginald”, according to a conspiracy theory from r/MLHcorruption, but we don't ever trust them)
- Around 34 active players out of 41 in Jan 2019, meaning 7 have retired or transferred out of MLH and we only know about 3 retirees (#2, Baldwin (#5) & #9) and Lundin (#11) transferring
Ally Army (nearly 200 players total by January 2019):
Hayden Pike (Montreal Voyageurs) - In the Council of (Mostly) Straight Elders leads the Pacific division. Rozanov thinks he's not fully straight (confirmed by Jackie Pike in 2018), supportive online, recommends Hollander for the Ally Chat, rigs 2018 cup with Rozanov with help from Litterick, finds out about Hollander/Rozanov in Fall 2018, denies that straight guys thinking about fucking Shane (which Hayes confirms means he has), accidentally uploads the Crowell audio to FanMail instead of his video. Coach for Irina Foundation camps, attends the 2020 & 2021 Cup Wins (and therefore sees Hollander kiss Rozanov at the 2020 Cup Win).
Cliff Marlow (Boston Bears) -In the Council of (Mostly) Straight Elders, leads the Metropolitan division. Confirmed to know about Hollander/Rozanov in Fall 2018, admits to straight guys thinking about fucking Hollander, leads the charge of the Ally Army to report back on the damage to Rozanov's reputation/ability to stay in the closet after the Crowell audio leak. Attends the 2020 Cup Win (and therefore sees Hollander kiss Rozanov).
Carter Vaughn/Vaughan (New York Admirals) - In the Council of (Mostly) Straight Elders, leads the Atlantic division. Confirmed Rozanov's safety with Hunter, confirmed to know about Hollander/Rozanov in Fall 2018, admits to straight guys thinking about fucking Hollander, Groomsman at Hunter/Grady wedding. Attends the 2020 Cup Win (and therefore sees Hollander kiss Rozanov).
Pierce (Columbus) - Confirms that there were weird coaching choices in 18/19 season (specifically in their game against Utah)
Becker (Chicago) -
Wyatt Hayes (Toronto Guardians, traded to Ottawa Centaurs by end of 2018) - In the Council of (Mostly) Straight Elders, leads the Central division. Goalie. Hates Kent, thinks the gay group chat is superhero shit, removed Woodrick from chat, apparently by far the most perceptive person in the group chat, confirmed to know about Hollander/Rozanov in Fall 2018, hears a girl crying at one of Dallas Kent's parties and calls the cops which gets him traded, admits to straight guys thinking about fucking Hollander, has clearly clocked Troy Barrett/Harris Drover. Coach for Irina Foundation camps, attends the 2020 & 2021 Cup Wins (and therefore sees Hollander kiss Rozanov at the 2020 Cup Win). Originator of an Ally ranking and points system called “ASS” (Ally Scoring System).
Sullivan (Phoenix) - goes by “Sully”
Mike Brophy (New Jersey) - Enforcer or Defenseman. Has apparently shown interest in Hollander (so Hollander thinks he might be queer), one of the originators of “NJMLHLGBTQFOIR”
Litterick (Carolina) - Wing. Fed Hayden Pike insider knowledge and visibly passed pucks to blocked players in the 2018 final
JJ Boiziau (Montreal Voyageurs) - Defenseman. Single-handedly attempting to protect Hollander from targeted hits. Coach for Irina Foundation camps and attends the 2020 Cup Win (and therefore sees Hollander kiss Rozanov).
Zane Boodram (Ottawa Centaurs) - Alternate Captain. Doing better Ally Army points than Marlow, apparently a fan of Fredericks (wearing a #29 Irina Foundation jersey), finds out about Hollander/Rozanov when they come to a Centaurs barbecue together (Dec. 2020). Attends 2021 Cup Win.
Unknown Player (Washington) - not comfortable with playing dirty
Unknown Player (Anaheim) - Alternate Captain. Got the call from the coach asking if anyone is gay on their team
Unknown Player (Montreal Voyageurs) - one of the few people who still talks to Shane Hollander (#6) after he comes out (20/21)
Unknown Players (Ottawa Centaurs) - Most of the team is in the army (20/21)
Unknown Players (San Jose) - give Ilya some feedback on the rigged 2019 cup games
Matti Jalo (New York Admirals) - Not 100% confirmed to be in the army, but at Hunter/Grady wedding (therefore knows about Shane & Ilya).
Greg Huff (New York Admirals) - Not 100% confirmed to be in the army, but at Hunter/Grady wedding (therefore knows about Shane & Ilya).
Queer Players (Confirmed to be in the Chat because people think they're Allies): Shane Hollander (likely previously, as he's now out), #18
Staff Army:
Yuna Hollander - Joins up as the “Mob Mom” in Jan 2019 under the guise of running the IRINA Foundation, runs the Staff Army. Attends the 2020 & 2021 Cup Wins.
Harris Drover (Ottawa Centaurs) - Social Media Manager ( “the bitch running social media”), runs RogueMLH, collects potential army members’ information and passes it on, introduces the group to r/MLHCorruption, has apparently been texting with Troy Barrett since he helped them (~1 year), posts the accounts of Kent's victims on @RogueMLH, documents every time there are particularly hard hits on the out players (Hollander, Rivera, Fredericks, Melnyk, Wagner or Henderson), seems to have officially become a WAG (to Troy Barrett) as of Dec. 2020 (see entry in WAG Army). Attends the 2020 & 2021 Cup Wins (and therefore sees Hollander kiss Rozanov at the 2020 Cup Win).
Bianca (Senior Management) - Crowell’s executive assistant, married to Priyanka ( “Mayhem Mitra,” retired UFC fighter). Records Crowell's homophobic tirade against Scott Hunter after 2019 Cup, his attack on Hollander at 2019 MLH Awards and him attempting to rig the refs for the 2020 Playoffs and apparently much more (has been recording additional incriminating evidence against Crowell), was fired by Crowell after the audio leak. Attends 2021 Cup Win.
James (Winnipeg) - tells Bianca about the Staff Army
Suna Dunham (Possibly Yuna Hollander under a pseudonym?) - is Bianca’s direct contact in the Staff Army, possibly in attendance at 2019 MLH Awards
Brandon Wiebe (Ottawa Centaurs) - Coach. Not officially confirmed to be part of Staff Army, but comes out to Rozanov and Ottawa GM at meeting, fights for Troy Barrett to come to the team so they can change him (and also occasionally win), confirms that the Ottawa Centaurs have contingency plans to protect their queer players, implies in a press conference that others on/involved with the team are queer, implicated in the audio of Crowell threatening the Ottawa Centaurs that @RogueMLH posts. Likely attends 2021 Cup Win.
Unknown PT (Ottawa Centaurs) - A bisexual PT who is part of the Staff Army (that Crowell knows about and mentions in his tirade against the Centaurs that @RogueMLH posts). Possibly attends 2021 Cup Win.
WAG Army:
Kip Grady (New York Admirals, husband of Scott Hunter (#1)) - Canon Book Gay. Brings idea of WAG Army to Rozanov, works with Gloria and Kyle to get the WAG Army to help Kent's victims, marries Scott Hunter (summer 2020). Attends the 2020 Cup Win (and therefore sees Hollander kiss Rozanov).
Kyle Swift (New York Admirals, Partner of Eric Bennett (#12)) - Canon Book Gay. Wants to casually lead a WAG Army without being a WAG (and then becomes a WAG when he starts dating Bennett), works with Gloria and Kyle to get the WAG Army to help Kent's victims, attends Hunter/Grady wedding.
Gloria (New York Admirals, partner of Carter Vaughn (Ally Army)) - seems to be in WAG Army, works with Gloria and Kyle to get the WAG Army to help Kent's victims, attends Hutner/Grady wedding. Attends the 2020 Cup Win (and therefore sees Hollander kiss Rozanov).
Fabian Salah (Toronto, partner of Ryan Price (#8)) - not confirmed to be in WAG Army (hates hockey), but in support of Retiree Army, attends Hunter/Grady wedding.
Cassie Boodram (Ottawa Centaurs, partner of Zane Boodram) - implied to be in the WAG Army due to successfully icing out all the homophobic Ottawa Centaurs WAGs, finds out about Hollander/Rozanov at Boodram’s Barbecue. Attends 2021 Cup Win.
Lisa Hayes (Ottawa Centaurs, partner of Wyatt Hayes) - implied to be in the WAG Army due to successfully icing out all the homophobic Ottawa Centaurs WAGs, officially finds out about Hollander/Rozanov at Boodram’s Barbecue. Attends 2021 Cup Win.
Harris Drover (Ottawa Centaurs, partner of Troy Barrett) - Seems to be officially an Ottawa Centaurs WAG as he’s at the WAG hangout table in December 2020 (apparently only officially a WAG that night). Attends 2021 Cup win as Troy’s WAG/HAB/SAP. See his entry in the Staff Army for involvement.
Retiree Army:
Eric Bennett (#12, Ex-New York Admirals) - Runs army
Ryan Price (#8, Ex-Buffalo, Toronto and others) - Runs army
Presumed to be in Army (Retired): #2, Baldwin (#5), #9, #17, #21, Lavelle (#28)
Unsafe Players/Other People:
Reinhold “Riney” Glickman or “Tiny Dickman” - Carolina's Bigoted Captain and Star Forward, Army's first target in 17/18 season, taken out by Ryan Price (#8) in the 2018 playoffs
Dallas Kent (Kicked off Toronto Guardians (Dec. 2020)) - physically and verbally abusive, accused of assaulting women by #10 & #18, target of Kent-pocalypse (17/18), has had charges brought against him by the women he’s assaulted (with help from the WAG Army, Harris Drover & Troy Barret (#45)), agreed to report back to Crowell, has been kicked off the Toronto Guardians, is accusing Troy Barrett (#45) of being in the Queer group, tells Crowell about Troy Barrett’s sexuality, arrested early 2021.
Woodrick (Houston) - removed from Ally Chat by Wyatt Hayes for immediately being homophobic
Comeau (Montreal Voyageurs) - one of the homophobic players who targets Fredericks after he comes out, breaks his arm with an illegal check in Fall 2018
Lorenzo (Traded away from Ottawa Centaurs) - Defense. Racist and objectifies women
Miller (Traded away from Ottawa Centaurs) - Defense. Racist and objectifies women
Wringham (Traded away from Ottawa Centaurs) - Defense. Racist and objectifies women
Nelson - one of the known assholes targeted with distractions during the 18/19 season
Burke - one of the known assholes targeted with distractions during the 18/19 season
Unknown Players Doing Homophobic Shit™: Targeting Fredericks (1 Brooklyn Scout, 1 Minnesota Nomad, 1 on Detroit, 1 in Columbus, 2 others on Montreal Voyageurs)
Hal (Ref, New York) - Friend of Scott Hunter, told him to keep his head down when he asked about uncalled illegal checks
Hank - Working with Crowell on the ref rigging
Rookie on Toronto (20/21 Season) - approached by Luca and talks about it in the Toronto locker room/in front of Kent & #32
MLH Deputy Comissioner - apparently was doing all the dirty work for Crowell behind the scenes, is on the other end of most of the calls (possibly is "Hank"?)
Acronyms! and Nicknames
For Cup Winners
RASHYCOCK - Rozanov And Scott Hunter's Yearly Coming Out Club King (originated by #7 (Vinny Marcello))
RC - RASHYCOCK (originated by #14 (Mateo Rivera) in his coming out post)
SCHUMEM Cup Award - SCott HUnter MEMorial Cup Award (originated by #5 (Baldwin) in his coming out post)
SHunMYCOCK - Scott Hunter Memorial Yearly Cupping Out Club King
S.H.E.I.L.D. - Scott Hunter Award for Excellence in Loving Dick
MVP - Most Vagina-less Peen? Men's Venereal Player? Massive Veiny Penis?
IAOTY - Ilya’s Avenger of the Year
CHODE - Champion of Hunter's Order of Dick Enthusiasts (originated by #15)
SHART - Scott Hunter Annual Remembrance Trophy (originated by #13 (Danny Melnyk) in his coming out post)
SHANE - Scott Hunter’s Award for the Newly Emancipated (originated by Ilya Rozanov in his coming out post)
For Coming Out during MLH Awards
DICKCOMA - Daddy Ilya’s Celebrated King of Coming Out at MLH Awards (originated by #27 (Silas Wagner))
RAWDOG - Rozanov’s Award-Winning Democratically Outed Guy (originated by #25 (Henderson) & #13 (Danny Melnyk))
MICROPEEN - Many Individuals Coming Right Out, Provided Emergency Escape with the News (originated by Ilya Rozanov)
For Coming Out during the Season
PENIS - The Price award for Excellence in Noncompliance, Ill-Timing, or Scandal (originated by #7 (Vinny Marcello))
CUMSLUT - Completely Unplanned Midseason Sexuality Launch and Unveiling Trophy
PRICE - Price award for Respectability In Coming out Early (originated by #45 (Troy Barrett) in his coming out post)
For Coming Out before the Playoffs
TOPPING - Trophy Of Pre-Playoffs Inception of Noted Gayness (originated by #13 (Danny Melnyk) in his coming out post)
ROOKIES - Rozanov’s Order Of Kids In Elite Sexualities (originated by Fredericks (#29) and Luca Haas (#46) in his coming out post)
For the Collective Group of Out Players
GROUP - Gang of Rozanov’s Out and Unified Players (originated by #25 (Ray Henderson) in his coming out post)
JACKOFF - Just Actual Current Kings Of Faceoff Fellatio (originated by #13 (Danny Melnyk))
Other
NJMLHLGBTQFOIR - New Jersey Major League Hockey LGBTQ Friends of Ilya Rozanov (Originated by #7, #19 & Brophy (Ally Army))
IRINA - Ilya Rozanov's Intentional Nothing-to-see-here Alibi
EIGHT - Eighth of Ilya’s Gay Hockey Tyrants (from Ryan Price’s coming out post)
SHIT - Shane Hollander Index Total (originated by Ilya Rozanov)
FIRMASS - Formal Ilya Rozanov Memorial Award for Secret Sucking (for people still in the closet, originated by #13 (Danny Melnyk) & #14 (Mateo Rivera)
PROLAPSE - President Rozanov’s Official Lovers’ Award for Players Sexually Engaged (originated by #13 (Danny Melnyk) in his coming out post)
BORING - Boyfriend Of Rozanov, Internationally Notorious Gay-wrangler (originated by #6 (Shane Hollander) in his coming out post)
BOJWOLB (BLOWJOB backwards) - Buy Our Jerseys Without Outrageous League Bigotry! (originated by #6 (Shane Hollander) in his coming out post)
WHACKOFF - Wholesome Half-Asian Captain Kissing Our Fearless Founder (originated by #13 (Danny Melnyk) when he outs the Hollander/Rozanov relationship to the RASHYCOCK group chat)
PlOWRS - Players Of the Western Rozanov Sector (Name of the Western Conference Group Chat)
ASS - Ally Scoring System (originated by Wyatt Hayes (Ally Army))
WANG - Wives and Not Girlfriends (originated by #45 (Troy Barrett) as a WAG group that would include Harris Drover)
ASSHOLE - Authentic Spouse of Shane Hollander, Our Leader’s Escort (originated by Ilya Rozanov in his coming out post)
Group Names
Originated by Scott Hunter (#1): Ilya’s Angels, Ilya's Army, Rozanov’s Regiment, Rozanov’s Queer Death Squad, Gay Hockey Militia
Originated by Shane Hollander (#6): AGBHP/AOGBHP (Alliance of Gay and Bisexual Hockey Players)
Originated by Lundin (#11): FRIEND (Fellowship of Rozanov’s International Elite Nancies and Dandies)
Originated by Danny Melnyk (#13): SMEGMA (Scott’s Members-Exclusive Gay Men Alliance)
Originated by Mateo Rivera (#14): GABPHU (Gay and Bisexual Professional Hockey Union)
Originated by #16: OLDSHAFT (Ones Like Daddy Scott Hunter And Friends Tribe)
Originated by Silas Wagner (#27): CIRCUS (Commissioner Ilya Rozanov's Communal Underground Syndicate)
Unknown Originator(s): Gay Avengers, Ilya's Apostles, Ilya's Infantry, Gay Cabal, Queer Council, Scunties (Scott’s Hunties), PHOODS (Professional Hockey's Order Of Dick Suckers), Friends of Rozanov, Ilya’s Avengers, Queer Cartel, FOR (Friends of Rozanov), PHUCK (Professional Hockey Union of Cock Kings)
Ally Army Group Names (with a hilarious amount of overlap with the Gay Army group): Rozanov’s guys, Ilya’s avengers, Ilya’s army, the Queer Corps
Additional Notes:
Carolina - (in 17/18) has insanely racist players and fans, a goalie with a half dozen DUIs, a benchwarmer who was charged with Animal Cruelty and management who's doing nothing about any of this
Kavita Kingsley - senior MLH reporter at a high-profile sports magazine (apparently called “Reputable Sports Magazine”), Scott Hunter's favorite journalist, recommends RogueMLH and the group get a lawyer, agrees to hold off publishing an article about the corruption around the 2018 cup so that Ilya can prove the 2019 cup was already rigged, has clocked Shane & Ilya’s relationship, is granted first interview with Hollander post-coming out, releases an article on the rigging of the 18/19 season, does Ilya Rozanov’s coming out interview (over email), holds joint interview with Ilya and Shane after they come out as a married couple.
Cooper Lee - Lawyer for the Queer Army, hooked up with Kowalski (#4) at MLH Awards Gay After Party (2019). Attends 2021 Cup Win (where he is clearly hooking up with Kowalski again).
u/LiveBreatheHockey - Luca Haas (#46). one of the Reddit users that Rozanov deems “the least dog shit crazy” out of r/MLHcorruption, confronts people about guessing who's gay in the league, mentions that Rozanov is Russian on the list of people posting gay-adjacent selfies, posts trying to figure out who RogueMLH is, posts the test post to figure out if outlandish claims pop up every time someone posts a substantiated claim (they do), says they basically staged a coup to take over the subreddit, thinks u/RogueMLH is a legend, posts Luca Haas' coming out statement, that it's cool to be outed by the commissioner and/or picked because he might be queer, repping constantly for Ottawa.
u/Gr4mofs1lv3r - one of the Reddit users that Rozanov deems “the least dog shit crazy” out of r/MLHcorruption, thinks it's weird that all the posts about someone being gay get downvoted, points out that there's a LOT of Rozanov in the Crowell audio leak, notices that Bianca's LinkedIn has her unemployed after the leak, wonders if Rozanov was just super late to the bet and that's why he was embarrassed, scared for the teams up against Ottawa in 21/22 season.
u/sir1589shelf - Mod of r/MLHcorruption, one of the Reddit users that Rozanov deems “the least dog shit crazy”, posts about no one picking up Baldwin's contract, asks to stop calling it “That Gay Shit,” has apparently been on the subreddit for 12 years (and they've never been verifiably right before), always skeptical if r/RogueMLH is really @RogueMLH, unearths Crowell's terrible country music career, almost misses the Crowell plants in r/MLHCorruption because they were funny, thinks Rozanov and Hollander are assholes for keeping their husbands a secret, posts about Hollander/Rozanov marriage.
Astor Yates or "Mastur Bates" (Montreal Voyageurs Owner) - Chairman of the MLH Board of Governors. Found on Grindr by the queer box during the 2020 Cup win, is married to a woman, agrees to look into unseating Commissioner Crowell, Rozanov might help arrange meet ups with agreeable members of the pact, blackmail favor called in to get Dallas Kent out of the league and the queer rookies to be able to stay, knows Ilya Rozanov is the Ringleader, confirms that the info from the leak will likely be enough to force out Crowell, seems to be implying something more specific about their understanding/agreement with each other, is nominated by the New York Admirals owner after encouragement by Scott Hunter, sells the Montreal team so he can step into the role of Commissioner
The only way into my building is through the front door which locks itself when closed. There's a back entrance but it's deadbolted from the inside. This means the only people who can get into the building are me, my cat sitter with the spare keys, and the people living in the other two units.
The door to MY unit now... has no doorknob. Impossible to get in.
There is a shared BACK hallway that leads to the shared basement/back entrance. My back door into this hall is always deadbolted. EXCEPT, fortuitously, right now, since neighbor (Molly) in unit 2 had heard Patches meowing when alone and offered to spend some time with her, so I had the cat sitter unlock the bolt.
This, LUCKILY, means there is A Way into my unit. But it requires getting into the building, then going THROUGH my neighbors' unit into the back hall, then up to my unit.
Cat sitter is effectively locked out from Patches, and won't be able to get in if not fixed by the next day.
Text neighbor about predicament. They're willing to look at my door bUT (it's Christmas) they're not home and not getting home until the next day.
Next day, text for an update but hear nothing. (Neighbors aren't attached to their phones much). Communicate with catsitter saying "okay if I don't hear back from neighbors, maybe you go over and I contact a locksmith who you can let in?" (since cat sitter has the keys to the building)
Catsitter is very not keen on the idea
Patches is unaware she's a prisoner.
Hear back from neighbors. Say they should be home around 5pm.
Okay... Good Enough... (Patches graze-feeds so Luckily she hasn't missed any meals but we're going on 24 hours of house arrest Patches).
6pm comes. 7pm comes. 7:40pm I text asking for an update. Nothing.
8:30pm I'm figuring out what friends I can call to break into my own house. Text neighbor again and notice this text doesn't go through.
Text neighbor's partner being like "hey sorry, can't seem to reach Molly--". Get a text back "Sorry this is Molly on David's phone! My phone died." Family Christmas plans ran late but they're on their way back and will be home soon. Thank goodness.
9pm-ish, they get back, give Patches attention and top up her food. I get a text "David fixed your door!" Woo!
Friday 5pm I finally get home
Lugging my suitcase up three flights of stairs while I hear Patches meowing like a dying Victorian child
Shoes off coat off suitcase down fish out keys unlock door grab doorknob
...Doorknob falls off
Falls off right into my hands
Staring at doorknob. Staring at door. Patches meowing. Shove doorknob against door like an idiot and no it does not go back on.
Fucking
Go down flight of stairs, knock on Molly and David's door. David is luckily home. "My doorknob fell off again can I go home"
David lets me in. I scoot past their dogs and apparently I startled the more nervous one since she apparently tried to nip at me but I didn't even notice because I'm like my cat.
Get in through the back hall.
Patches comes bounding over.
My cat.
Doesn't even know she was a prisoner.
Doesn't even know what a doorknob is.
Later that night receive a text from neighbor apologizing for the dog and I'm like "I Did Not Even Notice."
Any attempt to leave my house now is perilous until I fix the doorknob.
Can't even leave my door cracked open because I know Patches is gonna shove her stupid little face through it and become the opposite of a prisoner.
I wanna go buy a reeces peanut butter cup but by god it's not worth the risk
You are completely right because I have now investigated the knob and can confirm the screw holding the knob to bar was loose. I have tightened the screw and it SEEMS fixed but I’m very Fool Me Once on this since my neighbor also thought they’d fixed it.
There is a Home Depot trip in my future. Or maybe an online purchase if Patches would get off my laptop
Complication. Doorknob is here and I tried to install it, but because my door is older than God, the latch-majig (technical term) is offset like an inch higher than the knob. Modern doorknob has the latch LEVEL with the knob.
To swap in the new knob I'd need to cut a new knob-hole an inch higher in the door which
With what tools
That would leave an unused gaping doorknob-sized hole in my door which any robber the size of a weasel or smaller will use to rob my home. I don't need fucking Redwall in my home.
Probably bad for the integrity of the door
I don't wanna.
I think what I really want is just the knob like above tags said. Like the knob and the rectangular bar, which I can substitute in for my stripped-bare knob and rectangle bar. I WOULD do this with the new knob, but it's got two welded-on spokes poking out from the knob.
I can maybe drill two holes for the spokes in my door...?
(Squinting at shitty amazon listings trying to see if any knobs don't have the two spokes)
(I think the two spokes might be standard.)
Developing new respect for Jesus (carpenter).
In the meantime, because I'd already unscrewed a lot of things I DID take the genius action of flipping my current doorknob around.
This way the side that causes problems is on the INSIDE.
Doorknob fall of while INSIDE house significantly better than doorknob fall off while OUTSIDE.
New doorknob should get here tomorrow, but in the meantime things in the notes of this post:
Several dozen stories of other people getting locked in/out of bathrooms/basements/classrooms/bedrooms/buildings. Extra shout out to the person whose classmate managed to do this twice, in rapid4reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesdweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Patches is on my keyboard
whose classmate managed to do this twice, in rapid succession, to both sides of a classroom door after being saved the first time.
Several people taking this as a sign to go tighten their doorknob screws, including someone whose knob fell off in their hands while doing this
10 or so people reading the "can't have shit in Detroit" meme to mean I live in Detroit. Sorry to confess I'm a fake Detroitite. Doxxing myself by 0.00001% more by informing the world I live in not-Detroit.
Many many people wondering why I'm not pestering my landlord about this. Truth is my landlord is way too sexy, cool, fashionable, smart, pretty, funny, and popular on Tumblr to it's me. It's me. I'm me I'm my landlord. It's my condo. Including, with immense regret, every single doorknob inside.
3 separate professional locksmiths who have reached out offering advice, which is very cool. I have burst into a virtual hardware store clutching my shit doorknob and fainted, only to be caught by three very strong and cool locksmiths rushing to my aid.
Person with a story of dogsitting a friend's Tibetan Mastiff who managed to knock the entire backdoor down. Taking inspiration from this to train Patches in battering-ram techniques, should she ever get locked inside again.
I would love a director’s cut of Getting Off is the Best Revenge”, if you’re interested. Love your work!
Thank you so much! Happy to do it, and sorry this took a while. The fic is here, and let me quickly note up front that this fic (and thus the commentary as well) includes extensive, graphic and nasty homophobic harassment, so please be careful when deciding whether to read.
Blake Kohler is a little pissant fifth-round no-talent piece of shit who’ll be back in the AHL as soon as half the Senators roster isn’t out with whooping cough. But he seems to think he can earn a spot in the NHL by pissing Zhenya off every time the two of them are within three feet of each other – and since he seems to have been assigned to be Zhenya’s shadow, that’s happening a lot.
How does Dea name OC douchebag hockey players? (A thing I’ve had to do several times now). First name: something bro-ey. Surname: look around where I’m sitting and pick a brand name that’s a surname. I have Kohler faucets, or I did when I wrote this. There you go.
Right now, Kohler is leaning casually on his stick and saying, “Y’know, all the guys on my team figure it’s Crosby who sucks your dick – fuck knows he’s got the mouth for it. He’s such a little bitch on the ice, they figure he’s a bitch off it, too, figure he bends over for you.”
Oh, God, I fucking hate writing this shit. I’m not going to comment on any more of it. I’ll meet you down in like a page or so. Don’t ask me how to write good homophobia. It’s not a skill I’m proud of.
Zhenya breathes in and out through his nose, slowly – if he opens his mouth, he’ll only show Kohler that it bothers him, and then he’ll keep spitting this filth for the next fifty minutes. How long can this fucking video review last?
“But here’s the thing,” Kohler continues. “I look at the two of you, and I look at the way you’ve been panting after Crosby all this time, acting like his personal enforcer, following him around like you’re his fucking dog, and you know what?”
With a sinking feeling, Zhenya realizes he should have skated away as soon as the first word left Kohler’s mouth – if he does it now, again, it’ll be like putting blood in the water, and Kohler will smell it. It’s too late now.
Kohler grins. “I’m pretty sure it’s you. Big, bad Russian bear Evgeni Malkin, down on the floor begging for Princess Crosby’s cock like a dog for a treat. Who’d’ve thought?” He laughs—not meanly, which would be better, but brightly, like it’s the best joke he’s ever heard—and skates away for the puck drop, while Zhenya swears that he will get off the ice for every single break in play from now on, no matter how short, because the last thing they need in this game is for him to take stupid penalties.
But it doesn’t work that way. The Sens are doing it on purpose – Burrows is going after Sid, too, every time they’re on the ice together, riling him up. Zhenya doesn’t know what he’s saying to Sid, but it’s making Sid spitting mad, which feeds into Zhenya’s rage, too, making him boil.
And Kohler—fucking Kohler—never lets up. He doesn’t need a TV timeout to get under Zhenya’s skin. In the time it takes to drop the puck, he’ll say, “Looks like you’re skating a little loose there, Malkin – too much time on your knees?” He shows up five seconds late to a pileup in the crease and snows Zhenya in the face, then makes an apologetic face, saying, “What? I thought you liked getting it in the face!”
Zhenya contemplates asking Sully to change up the line-matching, keep him away from Kohler, but he can’t – that’s exactly what the Sens want, and it’s rewarding Kohler’s tactics. Besides, what can he say: “Sully, that call-up is being mean to me”? Zhenya is a fucking NHL player. He’s been hearing shit like this his whole professional career. It just… it’s different now. It’s different when they bring Sid into it.
Nothing seems to shut Kohler’s mouth – he keeps on Zhenya in the middle of a check, on a face-off, during a stoppage in play after the puck goes into the netting. And he doesn’t seem to care whether anyone else hears, either – not the refs, not his own team, and not the Penguins.
They’re right in front of the fucking Penguins bench when Kohler squints at him and says, “If it was the other way around, I could almost see it – I mean, Crosby’s mostly a girl anyway, you could just close your eyes, I guess. But you, Malkin...” He shakes his head, sadly. “It didn’t have to be like this.”
Zhenya doesn’t know what he means, and doesn’t want to know what he means, but the minute play stops, Kohler’s back, picking up where he left off. “I mean, you probably tell yourself nobody has to be the bitch, but come on, man, that’s not how it works. Somebody gets fucked, somebody’s the bitch. And it could’a been Crosby, fuck, he’d be perfect for it. But you wanted it to be you? Have some fucking self-respect, man.”
Zhenya’s shields have gotten much, much better since he first bonded with Sid, and they’re actually pretty good, now. But they must not be good enough, because something gets out, and Kohler smiles a predator’s smile.
“That’s good, man,” he says, at his next opportunity. “It’s good you know it’s fucked up. It’s good that it bugs you. I mean, being queer is one thing, I got nothing against queers, but you still got to be a man, Malkin. And you’re not a man anymore, are you?”
The seconds are ticking down, and the tunnel is beckoning, but Kohler still gets one last jab in before the period’s over. With Zhenya bent to take the face-off, he hears over his shoulder, “I mean, come on, man... you let him put it in you? You like that?”
When the whistle blows to end the period, Zhenya heads down the tunnel in complete silence, then walks through the locker room into the corridor, and smashes his stick against the wall so hard that the pieces hit the opposite wall when they go flying. Breathing hard, he slumps down against the wall and puts his face in his hands.
Okay, hi, I’m back. Writing this paragraph was very cathartic. Anyway, the only advice I have about writing really upsetting stuff is: get it right on the first draft. I don’t do rough drafts of stuff like that. Because I never want to look at it again.
He cannot fight Kohler – that’s what Kohler wants, and besides, whatever damage Kohler manages to do to Zhenya will end up half on Sid, because of the bond, and that’s not acceptable. And the other thing he cannot do is tell Sid any of this. Sid already feels bad about the fact that Zhenya is the only one who gets fucked, and is the only one who sucks dick, and even though he’s finally come around to believing that Zhenya loves blowing him, loves it when Sid fucks him… that understanding is fragile. If Sid thought that Zhenya was ashamed of what they do in bed, felt like less of a man because of it, it would rip him apart.
I am normally—and this series is normally—so pro-communication that it’s unusual for the narrative to endorse a character’s decision not to talk to their partner about something that’s bothering them. But Geno makes this decision and it doesn’t bite him in the butt. Geno’s totally right to think that it would fuck with Sid to hear this. Communication is only the answer 99% of the time.
And Zhenya isn’t… or he thought he wasn’t. When he and Sid are in bed together, he never feels emasculated or degraded. The first time Sid had fucked him, Zhenya had worried about it a little beforehand, worried that he might feel that way, but by the time Sid had tentatively brushed a fingertip over Zhenya’s hole, Zhenya had been too busy kissing Sid to spare a thought for the leftover prejudices of his teenage years. Of course he’d thought that stuff back when he was a kid—had treated Alyosha like shit because of it—but he thought he had scrubbed that poison out of his mind. He wasn’t going to be like the asshole boys who had hurt Sid when he was younger.
But he must be, at least a little bit, because Kohler’s chirping had hit a nerve somewhere, and he can’t deny that. And what bothers him most of all, more than anything Kohler’s said to him, is the fact that Kohler’s shit does bother him.
This comes up more in To Be Seen Aright, but yeah, the very relatable struggle of thinking you have definitely beaten all your shitty societal programming and then finding out you have not actually beaten all your shitty societal programming. Been there!
“Hey, Geno.”
Zhenya looks up to see Sully standing over him. “Hey, Sully,” he says wearily.
“Kohler really getting to you, huh.”
“Yeah.”
One of the things that Zhenya likes about Sully is that that Sully doesn’t press him for more detail. He just asks, “You want me to talk to the refs?”
“You mean, is Kohler chirp me about me and Sid? Yes. But don’t talk to refs. Not do any good, and if Sid know Kohler say these things, he feel guilty.”
I think Geno is right, btw. Not that I think telling the refs would be wrong – there’s good things about both approaches. But I imagine the directive from the NHL pretty much stops at “no slurs,” which Kohler is actually complying with, so to appeal to the refs, Geno would have to describe—in his second language—what’s so shitty about what Kohler is saying, and recite all that disgusting stuff, and I totally endorse his decision not to put himself through that for the dubious payoff of getting a below-average player off the ice for part of the game.
“Like it’s his fault that Kohler is such an asswipe?” Sully asks. He sighs. “I won’t say it makes any sense to me, but you know him better than I do. Burrows is getting under his skin, too. What a fucking mess.”
“Sorry, Sully.”
“It’s not your fault that Kohler and Burrows are fuckwads any more than it’s Sid’s fault, and you know it. Come on, you gotta get back in the room, G.”
“Yeah.”
This is, for me, a loooong stretch of dialogue without much description. If I had my way, I would write like this ALL THE TIME. But beta readers have told me that it makes the characters’ emotions feel distant if I do it for too long. So I try not to let it get out of control.
Back in the locker room, Zhenya sits down next to Sid, who looks slightly less frustrated than he does. “Burrows is problem?” he asks, and Sid shakes his head.
For anyone wondering why I picked on Alex Burrows here, he infamously mocked another player who was abused by his father as a child, using that abuse as the basis of his on-ice taunts. That’s not a rumor; he admitted it. Fuck that guy.
“At first. But not now. He started out going after you, but I kept my shields up, so he figured it wasn’t working, and started in on me instead.” He shrugs. “Like I give a shit. What about Kohler?”
“You know you say a long time ago, about how media find every way to call you ‘faggot’ without say ‘faggot’? Is like that,” Zhenya says, which is true as far as it goes – he knows the refs have all been instructed to hand out automatic minors if they hear “faggot” or “cocksucker,” which is probably the reason Kohler’s taunts have gotten so creative.
Yup. Geno’s smart, he knows what’s up.
“Asshole,” Sid sighs.
“We beat them. Then no one care what they say.”
“Yeah.” Sid smiles at him.
In the second period, Kohler doesn’t get any nicer. Sully tries changing up the line-matching, but without last change, it’s pretty hopeless.
“I can tell I’m making you mad,” Kohler tells him idly. “And before you started sucking Crosby’s dick, you’d have whaled on me for it. But I guess you’re used to taking it, now.” He smirks.
Zhenya pictures Sid’s face, then pictures Sid with a black eye, split lip, a torn cheek—that’s what will happen if he fights Kohler, and it is not fucking worth it. Besides, he meant what he told Sid during intermission – the way to shut the assholes up is by winning, and ending up in the box for doing something stupid is not going to get them the W.
They do win, in the end, on a garbage goal by Sid forty seconds before the end of the last period, and when Sid reels Zhenya in for a celebratory hug, Sid smirks at Burrows. Zhenya, in turn, squeezes Kohler’s hand in the handshake line until Kohler’s face turns white and his breathing goes shallow. “I hope you wash out of the AHL at the age of twenty-four and grow warts on your genitals,” Zhenya says pleasantly, in Russian, and moves on down the line.
There had to be a handshake line! Otherwise, this storyline would feel unresolved.
When Sid and Zhenya get back to their hotel room, Sid fixes Zhenya with a look. “You crushed Kohler’s hand, didn’t you?”
Zhenya sees no reason to deny it.
Sid bites his lip, obviously trying not to smile, and says sternly, “That was very immature.”
“Say ‘immature,’ mean ‘hot,’” Zhenya replies, smug. The bond doesn’t lie.
Sid admits, “It was a little hot,” looking up at Zhenya, eyes sparkling with mischief.
“Was most hot,” Zhenya corrects, backing Sid against the door.
“I got the game-winning goal,” Sid points out. “I’m pretty sure that makes me most hot.” His hands settle on Zhenya’s hips.
Which also don’t lie.
Zhenya’s heart feels so full of fondness that it might burst. “Sid always most hot,” he confesses, and ducks his head for a fervent kiss. One kiss turns into two, then three, with Sid getting increasingly handsy and flushed. He has this way of touching Zhenya, when they’re getting close to the line between making out and having sex, that’s possessive and gentle all at once – like Sid doesn’t see why he should have to grab and grip to make it clear to both of them that Zhenya is his. It’s too much for Zhenya to resist.
I love a good possessive-sex scene as much as the next person, but there’s SO much reliance on being rough to convey possessiveness and I think it’s a little overdone. You can be possessive in a gentle way! “This person is mine so I’m going to treat them with care. This person is mine so I don’t have to rush, I have perfect confidence that they’re not going anywhere.”
“I can blow you, Sid?” Zhenya gasps between kisses. “Please?” For a second, he hears an echo of Kohler’s voice in his head—begging for Princess Crosby’s cock like a dog—but he shoves it aside with a shake of his head.
Sid breathes, “Yes, Geno, please, you can…” and Zhenya goes to his knees right there. Sid is leaning back against the hotel room door, and both of them are still in their game day suits, but Zhenya has no intention of waiting to get his mouth on Sid’s dick – as soon as he has Sid’s slacks unzipped and his boxers shoved down around his hips, he dives in. Sid isn’t fully hard yet, which Zhenya loves – he loves feeling Sid’s dick stiffen in his mouth, easy to fit at first, and then pressing against the back of his throat, pressing in, making Zhenya work for it.
The sentence that eventually became a whole fic in Soft Serve.
Once he gets Sid hard, Zhenya pulls back and teases the head of Sid’s cock with his closed lips, making Sid groan. He parts his lips over the tip and just breathes, about to take Sid back inside, when Kohler’s unwelcome voice intrudes again: you let him put it in you? Zhenya snarls, feeling the heat of mingled anger and shame in the pit of his stomach. He wraps his lips around the shaft and sinks down on Sid’s dick so fast he gags.
So my TED Talk for this fic is: everybody’s like, sex would be so much better if we just got rid of sexual shame! And I’m like, I’m all in favor of that for other reasons but I’m not convinced it would make sex in the aggregate hotter, and might in fact have the opposite effect. A lot of people are turned on by shame. Nothin’ wrong with that.
“Geno—” Sid reaches for his cheek, concerned, but Zhenya is not deterred – he sets a more reasonable pace and starts bobbing his head up and down Sid’s cock, loving the way Sid’s hand turns shaky against his face.
Zhenya realizes he’s holding Sid’s hips back against the door, keeping Sid from thrusting. It’s habit, not a conscious choice—and the fire that’s fueling this makes him let go of Sid’s hips and slide his hands back, back to Sid’s perfect ass, and urge him forward. He wants Sid to fuck his mouth, and Sid, after hesitating for a moment, obliges. He thrusts forward and Zhenya relaxes his throat, slides his mouth further down Sid’s dick, and gives up control to Sid. Sid takes that control, fucks Zhenya’s face in a steady rhythm, and Zhenya takes it. He takes it, and it’s so good: the way Sid’s moans get louder, deeper, the way that Sid—usually so controlled, so quiet—goes crazy, babbling all kinds of nonsense and flushing all the way down his chest.
So like 75% of the sentences in the sex-scene part of this fic have the following structure: a character does/observes a thing, Zhenya reacts to it (e.g., “Sid reaches for his cheek . . . Zhenya is not deterred” and “Sid takes that control . . . and Zhenya takes it” and “He takes it, and it’s so good”). Not intentional, but it makes sense, right? Your POV character is the reader’s window, so bringing it back to their reactions (whether external or internal) helps the story feel immediate. I know a lot of people struggle with writing smut – if you’re one of them, maybe using this structure as a scaffold can help? And then when you’re more comfortable, you can break out of it.
Even with Zhenya’s permission to use his mouth, Sid can’t help being considerate – Zhenya can feel him keeping his thrusts slow, giving Zhenya time to breathe, and his hand on the back of Zhenya’s head is light, just enough pressure that he knows it’s there. Sid couldn’t be any other way, probably. And Zhenya loves that, too – that it’s the two of them, every time they touch. That Sid is still Sid, even with his dick down Zhenya’s throat, and that Zhenya, too, is still himself, even on his knees at Sid’s feet. What they do in bed doesn’t change who they are.
Also good writing advice! What a character does during sex should still reflect and be consistent with their character – or, if it’s not, that should be noted by the narrative voice, e.g., “it’s so uncharacteristic for [character] to be loud like this, and that’s how you can tell this is really wrecking them.”
Sid’s thrusts are getting gradually faster, and Zhenya can tell that he’s close. There’s no place for technique when it’s like this – all Zhenya can do is shove down his gag reflex, keep his lips tight, and take it.
So he does.
He takes it, and he loves it, loves being the one to make Sid come apart. He doesn’t let Sid put his dick in him – he wants it, he asks for it. And yes, he begs for it, sometimes. The taste of Sid’s precome on his tongue and the weight of Sid’s hand on his head… those aren’t things he allows. Those are things he craves. It turns him on – partly because making Sid feel good turns him on, but partly because he just likes it in and of itself. He bends over for Sid and gets on his knees for Sid and on his back for Sid, and he loves all of it, all of it, and fuck Kohler, and fuck all the rest of them. They don’t know a fucking thing.
Geno just OWNING his sexuality here, like PRY IT FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS. You love to see it.
Zhenya’s jaw is sore and his lips are raw and he’s going to sound tomorrow like he was doing exactly this all night, and it fills him with a savage satisfaction. When Sid comes down his throat, shaking and red, eyes clenched shut like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing, Zhenya sucks and sucks until Sid whimpers and shies away, and he makes sure to swallow every drop.
Having sex with a partner for the purpose of giving a fuck-you to some third person not usually recommended behavior. But in this instance, it’s fine. Don’t know that I could articulate why, but it is.
Sid is leaning against the door like he might fall down at any minute, so Zhenya stands and presses his body against Sid’s, holding him up. When Sid finally opens his eyes, they’re wet, moisture gathering in the corners and catching in his lashes. “Geno,” he says softly, with a sweet, stunned smile. “Geno, that was amazing.”
“I like,” Zhenya says fiercely. “I like suck your cock. I like you fuck me.” He’s not really saying it to Sid—more to himself, and to Kohler—and Sid probably has no idea why Zhenya is so vehement about it, but he has to say it anyway, and he has to say it now, with the taste of Sid’s come still fresh in his mouth.
In retrospect I probably overused the word “fierce” in this fic, but whatever.
But maybe Sid understands better than Zhenya thought. The look he gives Zhenya is shrewd, narrow-eyed, but all he says is, “I like it, too. Can I jerk you off on the bed?”
So this is one of the fun things about this fic, is that Geno is trying so hard to protect Sid from knowing what Kohler said to him and how busted up about it he was, and he succeeds on the latter part but utterly fails on the first part.
And Zhenya’s not going to say no to that.
Sid starts stripping on his way over to the bed, and by the time he flops back on the bed and scowls at Zhenya, saying, “You’re wearing too many clothes,” he’s completely naked.
Zhenya didn’t even wait to take off his jacket or tie before going to his knees, so it takes him a while to divest himself of his game-day suit. While he tugs at his tie and eases his zipper down over his hard-on, Sid lies on the bed watching, eyes hungry. Sid has one hand behind his head, one leg propped up, and his free hand is tugging at his left nipple – he looks so fucking good, and what’s even better is that he obviously knows it, obviously wants Zhenya to stare and want and trip over his shoes because he’s so stupid with lust, just like he’s doing right now.
Sid has grown SO MUCH in sexual confidence since the start of the series.
When Zhenya is naked, Sid says quietly, “Come here.” Zhenya walks over to stand by the side of the bed, still devouring Sid with his eyes, and Sid smiles. “You like looking at me?” he asks. He doesn’t wait for an answer before sitting up and running his hand down along Zhenya’s ribs, over Zhenya’s hip, down the front of Zhenya’s thigh. “I like looking at you, too,” he murmurs. He curls his hand around Zhenya’s waist and tugs until Zhenya is straddling him, and then pulls Zhenya even further down, until he’s covering Sid with his body. “I like touching you even better,” Sid says, and he sets his hand on Zhenya’s chest before tracing it down over Zhenya’s belly to Zhenya’s cock.
Zhenya gasps when Sid wraps his callused hand around him and starts to stroke. He tucks his face alongside Sid’s, cheek to cheek, so he can hear Sid draw in a breath, about to speak. “I’ve been thinking about this all night,” Sid tells him, oddly calm – Zhenya can read that he’s telling the absolute truth, but when he wrenches his brain away from the sweet friction of Sid’s hand around his cock, that makes no sense—because all night, they’ve been playing. All night, Burrows was—
I think this is the first time in the series we start to really see that badass top!Sid energy and it was soooo fun to write.
“Yeah,” Sid whispers, like he can read what Zhenya’s thinking. “That’s why. I couldn’t stop thinking about it—about you, about this—because he wouldn’t let me stop. He kept asking me – over and over again, all night.” He kisses Zhenya deeply, then breathes into Zhenya’s ear, “You like it, Crosby? You like being Evgeni Malkin’s bitch?”
Over in A Keener Eye, you can see a more traditional take on humiliation kink – in this part of this fic, though, Geno is getting off on Sid using the language of humiliation to describe himself, or, I think, more accurately, to describe their relationship. But I don’t think it’s the humiliation aspect per se that’s doing it for him here – more the dirty talk aspect.
Zhenya freezes, shocked, but Sid just nips gently at Zhenya’s neck, and the rhythm of his hand on Zhenya’s cock stays perfectly steady. Zhenya can barely read a thing through his shields, even though they’re skin-to-skin. And Sid’s voice is as steady as his hand when he continues, “He kept asking me, ‘Hey, Crosby… how does it feel to be a slut for your own fucking teammate?’”
Zhenya startles again at Sid’s filthy words—words neither of them has ever spoken in their bed—and feels a simultaneous rush of anger and something else, something that he doesn’t want to name. It’s that nameless something-else that powers him as his thrusts down into Sid’s hand get faster, sloppier, and his breathing speeds up. “Fuck,” he gasps, not sure if he’s cursing himself or Burrows, or both, but he can’t hide from his own arousal, and his cheeks burn. Sid whispers, “All night he kept saying, ‘Hey, Crosby, with your pretty mouth – how does it feel to be Evgeni Malkin’s whore?’” Zhenya moans, pushed to the edge, feeling his climax building in the pit of his stomach, twisted up inside.
“I told him the truth,” Sid murmurs, and Zhenya can feel Sid’s lips curve into a smile against his cheek. “It feels fucking unbelievable.” Zhenya can’t hold on for even a second longer. The strength of his orgasm feels like it might break him in half – he shakes through it, but Sid’s hands on him are gentle, and Sid is open to him again, giving off nothing but pure pleasure: his own, and pleasure at having made Zhenya feel good. Zhenya takes deep breaths, settling back down, while Sid’s hands stroke lightly over his chest and his arms.
The tricky thing about this whole series and consent is that it’s common to say things like, “Your partner can’t read your mind!” which is totally true in the real world, but in this world… they probably can! I try to be careful about things like the above paragraph, where Zhenya reading that Sid is feeling purely happy and good circumvents the need to have an adult discussion about whether Sid is okay bringing on-ice harassment into their bed like this, because I don’t want to model bad behavior. But in this instance, I cut myself some slack.
When Zhenya has collected himself, he croaks, “You really say to him?”
He can read a little embarrassment coming off of Sid, but mostly guilty delight as Sid says, “Yeah. I did.”
“What he say back?” Zhenya asks, a little worried for Sid, but Sid giggles and replies, “He ran away.”
Bullies are cowards.
“He—” Zhenya gapes for a minute, then starts laughing. “He run away?”
Sid nods, looking extremely pleased with himself.
“This after… Hags penalty?”
Sid nods again, still giggling.
“I see that! You scare him good, Sid,” Zhenya tells him, in better spirits than he has been all night.
“Yep.” Sid wraps an arm around Zhenya’s shoulders, pulling him closer. “Serves him right.”
They’re so cute. Also I really love the image of a player being so effectively chirped by an opponent that they literally scurry away.
They make out lazily, eyes drifting closed, until there’s a knock at the door.
Sid groans and drags himself out of bed, and Zhenya follows – as he gets closer to the door, he frowns. “Is not team, Sid,” he warns.
Sid pulls on his boxers and reaches for his slacks. “Who is it?”
Zhenya reaches out with his reading, straining…
He blinks, shocked. “Is Burrows.”
Wouldn’t it be so useful to psychically know who was at the door every time? But it’s also really hard to remember that the characters in this universe can do that. I’m sure I’ve written scenes where one character is surprised by another character coming up behind them, which wouldn’t actually work unless the first person is read-blind. I try to read for continuity errors like that, but I’ll never catch them all.
Sid is just as surprised as Zhenya – he seems dazed as he grabs his slacks from off the floor and starts to step into them. Then he pauses, looks down at the clothing in his hand, and deliberately, resolutely, drops it and heads for the door.
“Sid,” Zhenya hisses, wide-eyed, “you have jizz on you!”
Sid’s determination only gets sharper. “Good,” he says.
Another weird thing about writing from the point of view of a character who can read other people’s minds is that you can describe the mental state of other characters directly, the way you would describe the mental state of your narrator, e.g., “Sid’s determination only gets sharper.” Normally in close third-person, you’d have to find some way of conveying that state of mind by describing the character’s appearance/actions – maybe “Sid lifts his chin.” It’s basically the only benefit of writing a telepathic narrator, a thing that I have done 3 times (my current longfic WIP makes 4) and every time swear never to do again because it is the worst.
He yanks open the door while Zhenya struggles to pull his jaw up off the ground.
“Can I help you, Alex?” Sid asks.
Burrows begins, “I wanted to apologize – I was way… uh, way out of… uh. Crosby?” His voice dies on the end of Sid’s name. He sounds kind of like he’s just been boarded. Twice.
So for all the people who are mad that I wrote Burrows as a dick, here you go: he tries to apologize, and actually goes to serious effort to do so – he came all the way to their hotel! He found Sid’s room! But he still gets his ass kicked because a person you’ve wronged has no obligation to accept your apology, ever.
Zhenya is getting a very clear impression through the bond that Sid wants him over there, so he comes up behind Sid and wraps an arm around Sid’s waist. He doesn’t bother putting on any clothes.
Sid makes a noise that is really not appropriate in public when Zhenya pulls him close. Getting some idea of the effect Sid is going for here, Zhenya rests his chin on Sid’s shoulder. “Come back to bed, Sid,” he wheedles, voice unmistakably wrecked. He doesn’t bother looking at Burrows.
“This isn’t a good time,” Sid says to Burrows, sounding viciously polite.
Burrows starts again, “I wanted to apologize—”
Sid cuts him off, “This isn’t a good time because we were in the middle of something much more interesting than your bullshit apology.” Zhenya can feel Sid smirk, and the consternation he’s reading off of Burrows just about doubles. Sid continues, “If you were really sorry, you wouldn’t have said it in the first place. So fuck off.” And he shuts the door in Burrows’s face.
Sooooo satisfying. Is Sid right that if he were really sorry he wouldn’t have said it in the first place? Who cares! This is hot. That’s what it’s all about.
Neither of them speaks – Zhenya because he’s been struck speechless with lust, and Sid because he’s kind of freaking out, Zhenya can tell. But Sid calms down, and Zhenya rediscovers the use of his voice.
I think if Sid had had to sustain that conversation for even 30 more seconds, he’d have lost his nerve.
“Can I blow you again?” he asks, plaintively.
Sid bursts out laughing. “You liked that, huh?” He wiggles back against Zhenya’s chest, exuding intense self-satisfaction.
“Sid so fierce,” Zhenya mutters, and he starts attacking Sid’s neck with hickeys. “Make me want most.”
Sid starts steering them back toward the bed. “I don’t know if I can get it up again this soon,” he says, grinning. “But maybe you can take that as a challenge.”
Zhenya does.
Often I really struggle with finding what I call a “button” to end a scene or a short fic. This one, I walked right into. It’s hard to describe what makes a good punchy ending, but a nice, short final sentence usually helps.
Do you think it's immoral to use chatgpt for college assignments? I think it's unfortunately unavoidable.
It is absolutely immoral, completely counterproductive to the goal of learning things, and turns out incredibly subpar work.
As for unavoidable….you understand that the vast majority of people who have ever graduated college throughout history did so without ever once using AI, right? You understand that?
You understand that the point of writing papers isn’t just to have a paper with words on it, right? You understand that the entire point is to do the mental work necessary to put your learning into organized words, such that you actually learn it? And that if you outsource that to AI you are not learning?
Let's cost out the idea of AI use as an unavoidable part of university life, shall we? Imagine the following scenario:
A professor uses AI to generate their lecture outline and slides, because it saves them time; their students then use AI to summarize the lecture, because it's easier than taking notes themselves. The TA, overworked and underpaid, uses AI to generate the class assignments, which the students use AI to answer - and once they're handed in, the TA uses AI to grade them, too. The professor then uses AI to make the final exam, which the students use AI to answer, and which the professor and TA again use AI to grade. The semester ends, and none of the human participants have materially done any work. Who benefits from this?
It's not the professor, whose skills begin to atrophy due to cognitive offloading, nor is it the students, who never develop those skills in the first place. And it's certainly not TA, because in a scenario where this level of AI use is normalized - which is what the AI companies want - they've functionally made themselves redundant. If the AI can do a TA's job, then who needs a TA? Come to that, if the AI can do a professor's job, then who needs a professor? And if the AI can do a student's job, then who needs to be a student? Why do any of these people need to be here at all? Why even have a university? To which the tech giants reply: pfft, never mind the ever-mounting financial, environmental, ethical and social costs of AI - isn't using it just easier?
Well, yes - in the same way that it's easier to die than live. Death, after all, is a tremendously simplifying affair. You don't need to learn or study or struggle or suffer or love or err or improve or feel or encounter setbacks or wrestle with anything difficult at all when you don't exist - and this, too, ultimately, is the lure of AI: to outsource the fundamental business of being human; which is to say, of living. But as this would make a rather terrible sales pitch, it's presented instead, not just as convenience, but as an exclusive convenience - one whose power is predicated on others being too stupid or moral or Luddite to do likewise.
Thus: students are pitched on AI as a convenience to help them more quickly progress through their studies, while universities are pitched on AI as a convenience to help them more easily manage students. Both groups are told that using AI will help them keep up with their workload while surpassing the competition; that it will free up extra time to do more enjoyable things, and that, the more others use it, the more necessary it becomes to use it yourself. But the implication is still that the traditional professional, social and intellectual systems that AI intends to parasitize will continue to exist - because if they didn't, what would be the point in using AI to cheat at them?
The best-case scenario is that life becomes like an Olympics at which everyone is doping - which, as we recently saw with the Enhanced Games, turns out to be a fairly dismal prospect. Counter to the assumption that PEDs would cause the contestants to surpass all previous human limits, only one world record was actually (barely) broken and, in fact, multiple victories were claimed by non-enhanced athletes. In a lesson that AI shills would do well to learn from, it turns out that raw human effort, ingenuity and skill are actually the biggest factors in human success, and that whatever minor advantage you might gain from cheating is annihilated in a context where the whole field is doing it.
The worst-case scenario is that we irreparably break several centuries' worth of our most collectively vital institutions, innovations and accomplishments so that a handful of the very worst people on Earth can, briefly, be richer than god.
So, no: just because the AI industry has baited a hook for college students with the promise of Finish All Your Assignments Faster And Worse (While Getting Stupider) does not mean you have to swallow it. Use your own brain! Civilization will thank you for it.
Good summary, but you left out the part where AI companies start charging actual money for AI.
For the last few years, AI has been "free". Because they want people to experience it, to see how cool and helpful an AI agent chatbot can be in day-to-day life.
But soon (very soon, if not already) the free ride will be over. They'll start charging actual dollars for every interaction, and present you with a monthly bill. An "AI Subscription", they'll call it, as if you need this sort of thing the same way you need a water bill or electricity.
At first it'll be $19 a month or $39 a month (lookin at YOU, Copilot) but then one day it'll bloom into hundreds or thousands of dollars a month because it turns out running datacenters filled with billions of dollars of hardware costs money. And AI companies aren't doing what they do as a hobby.
Once THAT happens the bottom falls out.
Companies that fired all their employees because AI was cheaper will suddenly be unprofitable. Maybe they try to hire their human employees back, or maybe they just give up.
As the AI bubble collapses, repeat that scenario 1000 times. 10,000 times. Companies cannot afford their monthly AI bills. And the ones that can, and try to soldier on are surprised when, one day, their AI agents all stop working because their dependent data center went dark. Because the AI company running that data center is out of business.
Unemployed people can't afford to buy stuff.
Which means the economy stalls, because nobody is buying stuff.
And when nobody is buying stuff, nobody is selling stuff, and the loop feeds back on itself. Economy collapse!
THAT's how the AI bubble bursts. Not with cheers and parades, and a return to gentler times when people read their own emails and actually talk with each other, but with the slow, dawning realization that we've been swindled into thinking talking computers are people.
Gotta add previous tags on here, because this is gonna live rent free in my head from now on. The stars are real, constellations are not. Damn. Tags by @smoreofbabylon (if you don’t want me to put you on blast like this I’ll delete lol!)
That ask about Gretchen earlier and the one about What Friends Are For the other day made me think more about They Say Love Heals (I tend to get distracted by JUST how much I love TBSA, but I love TSLHAW too) and how, when I’m reading it, what actually finally forces a ton of realisations for both of them is when Sid finds out everyone thinks he penetrated Geno and has a meltdown (also love Flower punching the asshole btw, and the clues that gives to Sid & Flower’s relationships). For me, in many ways, that seems to be the catalyst of the story, it’s the thing that suddenly shifts everything, and brings the story to what, imo, is the emotional crux, Sid finally breaking open and being honest about some things he’s been keeping buried his whole life, (the celibacy conversation and his past history breaks me every time I read it btw) and this amazing paragraph
“This is how Sid loves, Zhenya thinks, shaken. With burnt offerings sending smoke up into the sky. With sacrifice. He’d laid his body and his privacy at Zhenya’s feet, and if Zhenya had let him, he would have handed over his career and his self-worth, too. In with the pile of gifts Sid has left at his altar, between his friendship and his trust, at some point Sid had left his heart, and Zhenya never even noticed until now. It’s a hard love to live up to. But Zhenya doesn’t know how to do anything but try.”
From there, the whole story shifts and changes and races to its conclusion and honestly I’m obsessed with all of it. I’m also glad you don’t show things magically being sorted because they know they love each other now - Sid’s read bleed fears, and his such deep and real beliefs that to let himself be happy at all is selfish and would make him a terrible person are so heartbreaking and so intrinsically part of the character you’ve created - don’t even get me started on the “good dream” he has at the end, and honestly I just think it’s a masterpiece.
I guess this is supposed to be a question, not me just gushing, so if you have time/energy, I’d love to hear a directors cut of anything from the bar scene on, or to hear you talk more about what lead you to make that the catalyst scene and everything that happens next.
This is super super super nice of you to say! What you mention about things in They Say Love Heals All Wounds not “magically being sorted because they know they love each other” was really important to me to show, so I’m really glad that came through. There’s no pressure to have a question, but since you did ask, it would be my pleasure to do a little director’s commentary of the bar scene and some of the aftermath, through the paragraph you quoted!
The whole team heads out for drinks afterward, and tray after tray of shots keeps appearing on their table and disappearing down their throats.
One thing that might not be apparent to the reader is how hard I worked to NOT make Sid and Geno’s teammates seem like assholes. I don’t know the real-life players these guys are based on, and I don’t want to pick on people, you know? So one part of that is emphasizing how fucking wasted everybody is, and thus imply that they might not behave this way if they were sober. That’s what the second half of this sentence is doing.
“To the scariest linemates in the NHL!” Adams toasts. “What Mike hath joined, let no man put asunder.”
“To Sid and Geno!” the rest of the guys echo, tossing back their shots.
More drunk.
“Man, that bond is no fucking joke,” Scuds says, eyes wide. “You guys are always good, but… fuck. Fuck!”
Kuni nods solemnly – he’s four shots in and a little the worse for wear. He claps Sid on the shoulder and says, “I know I told you that you were crazy. To bond. We’d have figured something out, you know? But I take it back. Worth it, kid. Totally worth it.”
Even drunker. And this line takes us from talking about the effects of the bond to talking about the bond crisis itself. From here, it’s going to spiral very quickly.
Zhenya can feel that Sid is getting tense, and tries to step in. “I don’t like talk about bond,” he says curtly, and Kuni starts apologizing.
“For sure, no, man,” Adams says to Zhenya, gently. “Tonight’s for good memories, eh? ‘Course you don’t want to think about that shit.”
This line is intentionally ambiguous: is Adams saying of course Geno wouldn’t want to think about having to have sex with another man, or that of course he wouldn’t want to think about an experience where he was in danger and frightened? Could plausibly be either, but of course Sid’s going to assume the former.
“No, yeah,” Scuds agrees, looking guilty. “It’s my fault, I fucking brought it up—”
“I don’t know how you do it, G,” Winnik slurs, loudly interrupting Scuds. His eyes are glassy – he’s drunker than drunk. He shakes his head and pronounces, “If some guy had put his dick up my ass, I don’t think I coulda ever looked him in the face, after.”
The drunkest. I literally said it: “drunker than drunk.” And also larded on the drunk description: slurring, loud, glassy-eyed, interrupting. And the “coulda” – I use that kind of spelling very rarely, because that’s heavily class-coded and you can end up in a real yucky situation real fast, but because I do it so rarely in the rest of the fic, it stands out here and emphasizes that he’s stumbling over his words.
A horrible silence falls – a minute ago, Zhenya could have sworn that everyone was involved in their own conversations, but everyone apparently heard that. Zhenya himself is frozen – too numb with shock to even know what to feel.
Ugh, if I had it to do over again, I’d break that first sentence up into two so that these sentences wouldn’t both have en-dashes.
He’s too slow—even though he knows Sid so well by now, even though he should have seen this coming—to keep Sid from taking a deep breath and saying, perfectly calm and loud enough for the whole table to hear, “I can look Geno in the face just fine.”
Sid is so ready for this. From basically the first scene of the fic, he’s been dying to impart this information, it’s been killing him that people might be thinking he fucked Geno, and this is his MOMENT. So of course Geno’s not fast enough to beat him to the punch.
It takes some people longer to parse that than others, but everyone gets there eventually, and Zhenya is disgusted by the level of shock that swamps his reading. He’s not disgusted that people are surprised, but he’s horrified by how much they care. He’d wanted Sid to be wrong, and he’s depressed to know how right Sid was – how much it matters to people, who fucks and who gets fucked. Maybe, Zhenya thinks, they’re just surprised that Sid would admit it. But that’s not really any better.
Winnik, smart enough to figure out what Sid meant but not smart enough to shut up, says, “But… that’s different. ‘Cause you’re a—”
Here again, I’m really trying to protect the characters. It’s intentionally not clear what the next word or words were going to be, and it could have been something relatively inoffensive. That said, I think most readers’ first thought is that it was going to be a slur, and I want that to be the first thought. It’s certainly the characters’ thought, as you’ll see below. Note here, too, it’s “’cause” not “because” – another cue that this guy is drunk as fuck.
That’s when Flower decks him. It’s a good punch – enough to put Winnik on the ground in one blow. Zhenya wants to give him a fucking medal. How dare he, Zhenya thinks, coldly furious, how dare he—
It had to be Flower who decked him. If it’s Geno, that’s cheap. That’s Hallmark movie crap. And it has extra power because Flower is so gentle and sweet. For him to haul off and punch someone, you know it would take a lot.
“Fuck!” Winnik stares up at Flower, more surprised than angry. “That fucking hurt! I wasn’t gonna say anything bad, Flower…”
Again, this could totally be true! And I did it that way intentionally! I’m not out here saying this guy is a homophobe! But that did NOT insulate me from someone leaving a comment claiming to be this guy’s niece or nephew, calling me a horrible person for calling their beloved uncle a homophobe and telling me I was being irresponsible for “slandering” an innocent person. (Don’t go looking for the comment, the person deleted it before I could respond – bummer!)
Query what kind of person knowingly gets--[does the math]--a hundred thousand words into an explicit slash fic about their uncle’s teammates with apparently no thought that, if it would upset them to read untrue things about real hockey players who they know personally, they should maybe not have started reading it in the first place. Sigh. Thank you for allowing me to air my feelings about that comment. That’s been sitting on my chest for… I think five years?
Flower is not moved. He says tightly, “Will someone get this fucking idiot out of here before I have to hit him again?” Zhenya doesn’t twitch – he doesn’t give a shit if Winnik lies there all night, and he’s not leaving Sid’s side.
I love badass Flower. The world needs more fics with badass Flower.
“I’ll get him home,” Suttsy says quietly. He scrapes Winnik off of the floor and half-carries him out of the bar. No one says a word, still shell-shocked.
With fragile calm, Sid says, “I’m going to head out, too. I’m sorry about this.” He doesn’t specify what “this” is. “I’m really proud of you guys.” He musters up a smile that makes Zhenya’s stomach hurt – he can feel the powerful sadness behind it, dyed black and blue with guilt and disappointment. “We’ve done great things so far,” Sid continues, wearing his captain face, “and we’re going to do great things in the playoffs. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
There goes Sid, apologizing again for things that aren’t his fault. Like, what even is he apologizing for here? Hard to think what it would be if not “being gay,” which is super sad.
“You should stay—” Kuni tries, but Sid shakes his head.
“I’m not really in the mood.”
No one argues with him. Zhenya grabs his coat and follows Sid out the door, resisting the urge to glare at everyone but Flower as he goes.
He half-expected Sid to try to get him to stay and have fun—as if Zhenya could, after that—but Sid seems to understand that the mood has been broken, and he doesn’t protest when Zhenya climbs into the cab with him. The bond is still bleeding that murky outflow of guilt and sadness, and there’s a deep streak of pain, too, that Zhenya had overlooked before – dull and rust-red, like a corroded blade. It reminds Zhenya of the old, familiar spasm of pain that Sid’s father evokes in him. It’s not exactly the same, but it’s close enough to make Zhenya uneasy.
I have written three novel-length fics with POV characters who can read other people’s minds/emotions, and every time I swear I’m never doing it again, because it is SO HARD to both REMEMBER that they can read their partner’s mind and DESCRIBE what they’re picking up. But this paragraph, I think, is one of my better ones in that respect.
He knows that an arm around Sid’s shoulders wouldn’t be welcome in public, so he just wedges his left ankle behind Sid’s right and tries to push as much comfort and support through the bond as he possibly can, resolving to wrap Sid up in his arms as soon as they get home. Maybe Sid will let Zhenya read to him tonight. He hopes so.
Poor Geno. He’s sitting here envisioning this quiet and lovely domestic scene, NO IDEA of the shit that’s about to rain down on him.
The cab ride is silent—nothing they need to say can be said in front of the cab driver. The minute they get through the door and into the living room, though, Sid bursts out, “I’m so sorry, Geno—”
Baffled, Zhenya starts, “Why sorry—”
“If I’d known the guys were thinking that way, I’d have said something before,” Sid says, which explains nothing.
I’m guessing the reader knows what Sid’s saying here, but the reader has time to think about it and unpack it and Geno doesn’t, so let’s not be too hard on Geno here.
“Think what way?”
But Sid goes on as if he doesn’t hear Zhenya, pacing restlessly. “I just assumed that they’d assume… since they knew—you know. About me. But I guess—”
Sid not listening to Geno yet again. I love him but he’s so fucking frustrating in this scene – so unwilling to converse with actual-Geno instead of the Geno in his head.
Zhenya thinks he’s following this conversation, but only just barely. “Don’t have to be sorry,” he says, trying not to get frustrated – he can read how wrecked Sid is right now, and he doesn’t want to pile on. “Why is such big deal for you?” he asks, setting a hand gently on Sid’s shoulder.
Zhenya to self: be chill.
Sid looks at the ground. Quietly, he says, “I just… don’t want anybody to think that way about you. You’re—it shouldn’t be like that. Not for you.”
Zhenya keeps his voice soft. “Think what way about me, Sid?”
Zhenya to self: stay chill
“That you’re…” Sid’s smile looks like it hurts him. “…whatever Winnik was going to call me.”
Zhenya blows out a sharp breath. “Just word for gay person—maybe bad word, yes, but I like guys, Sid, so—”
Zhenya: starting to lose his chill
“But you don’t—do that. What he said. You don’t let guys…”
“Just hands for me before, yes,” Zhenya says, exasperated again. “But so what?”
Zhenya: no chill
“So it’s different,” Sid tells him, giving off a wave of acrid frustration. “If you just… with guys then that’s okay,” he explains, haltingly, unable to meet Zhenya’s eyes for more than a second, “but if you—if it’s something else then you’re—and you’re not. Because you don’t – you haven’t. But I have, so I’m… So about me, it’s—it’s true. If they think that. Because I am.”
This is an amazing collection of nonsentences. Utterly ungrammatical, barely conveying meaning… and yet, they do convey meaning. You know what Sid is trying to say. English is way more flexible and sturdy than grammar pedants give it credit for. Also, it spared me from having to write something that would make me cringe.
When he’s thought about it at all, Zhenya has always assumed that, being from liberal North America and being open with his sexuality around other people, Sid would somehow be… a—a better gay man than Zhenya. More enlightened, or something like that. But what’s coming out of Sid’s mouth is… it’s offensive, even to Zhenya, who heard much worse while he was growing up.
Sid isn’t a bigot – Zhenya knows this. If Zhenya opened his mouth right now and told Sid that he’d lied, before—that he’d sucked every dick in Magnitogorsk when he played for Magnitka—Sid wouldn’t think any less of him, wouldn’t think he was any less of a man. And even though Sid is so hard on himself, always so critical, he doesn’t hate himself. Not like this. Zhenya has seen Sid blown open—by his concussion, by the bond—and he wouldn’t have missed something like that. The words are coming out of Sid’s mouth, but they’re not Sid’s words. They can’t be.
Man, people are complicated. Most people, when they hold others to standards of behavior different from the standards to which they hold themselves, hold themselves to a lower standard. Not Sid. And in moderation, that’s a virtue, I think. Too bad Sid can’t do it in moderation.
Where did this poison come from, Sid? Zhenya thinks. Who put these words in your mouth, these thoughts in your head? His first thought is of Sid’s father, but he knows it’s wrong as soon as it crosses his mind. He can’t imagine Mr. Crosby, so horribly uncomfortable with just the idea of Sid’s sexuality, ever discussing specific sex acts with Sid, even in a hateful way.
Teammates can be cruel, and Zhenya has learned enough about Sid’s childhood to have some idea how cruel Sid’s peers had sometimes been to him. But this is so viciously specific, and so obviously lodged deep in Sid’s heart, like a rotting splinter—
And then Zhenya knows. Or he’s pretty sure he knows. He hopes he’s wrong.
“Sid, all that stuff you say before, and now, about... not really gay if other guy suck your cock, other guy let you fuck him – where you hear all that?”
Look at that, it is possible to talk about this in complete sentences!
From this line on, we’re in one of the ur-scenes, by which I mean, one of the three or four scenes of the fic that I wrote first, the scenes whose spirits animate the whole thing. I almost always write the first scene of a fic, the last scene, and the climax first. This one was no exception. And this is where that climax scene started. Because I revise and re-read a lot as I’m working, and because the ur-scenes are written so early in the process, I’ve usually read them 50 times or more by the time the fic is posted.
For all that Sid’s shorter than Zhenya, he almost never seems small – but somehow he shrinks under Zhenya’s eyes in response to his question. “Just... you hear—you know. Locker room talk. Other players. You know. Stuff like—”
“Sid,” Zhenya says softly, terribly sure, “Who is guy who let you suck his cock, then call you names?”
Geno’s voice isn’t soft here because he’s trying to be nice. It’s soft because he’s trying not to burn the fucking house down.
Sid goes white, then flushes – it’s not his usual pretty blush that Zhenya admires so much. This one looks painful. “I didn’t—”
“Did,” says Zhenya, voice low but certain. The anger seeping through Zhenya’s veins is icy – deeper and more vicious than the hot flares of rage that land him in the penalty box and then are gone as quickly as they came.
“Why do you want to know?” Sid asks, defiant.
It’s interesting that Sid fights him on this. Like, Sid could just tell him! Why not? It’s not like it reflects badly on Sid. But Sid’s so used to hiding his own pain away.
Zhenya tells him, “Want to know so I can go break nose, break maybe other things, see if he feel like ‘real man’ on ground crying, with blood on face. I think he not,” Zhenya reflects, smiling. It’s not a nice smile.
“That’s... you don’t have to do that.”
“Want to,” Zhenya says fiercely, and it’s true, even though he knows it wouldn’t fix anything, wouldn’t undo the cruelty that left these scars on Sid.
“Well, you can’t,” Sid says, before looking away. He starts walking away from Zhenya, into the living room, stopping by the couch and staring down at it like it holds all the answers.
This line was a mistake. It’s too close to humor. I didn’t intend it that way, but that’s how it ended up. And if the reader laughs here, it kills the scene dead. He should be staring at his hands, or out the window – anything to avoid “the couch holds all the answers!” Arrrgh.
“Who, Sid?” Zhenya asks, as gently as he can – it’s not Sid he’s angry at.
“There wasn’t…” Sid still won’t look at him. “There wasn’t just one,” he finishes, his voice empty.
“How old, Sid?”
“I was fifteen – I stopped after that.”
“I mean, how old they, Sid—”
“Some of them were. Older,” Sid says. Carefully, as if a sudden movement might break him, he sinks down to the edge of the couch, and curls his hands in his lap.
Making himself smaller. Poor Sid. Side note that it is wild to me that the major junior leagues allow 15-year-olds to play alongside and against 20-year-olds. That is a much bigger developmental difference than the difference between a 25-year-old and a 30-year-old!
Zhenya is surprised to hear himself literally snarl. “I kill,” he says, pacing around the room until he notices that Sid is silent. “Sid…” Zhenya stops in front of the couch, looking down at Sid’s bent head, feeling helpless. He’s so angry, but Sid doesn’t seem to want his anger. So he breathes it out as much as he can, and when he breathes back in, just asks, softly, “Why?”
When you kick off a scene with an act of physical violence (Flower punching Winnik), you are setting the emotional thermostat very high. And it’s a risk, because you can’t keep the temp so high the whole time – it’ll lose its effectiveness and get boring or shouty. That requires a lot of this ramping up and then ramping down by the POV character.
As if it’s an excuse, Sid tells him, “It wasn’t like that all the time. There were a few guys my own age, and they weren’t like that – even though it was just stress relief for them, they were nice, mostly. But the others… they hated me,” Sid says, eyes fixed on nothing. “Because I was better than they were even though I was younger and smaller. They liked me better when I… I think it gave them something where they could feel superior to me. But then one of them said he would… he’d tell my coach, tell all my teammates, reporters – everyone.”
Zhenya hopes savagely that the guy fell off a cliff or drove his car into a freezing river, or some other fate that’s appropriate for the kind of person who would threaten to out a fifteen-year-old.
This was a late edit – originally Zhenya’s imagined scenarios were things that would definitely kill the guy, and that felt wrong because this other guy, despite being an evil dick, is also probably a teenager? And it put Zhenya in a bad light to be an adult wishing death on a kid. So these are two scenarios that could theoretically be survivable, but are still serious enough to convey how mad Zhenya is and how bad the dude’s behavior was.
“With all the attention I was getting, I was scared – all I could think of was that all the money my parents had spent, all the time they’d put in, the time I’d put in, my whole career, could just be—gone. I told him he couldn’t tell them about me without telling them about himself, too, but he just laughed. He told me…” Sid swallows.
Zhenya’s heard enough – enough to know he was right, and enough to be sorry he asked. He falls down on the couch next to Sid and pulls Sid toward him as carefully as he can, trying to share the comfort of the bond. “I know what he say,” Zhenya tells him. “Same as what you say to me.”
Sid nods.
“You say to me like this is what other people believe. But I think is what you believe also,” Zhenya says, so sad for him that it aches – for the scared little boy that Sid had been, and the good, loyal man he is now.
You ever feel that way about someone you love? Like you wish you could go back in time and give kid-them a hug? If only. If only.
“I… sometimes,” Sid admits.
“You have boyfriends; they let you think this way? They call you names also?” asks Zhenya, angry, but Sid just shakes his head.
So what’s funny about the previous conversation is that it’s technically superfluous: they don’t actually need to talk about that to resolve the issue of Sid being in love with Geno. The piece you need is this piece, the no-love-life piece. And yet, I can’t imagine this scene without that stuff. It’s so key to who Sid is as a character. And while it’s not necessary in order to set up this next piece, it certainly helps by showing that Sid isn’t crazy/paranoid to fear that a sexual partner would out him.
“No boyfriends. I told you, I stopped. My dad was right – it was too much of a risk.”
Zhenya thought he meant that he stopped blowing asshole older boys who would treat him like shit – he hadn’t realized Sid meant that he’d stopped sleeping with guys at all.
He asks, “Stop until when?” He has a sick feeling he knows the answer.
Sid’s mouth twists, and he doesn’t say anything.
“Until me,” Zhenya answers for him, with a hollow feeling in his stomach. Oh, he would so much rather have been wrong. “Why, Sid? Why not have boyfriend, or—or even guy in bar, if—”
“I told you, the attention – it was intense. It only got more intense once I was drafted, and it’s never really let up.” He sounds so weary – Sid never acknowledges in front of the press the weight of all that attention, knowing that it would sound like whining. But he’s let Zhenya see it, over the years. “The risk that someone would find out,” Sid continues, louder, “after everything that my family sacrificed so I could have this career, after everything that the Penguins invested in me, to put all of that in jeopardy just to get laid—” Sid breaks off, looking repulsed. “How could I do that to them? Be that reckless, that selfish?” He’s looking up at Zhenya urgently, like it’s important to Sid that he understand this.
He needs Geno to understand. Because this is what he’s built his whole life on, this philosophy of fear, and part of the philosophy of fear has been not telling anybody that he’s doing it (first rule of fight club blah blah blah), so he’s never actually articulated this to anyone else before, never had it validated. He craves that. He craves being told that he’s not crazy, that his sacrifices were worth it, that they’re laudable. He ain’t gonna get that, but that’s what he wants.
Zhenya thinks he’s starting to, finally.
Sid was so terrified of being outed that he’d been celibate for twelve years, and he probably would have stayed that way if it weren’t for Zhenya’s bond crisis. For Zhenya, he’d risked exposure—for Zhenya, he’d let another man touch him, use his mouth, with all the bad memories that must have stirred up—and he’d done it knowing, planning that he would out himself to save Zhenya. That was his big plan, before Zhenya had stopped him: to let the media, and all the players who hate his guts, call him all the names that those older boys had – to invite them to, to give them all the ammunition they would need. All for Zhenya.
Sid is a good captain, a responsible captain, and a loyal friend. He takes too much on himself, always, for anyone who he thinks is his responsibility. And resolving a teammate’s bond crisis is just the kind of thing he might do for any of his teammates who needed him. But this is something else. Not even “friend” would have pushed Sid this far, Zhenya’s pretty sure.
Is Geno right? Considering how much Sid fucking loves martyring himself, I’m not sure. Maybe Sid would do this for, e.g., Tanger. Fortunately, Geno is the POV character and he thinks this is true, so we follow along with him to the accurate conclusion that Sid wants to have his babies.
This is how Sid loves, Zhenya thinks, shaken. With burnt offerings sending smoke up into the sky. With sacrifice. He’d laid his body and his privacy at Zhenya’s feet, and if Zhenya had let him, he would have handed over his career and his self-worth, too. In with the pile of gifts Sid has left at his altar, between his friendship and his trust, at some point Sid had left his heart, and Zhenya never even noticed until now. It’s a hard love to live up to. But Zhenya doesn’t know how to do anything but try.
This is the kind of paragraph you have to earn over the course of the rest of the fic. It’s a lot. It’s very dramatic, the rhetorical register is pitched high, you have this extended metaphor, you have these sentence fragments (which I didn’t use often, so they stand out even more here)… it would be so easy for this to be cheesy and melodramatic. SO easy. If you haven’t laid the groundwork, the reader is just gonna roll their eyes. For that reason, I’m honestly not sure you could put something like this in a fic that’s under 50K (that doesn’t explain the other 70K of this story, but sshhh...).
So writing this paragraph very early in the process (remember, this is the ur-scene) taught me something very important: it taught me what I’d have to earn. You must be this tall to ride this ride. And during the years of writing scenes I didn’t particularly care about and adding clarifying shit about who’s sitting where on the team plane and all those crappy parts of writing, this is what kept me from giving up. Because if I put all that effort in, did all that drudgery, laid the groundwork, then someday readers could read this paragraph and not think, “That’s a bit much, now, come on.” If I was really good, readers could read this paragraph, and cry.
Whew, that’s a lot! Thanks so much for asking about this, and I hope you enjoy hearing a little bit more about what I was thinking!
