bruabbafanxxx69xxx

he/him transfag aurel or leonard or "hey that dude who is still into bruabba after 3 years" or lasquadradefender69 Leone's Abbacchio BIGGEST groupie girl

[gaygayaurel]

a relaxing afternoon with noone around...or?

[gaygayaurel]

I took a long hiatus from art due to depression and also everytime i tried to return i felt like shit. so now i am releasing something bad. showing i can still do stuff.

[gaygayaurel]

disappeared for month because med bullshit and also trying to get linux to work on my cringe pc. anyway made some collages forgot to scan them before i applied the final coat and fuuuuuck i miss modge podge this is kinda ass. hope its not too bad i like this batch!

[gaygayaurel]

Leone Abbacchio - Character Development through Tarot and Astrology

Birthday Boy Leone Happy birthday to my special boy! I am a month late. Because of a literature problem (yelling at literature problem).

An extremely overdue analysis of Leone Abbacchio done through lens of Astrology and Tarot. This leans more into speculative and generative direction, but I am still happy about some points I raised here

[gaygayaurel]

i never really had common autistic experience of "this system makes no sense so I won't follow it and you're not explaining logic to me" as a kid, or at least I don't remember but man, everytime explains masculinity and femininity as a framework in esotericism I finally get that deeply stereotypical feeling and i doubt my diagnosis no longer

[gaygayaurel]

I bravely consider this DLC to be fun despite the save corrupting gaslighting quest-failing-in-retrospect bug. Redditors hate me.

[gaygayaurel]

Aurel In Esoteric Wonderland : Why is High Priestess Moon?

What is this? This is a central page from which one can navigate to, and find all the posts which make up my essay "Where to Fuck did High

This is my 50 page essay, study whatever on why is the High Priestess Moon, or, more correctly, what were the people thinking when assigning correspondences to the Tarot. A result of me reading way too many books. Together with the pondering on what we take from all this.

Content warning for mentions of misogyny and discussions of anti-semitism. And a warning for a lot of mistakes in the English languages and awkward formulations only after.

I don't expect anyone to read this. But it was fun and fulfilling to make it. Now I just want to send it to ether and go work on some other stuff.

[gaygayaurel]

happy birthday to my special boy. i cant really do anything about it cause today is Mental Hubris day but. reminder. epic birthday. my next art will be on arbachio

[gaygayaurel]

a piece inspired by me watching a music video for It's a Sin by Petshop 5 times in a row.

[gaygayaurel]

been getting back into collage

i wont lie its far far far more difficult and complex than many suggest. finding anything harmonious in the mass of scraps is so. frustrating. still, i am able to enter flow on occasion. creating without theme is hard, but it can produce fun results where the meaning is created after the fact

[gaygayaurel]

old wip i found on my tablet after i woke it from 3000 years sleep

[gaygayaurel]

Hansie in an outfit of The Prince from Tři oříšky pro Popelku, a Czechoslovak/East German old fairytale adaptation of Cinderella. It plays... every Christmas, so it's ingrained in my brain. Anyway, just Like Hans, uh, this guy also hates marriage and loves hunts. I recomend this movie! It's pretty charming all things considered. Life's hard but hey I get to draw guys and that's awesome Also little Henry there in the outfit aproximation of the titular Popelka/Cinderella

[gaygayaurel]

Kingdom Come Deliverance 2 and the ways in I am a Herd Animal

Schools in Slovakia love sending kids to variety of vacations or trips. I savored every one of them, not only because the stress of daily gr

A small reflection on Jindrich (Henry) and Ján (Hans) relationship, which is less about them and more on thinking how I create meaning and why this particular pairing and game makes a lot of things painful for me (loosely related but I should get on insane med changes that make me want to drink more often because i write more)

[gaygayaurel]

had to emergency send my laptop to service and i found this old thing on my brother's pc

[gaygayaurel]

henry and theresa and the life in skalitz

i do appreciate women's lot dlc for a lot. i do find it an excellent self contained story and slice of life. but one thing that it does fairly effectively is to establish the contrast betwen theresa and henry. not just in their gender roles, i suppose. but as in overall as to what they meant for the village and how they lived in it. some of it is like, emergent property of starting new game vs trying to live a lived life. mind you. it also probably isn't purposeful, and it's just me overthinking, especially with the way i played henry and who i am, as the person who played henry.

people say hello to henry, as in guards, and he vaguely knows janek and jaroslav. he has his bianka and she knows him. but he can't talk to adam, doesn't know many people by name. he can't stop and just discuss stuff casually. and later after fall of skalitz, you can show deep care for the refugees in both sasau and rattay, but people only vaguely recall you as the blacksmith's boy. there are only a few people you have existential continuity with. this is, partly because you are filled with VENGEANCE, but i do wonder if this is on purpose.

compare this to theresa. when you go to skalitz you have a lot of interactions. with deutsch's wife who was just a plot point in the main quest, little fun dialogue even with matthew and fritz. and yes, again, this is a result of trying to connect more to the world that was lost. which is the very nature of theresa's quest (together with establishing that no masculine revenge is not the only way to put yourself together and women are just as tough as men and they find a way to survive and live and fight another day). however this makes her far more social and far too well integrated into the continuity of skalitz. hell, during aquarius she even says "hey these two need help getting job". if you talk to her. she keeps up with people!

and i do think this does create a sort of image of henry as someone who cares about skalitz and its inhabitans. of course he does. but he is not ingrained. he did say he feels like he doesn't belong. and that. is functionally speaking. both the whole "haha so you want adventure? careful what you wish for" but also foreshadowing towards his status as a bastard. but also, i am a queer and neurodivergent person living in a small village. it is my only home, but it suffocates me deeply. i don't hate people here. some of them are very casual about me being trans, some i see with their kids just enjoying life. i would be devastated if it all burned to ground. but i do want to leave. and sometimes it suffocates you. living in this small space, where all people feel like they know you but they don't and they never will. and even if we live in different ages. i do think this is something you can feel. (although most people just had to deal with the lot they were given and learn to survive with people you could).

i dont think skalitz had to burn for henry to see his freedom, but i do feel like him leaving and chasing his own horizon where he could define what he is and where his loyalties lie. was the only option that could have happened regardless of the tragedy. i suppose. (and i do play him as what we would today understand as a gay man even if i try to kinda, imagine how these feelings translate). he was never anchored in the village where he was just a blacksmith's boy, for one reason or another. it was never a proper full home. PS: I had something to say about Matthew and Fritz but if they were Henry's only friends and close companions then it makes full sense Matthew could manipulate him as easily as he could in the Masquarade quest. It also felt so weird to ( in this save) refuse their shit throwing and their coldness is striking and honestly even THIS relationship feels frail in some ways. Like. A friendship you only keep up because of obligation. But again that. Could be me reading too far into this and putting too much if myself in it. Which makes sense. I make Henry who he is and it is me who pushes him in certain direction. I am the angel who defines his fate.

[gaygayaurel]

this may be a bit of hot take but actually. medieval noble parenthood wise, radzig is actually dad of the year material. which is why i'll always defend him. also because he's funny and has 30 billion hot morally grey exes.

[gaygayaurel]

thank god in kcd2 they introduced dry devil who single-handedly created the f slur on spot seeing henry

----

i am never using a nes palette again i say until i use a nes palette again.