Sometimes when I tend to doubt myself, not my worth, my whole self, my sole being.. I have a little voice on top of the voice that is doubting myself trying to talk over that loud voice saying all the negative, hurtful words. That little voice is shouting nothing but positivity and encouragement, a sarcastic ray of fucking sunshine, if you will. That little voice is trying to be heard..
Do you know what I mean?
Like in the movies, when you see a character trying to get to their loved one in a busy, loud crowd, and as much as they try and try to push through, climb over the crowd, yell, scream at the top of their lungs to just be heard and reach out to their loved one, the crowd effortlessly swallows them whole, they never reached their goal. It’s over in a matter of seconds and the screen fades to black..
Thats how I feel when I doubt myself, my whole self, my sole being..
I would always figure a way to rise above that crowd, I would come up with a strategic plan to overcome and win the battle.I would never let my own thoughts get the best of me. But, as of lately, I feel myself getting pushed back with every step that I take & it equals to being stuck in the same place. The dark place where I loath being.
I cant come up with a plan, no matter how hard I try. I find myself not wanting to push through or scream for my sanity. I’m comfortable with sinking and letting my positivity get swallowed whole.
That little voice that is yelling for me to get up and keep going, to stop being so sad and lost, that what I’m feeling will pass, just please just fucking get up and move your ass forward, buy yourself a coffee, put on your music and dance this bullshit away..
Well, that little voice, shes fading..
& I don’t know how to get her back..
Do I want her back?
I should, right?
She’s gotten me through so much. She’s the one that truly knows my being the most..
Sage can’t fix this, oracle cards cant give me the slightest clue..
This is more than magic, more than my astrology sign..
I need to look deeper, into myself..
But thats when I’m ready..
& I’m not ready yet, little voice.
But please, don’t leave me; I need you..
