Just My Thoughts

30•Mom•Carolina•STEM 👩🏾‍💻

[sabrmylove-deactivated20210716]

May the next few months be a period of beautiful transformation

[captainnickii]

Yes 😍

[veganxwomyn]

Free Gypsy Rose Blanchard.

[dramaqueeenamby]

Praise God!!!!!!

[user87262893]

JUSTICE FOR CYNTOIA BROWN!!

[xspvct]

I don’t care what anyone says, being intelligent is so fucking attractive. Like yes, tell me random facts I didn’t know. I’ll think it’s the cutest thing ever.

[purplebuddhaquotes]

The ones who notice the storm in your eyes, the silence in your voice, and the heaviness in your heart are the ones you need to let in.

(via purplebuddhaquotes)

[sjaxoo-deactivated20210115]

[suicide-hesitation]

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

Stop blaming yourself for other people’s shitty doings to you.

They fucked up, not you.

[mysticalcoffeequeen]

Abusive parents will always bring up how they did/do the basic bare minimum as a parent to dismiss their children’s feelings of abuse and make themselves look like the good guy.

[my-eating-disorder-sucks]

My advice for getting out of a toxic household

I know it’s hard to do, especially when you’re in an abusive home, but you need to make sure to work hard in school

Start assembling your paperwork (birth certificate and such) make copies or take the originals when you can, put them in a folder and hide it somewhere safe

Make sure you have someone outside of your family that is aware of what you are going through (a close friend, a teacher, a neighbour, etc.)

Put aside as much money as you can, pennies, small change, and if you can, get a job as soon as possible (I know this part is especially hard when your parents don’t want you to leave the house or to get a wage)

Determine the belongings you need most, in case of an emergency what do you need to take and where did you put it

BE CAREFUL THOUGH

Do not leave these essentials in a bag ready to go, if someone goes through your stuff and finds it you might get in trouble

Make yourself a first aid kit, band aids, 99% alcohol, cotton, tampons, pads, etc.

If you have a smartphone, download apps that allow you to hide your pictures, change the names of your contacts if you need to (my parents did not allow me to talk to boys so I had to change their names)

Don’t use your phone in front of them either! Especially when they’re mad, they will be more likely to take it away from you

If you use your phone at night and your parents regularly check on you, pretend to sleep for 10 minutes every 1:30 hours, people tend to wake up every 1:30 hours or every 3 hours, so learn their sleep pattern and stick to it

These are some things that I can think of right now, don’t hesitate to add more

P.S.: I KNOW that some of these are hard, or impossible to some, you don’t have to do these steps, and don’t feel guilty if you can’t/don’t want to find a job, if you’re not doing well at school, at each their own, these are the things that helped me get out

And please remember that things get better, I didn’t believe it, but they do

Take care of yourselves

[infjintrospection]

What happens when parents expect you to know how to do something, but you don’t because they’ve been holding you back from the world’s experience?

[itismarvelicious]

“Be nice to your parents”, they said, but nobody ever told my parents to be nice to me

[sashafoxx]

“You were such a good kid”

No, I was just easier for you to manipulate and exploit before I started to question everything, now you got a problem with it, and instead of getting on my level, you wanna bring me down to yours, and I’m not havin’ it.

[furiousgoldfish]

If your parents emotionally abused you, you do not owe them shit.

If your parents physically abused you, you do not owe them shit.

If your parents sexually abused you, you do not owe them shit.

If your parents neglected you, you do not owe them shit.

You are not indebted to abusive parents, not for any penny they spent on you, not for any bit of attention they gave to you, not for food, not for clothes, not for any present, promise or kind gesture, you do not owe them anything. By committing an act of abuse against your person they forfeited any kind debt of gratitude on your part. They themselves decided to lose you, your affection, your gratitude, anything they could ever hope to gain from you. It was their choice, it was work of their hands. You are free of any debt to them. They, however, will never not be indebted to you. What they did cannot be taken back, or made up for. The debt is on them. You are free.

[monet-eyes]

“You’re mom doesn’t look as mean as you say she is.” They say.

“And I’m not as happy as I seem to be, either.” I never reply.

- Me (From “Me, Myself and my Mother”)

[furiousgoldfish]

Abusive parents will often target one child for all or most of the abuse, while treating the other children somewhat better, or making other children their favourite/golden child. I thought this was just a symptom of narcissism, their desire to be viewed as a good parent stored in one child they spoil or try to make into a copy of themselves, and their desire to be a terrifying monster who has power and control over a vulnerable human stored in another. However, the problem runs deeper than that.

If you abuse all of your children, there’s a good chance the kids will unite and stand against you. Abusing only one child and then sparing others is not only a narcissistic move, but a strategic one. And don’t think abusers have to be smart to strategize, this is done by instincts. You can feel if you continually hurt a group of people that you gave them a reason and motivation to unite and stand against you. If abused siblings can bond over their abuse, they can create a strong connection, and support each other thru the abuse. They can validate each other’s experience and make sure they all know what’s the truth. They can support each other’s words and arguments, and even prove something in court. Having multiple victims affirm abuser’s wrongdoings, who are completely certain in their experience and not alone and isolated from support, that’s an abuser’s worst nightmare.

However, if you only abuse one of your children, and then spare the rest, you have created the environment where nobody will stand against you and side with the victim. The other children will see the abuse and subconsciously fear that they’ll end up as the next target - and they’ll do whatever it takes to avoid it. They’ll side with abuser, help with the abuse, validate abuser’s side, avoid the abused child or reject them, agree with abuser that the abused sibling deserved it or had it coming. They want to be on the safe side, they don’t want to endure the same abuse, and if you convince them that the abused one is only the target because of some trait - like, they kid is rebellious, or sensitive, or strong, or weak, or annoying or different in any way - then all they have to do is not show these behaviours and they’ll be safe. Until the first victim gets away that is. Then they might get a glimpse of the truth - child’s traits don’t matter.

Abuser will pick out the victim that they feel is safest to abuse. It means they might pick out introverted kid who stays alone a lot, vs extroverted, who might have a lot of friends and would tell someone very soon. They might pick out more hardworking kid because it’s easier to gain profit off of it and bully them into submission. They might pick the kid with strong morals because a kid with strong morals is unlikely to side with the abuser, so they would become a threat if another child is abused in front of them. They might pick a kid who is more compassionate and kind than others because then they can blackmail and guilt them into submission more easily. They’re aiming to create the environment of having one kid isolated, not believed, not supported, not taken seriously, and emotionally abandoned by everyone, even their own family members.

Don’t think they don’t make this on purpose, having one child completely alone in their pain, and fighting against the entire world when they’re trying to prove that they’re being unfairly hurt and mistreated, it’s exactly what they aim and plan for. Every parent who causes this kind of horrible suffering to their child has a special place in hell where nobody cares about their version of the story.