FTM Advice/Information

Skylar. Trans man.

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i couldnt find your new post on dht cream, do you have a link to it?

I didn’t make a new post about DHT. Those posts are a big factor behind the influx of transphobic people to this blog over the last month. They’ve been made private and will likely stay that way for awhile.

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Aside from the unpleasantness of that article, I do have a positive update to share. In some of my last updates I talked about applying to and getting accepted into nursing school. Well, I graduated from my program with honors and am now an RN. When the attention on this blog dies down I’d love to share more about that whole experience.

Edit - Oh, I also hit 10 years on testosterone earlier this year! It’s hard to even wrap my mind around the fact that it’s been a decade since that day. I also passed the 6 year anniversary of when I had phallo.

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Hey y’all, a conservative blog known for peddling nothing but transphobia decided to scour through a bunch of my old posts, posting screenshots and links on their blog. I don’t know what steps I’m going to take yet because I have no desire to lose this space but I may need to temporarily password protect it. For now I’ve hidden it so only people with tumblr accounts can access it. We all know how utterly unhinged these people can be sometimes.

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Specifically related to phalloplasty news since there have been updates in that realm, I’m now 9 weeks post-ED replacement. I switched from the AMS Spectra semi-rigid rod to the Coloplast Titan inflatable pump. This also means I had to have one of my testicular implants removed to make room for the pump. Dr. Chen let me keep both my old ED and my testicular implant, so those make great visual education tools in case anyone was curious what they looked like. I can give an in-depth comparison of what the SR vs the inflatable implants are like but for now I’ll say that I feel ecstatic about my choice in switching devices. I loved what the rod gave me but overall the pump suits my needs much better these days.

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It feels unreal to be typing these words but... I start nursing school tomorrow. After years of steadily working toward this dream (whether I realized it or not), I can’t believe the day has finally, finally come. It’s funny, who would’ve thought a blog I created to document my feelings about my transition at 17 years old would eventually become a pivotal element not only in choosing a career but in getting accepted into my dream school. Additionally, my association with the university has already helped me get added onto one trans-focused surgical publication and it looks like I might be partnering with a surgeon I highly respect to work on a second (separate) publication fairly soon!

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3 weeks, 1 year, 2 years, and just under 8 years post-op A friend recently requested an updated diagram of my chest sensation after top surgery. I’m glad they asked because I hadn’t really noticed the slight areas of increased sensation that I’ve gained over the last 6 years. The highlighted areas represent areas of limited or no sensation. In the first  picture the highlighted areas have no sensation; they were completely numb. In the second and third pictures, my nipples were either numb or had protective sensation (pain) and my scars were either numb or could sense pressure sensation just underneath the surface. At that time my chest had some areas of hypersensitivity as well. In the most recent picture, you can see that there are fewer areas highlighted along both my nipples and my scars. It appears over the last 6 years I’ve gained more pressure sensation in about 75% of each nipple. I can feel some light touches and sensation here doesn’t automatically register as pain or discomfort anymore. As for my scars, the highlighted portions on my inner chest can sense pressure but the portions on the outer chest are a mix of slight pressure sensation and numbness. I’ve had revisions on both sides of my chest so I wasn’t surprised by this. I didn’t highlight the middle of my incisions just below my nipples or the very inner portions of my scars as the sensation around the scar is strong enough that numbness of the scar line itself doesn’t really register. Nerves truly are incredible.

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Hey, congrats on getting into your dream program! I am actually entering the medical field myself (just finished up my third year of med school) and was wondering if you could speak to your overall dexterity post phallo? I’m interested in pursuing ob/gyn and am hesitant about RFF for that reason due to fears of it messing with being able to perform surgeries, but it also seems to have the most success re: erotic sensation and being able to urinate which are both important to me.

Thank you and congratulations on finishing your third year of med school! My dexterity is exactly the same post-op as it was pre-op and has been that way since roughly 4.5 months post-stage 1. I had similar worries about the potential impact on my dexterity but I’m happy to say there isn’t anything I could do pre-op that I’m unable to do now. Every now and then I find that my left wrist/hand tires more readily than my right but that could just be a product of my being right-handed, not solely related to having RFF. Thankfully long-term issues with mobility or dexterity are fairly uncommon with RFF and in most cases can be resolved with physical therapy.

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So it’s been a year and a half

And wow, life has changed. The last time I posted I had just announced my plans to attend nursing school and was still working through my prereqs. Since then I’ve moved to a new state, started taking care of people recovering from phallo, was accepted into every nursing program I applied to, and from that accepted admittance into my absolute dream school. Barring any delays due to COVID (which are likely), I’ll begin classes/clinicals in January. I’m nervous about the intensity of the classes but overall I’m ECSTATIC! I’m around 8.5 years on testosterone and 4.5 years post-phallo. Since my last post I’ve undergone 2 additional phallo-related operations; a replacement of my erectile device (w/ another rod) since my first one was a little too long and a third stricture repair (w/ buccal tissue). This means I’ve undergone 6 phallo-related operations which is admittedly more than I ever thought I would undergo. That said, a few years ago I adopted the attitude of “the only way out is through” which has helped tremendously in mentally processing multiple extended physical recoveries. These surgeries haven’t dampened my happiness around having phallo, nor have they changed how in love I am with my body now. Related to this, last Fall I was diagnosed with hEDS which has likely effected my healing and contributed to my need for additional operations, unbeknownst to us until now. Thankfully I recovered from my ED replacement and stricture repairs well. I’m now preparing for a 7th operation coming up next month - switching out my semi-rigid ED for the pump implant. Also related to phallo, last winter I started the process of covering the scar on my forearm with a tattoo. What started as a forearm piece eventually turned into a full sleeve which now seems to be turning into a full arm+chest piece to cover my scars from top surgery. After my next session I’ll be done with the full sleeve on my left arm. Having the tattoo has made a night and day difference in the way I relate to my scar; where I used to find myself subconsciously hiding my arm from other people, now I’m excited to wear short sleeves and show off the artwork.

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Today is also perfect because it’s the anniversary of my first stage of phalloplasty! 3 years ago today I went to sleep and woke up 6 hours later with my life dramatically changed for the better. Recovery was an uphill climb and some days were harder than others but that was a temporary struggle for a lifetime of peace. I’m writing a few posts and making a few photo comparisons to commemorate this milestone and should have those posted by this weekend/next week depending on how much I need to study (taking multiple upper level science classes while working was a rough idea)

As my relationship to my body has shifted over the years I’ve found that I’m more comfortable sharing certain details and pictures related to phallo that I wasn’t comfortable with in the past. If there are any specific questions or topics you want me to cover or any specific pictures you’d like to see related to being this far post-op then let me know. I’m not going to post pictures of my dick itself but I’m comfortable sharing, for example, how things look in different styles of underwear/pants. I’m also planning on showing the entirety of my arm scar. If I’m uncomfortable with a request or unable to fulfill it then I’ll skip it and let you know if I know another place you could find that information.

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I just signed up for a 7:15am class next quarter. I know I’m going to be mad at myself every morning but the professor likes me and explains outrageously difficult concepts well so I’m telling myself it’s worth it. After next quarter I’ll be done with all of my pre-req classes!

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February 9th, 2019 1 year - 2 years - 3 years - 4 years - 5 years - 6 years - 7 years on T The annual wall of legs! It gets a little more ridiculous with each passing year. If folks find this particular comparison helpful then let me know, otherwise I’m thinking about phasing this one out as my lower legs haven’t changed much in the last 2-3 years. Though changes have happened they’ve been fairly subtle and I’m not sure they’re all too visible through pictures (hair darkening in some spots, slight increases here and there).

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February 9th, 2019 Original surgery: December 20th, 2012 with Dr. Garramone Revision surgery: November 1st, 2017 with Dr. Watt Along with taking pictures for my 7 years on hormones I also wanted to give an update on how my chest is looking since I missed the 6 year anniversary of my top surgery in December. Likewise, it’s been a little over a year since the revision to remove slight dog-earring at the ends of my incisions and I haven’t posted updates on this yet. I wasn’t as adamant about keeping the scars from my revision out of sunlight for a full year but I stuck to this for the most part and always used zinc oxide sunscreen on them when I was shirtless outdoors. As for treating the scars, the only work I put into them was massaging the scar tissue at least once a day using lotion. For additional information, all of my main comparisons and surgery posts are here. A full timeline of my chest healing can be found here.

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It’s February 9th which means I’m now officially into my 7th year on testosterone! This year I’m celebrating by enjoying a rare weekend free of work, studying, or running errands; partially by choice, partially because of the snow storm that hit the PNW last night. What better way to spend a day of reflection and thankfulness than bundled up indoors with friends I love? The power has gone out a few times today so my annual comparison pictures might be posted sporadically as I’m able to upload them.

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February 7th, 2019 1 year post-original surgery, 1 month post-revision, 1 year 3 months post-revision A few people were asking why I had a revision to the ‘leash’ scar on my arm, what it was for, and how it was looking these days so I thought I’d make an update post specifically about it. The ‘leash’ scar is a small scar (can be zigzag, straight, diagonal) that runs from the bottom of the skin graft up to the arterial branch dividing the brachial artery in your bicep to the radial and ulnar arteries in your forearm. This incision is necessary because in RFF phalloplasty the radial artery is removed and used to provide a blood supply to the penis. Some arterial branches are higher than others and I happened to fall into that category, so my scar goes slightly onto my bicep while most people can expect theirs to sit near the crook of their elbow. Because of the location, this scar is extremely prone to stretching and since mine is on my bicep it stretched every time I opened my arm for the first few months post-op. This overstretching caused the scar to widen and the weakest point of the scar tissue became a slight divot when my arm was relaxed. I had some hypersensitivity along this area and, as you can see, some hypertrophic scar growth as well. These issues caused some discomfort so Dr. Safa revised the scar during a series of revisions I underwent in November of 2017. I’m now a little over a year post-revision and couldn’t be happier. Dr. Safa reduced the scar as much as possible and meticulously connected the small ends of the scars he couldn’t remove. I had issues with a few stitches that didn’t want to dissolve or come out but that’s pretty typical for my body and caused more annoyance than anything. The scar stretched a little but overall held up well and the issues with hypersensitivity and the divot in the scar tissue went away. It healed well enough that I genuinely forget I have this scar most of the time.

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My boyfriend is pan like me, but being teenagers, he always rubs me up and stuff. I always tell him to stop because of my dysphoria but his hormones control his every move, I feel so trapped. Is there anything I can do besides plain refusal to go near him? I don't think he'd care if I talked to him about it because he's familiar with the trans concept. Also our families hate us together so... No luck there.

I want to make it as clear as possible that your boyfriend isn’t controlled by his hormones. He might be in the middle of puberty but he’s still a fully autonomous person in control of and accountable for his thoughts and actions. If you say stop he needs to stop, point blank. No whining, no trying to make you compromise, no “but I need to”. Nothing. You aren’t a thing to be touched or an outlet for his desires, you’re a person who deserves to be respected and have their boundaries respected. Feeling trapped in your relationship is a red flag, not feeling like you can say no is a red flag, having to continuously tell this person the same boundary is a red flag. I only get to see a small snippet of people’s lives through these questions but I’ll say that I’m concerned for you because I see a lot of potential for hurt here. I think it’ll be important for you to step back and really question if you feel respected by this person and if you think he would actually take to heart a conversation around why these behaviors are hurting you as well as what needs to change.

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Ey if youre comfortable answering i wanted to ask how comfortable it is to pee standing up with fly-less underwear at a urinal. It seems strange to me cause in my case i gotta yank down the elastic so far and end up stretching them out. Then again im still relying on gravity

I don’t find it uncomfortable at all. I actually find that trying to pee through the fly of my underwear/pants is more uncomfortable for a few reasons. First, pre-erectile device especially tight underwear with narrow flys could push into the sides of my dick and make my stream a little weaker. Keep in mind that my stream was already weak because of a stricture though so not everyone would have that problem. Second, after getting my erectile implant my dick doesn’t have the same flexibility/maneuverability (ie it isn’t super flaccid) so it’s easier to just pull my underwear down a little. Last, when I pee through the fly of my underwear/pants I don’t have the same level of access to my perineum so I’m not able to clear my urethra as well. This can lead to a few drops of urine coming out in my underwear which can be extremely annoying. Nearly all of my underwear is fly-less so I don’t even think about it most of the time. I just go up to the urinal, unbutton and unzip my pants, pull my underwear down and out a little, and pull the shaft sort of to the side and over. I haven’t had any issues with the elastic wearing out over time.

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My 7 year on testosterone anniversary is this Saturday and it honestly can’t come fast enough. I’m growing out my facial hair for a comparison picture and this mustache is terrible