Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength. - A. Schwarzenegger GM Blog FC: Henry Cavill A Piece in our Games
"Daddy..." Stella's voice quivered a little as she tugged on my pant leg.
"Yes baby girl?" I leaned over my lap to meet my daughter in the eyes.
She was sitting cross legged on the floor of her suite, of Nausicaa's suite. The finale was airing live. Delilah was mid-rant and hallucinating me, which made me chuckle just a little. I am glad to have gotten under her skin so much.
"Delly really hates you, huh?" she mused, turning back to the screen as Sutter's cannon boomed.
"I guess so," I smiled. "Does that upset you?"
She shook her little blonde locks furiously. "No. Not really..." She trailed off, as if she was pondering something. "I love you, daddy, but I really really like Delly, too. I want her to win."
I admit, watching her murder Sutter with my image in her mind was a bit haunting, but I couldn't help but feel distracted by the fact that my little girl hadn't even batted a single eyelash over it.
"You do huh? Never would've guessed," I teased her, pulling her close to me. I kissed the top of her head as she playfully struggled against my fatherly affections.
Delilah was moving into the final battle against Fox and Stella wanted to give her favorite tribute all of her attention. She scooted up closer to the screen, her little legs crossed and her chin resting on her folded hands. If I could have seen her from the other side I'd know her eyes were wide, she was taking it all in. I sat back on the couch and glanced over to Nausicaa, who had an oddly sentimental look on her face.
"What?"
"Nothing," she shook her head, a closed-lipped smile on her face.
I pursed my lips gently and chuckled. "You want a kiss too?"
Her cheeks blushed and she coyly looked back at me, although it quickly passed and I felt as though she'd slap me instead. I brushed it off by laughing again and defensively putting up my hands. "Kidding, kidding."
Before I could even look back at the screen, Stella released a blood curdling scream. Then the entire room nearly shook as she kicked against the carpeting, slamming her fists into the floor.
"NO. NO. NO!" she cried. I looked up at the screen to see Delilah's final minutes and knew that tonight would be one hell of a long night. I couldn't even enjoy the moment or reflect on the victor or the way the finale unfolded because Stella's screams and cries drowned out everything else.
Nausicaa rose from the couch in an attempt to comfort our disappointed little girl, but there was very little we could do to console her. My fellow Game Maker and mother of my child stood back next to me as the final cannon boomed and Fox was lifted from the arena. We were silent, arms crossed over our chests, as Stella cried and stomped and kicked.
"IT'S NOT FAIR," she cried. "I LOVED HER." That was all she repeated until she cried herself tired. Eventually she was lying on the floor, curled into a ball, breathing heavily and fighting off a tantrum induced sleep. Nausicaa scooped her up and we took her to bed, both feeling as if Stella was far too old to throw this sort of temper tantrum. Of course, neither of us had been parents for longer than a couple weeks, not active ones anyways.
*****
In the years that followed, Stella never forgot Delilah. Having become the biggest influence on our feisty offspring, it was no surprise that Stella eventually began to dye her hair red. And it was still no surprise that she ended up favoring District 4 and falling for a tribute from said District, who would ultimately father her child. And because of the impression that Delilah left on Stella, the Lalonde family found themselves very well taken care of, and never once did I ever reveal who it was that made Rory's life more comfortable after the loss of his sister. For, of course, the family would've never accepted it had they known it came from me. After all, they surely blamed me for the death of their daughter.
I can’t help but smile at his response as I call him by his first name. What did he want me to call him? Mr. Xanthus? I laugh and decide that if I’m at least going to get a low score, I’ll do it fighting, back-talking, and being as angsty as I possibly can. Oh, if only Lily were here. She’s so much better at this than I am.
"You can’t take something from me when I have nothing left." I reply, completely serious. Part of me wishes I was being sarcastic, but there was truth in there too. What do I have left besides Lily? The Coalition? I have nothing. I snarl instead, I don’t need this fucker to feel bad for me. "You don’t know me, Xanthus, you don’t know what I want. Give me a low score, see if I care. I just hope you know that I’m leaving this feeling completely fine, and you’re sitting here, angry, arguing with a teenager."
"People will run from me, GameMaker." I spit the name out as if it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. "You’re helping me, they’ll think they can just step on me, like you do just now, but they can’t. And that’s when I’ll get them. I’ve had to kill before. I know how games work and I’m not talking about these stupid things you put on every year."
His self satisfied smirk really sent me over the edge. He was winning and I was losing and there was nothing I could do because I just wasn't smart enough. That left me feeling ashamed and inadequate. And then he kicked me while I was down.
If I reacted and punished him or hurt him he'd just laugh because that's what he expected me to do. He didn't care about anything but I'd be damned if I was going to let him treat me this way.
"No one will even remember your name, kid, and that's what hurts you the most. You can stand here and act like you have a reason to fight, but you don't. Once your little girlfriend is gone, you'll have nothing. And mark my words, I will send everything after her until she dies in front of your eyes and then I will get to stand here and watch you lose the only thing you have left."
He walked away and I let him. The fucking snarky bastard. He had no idea the hell that was waiting for him in that arena thanks to his little show today. No idea at all. And even if he wouldn't live to see it, I would have the last laugh. He was Icarus and he was flying far too close to the sun to not be burned.
"See, Xanthus, that’s where we’re different," I begin, "You find beauty in the material, and I find beauty in the human." I would shrug if I was physically able to, but being thrusted against a wall puts me in a difficult situation. I survey my options and I decide that I really have none. Xanthus wants to play with his toys, and he’s going to throw a fit if you take them away.
"Well, next time you ‘carefully plan’ make sure you hide the flint before a street rat like me finds it." They say a cornered rat bites the hardest, and I’m curious to test the theory. I’m not dumb enough to attack a GameMaker, but I can definitely out-smart one. Rage blinds you, and that’s when the rat swoops in.
I scoffed as he addressed me by my name. No respect. I push him against the wall harder. His nonchalant attitude has my blood pressure rising. He seems so cool, calm, and collected. I hate him for it. Threatening Lily did nothing like similar threats had done to Fox. I wondered if he even cared for the girl at all or if he was just a very good actor.
"Oh no, you see, I find beauty in human, too. I'm a man of many interests, Caradoc, and right now I am most concerned about ruining you," I whispered through gritted teeth.
"Items like the flint stone are placed inside so that tributes may impress upon us the fact that they have the skills it takes to survive the arena. What you did in there was nothing short of a giant fuck you right in my face. That showed no skill. Anyone can burn down a jungle. You're pathetic and you pulled that stunt for shock value, nothing more. You'll not receive the 12 I am sure Shamus ensured you would get."
I released his collar and stepped back. I would love to be able to do any a number of things to him in this moment, but I would let the other tributes take care of that for me.
"You're going to receive a score so low that everyone might as well think you went in there and cried. I know you wanted a score that would tell everyone that you were a force to be reckoned with, that they should run and hide from you. But that's not the case, Caradoc. Nothing you did in there proved that, not to me, not to Nausicaa."
After my private training, I relished in the inferno that was blazing inside. I did exactly what The Coalition would want; destruction. Even as I left, the faint smell of smoke pervaded the area. If that didn’t show them that I was a force to be reckon with in the arena, I don’t know what would. I fully expected a twelve. Behind me, I can hear footsteps. Someone is charging at me. Someone is angry, and considering that the training center is completely empty I think I know exactly who it is. I spin around, expecting to face Xanthus, and there he is. A ball of anger. His face is contorted with rage, and he grabs my collar before I get a chance to defend myself.
"No, I know I’m smart. That’s the whole point?" I ask inquisitively. I didn’t think he’d be angry at my display in there, to the contrary, I expected him to respect the fact that I had the balls to do what had to be done. "I mean, it’s not like anyone else is going to use it." The scratches from the ocelots still sting, and him grabbing my collar doesn’t help. I feel slight prickles all over my arms where their sharp nails made contact.
I forced him forward until I found a wall to press him up against. I shoved him hard, not giving any care to his wounds from the ocelot.
"A great deal of careful planning goes into my designs of arenas. Biomes are just a small sample of that and you've ruined it. You have no idea how incredibly fucking rude that was. I would be very tempted to ruin something of yours if..." I paused.
I knew being here was ruining his life but he volunteered. He'd wanted to be here. As did Lily, but Lily was different. She was a rebel but she respected my work, the Capitol. I could see it in her glistening eyes.
"I wonder... I wonder if I should pay a visit to your sweet girlfriend so you understand what it's like to see something you love ruined."
As I watched my biome burn, my knuckles went white. My jaw was clenched, my eyes wide, and even Nausicaa could tell that I was about to lose my shit.
"Insolent little fucking bastard!" I screamed as I jolted from my seat in the Hunger Games History station. I looked down at Nausicaa and shook my head furiously. "If that little fuck thinks he can burn down my biome and get away with it, he has another thing coming. Give him a 2, a 1, a negative 100!"
I stormed out of the room just in time to catch the culprit as he attempted to leave the training center. He spun around when he heard me coming up behind him and smiled. I grasped his collar and held him inches from my face.
I squint at him and decide that I’ve crossed a line. “I know. You’re right.” I confirm once more. It isn’t defeat to admit that he’s correct, it’s simply fact. I do not feel ashamed, but rather enlightened. I know that what happens is up to the tributes, although with an omnipotent hand controlling the environment it can be hard to to shake your fist at the sky. What has mankind been doing since the beginning of earth if not exactly that?
He’s right on all counts. I will fight, survive, and I will win. Colt will die, if not a mercy killing, a death of some kind. He’s right, and I just have to accept what I cannot change and make it my own.
"I’ve known I would fight since I was a child. I grew up looking at a fighter. I just never saw myself as a killer. I guess it’s time to grow up." I make eye contact with him for a brief moment. I have a lot of decisions to make and no one can make them for me, but at least I know that I’m not the only person making choices. That makes a difference.
"Thank you for your time Sir. I should get back to training." I offer my hand, not sure how else to thank him but with a distant handshake and a nod. "…And, if I don’t, tell my Father thank you."
My eyes softened at her realization. My lips pressed against each other as I nodded. "That's probably a good idea, although, by realizing that I'd say you've already started."
I was glad I stopped by to talk with her, it seemed as if she really needed some guidance. How funny that I could offer that to her, after everything I'd done to the other tributes that I'd met. Of the handful, there were two that I found myself liking. I rather enjoyed when I didn't have to squish my tributes like bugs, it was a nice change of pace.
She offered me her hand and I took it, giving her a firm handshake in exchange for the end of our conversation. "Please let me know if you need anything in the future, Miss Ashlar." I release her hand. "I will do that, but let's hope that I won't have to." I strutted away, finding myself wondering about the state of Sabine's mother and what I could do for this girl, one of the most deserving potential victors, if you asked me.
"Several." I nod slowly. "I’ve been offered one that’s already formed. But I think they’re weaker than I am. I would be doing them a favor. I have one in mind, but I haven’t…done anything yet. I want to wait for training scores." I see no reason to lie in this respect. He’ll certainly know who the alliances are the minute the games start. "I know they’re numbers. But numbers influence the way people behave. So that’s important."
I bite my tongue behind my teeth. How much more can I reveal? If he is a true friend of my father’s then he’ll know some already. If he isn’t….well, Daddy’s good at making people feel like they’re his friends. Hell, my first three trainers thought he loved them up until the day he fired them for not pushing me far enough. “It’s not my victory that would help her. It’s me. My presence.” I swallow hard. “I’m what she needs.” I laugh a bit. I know he can’t exactly help with that.
This man wasn’t nearly the monster everyone made him out to be. I certainly feared him less than I feared my own mentor. I treated both with the same respect, and both had killed children, yet one terrified me and the other didn’t. I couldn’t figure out why. It was food for later thought, I didn’t have time to worry about trivial things now. I focused on my question instead. “Do you think Colt will die in the bloodbath?” I bit my lip. It was a horrid thing, but I hoped he did. A little boy like that shouldn’t have to suffer too long. “Will you make sure he dies quickly? It isn’t sporting to fight little things like him.” I hear my voice quiver a bit and I quickly cover it up. “It’s not like he’d be good in an alliance. Or even a fight for that matter.”
Her answer reminded me of my conversation with Kineos yesterday and I smiled, how could I forget? If she allied with that group, I feel like they would make a great team, however she wasn't so sure. Kineos was smarter than Sabine was giving him credit for, but I wouldn't interject, as she had to decide on her own.
"Ahh, right, right, well I am sure you'll figure it out easily enough once the scores come out. I can understand your hesitation, as choosing an alliance, or even choosing to be in one at all, is a very big decision." She was smart, I never doubted that she wasn't, I just enjoyed to hear her thought process aloud.
I nod at her answer and know that there's nothing that quite compares to the presence of one's child in their life. As a recently new father, I have found that out very quickly. In that moment, I feel for her. I press my palm gently against her shoulder for a moment and meet her gaze. "I know that I am not responsible for your presence here, nor am I truly a part of the equation when it comes to your survival," I began. I was a little, but there were always bigger things at play than my decisions during game play. "The only thing I can say is to remind you that you are in control of your destiny. Fight, survive, win."
I wasn't sure if it was appropriate for me to make it appear as if I was favoring her, and I wasn't sure that I wasn't, in fact, doing exactly that. Her question doesn't shock me, as she's not the first person to ask me about Colt or killing the ones that are so young. I straighten up and clear my throat, attempting not to be annoyed by this question, again.
"As I previously said, everything that happens in that arena is in your hands. I think you take me for someone that I am not. I had no hand in the reaping and I have no actual hand in your deaths. I cannot make Colt's death and less painful as anyone else's. Colt has a fighting spirit, but you're mostly right. Still, it's not unheard of for young ones to make it through. If you don't want him to suffer, then you kill him quickly or hope that someone else does. I merely place obstacles in your paths or push you together or create scenarios to entertain your viewers. I never, ever ever have a hand in your death. You'd be wise to remember that."
I almost laughed. “Yeah, that wasn’t a huge success. I think my best bet is to befriend someone who is good at that stuff. Either that or avoid serious injury.” I wrinkle my nose knowing that it isn’t likely. “At least my pain tolerance is high.” Thinking back to the nights that I finished training and slipped into a pair of heels for my father’s party I can still imagine the feeling of the burn in my calves that would turn to knives by the end of the night.
"I know the others want to go home too, Sir." I respond carefully, I want to be respectful, yet disagree. "But I have to." My hands slowly curl and uncurl. I have no reason to trust this man, his job is to kill me. But at this point it’s a life or death situation and I’m going to have to start taking risks somewhere along the line. "My Mother……isn’t well and I think that if I win I might be able to help her." I decide that’s more information than he needs and stop there.
I consider excusing myself from the conversation at that point, but as they say, it was curiosity that killed the cat. “Sir, may I ask you a question?” I ask with a sudden bust of resolve.
Avoiding injury was hard to do in the arena, unless she avoided contact with other tributes completely. "Do you have any potential alliances in mind?" I asked out of curiosity.
I smiled and nodded. I understood that she, like everyone else, felt they had to go home. But only one could. But her reasoning makes me ponder if she's being truthful. "What makes you think that your victory would be able to help her? Does your father not already provide her with everything she needs? He is quite a rich and well-connected man. I am sure that if you told me what she needed, I would be willing to help. He is a longtime acquaintance of mine."
She looked as if she wanted to rid herself of my presence. I wasn't sure if I was making her uncomfortable or if she just felt as though I was wasting her valuable training time. I was about to offer, when she asked me if she could inquire on something further.
I listened to him carefully, the inflections he lent his words almost said more than the words themselves. His final statement was incredibly true and I paused, not quite sure how to respond. I suppose I am tough, hell, I’ve worked myself to the bone before and that’s tough, isn’t it? I volunteered to compete, and that was the toughest thing I’ve ever done. But I still don’t want to kill anyone.
"You’re correct." I reply, deciding that honesty is the best choice. "I don’t want to hurt people. I just have to." I shrug. It’s a fact, it’s not something I can change, and I’m not going to be dumb about it. "I’m really not sure how to be angry." I look straight at the Gamemaker and wonder if he’s an angry person. He must be angry at someone, or something, perhaps himself. How else would he kill so many kids.
"I know that I’m well trained. I know that I’m smart. I also know that I take too much time to over think things. I lack medical training and I’m too small to have much of an advantage in hand to hand combat. I lack malice." I recite my list in a detached manner. A final factoid occurs to me and I look back up at the man before me with a hint of a smile tracing my lips. "But I also know that I’m very determined and that I get what I want. And I want to go home to see my Mom and Dad again."
I knew I was right. I could see it written all over her face. She was nice, sweet enough, but underneath that soft face of hers was a toned body and a trained mind. She could very well win this if she found a way to move past this one hurdle. As far as I could see, it was the only thing holding her back.
"Who says anger has to be a part of the equation?" I offered her a bit to think about. Not everyone needed to be angry to motivate them towards survival. There were plenty of other things that could drive her to the crown.
She ran through a laundry list of things that she saw as weaknesses. I was about to interject until I saw the smile on her face. "Determination is key, Sabine. If making sure you get to return home is what motivates you, then that's good. Most of the tributes have that in common with you. But there are many things that set you apart as well. Take those weaknesses you just listed and find ways to turn them into strengths... have you been to the first aid station yet?"
"Talk shit about me all you want but leave her out of this. You had your chance with her already," I snapped. That was the end of that. What Tallulah said to me behind closed doors was our business, not his. I’m sure he’d seen the paparazzi images of her guiding me from the infirmary enough to know we had a bond, but this wasn’t about her, it was about me.
Fuck, his abs were hard.
I knocked back, stumbling a few feet and wanted to call it quits but my muscles pulsed as he taunted me about taking Lynx, my little lost boy, and grooming him into a miniature version of himself. It was enough for me to fill with rage. This wasn’t just Xanthus. It was every Peacekeeper that ever beat up me or my brothers or my parents. This was me finally fighting back because for the first time, he actually couldn’t kill me. “Shut the fuck up,” I breathed. It was an unfair fight.
The next few seconds were a blur. I didn’t know how to react. The only fighting skills I knew were what I’d learned for if one of the Peacekeepers tried to kill me and what I knew from wrestling my brothers growing up. My heart pounded in my ears as I reared up and slammed my knee, hard, directly into Xanthus’ crotch.
I knew how to push her and pushed her I did. She stood in front of me, her anger building. Of course she tried to use words first, as if I was affected at all by her threats. I simply laughed.
"Oh such a tough girl," I teased.
Before I knew it, I was doubled over on the mat, a feeling of tightness between my legs and a throbbing ache that could never be compared to any other kind of pain. This bitch, she was stupid after all. Because now, I was fully convinced that she wanted to die today.
I huffed for a moment, gathering myself until the ache subsided. My knuckles were white against the blue mats and I could feel her shadow looming over me. Taking a deep breath, I looked up at her and chuckled. "Wrong move bitch."
I stomped hard on her dirty little toes with my fist and as soon as she lifted her foot involuntarily, I yanked her other ankle out from under her. Twisting her already swollen ankle until she screamed, I pulled her along the mat until she was closer to me. Pressing against her collarbones as she struggled, I gritted my teeth and and thrust my thumbs into her until I heard it snap. She wailed, the feeling of her broken collarbone not being pleasant. With my other palm against her throat, I hissed at her. "Stupid bitch."
She cried out again and I felt satisfied, having given her an injury that would only heal itself over time. She could not accelerate the process, which would ultimately affect her performance in the arena. I shoved against her to propel myself off the ground and rubbed my hands together as if dusting off the mess.
"I tried to teach you, Miss Delarue. I tried, but you had to be a weasley cunt about it. I will make sure everyone is aware of your... injuries. You put yourself at a real disadvantage today. And I'll be the first person to celebrate your death when that cannon rings."
I looked up at a peacekeeper who'd came running when she screamed. "Get her out of my fucking sight."
I was trying to convince myself of one thing and one thing only. This man would not decide if I lived or died, I would decide that. Sadly, I’ve never been too good at convincing myself of things.
I nodded. Yes, frustration because of one answer. If it wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t correct. Yesterday I had made a raft incorrectly and it had haunted me, a nagging presence in the corner of my mind, ever since. “I woud rather i this way. But if given a choice I would do it correctly. If it isn’t right, it’s wrong.” I took the simulation down with a light tap on the button.
"Confident? I’m trying, Sir." I place my hands on my hips and consider my next answer. "I saw that I had a potential sponsor. I’ll do whatever I can to impress them. I suppose my greatest fear is that I just won’t be as…tough…as some of the other tributes."
I laughed innocently at her. "Of course, we'd always choose for things to be done correctly. But not everything is so black and white, Sabine, especially in the arena. There are many right answers sometimes, or many wrong ones."
She turned off the simulation, looking very defeated. I could tell she was the kind of girl that really rode herself hard. Probably because her father or trainer did back home. Excellence was something that was expected of her and even the slightest error really set her back. I was hoping for a girl much more confident than the one who stood before me. She was trying. If I had asked Carly-Beth or Delilah this question, they would've told me without a doubt that they were very confident.
I frowned. "I can see that you're having doubts. Hesitations. I don't think you mean exactly what you say, as I have seen your training schedule for the past few years. I trust you're very tough... what you seem to be lacking, however, is malice."
I narrowed my eyes. “What does Tallulah even have to do with this?” I asked, bewildered. She’d probably be as angry at me for being here instead of being quiet and meek and just training like I was supposed to but I hadn’t devoted the last dozen years of my life to being quiet and meek and following the rules. Violence didn’t accomplish much, but neither did sitting back and saying nothing.
He gripped my collar in both hands, his knuckles beating against my bruises as he dragged me across the training centre. “Let go of me, jackass,” I snarled as he pulled me so fast my feet barely kept up. I shook my head at first, my heart pounding in my chest. This couldn’t end well. I either don’t do anything and get called weak, or I attack him and get nailed for fighting.
My hands shook as I faced him and something occurred to me. He was challenging me. He wanted me to walk away and fail, he wanted to win. I was boiling with anger, anger over the psychological warfare he’d descended on top of me. If he wanted me to fight, fine. He could think he won. Maybe I could shut him up. And with that, I charged, leading with my elbow to his ribcage as I threw my entire body weight into him.
"The point is that your mentor knew when to fight and when to shut her mouth and when to take it from behind, even..." I laughed. "She should be teaching you a thing or two, but I would put money on the fact that she's tried and you've ignored her completely."
Her face turned a funny shade of red. I stood in front of her, motioning for her to come at me. I wanted her to. This was me pushing her, this was my way of teaching her. I knew that she would resist. She didn't want to learn lessons from me, but once I felt her elbow in my abdomen, I knew that I had finally sparked something in her. She threw her body against me and bounced back as if she'd struck a brick wall... mostly because she pretty much had. I burst into a laugh, placing my hands on my hips.
"Is that it? That's all you've got?" I shook my head, disappointed. "Hmm, I think I might paint my new son's room navy and teach him how to play baseball..." I teased her, egging her on.
When a voice makes me jump I realize just how intensely I was focused. I can usually hear someone coming up behind me. “Game Maker Xanthus.” I greet him formally, I don’t let the fear tinge my voice, but it definitely settles into my chest. “A perfectly fine morning.” I force a small smile and nod my head.
His next words hit me like a ton of bricks. It must fill your family with pride. My Mother, certainly, but to her I’m doing some strange form of God’s work. My father doesn’t think I know that he spent the last two months desperately trying to convince his friends at the Capitol that a different girl would make the same political statement I would. I don’t say anything but, “Thank You, Sir. I know it’s an honor.” I fear that I’m not convincing enough and so I add, “I know that it means a lot.” I don’t specify what, I assume he’ll take it however he pleases.
"I’m just experiencing some frustration." I gesture at the station. "I’m not sure you can help me unless you can tell me what sort of foods I’ll find in the arena." I laugh nervously.
I nodded to her, as she greeted me back pleasantly. I had always thought the daughter of the great stone mason of Two was one of the more beautiful heiresses of Panem. Still so young at 16, but filled with such promise. My file was full of details involving her private training and I was quite aware of her capabilities. Still, I couldn't help but see a few areas that required improvement.
"It does indeed, I am glad you agree," I replied as I came to stand next to her. "It means a lot to your District, to you peers, and especially to Panem."
I take a look at her score and smile. "Frustration? Because of one wrong answer? I see..." I glance closer. "Well wouldn't you rather have guessed this way and saved yourself as opposed to the other way?" I laughed along with her, although I could tell she was nervous. "Unfortunately, I can't tell you that. It might not matter, though, considering that you've caught the eye of a sponsor. Are you feeling at all confident about things?"
The More Bitter the Berry :: Edible Plants :: Sabine & GM Xanthus
A slight pang in my stomach reminded me that I had once again skipped Pontious’ raw egg breakfast. Hunger would plague me in the arena as well unless I was lucky enough to find a source of food. I decided that this was as an opportune time to learn more about the edible plants I might encounter and my growing hunger would provide excellent motivation for focus.
I stood in front of the station and with a nod from a nearby trainer I hit the button to allow one of the simulations to begin. A grid of plants and their fruits appeared before me and it was clear I was to select the ones that would do me no harm. I quickly tapped out the ones that I knew, the others remained flickering before me. My hand hesitated above a green cluster of berries. They were familiar in shape, but the strange coloring had me hesitating.
I decided that as in the arena, caution was my friend. I let my hand fall away and hit the button again to inform it that I was done. My score tallied up and I was disappointed to see that my only mistake was the final set of berries I hadn’t chosen as edible. I could have eaten them with no harm. I sighed in frustration and began again with a new set of vegetation.
Walking away from the mats where I left Fox, I was rubbing my knuckles that had gotten a little more exercise than I had bargained for. That girl was a pile of bones. Normally I don't go from tribute to tribute, but as I passed by Sabine at the Edible Plants station, I decided to drop in and say hello. I was very familiar with her father and was pleased that he was able to convince Sabine to volunteer this year.
"Well hello there, Miss Ashlar. Having a nice morning are we?" I greeted her. "It must fill your family with pride, knowing that you're here. Seeing you work so hard... I'll report that you're doing well when next we speak. Is there anything I can help you with today?"
I raised my brow. “Immature brat? Seriously? No, that bitch from One two years ago was an immature brat.” I kept my mouth shut as much as I could because I was sick of this. Sick of him trying to intimidate me when he had no idea what I was capable of. He didn’t scare me in the least. I knew nothing he did to me could hurt as much as the Peacekeepers did.
Another knife left my hand for the target and I felt like I was gaining a little more control. Was I good? Not even close. Was I passable? Yes. If I focused, channeled my anger toward Xanthus into the force I needed behind the toss, I could do it. But he was infuriating me almost to the point I couldn’t keep control.
"I’m more intelligent than you think, I know myself," I breathed. My temper was getting the best of me and as he pulled me in, I yelped. "We could. You could beat me down like Delilah did and try to teach me a lesson and maybe I’d even get a few punches in, because frankly I’m not as scared of you as you’d like. But what difference would it really make, in the long run? Is hurting me seriously going to solve anything?" I’d hold my ideals to the grave.
I laughed at the memory of Emerson's whiny bitch fits. How did that girl almost win? Oh yes, because she didn't bad mouth or sass or whine enough to land her a meeting with me. She may have been a brat but she was smart and she respected her trainers and, well, me. This down-home country girl, however, did not.
"I am surprised Tallulah tolerates you," I mused. "Not that she's anything special. But she knew how to fight. If I were her, I'd be extremely disappointed in you."
She wasn't scared of me, that's the thing. At least she had enough courage to stand up to me like this. Part of me admired her for it because she needed that fire in the arena. But the other half of me knew that this spunk of hers would only land her in hot water and when she refused to fight, she would die. Her fight with Delilah was proof.
I grasped her around her collar and pulled her close. "Too late, my little rube, time to show me how you fight." Above all else, she hated me the most, and that was fine. So if she wouldn't fight me, she'd never fight anyone. Time to take her for a test drive. I drug her over to the mats at the hand to hand station and released her. "Come on, Fox, show me something."
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