That's all he's felt throughout his hospital stay.
No, that's not quite right. He was mad at first. So, so angry. Angry that he got caught. Worried about the others. Scared. Alone. He felt all of that at first.
Then, he learned that Tomura died in the war. That he wasn't coming back to him. That Shuuichi failed to save him. That's when the numbness started.
What meaning did his life have now? With Tomura gone, he had no one to protect, to worry about, no one to— love. Everything Shuuichi had just started getting used to feeling was gone in an instant, disintegrated just like—
Don't think about it. Don't think about his death. Just don't think. That's what's gotten him through the past three weeks. It will have to get him through the rest of his life now.
The door to his hospital room creaks open slowly, drawing his attention away from the window and his spiraling thoughts. At first, he assumes it's another nurse there for his hourly checkup. Or it could be Midoriya again, there to tell him another one of his friends has died.
His heart stops when he spots long, pure white hair. It's a trick, his mind screams at him. It's not possible. Tomura's gone.
But the longer he stares, the more familiar the figure becomes. His hair falls to the side, revealing two bright red eyes framed by old scars and dark bags. Broken, yellowed teeth peek out from behind cracked, scarred lips. He recognizes this form in the doorway. The rest of the world melts away.
Tomura grins at him (gently, so gently, the smile he always reserves for him) and steps into the room, letting the door click shut behind him.
"Shuuichi," He breathes his name. Shuuichi can hear the love in his voice. The pain. The longing. Everything. All the emotions Shuuichi thought were lost to him, Tomura breathes it back into him with his voice.
"Tomura," Shuuichi almost sobs, squirming around to sit up comfortably. "Hey."
Tomura makes it to his bedside in record time and worms his way into the empty space beside him. He reaches out and touches all five fingers to the restraints holding Shuuichi in place, flicking the dust off Shuuichi's wrist as he touches his marred scales.
"You ready to go?" he asks, still speaking in that quiet, breathy tone.
"Yeah," Shuuichi nods eagerly, smiling back at his shining hope, the one he thought he'd never see again. "I am."
A wall of swirling purple mist opens in front of them, almost beckoning Shuuichi forward. Tomura takes his hand and helps him stand, walking him towards Kurogiri's portal.
"I missed you," Tomura murmurs right before they enter, the mist lapping at their faces.
"I missed you, too." Shuuichi chokes back tears as he steps into the portal, leaving his emptiness behind in that suffocating hospital room, ready to join his lover in whatever life awaits them on the other side.
It hurts, Shuuichi realizes, all these big emotions bleeding back into him all at once. But he finds himself grateful for the pain. It makes the numbness nothing more than a distant memory.
