One-Sided Friendship, AmeriKKKan Style
Dilemma: How do I reach a self-described "progressive" who speaks, votes, & bullies the "uppity" like MLK's #whitemoderate?
How do I ask them why USians who quote #MLK and do service for his birthday become ENRAGED when a #POC, as #DrKing did from a Birmingham jail in1963, talks about the obstructive reality that well-meaning whites (or so they say) have been to us for more than 400 years?
SICK of bowing and scraping to protect the feelings of those who simply don't think or truly care about the real-life reality of daily suffering endured by the working-poor service class, particularly if those unlucky Have-Nots are Black or brown. Do they care about their inferior friend? If so, only conditionally. Be smooth and whitelike, like Obama, so you fit in, but know you'll never be accepted or equal. Yes, existence is hell, the daily microaggressions will push you to an early grave. But don't show them that. They won't like it and it's not like they pay attention to or care about our actual well-being, we just need to smile and serve them enthusiastically -- so long as THEY get what they need and I say how great THEY are from my post beneath them. Good intentions are nice, and thanks for them, but if you're telling me to vote for and praise the very entity hurting my family and my community the same way it has done historically... the very entity promising no one's standard of living will change (as if that is a good thing), I question your intentions and your friendship and decency. Is there any other option?
Update: Replied to their outrage with a ridiculously measured, polite, respectful, reasonable, almost deferential -- omg, that was difficult -- response and rebuttal. They responded with "eff off." This is a friend?
Look, fellow POC: If you make a member of the #UnwarrantedDefault nervous, if you don't play your role as they expect and demand, with RARE exception, they will not listen to you, they will not care(or the question will be too overwhelming for them to bear). In return, again, in most cases, they will insult you or dump you. One way or another, ultimately, they will hurt you. That's how this country WORKS. Happens in one-sided friendships where the societally inferior person doesn't always grok the power dynamic. Happens in MARRIAGES; talk to me about mine. Woe to those who don't submit. Those you thought were friends will remind you of the pecking order SUPER quickly, even as they are SHOCKED, SHOCKED that you would DARE think such a pecking order exists. They mean well, or think/say they do. But they do harm they will cause pain to keep far away from them. Likely for their own sanity. So protect yourself. Never silence yourself or play Stepin Fetchit. But know that if you do share your honest concerns, a real friend, even if they disagree, won't attack, they will try to understand. They will listen. And they will have your back even if they don't agree. EXCEEDINGLY RARE.
Most "friends" will disappoint you in the end cos doing otherwise is too big a lift for them to manage. My parents warned me 50 years ago. Turns out they were SO right.
#MLK #navigatingwhitesupremacyforthenonwhite #conformordie #dontmakethemnervous #mindyourplace #illtellyouwhatsbestforyou #nolongeragoodone #plantationnation #CentristsAreTheRealDanger #ListenToPhilOchs #PhilOchs #AreFriendsFriends #CharlieBrownIsOverLucy #GreenPartyOnly #BlackLivesMatter #dilemma #needadvice
