After a bad shift, you find yourself on the wrong side of the railing; right in Abbots usual space.
tags: jack abbot X attending!reader, established relationship, angst
warnings: eluding to suicide, mentions of child death and car crashes
The bright lights of the Pittsburgh skyline are a blur from the tears gathering in your waterline, begging to be let loose to carve tracks down your cheeks, to leave proof of the soul crushing shift you’ve just endured.
You had lost three patients today, the youngest being just 11 in a MVC that came in at the end of your shift, you’re still covered in her blood, your hands still remembering the feeling of her ribs crushing and breaking underneath you after she coded in the ambulance bay and you had to jump on top of the gurney to deliver chest compressions.
Taking a deep breath, you shuffle an inch forward. You’ve never been this close to the edge before. The air is still, as if it’s reading the thoughts in your mind and holding its breath - waiting to see what you will do.
The door to the roof slowly opens, Jack cautiously stepping out and walking forward. It slams shut behind you and startles you out of your thoughts. Whipping your head around, you find him stood there with his hands in his scrub pockets.
“You’re in my spot.” Is all he says.
You suck in a breath and turn back to the skyline, “I needed some air.”
“Yeah, Dana said. Can you get some air on the other side of the railing?” You hear him take another step forward.
Shaking your head, you brace both hands behind your neck, looking up to the sky to avoid the tears from breaking loose.
“She was 11, Jack.” You whisper. “And I couldn’t fucking save her.” You hear him sigh behind you.
“Can you atleast come to the railing, baby? You’re scaring me and I need you safe.” He leans against the cool metal, readying himself to grab you if needs be.
“I can’t save them.” You whisper, ignoring him.
“What are you talking about, hmm?”
“I lost them all, the MVC code, they all died and I couldn’t save them.” You pull your stethoscope from around your neck, letting it dangle in your hand.
“Hey, sweetheart listen to me okay. They collided with a Lorry at 70mph, there was nothing you could have done for them. There’s some we just can’t save, and I know that’s shit and it is the worst feeling but, you’ve got to know you did everything you could to save them.” You look back at him over your shoulder, taking in his panicked face and the tension in his shoulders.
“She was only a baby.” You break down fully, wrapping your arms around your body and sobbing.
“Sweetheart, please come back from the ledge. Please.” You slowly walk yourself over to him.
“I’m sorry.” You whisper, over and over again as he lunges for you. Wrapping his arms around your waist, he helps you over the railing.
“You’re okay baby. I’ve got you, I’ve always got you.” He strokes your hair with one hand while the other keeps a tight hold across your waist, securing you to his front in case you decided to bolt over the railing again, “I’ve got you, baby. We’ll get you through this, okay.”
You nod your head, sniffling into Jack’s chest, balling his scrub top in your fist. “I’m sorry for scaring you, Jack.”
He pushes your head back so you look at him, tucking your hair that had fallen loose from your ponytail behind your ears. “You ever feel the needed to come up here and get air, you talk to me. Text me, call me, hell even show up on my doorstep when you’re meant to be on shift I don’t care, you just come and find me, yeah?.” He presses his forehead to yours and feels you nod, letting out a breath of relief.
“Jesus, first robby takes my spot out there and now you. I can’t ever catch a break with you two, huh?” You roll your eyes but chuckle reluctantly.
“You ever compare me to robinavitch ever again and I’ll throw you off this roof.” He laughs and nods his head mumbling ‘fair enough’.
“I love you.” He pulls you back into his chest, kissing the crown of your head.
