bliss lane
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#extradirty
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pixel skylines
The Bright Sessions
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Fieri Frames
Show & Tell
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sheepfilms
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roma★
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@gehnon
blog is repurposed to be a personal and vent account. i'll try to properly tag any triggering topics (pls let me know if i should add a warning anywhere!)
DNI: standard DNI (racist, homophobic, transphobic, xenophobic, misogynist, ableist, etc), lolisho, AI supporters
my art tags: #old-gehnon-art, #gehnon art, #non sketch ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ
!!TW/CW i talk a lot abt my mental health issues, self harm, sometimes suicidal ideation!!
i hate my hips so fucking much!! the number one thing to get me misgendered. not even my chest, i manage to hide that shit with a binder and baggy clothes. but my hips always show!!
i hate it!!! i wish i could get surgery to get a rectangle build
i know guys advise working out and building up shoulders and back to counteract the hips - but i dont want to be jacked... but i wish i could get rid of the parts that make me super dysphoric and then work on myself
once again realising that looking shit online for hours might be a reassurence seeking behaviour
feeling really anxious all day today
computer, how to feel like a real human being?
i think i'll just quit. i'll send the email abt the purchase and quit
i hate being so naive and so easy to manipulate. im so submissive it makes me sick. i just do whatevdr they want from me and act like i dont mind... but i do. i hate when peoople assume ill just do something for them bc i did something for them in the past
i will help you but i dont want it to be a certainty that im so easy and willing to help. i hate it i hate it i hate it
im so fucking anxious. i should just let them know abt it... but it will break their trust. i want to throw up. why did they have to ask that??
i want to quit
i recently realised i have a new favorite person. im really going through it now :(
what a trade-off...
i get my T shot, which means i get more testo in my system and my acne clears in 2 days
but i also get incredibly moody and prone to anger...
i cut my hair short for spring. and now with my face unobstructed its painfully apparent how incredibly ugly i am
puffy cheeks, large dark eye bags, forehead wrinkles, uneven acne skin, large nose, underbite, etc
and now its all revealed. i want to wear a paper bag over my face like i used to wish as a teen
i could have been something- instead i am nothing and its all my fault
i wasted every chance i got. its laughable how useless and irresponsible i am
i still see suicide as a way out when it gets too much and i get too scared and desperate. i despise being an adult and being so terrified of responsibility
im terrified i'll be alone and helpless
i could have been something- instead i am nothing and its all my fault
1 year on T!!
and next month i'll be 1 year on injection T
i'm so happy!!!
going to sleep feeling utterly worthless again #loveit
feeling anxious, sad, irritable and want to cry all at the same time. i hate this so much
still continues the following day... makes me want kill myself
my mother keeps misgendering me... in public!! using my dead name and grammatical femininum
i fucking hate this. i feel terrible and i have to put up with this shit on top of it... i have a deep voice already and dress like a guy - im always scared of humiliation at least and aggression at worst
ive been out to her for 2 years already, when does it change?? i was patient in the beginning but now im just disappointed and feel disrespected and not taken seriously
i feel like an invisible child
feeling anxious, sad, irritable and want to cry all at the same time. i hate this so much
still continues the following day... makes me want kill myself
feeling anxious, sad, irritable and want to cry all at the same time. i hate this so much
TW Self harm, vent
i dont want to stop self harming
i know its bad for me, but i cant find a reason why i should stop
i tell myself "i have it under control, i do it safely. what's the issue??!!"
i've had this dilemma since i started back when i was 12. i first hid it but then i didnt care. why should i? no one cared anyways. one teacher asked me abt it, thats it
my therapist is forcing me to stop (when we first met i was upfront that i struggle to see why i should stop self harming). but i want to self harm, and this rule she's trying to enforce makes me want to rebel and makes my urges stronger
now i do it almost every day, again. i had a long pause (i think almost 6 months) but the stress got me to start up again