So uh I started this artwork when I had one of the worst lows and the ankh cross was a last add-on which also has an own healing meaning, but only could finish it now, because I am mentally capable again and the stress of the final exams is decreasing dawg psychology college aint funny
So it could be some slight vent but it’s more philosophing about the situation
Drawing this was very difficult because there was a reason why even drew it or even thought about drawing it, to this time I was still in a toxic relationship, just recently I was able to leave and i should’ve done it sooner tbh. But I’m glad it’s all over now. But still it reminds me of it but also let me heal.
How many times I craved a hug, not lectures about how many times someone loved them and how I was the first one to give all what I had. Us versus the world, sitting on the moon where no one else is, but still watched by the whole world and admired as a symbol for freedom and achievements.
How can someone take and take and take and take, not ask if the other wants something back? I now think about it a lot, I still hear my dearest friends and families grieve my old spark, I must’ve imploded like a star, this was a punch into the gut. I must have given everything. And I mean everything, that I didn’t even draw Luca and Grawl together anymore.
Quite ironic that I fell for someone like this person and attend psychology college at the same time. I’m not taught the why, thats too much mental jargon, I know myself and I had to learn more the hard way, but I know the how. If that brings me something in life to know I was living through failing operant conditioning in real time, and learned helplessness is a direct result when operant conditioning fails. I didn’t even start trying, I saw no positive results. Not when the primary source told me to figure it out myself, when I clearly couldn’t.
In the end, I left because the people and things around me deserve better. Psychology college will introduce something called the system theory; if things seem so far away physically or in time, they still can have cause and effect on us and others. It’s like a cycle, behavior A leads to result B, and B will again have consequences on our behavior.
Just like the moon being cycle, inside a system and part of a much bigger system, and affecting us throughout history and us affecting the solar system we are in.
The same moon I drew holding Grawl and Luca, away from everyone. Surrounded by stars that will never implode.
This is one of the few drawings of them together again after many months, it feels like I have my real children back after almost a year with an immature man child. And them having the very same thing I had craved for so long.
I found my passion to life again, my ankh necklace a solid piece of my daily routine, aside from my goth clothes and hair and makeup haha, it gives me hope for new life, to start over without fear of losing all.
