anxiety queen

[gcldings-blog]

do you admire any campers from afar?

     “yeah, just about everyone.” 

[gcldings-blog]

Favorite people at camp?

     “that doesn’t seem fair. i like everyone.”

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What is your biggest fear?

     “putting my moms into danger. i’d absolutely hate if they got hurt because of me.” 

[gcldings-blog]

is there someone at camp that you feel is hiding something, pretending to be someone they are not?

     “well, i’d hope not. but there probably is.” 

[gcldings-blog]

how much do you care what others think of you?

     “very little. i think it’s way more important to be yourself than to care what other people think.” 

[gcldings-blog]

why do you hate your past?

     “i don’t. i have a great family.” 

[gcldings-blog]

if you were to ever recently meet your godly parent what would you say to them?

     “Not sure. I’d probably make a fool of myself and say something stupid like ‘hi mom. you’re really cool. thanks for having me?’” 

[gcldings-blog]

[gcldings-blog]

sluheks‌

“it’s  not,”  isolde  encourages  with  the  tiniest  of  a  smile.  “it’s  not  dramatic.  i  think  i  get  what  you’re  saying.”  for  the  daughter  of  hecate,  the  curse  that  had  been  placed  on  her  hurts  more  than  a  missing  heart.  to  isolde,  it  feels  as  though  …  as  though  NOTHING  IS  EVER  RIGHT  ;  her  life  is  a  puzzle  that  can  never  be  completed  and  once  in  a  while,  a  lone  hand  takes  piece  after  piece  until  one  day,  she  will  be  nothing  but  a  shell  of  a  human  being.  “i  don’t  know  what  she  thinks  but  she’d  be  a  fool  if  she  didn’t  want  you,  chester.  you’re  an  amazing  person,  you’re  someone  that  would  make  her  very  proud.”  isolde  believes  this  to  be  TRUE…  otherwise,  she  wouldn’t  be  saying  it.  a  melancholic  smile,  accompanied  by  a  soft  chuckle.  “i’d  think  it  wouldn’t  be  a  good  feeling.  sometimes,”  she  pauses,  thinking.  “sometimes,  i  think  i  miss  something  but…  it  doesn’t  make  sense  when  there  isn’t  something  to  miss…”  

     “it might be. i don’t know.” it was an awful feeling to miss someone and one that chester wouldn’t wish on anyone. while letters home curbed the aching feeling in their heart, nothing beat seeing their moms for the first time in months. at isolde’s words, chester can’t help but blush. they’d never thought that they were anything to be proud of. the decisions they’d made were to help the greater good, not just theirself. and chester had made sacrifices to keep people safe. still -- they weren’t decisions they were proud of. “i hope so.” maybe one day, chester would actually feel like they were someone that athena could be truly proud to call her child. “sometimes, you can miss something that isn’t there. sometimes i miss my father and he was never there. sometimes i miss a normal childhood and i never had that.” but chester still felt sad that isolde didn’t have anything to miss. they stepped closer to isolde. “i hope you never feel the feeling of missing something. but... maybe one day you will.” they wrapped their arms around isolde. 

[gcldings-blog]

sluheks‌

isolde,  during  her  worst  days,  often  forgets  that  she,  too,  has  a  mother.  she  opens  her  mouth  to  ask  chester  what  it  must  be  like  to  have  one  —  until  she  looks  down  at  the  pages  of  her  own  scrawls,  stopping  just  right  before.  hecate  doesn’t  feel  like  a  mother  and  she  has  no  memories  to  rely  on,  to  form  even  the  smallest  conclusion  as  to  what  her  life  before  camp  half  blood  must  have  been  like.  instead,  she  smiles  at  the  other  sheepishly.  “what  is  it  like?  missing  someone?”  then,  she  realizes  how  RUDE  of  a  question  it  is  and  her  face  falls.  “oh,  gosh  —  you  don’t  have  to  answer  that!”  isolde  waves  her  hand,  alarmed.  “you  don’t  have  to  answer  that  if  you  don’t  want  to.  that’s,  that’s  a  pretty  heavy  question.”  

     most days chester can handle the fact that their moms live in a completely different state, far away from them and only talking to them every so often. it wasn’t fair. it was stupid that they had to sacrifice this much to keep them safe. some days chester forgets that they aren’t the only one that doesn’t get to see their parents. sometimes they forgot that people didn’t have parents they even liked. at least they were lucky having someone -- anyone -- that they cared about. isolde’s question was shocking. “it feels like part of my heart is missing,” chester admitted, looking down at the ground. “i know that sounds kinda dramatic, but it’s true. it hurts so much because they chose me. unlike my dad -- wherever he went -- he just gave me up. didn’t give me a chance. at least athena wants me, i mean, i think.” they felt sad all of a sudden, thinking that no one cared about isolde enough to miss her. “it’s not a good feeling.” 

[wickedlymeme]

“I wish it could always be like this.”

“You’re always there for me.”

“The stars are the only thing that makes sense.”

“There’s more out there, you just have to be patient.”

“It doesn’t all have to be existential dread.” 

“You’re so much different when we’re alone.”

“I like it when the worlds quiet.” 

“There’s a place for us somewhere.”

“They’ll name constellations after you one day.”

“Your hearts beating so fast.”

“They don’t know what they want.”

“You don’t know what you want.”

“That’s what they’re supposed to say.”

“We really don’t know what we’re doing.”

“I miss the old you.”

“Nostalgias a trap.”

“Aliens are out there.”

“Did you hear that?”

“I really want pizza right now, think it’s open?” 

“What time is it?”

“But why would they abduct cows?”

“We’ll all be dead soon enough anyways.” 

“I wish we didn’t have to sleep.”

“What do you believe in?”

“What happens after we die?”

“Seems like a silly thing to say, don’t you think?” 

“And what’s your excuse?”

“You’ll get it together soon.”

“Sometimes I feel like I’ll never have it together.”

“It’d be better if people weren’t so afraid of their feelings.”

“You keep quiet and we both lose.”

“I wish I could save this forever.”

“When did you realize you were in love with me?”

“The rooms spinning.”

“I loved you long before you knew.”

“I’m not afraid of death, I think it’ll be peaceful.”

“The Universe is too big for that.”

“Do you think we’ve met in other lives?” 

“I’d come back to haunt you.” 

“Would you come back to haunt me?”

“What’s alternate universe you doing right now?”

“Tell me a secret.”

“Why haven’t you told anyone?” 

“I wish we knew each other sooner.”

“You’re a game changer.” 

“I’m a game changer.”

“Don’t ignore fate.” 

“Ignorance isn’t bliss.”

“What, is that a conspiracy theory?”

“It’s probably the Illuminati anyways.” 

[rpmememaker]

Send “✆” for a MORNING text. Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT. Send “☎” for a RUSHED text. Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text. Send “✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text. Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text. Send “✘” for a HATEFUL text. Send “#” for a RANDOM text. Send “@” for a SCARED text. Send “&” for a LOVING text. Send “%” for a CURIOUS text. Send “ツ” for an EXCITED text. Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text. Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text.

[gcldings-blog]

lrksntgos‌

“Monsters and magic are a total cake walk but demigod boys for some reason I cannot and will not deal with. Romance? Sounds like a foreign word to me so we’re in the same boat.” he grinned. “Maybe, it is, and nope it doesn’t happen with girls just guys for some reason.”

     “exactly! give me anything else and i’ll deal with it. romance is terrifying. and sure it works out for some people, that margin is just so slim.” chester laughed a little as they responded to lark. “i think a bunch of us are in that same boat.” they weren’t entirely sure if that was true or not, but they liked to believe that was. “my mom told me she was like that when she grew up. gym was uncomfortable for her in high school ‘cause she had to watch all the girls changing.” 

[gcldings-blog]

lrksntgos‌

“For someone who can kill monsters and not be affected by it, I somehow can’t even look at a shirtless guy without looking like a tomato and then having to close my eyes. I feel like an idiot, and there’s no magical cure for this, help.”

     “i feel the exact same way. sign me up to slay monsters, invent things, some weaving, heck even a quest. but looking at shirtless people? no thanks. i wouldn’t know what to do with romance if it hit me in the face.” chester let out a little laugh. “maybe it’s one of those things were you just have to build up tolerance. does it also happen when you look at girls shirtless?” 

[gcldings-blog]

holydov-e‌

“Oh, I don’t usually train, actually.” Or, at all, if Angela was going to be completely honest. She knew there were many campers that trained -specially fighting- daily, and even if Angela liked being in shape, she was never particularly fond of practising how to fight or hold a weapon. “I get it, you want to do something more relaxed. Perhaps go to the beach?” 

She snapped her fingers, as if she had just realized something. “Well, what you need isn’t to distract your body, but your mind. So as long as we keep chatting I think it doesn’t really matter what we are doing.” Now, what could they talk about? Because if they kept talking about their family, Chester would get sad again. 

“Perhaps you want to tell me about some new project you had in mind? Kids from Athenea usually come up with some interesting ideas. Or, if that’s not your thing, perhaps you can…tell me about a book you have been reading?” Angela made a face, not sure if Chester was the reader type. Truth be told, she didn’t know what Chester liked to do at all.

     chester was decent in a fight, even if they didn’t like fighting. they’d always preferred being behind the fighters, helping doing other things, like strategy or inventing things to help. even if one of their abilities allowed them to conjure swords -- really it was only one sword. fighting wasn’t difficult for them, they just weren’t that into it like some people. training was fun, on occasion, but chester preferred using their talents elsewhere. “oh, the beach sounds like a great idea.” chester normally wasn’t a fan of the beach. they didn’t care about the whole rivalry between athena and posiedon. wearing a bathing suit was just uncomfortable. today that sounded like a great distraction. 

     “that’s also true. chatting and soaking up some of the sun’s rays sounds like an excellent way to spend the afternoon.” chester smiled at angela. “and in all honesty, sometimes missing them just comes in waves. like it’ll pass in a moment and i’ll be okay again.” they had their reasons for staying at camp, though no one really knew it. “i’ll be okay.” 

     “i’ve not actually been working on any big projects. just little small ones and trying to, i don’t know... i’ve been distracted lately.” they’d been having a difficult time saying focused on one thing for too long, so the smaller projects that they’d been doing were easier to handle. and they weren’t original things either. inventions that they’d come up with when they were little and had been creating for a long time. “i have been reading a book about the gardner museum heist. that and the shining. very different stories.” 

[gcldings-blog]

sluheks‌

between  the  pages  of  her  own  journal,  isolde  steals  a  few  careful  glances  at  the  child  of  athena  with  apprehension.  it  is  unlike  her  to  stay  quiet  when  a  friend  or  any  other  camper,  really,  is  down  —  but  the  daughter  of  hecate  has  been  reminded  plenty  of  times  that  sometimes,  people  just  want  to  be  alone.  she  clears  her  throat.  “hey,”  she  calls  to  them  softly,  furrowed  brows  and  a  slight  frown.  “i  know  it’s  tough  being  away  from  home  for  this  long,  but  i  think  you’re  taking  it  really  well.  is  there  anything  i  can  do  to  help?”  isolde  tries  to  give  chester  a  smile.  “ANYTHING.  anything  at  all,  you  know  i’m  here  for  you.”  

     they didn’t often complain about not seeing their moms. given the choice, they’d be a part time camper -- they just didn’t think they had that choice. camp was still amazing and they had a good time. camp was like a second home to chester. they were just lucky they had a family that loved them unlike some people’s parents who were awful. chester brushed their hair out of their face when isolde responded to their comment. they smiled lightly. “oh, no. i’m fine. i just really miss my moms.” some people didn’t even have parents, so chester knew they were lucky to have three good moms. “it’s just one of those days where i miss them more than i do most days.” but -- eventually chester believed that their pain would dull. when the monsters stopped coming all the time and they had more of a handle on their abilities. they kept the smile on their face, musing. “i’m alright.” 

[gcldings-blog]

rcdcfinc‌

her hands move effortlessly as she worked on the sketch of a new artifact. upon hearing her friend’s words she looked up for a second before looking back down to her worn down notebook. “i get what you’re saying. while this is home, kind of. it’s hard to not miss our family. could you call them through facetime? maybe that could help.. it isn’t like being there but close enough given our circumstances.” linda couldn’t help but feel bad, she too knew the virus called homesickness. “maybe we could do something that makes you feel at home.. like a hobby you do with your moms?” would that help or make it worst?

     chester wanted to be able to see their moms every day, but it was impossible. they felt guilty for their mom almost getting hurt the one time; they had no idea what would happen if that happened again. they dealt with the lonliness for the most part because they had friends here in camp and for the most part enjoyed being around their demigod friends. however, it was disappointing that they didn’t get to see their parents very often. “i guess i could. it’s not the same and i like writing letters to them.” they wrote to them too, and it always made them happy to get a letter or care package from home. although, they knew that not everyone had amazing parents. “my moms and i used to go hiking. or make soap.”