50 States of McMansion Hell: Salt Lake County, Utah
Howdy, folks! My poor teeth are finally all healed up, so in celebration, I have decided to sink them Sunny Baudelaire-style into this ridiculous house:
This 1995 “Victorian” features 6 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms, totaling around 6700 square feet. It can be your humble abode for a modest $1.7 million USD.
Seriously, I don’t know why they didn’t just enclose the staircase, because that lone beam looks both anticlimactic and structurally unsettling. Also it doesn’t line up with the post at the top of the stairs. I am unusually frustrated by this.
Whomst among us did not have binders full of women in middle school and by binders full of women I mean trapper keepers full of Bleach yuri fanfic? (clears throat) anyways, happy bisexual visibility month
Okay so the other two walls in this room are covered with unsettlingly HUGE family portraits that would have taken a lot of time and effort to block out the faces. Anyways, I just want you to know that this is only 1/3rd of the total family portraiture in this space.
i don’t even see any coasters for drinks. i have never before witnessed such recklessness.
ok so I watched an entire week’s worth of HGTV at my parents’ house after getting my wisdom teeth pulled and literally every kitchen has to be white or gray. this pearlescent nonsense has to be a global conspiracy orchestrated by none other than,,, mr. clean.
Oreo cookie commercial: you’ve heard of stuffed. but have you heard of “double stuffed?”
Sofa designer for La-Z-Boy: go on
(philosopher voice): what is the point of a mirror if you are facing away from it?
(sadly there are no pictures of the master bathroom, so we’re moving on to the last room of the house)
the fifties were lame, (slowly making the entire internet mad) like come on brutalism was barely even a thing then
alright alright, time to wrap this bad boy up:
is this technically a 3 car garage? can a car even fit in that garage? next time, on The X Files (theme plays)
Well folks, that does it for Utah! I’m heading to Finland next week (!!!), but stay tuned for Vermont upon my return!
If you like this post, and want to see more like it, consider supporting me on Patreon!
There is a whole new slate of Patreon rewards, including Good House of the Week, Crowdcast streaming, and bonus essays!
Not into recurring donations or bonus content? Consider the tip jar! Or,Check out the McMansion Hell Store ! 100% of the proceeds from the McMansion Hell store go to charity!
Copyright Disclaimer: All photographs are used in this post under fair use for the purposes of education, satire, and parody, consistent with 17 USC §107. Manipulated photos are considered derivative work and are Copyright © 2018 McMansion Hell. Please email [email protected] before using these images on another site. (am v chill about this)
jacobvanloon
2087
prguitarman
snowghoul
origamiaround
turnnoffyourmind
