the new york times interview
“I think my traumas as a child became my greatest reserves of strength as an adult. For me to recognize that in other young people, to try to help them see it, is a huge motivator. I was more fortunate than kids struggling for survival on a basic level, but emotionally, I felt serious threats as a young person. It started there [his father’s death] and evolved into my sexual identity. I was bullied all through junior high and high school. I went to an all-boys Catholic school, so it was really magnified. But for some reason, the bullying fortified me. My reaction was not to cave into myself. I expanded.”
“I had so much fear in me back then. I was doing “Angels in America” and pulled [director] Michael Greif and [playwright] Tony Kushner aside and said, “Doing this play is possibly going to facilitate my public coming-out.” They were very supportive. And that summer, all these bullied kids started killing themselves. That’s what motivated me. But I was still so afraid. The one thing I hadn’t said — “I’m gay, too. It gets better. Trust me” — is the one thing I couldn’t say. I came out the next year — after another boy killed himself, just months after he made an “It Gets Better” video. I felt slammed by my hypocrisy. Here I was, hedging my bets. What was I protecting? I had already arrived at the point of being able to work consistently. There was no way around my fear, except through it. And in the same way Audra got involved with Covenant House, I got involved with the Trevor Project. I did the training and had all these amazing conversations. I was someone there to help. And the freedom I feel now, I would never give that up for anything.”
“After I came out in 2011, I gave a lot of interviews saying I’ve never worked more and how it hadn’t adversely affected my career. And I believe that. But I also believe that I would have had more mainstream Hollywood opportunities if I were straight or didn’t come out. I haven’t allowed it to limit me, but I think there’s an inherent resistance to gay men in Hollywood. Which isn’t to take anything away from the mind-blowing progress since I got out of school.”
“I was walking in my neighborhood a couple of weeks ago, and a kid rode by on his bike. Then he circled back to me. He said: “I just want to let you know that I’m gay, and I know you’re gay, too. I’m having a really hard time with my family, and you’ve helped me.” We talked for, I don’t know, 10 or 15 minutes. But for the rest of the day I was so deeply moved — and so grateful for what he had given me.”
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