Let's discuss the elephant in my head
I, like many others in the theatre world and arts industries currently, have been sending resumes to a slew of people for months (read as years) now with mixed results. I, also like many others, am at a point that some would call desperation when it comes to working in these fields. All of this to say, recently, I got a job offer from one of these random resume sends; I declined. We're not talking local theatre or regional theatre gig for a few months either. This was a big one with a two-year contract and big connections and I declined.
I can hear you now: "You have lost your fucking mind!" Most of my friends/colleagues think I'm insane too. Honestly, I don't blame them; it was an amazing opportunity that potentially could have led to some pretty big things. But I have learned a lot over the past two, heading into three, years of working in entertainment in the time of covid and I think it is time to put some of them out into the ether.
1) Just because the norm is to jump and go, doesn't mean you have to. It's become such a standard in the industry that anytime a position is offered, the expectation is that you take it regardless of the pay, or benefits, or what it might take for you to personally make it happen. The thought seems to be that you should be grateful for any job that comes along and take it. Don't get me wrong, I am always appreciative of any offer given, however, we should be realistic when it comes to all of the other factors surrounding those offers including the personal ones.
2) No job is worth your mental or physical health. Since the dawn of covid, I have worked some pretty awful jobs under some pretty awful people. I have stayed at jobs that weren't paying me well, weren't providing reasonable benefits, would put me on limited contracts, even though I was full time, so they wouldn't have to provide benefits, been pitted against other staff, patrons, board members, the list goes on and on. The majority of my days were me dragging myself out of bed, going to work, and going back to bed which is no way to live a life. There is no amount of money that can pay to replace your wellness or lack thereof. There is no amount of money that can make your toxic work environment less toxic. There is no amount of money that makes missing the birthday, the wedding, the funeral worth it. There is no amount of money that makes working from 9am - 3 am on a project, that no one in upper management is contributing to, worth it. Go to bed; take the days off.
3) If there is any doubt in your mind that you should take an offer, no matter what it is, don't take it. There will be another one to come along.
4) No one else is you. No one else has had the experiences you've had. Just because a friend, advisor, parent, sibling, colleague says you should do something doesn't mean that you should. What is the ideal situation for one person is someone else's living hell.
5) No is a complete sentence and you don't owe anyone an explanation.
6) This industry is HARD. On all sides of the proscenium, camera, computer, or frame. More often than not, I spend time thinking about what else I could do that isn't what I'm doing now. That's okay. All of us are so beyond burnt to a crisp. We have worked and worked to get to where we are and when it seems like the rest of the world couldn't care less about doing the bare minimum to make society functional again it should be expected that we're tired. And if, for you, that means you need to step away then absolutely do it. And if, for you, that means you sit and fight it out until you go down with the ship then absolutely do it. But whatever you do, just keep making art in your own form. Because we need it and we will always need it.
Here's the thing about artists: we feel. And we feel big things. And we feel small things like they're big things. And with the world and our industry being what it is now, as we continue to adapt and evolve, just as we always have, we deserve to give ourselves some grace. So I'm going to continue to feel the big things and the small things and I'm going to continue to trust my gut, no matter who may disagree. And I'm going to keep looking for the next job, but I'll be doing it with my gut, my brain, and all of their anxieties as loud as ever. Silencing them has never done me any good anyway.
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