Хочу — не хочу, знаю — не знаю

Зимно. Налий менi чaю.

[gangstalkerbarbie]

this used to be a blog where i came to mald and fight. however malding achieves little, i really dont have much to mald about because i have the power to effect change in my community in real life and everyone in it loves me, and fighting people on here is about equivalent to beating on middle schoolers except some of them turn out to be academics in their 50s (do none of you know how embarrassing that is? when i get that much of a life there's no website in the world will see hide nor hair of my only talking to irls ass), so now you're all a captive audience to me doing whatever else i want until i get bored and leave again.

the nugget of information you get now is that i'm from what used to be camels and watermelons ukraine, i live in the cryptids and dead farms us, and correspondingly i have like nightmares and depression and shit (голоса!!! депресiя). this information should make you understand that we're probably about equally miserable and there's nothing to be gained from punching me upward, downward, sideways or in any other direction. i hit back now though. who comes to us with a sword gets got with a brick. civil barbie got run over and what remained is the gayest mixed zoomer worth listening to. look out for my bilingual mixtape in two endangered languages no one has ever heard of. i'm actually really cool if you're cool, it's just that if you clicked to navigate here and argue about something you probably aren't.

i no longer poast about anything i care about from real life because, to what audience, who will do what? realistically could anyone on tumblr even find those places on a globe? so now there's fandom here and sometimes i replyguy, just for a little treatie for my soul. i still talk to whoever i want, i just want to talk to less people.

peace, friendship and bubblegum to the world. if the world would like to hallucinate that i am mongering war, enmity and strychnine, that's the world's problem.

[blackpyrefly]

[oblivious to sexual dynamics] ohhh are you guys playing knights and princesses? can i be like a grizzled mercenary captain? i could teach the soldiers in matters of arms and project a gruff and unyielding yet ultimately kind and fatherly demeanour. if you guys are looking for a third. player

[gangstalkerbarbie]

absolutely terrifying to see frum people who are somehow still my mutuals who i haven't seen in ages coming here to post again it's like locking eyes in the frozen dairy aisle with someone from your hometown and knowing that the better that you thought it would get isn't real

but like, in miniature

[gangstalkerbarbie]

hello fictional hypothetical tumblr user binah613770, point one: i have long since become a cognitohazard to you and you should leave, point two: you can go otd for any number of good reasons but if you still cherish the notion that it gets beser just remember that no side of this fence freed either of us from tumblr

[gangstalkerbarbie]

absolutely terrifying to see frum people who are somehow still my mutuals who i haven't seen in ages coming here to post again it's like locking eyes in the frozen dairy aisle with someone from your hometown and knowing that the better that you thought it would get isn't real

but like, in miniature

[esotericstar]

got my girlfriend into chuck tingle’s horror and we both bought a different book of his to the pool which summoned a bear who came over and was like MY MAN CHUCK TINGLE before diving into the pool

[drchucktingle]

you see what happens when you enter the tingleverse?

[gangstalkerbarbie]

does anyone have that really funny map of jurisdictions by legal system type where the unfortunate choice of colours accidentally implies the ocean is a halakhic theocracy

[gangstalkerbarbie]

you know you can laugh because it is funny but i genuinely think fanfiction is for women what theology is for men

[gangstalkerbarbie]

anytime i doubt my charisma i can literally just think back to the time that i once all but told a group of gentiles "ok you're basically all jewish now" on a whim and they played the play by post game consistently for two years before petty infighting entirely unrelated tore them apart

one single person read the lore, made the thematic connections and decided to play a generations deep assimilated space elf roman princess with catholic amounts of guilt about the space elf temple (which in this universe they rebuilt after nuking space elf rome to fuck) and everyone else was just doing fucking whatever but tbh thats the achievement, right? nobody had any idea what was going on and nobody seemed remotely able to learn (derogatory) but they went on the quests and for some reason they wanted to kiss everyone in the extremely thinly veiled sanhedrin. for two years, as i revealed to a baying audience the progressively more and more convoluted intrigues of an academy everybody grew progressively more and more involved with

[gangstalkerbarbie]

happy Caesar everybody, get out your knives and ranch

[gangstalkerbarbie]

literally so annoying that if you are jewish and you want to write about the things that are wrong and cruel about jewish culture like any other you absolutely have to do it in hebrew because otherwise some wiseass it doesn't pertain to will take the cry of your soul as an endorsement of their antisemitism, and in hebrew people have the same problem everyone with an opinion has with not being able to identify when something is not about them personally but those are your people and they know how to get under your skin about it

[gangstalkerbarbie]

feliz eridan everybody, sharpen your knives

[gangstalkerbarbie]

you know if you think im horrible then good yeah this is my blog where I go to shit everything that comes to mind so it doesn't get all over normal people

if you find what I post here just like generally normal and inoffensive maybe we should be friends because this is the worst that i actually ever get, which has been interesting to understand

[gangstalkerbarbie]

yearning for the day someone tells the tumblr talmud fandom about yohanans loser friend ilfa so i can watch what happens to their otp

[gangstalkerbarbie]

incidentally ilfa is a canon compliant homestuck player name in case anyone wants to do the funniest thing ever

[gangstalkerbarbie]

yearning for the day someone tells the tumblr talmud fandom about yohanans loser friend ilfa so i can watch what happens to their otp

[gangstalkerbarbie]

ok back on my bullshit I guess: i often see moral advice on tumblr that is exactly the type of moral advice probable from a community of ocd shut-ins with a history of being groomed, and it never works to confront them about it but it does in theory to release some thoughts to the algo

someone told the internet in my sightline earlier that you can fix insecurities by ensuring they match your morals, which personally i think is terrible advice. the phrasing was like "if you hate yourself for being fat, you should ask yourself, well is fatness a morally bad thing? does hating yourself align with your values?"

and like. atom bomb to drop on here, have some responsibility, the place cannot even handle dissenting normal opinions that well

the thing about insecurities is that the question you should be asking is "whose values, or which and whose unmet needs, gave me that impression?"

nobody just like hates themselves for no reason. it's usually because either structurally or through their own fault something about them makes their life unnecessarily harder, and they feel the only thing they can do is be spartans, and then they fail because that mental state makes everyone insane.

for example: fat people hate themselves not because they necessarily believe we should gas the obese but because clothes that aren't t shirts plastered with racist slogans don't fit them, they suffer from health problems that they may not be able to do anything about for various reasons in their current tax bracket, and the culture encourages the idea that this is forever and they're unloveable. they hate themselves first and foremost because they are aware that other people, including medical professionals, have expectations and feelings toward them that may impact their experience of life – it's a case of your insecurities being caused by someone else's values, of which you are very aware because they orient the design of your life. and anyway what does it do for the median tumblr user to be like "your self hatred is #problematic akshually"? you have got to remember the rule of thumb that everyone here either has moral ocd or got their moral system from people who were really loud about it

if you want to actually help people i think the important thing is to understand why they got there and offer solutions that are actionable, like "join a community", that's about the only thing you can be sure anybody here can do. and the only thing that as social mammals we can use to counter insecurities caused by a different socium. you don't need to put a cop in your head to police your values, you need to prove to yourself that other people's are survivable.

[alienfuckerdeluxe]

Aliens: Wow you guys sure are completely normal and not at all indescribably horny.

NASA *beating the alien fuckers with a broom*: Yep. Just a completely normal species. no inappropriate lusting for extraterrestrial booty here, no sir. 

I couldn’t let this be hidden in the replies

[eyesofthesunflower]

[ID: reply by lusciouslusus that reads,

“We zoom out slightly to reveal the aliens are ALSO beating their own alien-fuckers away with a space-broom.”

End ID]

[gaynaturalistghost]

As an asexual, I vibe with NASA on this one. It’s… a metaphor.

[tench]

I don’t. Let them out

[dragongirldreams]

[gangstalkerbarbie]

further war stories from the scene i guess you all remember how earlier I was like I can't get along with these people because we play pretend differently? i do this to be funny atp

bit the hook for this chicks rome ad like ooh im a slaaaave im so buyable and introduced her to gaius from the insula down the road, who is not managing to feed two kids on his one armed veteran stipend (i did the math, who would have thought a government promising soldiers things would underdeliver compared to the cost of living? timeless story) and just does whatever to get by and bought a maid for this reason

i cannot overemphasize what a normal person (for an alcoholic veteran) (hes like a little north of harrier dubois) gaius who was born yesterday is. girl is posting me essays about how easy it would be to just take advantage and bro possesses me to post for him like "they fucking fired me from the vigiles what the hades do i do? i could have gone to the mithraists but they threw me out cuz i called the high priest a cinaedus but you know what i meant it. do i borrow money from fulvus??? no there's got to be some other way. maybe i can win it im good as shit at latrunculi. no WAIT im the fucking pigeon Whisperer you know what im gonna do im gonna borrow some money from the guy next door i Know he has some and im gonna say its for the kids but then, then im gonna win us a fortune. im gonna bet it all on the pigeons"

and the thing about gaius is he's not the fucking pigeon whisperer he is just some roman dude living in sepphoris (chosen randomly because i know the region) in an apartment and his sex drive died a long time ago

the core of his emotional life is not even this slave who he's like treating like a rescue cat its a guy named gamliel who thinks he should free and marry her and lock the fuck in at his cottage brewery ("but i can't work for you you know i have a problem" "have you ever considered not drinking the beer we are making to sell on the fucking job?")

like he's just the worst possible variation of someone's shlubby dad which is of course what the people who play these women are looking for but the thing is that i will never play him stooping to that level because i decided his dad beat his mum and I don't think she's realized this yet. she keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop in this funny sort of anticipation and i keep adding drama to his life that i Know this chick is half reading one handed because its not what she came for

its lowkey actually so funny

[gangstalkerbarbie]

The majority of the peanut gallery here is Jewish so I suppose I have to tell you about Gamliel too

Hes the same kind of loser but jewish

His parents put their whole shit into his education to escape their tax bracket but in keeping with what happened to this one rabbi in the talmud L'Academie refused to ordain him because he was from where he was from, and he just didn't have the money or support to keep locking in so he borrowed some cash and opened the equivalent of a motel, which is about to be full up to here with refugees from jerusalem

among these will be a woman who abandons him with a child and disappears, because she's not actually like, entirely human, she's got bird feet that he has never seen because he's all pharisaic like that and whatnot and he was so psyched to have a wife who psyched him up (the other person made lares real i think we can have shedim as a treat)

eventually he will freak it bad and leave because he does not have the benefit of knowing its gonna be ok in advance, and then they will ordain his ass but at the cost of everything else. and his weird little son will be like father my avian claws forbid me to grasp the book