JBB: An Artblog!
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Not today Justin
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
styofa doing anything
dirt enthusiast
AnasAbdin
shark vs the universe
h
Today's Document
noise dept.
cherry valley forever
YOU ARE THE REASON
🪼
Janaina Medeiros
Kaledo Art
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
if i look back, i am lost
seen from United States
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seen from Morocco
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seen from Bangladesh
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seen from China
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@gabriel-lj
zodiac awards
aries: angriest asshole award taurus: number two and loving it award gemini: superficial nervous wreck award cancer: crybaby emotionpants award leo: egotist extraordinaire award virgo: petty perfectionist award libra: indecisive “individual” award scorpio: secretive bastard award sagittarius: expert exaggerator award capricorn: condescending parent award aquarius: complete weirdo award pisces: idealistic idiot award
♈. horoscope. 5th may.
When things are changing, shouldn’t we do our best to let them change? Shouldn’t we co-operate with the forces and factors that seem most determined to shape the future? Shouldn’t we give them the benefit of the doubt and look for the blessings that they may be able to confer upon us? And as for those who see no good in such a process? Well, how can it be fair to support their criticisms, unless we have at least first made an attempt to believe in the bright side? Till something is proven wrong this week, treat it as right.
"… Both." Cole admitted, running his hands down over his thighs. Talking about it frustrated Cole more than anything. All he really wanted to do was forget about it but deep down and even at the surface, he knew that wouldn’t be happening any time soon. "We’re different like— we’re not friends like say… like you and Sofia are." Cole spoke up, trying his best to explain what he wasn’t so sure he would be able to. "Like, I care about her like she’s my family but I love her like she’s… my wife." The notion sounded so strange when he said it out loud, but in his head it seemed to all click right into place. He decided not to "explain" anymore, it was making him too uneasy. "But it doesn’t matter." He decided aloud, his hand slowly moving from his own thigh onto the other boy’s.
Admittedly, how Cole described his and Katherine's relationship was puzzling to Gabe. His brain couldn't logically reconcile the familial and romantic feelings the other boy seemed to be implying were at play, although he did resist the urge to ask if this was a manifestation of some sort of Oedipal complex. However, his mind was abruptly pulled from those thoughts by the hand that settled on his leg. Gabe very nearly jumped at the touch, his jaw clenching tightly, though the spike of nerves didn't travel down to his fingers. Thankfully. "Do you want to be involved in another road traffic accident?" he snapped, chancing a brief glance -- or glare -- over at the boy in the passenger seat. "And, may I remind you, we are currently doing sixty miles per hour; a crash at this speed, in this weather, would carry a thirty-nine percent risk of fatal injury -- and that is a very loose estimate." Just thinking about the possible scenarios made Gabe want to pull over, but stopping on the hard shoulder was arguably more dangerous than driving itself. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly and softening his grip on the wheel a little. "Cole, I would appreciate it if you kept your hands to yourself while I am driving." Though still slightly strained, his tone was considerably softer this time; more akin to a polite request, than instructing. It took Gabe a lot of mental control to conduct himself this way, but he didn't want to exacerbate the other boy's less than favourable mood. "Please."
No, I’m not lacking confidence, I’m being realistic. I’d love to assimilate all the key dates for History, but whether I can truly be bothered is another question. Thank you though, for your suggestion. Are you in any?
Oh, so it's more a matter of self-discipline? Nevertheless, you are welcome. And yes, I attend the Maths study group, though that's predominantly to aid other pupils, but I'm also contemplating joining the History group. They alternate subject-focussed sessions with ones on alternative methods of study, which I think would be helpful. Perhaps if you found a more interesting way of learning dates, you'd feel more inclined to do so?
♈. horoscope. 28th apr.
Ancient legends tell of gods who come to Earth and take on human form. But does that statement not describe us all? What are you and I, if not divine beings who have taken temporary shape as people upon Planet Earth, and who will one day return to the heavenly realm? And if, as is surely true, we are deities, why do we not recognise and respect this in one another? You now don’t seem to be getting the appreciation that you deserve. But that, in one way at least, is about to change for the better. About time too.
And end of year exams are approaching once more. Am I ready? Nope. Will I ever be ready? Probably not.
That's a rather pessimistic outlook to have. Are you lacking confidence in your own, personal study skills? If so, there are several groups currently running that could aid you.
As Gabriel hissed the words at him, he leaned his face against the other’s leg, wrapping an arm around it, sticking his lower lip out again. “N-noooooo, I don’t wan’t t-tooooo,” he said, each word slurred out as he clung tighter to the other boy. “Pweeease, G…Gabe, I won’t knock an— anything over, sweaaaar.” Wait, what’d Gabe said? He didn’t want to see him? The words only made Riley hold onto the pyjama-clad leg of the other even more, his other arm wrapping around it now as a few soft whimpers escaped his lips. “Why don’t you love me?” he said, rocking back and forth slightly as he said it, tone whiny and just slightly pathetic — the alcohol had really taken too much control of him to care about that right now, though. He was much more concerned about why Gabriel wasn’t co-operating — was he sick? Had something happened? All questions that plagued him as he sat there, holding tightly to the leg of the other.
Disappointed that Riley had disregarded the subject change, Gabe let out a long, weary sigh. However, he immediately found himself bristling as the other took hold of his leg. The pitiful whining had been irritating, but being clung to? Now that was downright infuriating -- enough to bring a snarl to his lips and a twitch to his fingers, as they found their way down to tangle in the back of Riley's hair. "There are a multitude of reasons I cannot and do not love you, Riley," he stated, pulling the other boy's head back a little and forcing him to observe the icy glare he was being fixed with, "However, at this precise moment, it is largely due to the fact you are disturbing me -- and, quite possibly, the entire corridor -- with your heinous, childish, and disobedient behaviour." Pausing for a moment, Gabe narrowed his eyes as he stared the other down, tightening his grip on the dark strands. It was tempting to simply keep pulling until Riley admitted defeat, but that level of force had not been called for. Yet. "I am allowing you one chance to let go of me," he said, tone carrying a clear warning, "If you do not comply, I will make you do so."
Abnormal is not synonymous with faulty.
"If you’re asking if I mentioned your name, the answer is no." Cole replied almost immediately, turning his gaze quickly to the boy in the driver’s seat. He wasn’t stupid and right then he was a little hyper touchy to everything. "I just told her I had… other commitments." He continued after a moment, his tone slowly melting away from the intensity it had peaked at. Cole started pondering Gabriel’s former question. Of course he knew what he and Katherine had was most definitely not all in good fun, he detested mauling over it. It just made him feel worse. "She’s my best friend Gabe." He replied with a loud huff, "Of course there’s something there but like… I don’t want being with her to fuck up the relationship we have right now." His explanation was starting to sound more and more stupid to himself the more he repeated it.
Gabriel pursed his lips at the first, almost snappy reply, turning back to face the road. Even though he was relieved, it was tempting to assert that that hadn't been the precise question he'd asked, but by then the lights were changing and what Cole had gone on to say had thrown him a little. "When you say "being with her" do you mean romantically or sexually?" He asked, making a left turn onto the dual carriageway that took them out of the town centre. "Because I thought one of the main provisos for being friends with someone -- or best friends, in this case -- was a lack of romantic attraction." Gabe had always taken that to be fact; both from a personal standpoint and a logical one. It seemed odd that anyone would draw a different distinction. Then again, nothing about Cole was particularly logical or rational, so maybe it wasn't that much of a surprise. "I may be mistaken, of course," he added, though he was at least ninety-seven percent sure that wasn't the case.
It was a good idea to cut that Coalition of Mathematicians meeting to see Grand Budapest Hotel. It made me want to start a bakery and become a lobby boy all at once. Does anyone know where I can get my hands on baking materials?
Well, ordinarily I would be reporting you for skipping a meeting, but for that club I will make an exception... Anyway, what quantities are you looking to buy? There are a number of places you could purchase them from, but that would act as the deciding factor.
Gabriel’s rationale and reasoning probably would’ve put a a sane person’s mind at ease but Cole had accepted a while back that he was anything but sane. Sure Katherina and him had been through shit, a lot of it. But he could never quite recall getting in a real fight with her— at least not one big or important enough to remember. It wasn’t that Cole had lost all hope. He hadn’t. He was just very close to it and it was quite possibly the worst feeling he’d ever had in his life. When Gabriel finally posed the question he’d been dreading, he slowly untangled his tingers from his hair, resting his chin softly on the heels of his palms. Of course was the true answer and he had promised Gabe honesty if nothing else. Slowly, he nodded his head. “Well yeah I mean… she’s Katherine. We uh… we have fun together.” Have fun together. It sounded so trivial. But Cole guessed that sounded better than “I love her.” Wait— when did he start being concerned about how “it” even sounded to Gabriel?
As soon as he'd caught sight of Cole's nod in his peripheral vision, Gabe's mouth had set into a thin line. He wasn't sure whether the (unsurprising) revelation had raised or lowered his level of trust in the other boy. But he refused to let himself be anything but impartial. "I respect that you honoured the terms of our deal -- thank you for that," he began, inclining his head a little, "But are you sure she considered it simply to be fun, as opposed to something more serious? Because that could explain why she exhibited such a strong response." Gabe was aware that he was somewhat playing the devil's advocate, but it seemed a fair enquiry to make. Plus, he was curious to know the answer. As they stopped for a red light, he looked over at Cole; contemplating for a moment, before opening his mouth again. "Did you tell Katherine why you couldn't?" He asked quietly. While it wasn't the end of the world if Cole had, Gabriel hoped he hadn't been unknowingly dragged into the drama.
It wasn’t hard for Cole to deduce from Gabriel’s actions and overall body language that he didn’t trust him, at least not a hundred percent, to keep his promise. He couldn’t blame the other boy so much, he couldn’t when he barely trusted himself. “I brushed her off kind of and like—,” he sighed, pausing in mid sentence to collect his thoughts and recall exactly what happened. A lot of it was, unfortunately, a blur. “I told her I couldn’t be with her— get with her anymore and then she got all upset and now she hates me and— it’s all fucked.” Cole’s forehead came down to rest momentarily in his hands, his fists taking handfuls of the soft dirty blonde strands.
Gabe listened carefully as Cole explained what had happened. Though the argument was obviously still troubling to the other boy, he couldn't help but feel a little impressed that Cole had stood by his promise. "Okay," he said, daring to turn his head, to fully assess how distraught the other seemed. The fact that Cole had his head in his hands was not encouraging. Gabe settled on reassurance as the best option. "Hate is a strong word; even if she did say that, then it's likely she was speaking emotively and irrationally." He suspected that was the case, anyway. "You're friends, yes? Or you were until that point... Either way, I'm sure you've been through difficulties together before, so this will likely be salvageable." Pausing for a moment and letting out a sigh, he decided to ask the question that had been burning at the back of his mind. "Did you want to sleep with her, though? Because your word choice implies you did." Gabe couldn't stop the slightly sharp turn his voice took toward the end, or the subtle clench of his jaw once the question had been asked, but it seemed silly to draw attention to it by backtracking.
Cole’s eyes were mainly focused on the passing cars and dated strip malls as the car crawled down the main streets at what, to him, seemed like an agonizingly slow pace. He realized he wasn’t exactly being inconspicuous about the fact that he was uneasy, but it surprised him for some reason when Gabe inquired about it. Those things seemed to go right over his head most of the time. Clenching his jaw, Cole rolled his head slowly to face the driver’s seat. For a minute he contemplated keeping the little argument he’d had with the Asteria infamous blonde a secret but he figured there was no real use. “Kat and I got in a fight in Paris over the break after she came onto me…”
Gabe kept his eyes ahead, thankful for the amount of attention navigating a roundabout required. If he'd had to concentrate solely about what Cole had just said, he would have gotten lost in his thoughts and most likely veered off into a shop front. "Katherine came onto you?" He repeated, brows knitting a little in confusion. For a moment, Gabe wondered if he'd misjudged Cole and Kat's relationship. He'd known they were close friends, but he'd thought it was more akin to his and Sofi's relationship -- on both parts. And hadn't Kat been involved with Riley? Then again, Cole had been involved with Riley, too. It was all mightily complicated, he decided. Pushing those queries aside, Gabe sighed and adjusted his grip on the wheel. "What exactly was the cause of the fight?" From the context, he presumed (or hoped) it was due to a lack of reciprocation from Cole, but presumptions were not fact.
"I’m clean Gabe." Cole sad flatly, pulling his seatbelt choppily over his body. He wasn’t used to these kind of cars. Or any cars that were not lamborhinis to be honest. But it was true, Cole was 110% STDless. He would be lying if he said he was not a little bit worried about the results, but his anxiety was put to rest quickly by the genital loving staff, as he liked to call them in his head. Letting his head lull carelessly against the smooth black material of the passenger seat, Cole let out a heavy sigh. He really wanted nothing more than to go back to his dorm right then and smoke a shit ton of kush and this surprised him a great deal. He’d planned on jumping the other boy as soon as they left the clinic. But that, of course, was before the Easter Weekend catastrophe. "There was a lot of inappropriate touching and more than enough personal questions but yeah— I’m clean. I think the one nurse was into me though, she kept trying to jerk me."
Gabriel let out the breath he'd been holding, relieved that all was well. However, Cole wasn't acting nearly as enthusiastic about it as he'd thought he would be, which was odd. Very odd. Gabe had half expected to be hounded out of his clothing within five seconds. "I think that was probably Shannon; she can be a little overzealous at times. But, anyway-- good," he said, nodding again, "I'm glad you're clean." Turning back to face the windscreen, Gabe put the car into gear and promptly pulled out -- making sure to follow the routine of mirror, signal, manoeuvre, of course. He let the silence drag on a little, concentrating on the soothing sound of the radio as he mulled over whether he should ask what was getting Cole down. But, eventually -- and inevitably -- he couldn't fight the twin itches of curiosity and concern enough to keep his mouth shut. "Are you okay?" He asked, chancing a glance across at the other boy. Eyes back on the road, he scowled at the ever-increasing drizzle, flicking on the wipers. "It's just you seemed a little... quiet this morning, even before the appointment, so it's only fair to infer that something unrelated is bothering you."
Cole walked out of the clinic as quickly as his body would allow him without having to break out into a full sprint. It wasn’t that the appointment had been that particularly scarring, the idea of it just made him squirm— not to mention the ever weighing Katherine shaped weight on his shoulders. The grey sky was drizzling with a headache inducing type of rain, spitting just enough onto Cole’s gelled quiff to piss him off so he couldn’t deny that settled feeling that came over him once he’d finally retreated into the dry fortress that was Gabe’s Ford Fiesta. Wringing his fingers together, he mumbled a hello. Though it was barely early, what Cole considered to be this ungodly hour was not doing anything for his mood either. “They’re perverts.” He told the other boy, eyes finally glancing up from his knees and onto the other who sat at the driver’s seat. “I mean who grows up thinking— I want to be a sex nurse when I grow up!"
Though he'd expected it, Gabe fought a snicker at the remark. It was so amusingly and typically Cole, he couldn't help but roll his eyes. Still, as he glanced over the other boy, he couldn't help but note that he still seemed to be in a dour mood. "I do hope you're being deliberately facetious, otherwise, I'd advise you to lodge a complaint," he replied, clicking the doors locked again, before reaching over his own shoulder to grab the seatbelt and pull it across. "And I think a good number of people do; gynaecology is a surprisingly popular career choice within medical graduates." He shot a small smile at Cole as he clipped in the buckle, hoping he'd take the initiative to do the same. Safety precautions were none-negotiable, after all. After starting up the engine and curling his fingers around the gear stick, Gabriel paused, turning back to the other boy. "Aside from the nurses, how did your appointment go?" He asked. "Is everything..." He tapped a finger against the steering wheel, trying to think of a suitable word. "Well?" Gabe would have been lying if he'd said he wasn't worried about the results of the tests -- both for himself and Cole -- but he kept his tone light. Applying unnecessary seriousness would have no bearing on the results.
Humming to himself, Gabriel tapped his fingers against the steering wheel, wondering just how much longer he'd have to wait. Since returning from his "errands", he'd been sat there for at least fifteen minutes and his patience was beginning to wane. Somewhere at the back of his mind, he was aware of the radio playing a vaguely familiar piece -- Bach, perhaps? -- but his mind had already wandered too far to attempt identifying it. Specifically, to the events of the past couple of hours. Cole had been abnormally quiet from the moment they'd met in the school's car park and this had continued throughout the entire journey to the clinic. It was... odd. At first, he'd put it down to the sizeable delay between arranging and attending the appointment -- although, having given it further thought, Gabe wasn't so sure. And he hated being unsure. Sighing a little, he glanced at the rear-view mirror, just in time to notice a figure approaching. Lips quirking up at the familiar gait, he pressed the door unlock button, already anticipating some sort of complaint.
