Everyone's talking about the part of Dean's prayer from the 15x09 script where he says he wanted Cas to stay and over here I'm living for this part of the dialogue: "When mom died, I blamed myself. Plenty. But even then, I had plenty left to go around. So I put what I couldn’t take on you." -- not that it's right what he did (and he knows it) but if that doesn't prove to anyone right there how Dean really feels, not sure anything else will. It's so blatant.
I have been screaming it for so long now, that the 15x09 prayer was meant to be Dean's version of the confession, that Berens (and the show) purposely did all of those parallels, and it's nice to see it confirmed by a line like this that he wrote at some point.
To me, this line is an earmark of a partnership. And I'm not talking about a working partnership, or a family partnership (like Dean and Sam for example), and or even a friendship partnership. This is something that tends to be a dynamic of another type of partnership altogether. The wording is super specific (I see you, Berens) and imho it's showing exactly how it was originally intended.
They always say that a person tends to unleash their crap and mistreat those they love more than any other person because they figure (and hope) that at the end of it, that person is still going to be there, that they will stay and won't leave. Again, not saying it's right at all, but it does sometimes happen. So the wording of "So I put what I couldn't take on you" shows that Dean trusted Cas enough and felt comfortable enough in their relationship at that point to take on what he couldn't. While it's blame for Mary's death that he's talking about, the lines before it show that Dean was doing his same ol', same ol'. Blaming himself for it all. And while he might blame others for things that occur and heap the blame on them (like Sam in other events, for example), he never blames anyone more than he does himself. He doesn't ever skirt away from it, even when we know it's really not his fault. Like Crowley said to him, no one hates him more than he hates himself. Even Dean has said it himself in earlier seasons, he blames himself for everything that goes wrong. So, the fact that he is shifting some of that blame (that he feels for himself I mean) onto Cas, the anger, not only is he admitting that he couldn't handle all of the self-blame and admitting this vulnerability (another character development happening in season 15 for Dean) but that's also what spouses/romantic partners sometimes tend to do when certain situations pop up/occur.
So when Cas ends up getting fed up (as he should) and gets ready to leave, Dean doesn't want him to (as we already knew) but because of Dean and his personality, who he is, he doesn't stop Cas from going up those stairs in 15x03. He thinks knows that he deserves for Cas to leave and like he's said before, everyone leaves him. And while Cas shouldered the blame that Dean laid on him, dealt with the anger and cold shoulder that Dean dished out, when he finally put his foot down (after that horrible thing Dean said in 15x03), Dean didn't stop him because he knew Cas was right and because Dean thought it was inevitable. So he let Cas go not only because he wasn't at the point that he wasn't ready to let it go/apologize/forgive but also because he figured Cas was better off.
So now when you see this scene again:
And you watch Jacting Joices, hear the emotional music cue (aka Dean's theme), listen to the dialogue, hear the echoing sounds (that the editors purposely left in) along with Dean of Cas going up the stairs and opening the door and leaving (you even hear the door close loudly), the pan out of the shot of Dean sitting frozen against the table, Dean's "where you going?" when Cas starts to leave, Cas' hopeful little look back before actually turning to leave, Dean's little internal war that we see play all over his face before (sadly? worriedly? I'm thinking both) watching Cas climb the stairs, the title of the episode coinciding with the actual rift Rowena closes/"heals" (think to her marriage counseling in Hell later on btw and how it connects back considering it was her death and how it affected Sam that became the catalyst for Dean unleashing on Cas, Sam who Rowena has stepping out of the room for the session btw) -- it all comes together even more. Especially considering Berens wrote this episode, too, and then later on, thee episode (15x18). And there were parallels galore between 15x09 and 15x18 themselves as a standalone. It literally was a three-act story line, starting with the "breakup"/rift.
And if he connected all three of these episodes not only for Dean and Cas' relationship but also for it all to come back down to Dean and his character development, his story within the story itself, then you know without a doubt that what we all have been saying about the whole Destiel/Saileen parallels of season 15 and the parallels of Charlie/Stevie, Saileen and Destiel in 15x18 is absolutely confirmed.
Berens is actually one of the better writers on the show in this later stage and all of these connections he made to tell this brilliant story within the series to come out in one cohesive and well plotted out story line that not only furthers the development for Dean in a big way but also Sam, Cas, their relationships, and the show in general just proves it. That's why I have such a massive respect for him, not just because he wrote thee episode, not just because he wrote that beautiful dialogue for Cas to say to Dean in thee moment, but because he knows his stuff and he absolutely brought it all home in such a beautifully heartbreaking but ultimately fantastic way in the episodes he was given to write. He accomplished so much within such a short time and he gave it his all and it worked. He knew what he had with Jensen for example, and he absolutely played to Jensen's strengths not only in his performance of Dean but also as an actor in general. The guy knew what he was doing, he chose to stick around for the end, and he accomplished what he set out to do. And as a fellow writer, he has my full respect not only for his determination, his follow through, his sticking to his guns, but also his creativity.
And what's funny is a lot of antis and wincesties and the whole 'Dean is straight!'/Jensen-fanatical crowd hate Berens with a passion. They blame him (as well as Misha, Hellers, the show, and anyone else who was open to the idea of this part of the story) for even putting it into the show. (and even funnier, if none of it is real as they say, then why hate Berens or anyone if it's only in the destiel crowd's heads? or why then switch to the whole 'they only put it in to pander to the hellers' excuse? ...uh huh) But he really knocked it out of the park. He really did this whole setup and strung it altogether like a master.
So for some that line of the dialogue that didn't make it into the 15x09 prayer might not mean much, but to those of us that were looking at the whole framework Berens set up this season and his connection of the dots (which led to Cas being one of the most important relationships for Dean this season, regardless of how you view it, Cas' words got through to Dean and set him up for one of his main points of character development by the end, in the conflict with the final villain of the series), this is pure gold. And more importantly, validation/confirmation.
And I am beyond convinced that had 15x19 not been the final episode of the mytharc, we absolutely would have seen Dean and Sam coming up with a way to rescue Cas from The Empty, and we wouldn't have had a final goodbye from Jack. We also would have found out what happened to Eileen, Alt!Charlie, and Alt!Bobby.
Just beautiful, brilliant storytelling. Lovely development from point A to point Z. All in one season. And while not everything was perfect and there were definitely some plot holes along the way in seasons before this (and that thing they called a series finale), and while this isn't how SPN started (or anywhere near Kripke's version), this is what it became years later, and Berens (and some other writers) were very in tune with it, while also maintaining the essence somewhat of the original characters/story.
Going back to that line of dialogue "So what I couldn't take I put on you" absolutely falls in line with who Cas is to Dean at this point. Regardless of how you view it, Cas was someone Dean trusted (even after Mary's 2nd death and all of the betrayals, drama, hurt, and anger along the way), someone who Dean let in, and someone who Dean depended on. We all make jokes that Dean and Cas were co-parenting Jack (with Sam of course) but in a way, that's exactly how it was set up. Because of who Cas was, not only to Jack, not only to Sam, but also to Dean. They're partners. Dean relies on Cas in the same way Sam and Eileen are beginning to rely on each other (further proof of that paralleling dynamic, "If she needs something from me, she'll tell me. We have an agreement").
So that wording...that wording is everything.
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