gaming dogs

a blog about the #1 pastime for child

[gamingdogs-blog]

what even is tomb raider

like I'm halfway through the game and I think it's a horror title but maybe it's supposed to be an adventure kind of thing? like five people have died badass heroic deaths but I still don't trust these people like at all like even the people who died (rip). srsly thou these are some creepy tombs with like infinite blood rivers and stuff. take out the corridor shooting and this game is like Rayman 4: Silent Hill with all the jumping too. seriously laura is a comically good jumper and I half expect her hair to start twirling and allowing her to jump farther lol

[gamingdogs-blog]

dishonored is so bad and it seriously just won a BAFTA what the fuck. I get that it's trying harder than other games but holy hell it was such a contradictory mush.

[gamingdogs-blog]

First of all, I actually wouldn't be surprised if Dead Space is a canned, because I am a person with eyes who can see that DS3 didn't sell. But I wouldn't report that as fact, as I have no special knowledge of the situation. And neither does the dude who "leaked" this info.

Lets take a look at their claims about the game's troubled development:

According to the report, weapon-specific ammo was switched for generic ammo late in the day to accommodate the game's controversial micro-transactions, and developer Visceral were ordered to take the series into a more action-focused direction in order to emulate BioWare's Mass Effect franchise and broaden its appeal.

The most helarious part of that jumble is the idea that ammo was changed to accommodate micro-transations, when really, how the fuck does changing one of those effect the other?

It's like they took the complaints of the fans who turned on the series and created a story that explains all their complaints as anyone but the creative's fault. It's a leak that seems to juicy to be true, and considering the corus of denials we've heard since it came out, it isn't.

[gamingdogs-blog]

official name of the next assassins creed game is AssCreed IV: A Journey Into Punk Ass

previous assassins creed game titles:

AssCreed

AssCreed 2

AssCreed 2.5: Ass Bros

AssCreed 2.75: Revelations of the Ass

AssCreed The Third

so what's up with this year?

The jokes contained within AssCreed IV: Pirate-Punk Ass are extremely convoluted, which is what makes it much less funny than the apex name AssCreed 2.5: Ass Bros, where the jokes about the ".5" and gay pornography tag line were obvious and wonderful. Thing is, it is also extremely appropriate that as this series go on the joke titles would make less and less sense.

Explaining the joke: I went with "IV" in order to mock the pretense of the game, despite it being a videogame about pirates, and to reference the king of pretense Grand Theft Auto IV. It's made extra funny (at least to me, all dogs) by the fact that the series has been using roman numerals from the start, and I decided to use the correct representation for the one about pirates. "A Journey Into Punk Ass" is a joke about the game's subtitle also being the name of a punk band, as if it was like Rock Band: Beatles and actually about the music, and I put ass on the end in order to fit with the rest of the series and to include the term "punk ass".

[gamingdogs-blog]

why the fuck would Edward Teach spend so much time talking about how cool another pirate captain was? also how mysterious? like no one knew shit bout blackbeard how is that unique? also considering that we already know like everything bout the assassins it's not that mysterious dude!

why the fuck are we playing as another lily white dude, particularly seeing how fucking easy it would have been to have a non-white pirate? how fucking creepy is that last shot where he kills a dude and then is all up ons the lady? p fucking creepy.

man after the ship parts of AC3, aka the only good parts of that terrible game, pirate assassins creed is something you would have to actively try to fuck up. it'll probably still be p awesome but jesus christ if any studio could do it it's ubi montreal and the seven other ubi studios working on this game.

[gamingdogs-blog]

I post with bad grammar and lowercase letters because I'm a fucking asshole with no consideration for their audience as well as someone who is okay with bad posting for pleasure alone.

[gamingdogs-blog]

there are games with meanings to pleasurable and experiences so transcendent that they are wholly worthwhile. there are games that feed upon the worst human impuleses. we will talk about both here!

it is my hope that gaming figures out how to be successful while appealing to the better part of human nature.

[gamingdogs-blog]

games and gaming means a whole lot to a lot of people and it means a lot to me as all dogs. as a gaming dogs it is my life's mission to find the games with meanings worth experiencing. wellcome to gaming dogs!

[gamingdogs-blog]

I am all dogs also I play games

that is why I am a gaming dogs