❛ this is so much nicer than what i’m about to do. ❜
❛ it’s really… it’s really tragic. ❜
❛ what a historic and beautiful and deeply haunted establishment. ❜
❛ i keep walking through cold spots. ❜
❛ i wonder who that used to be! ❜
❛ that’s where we are conversation-wise in our relationship. ❜
❛ well, here goes nothing - you ever seen a ghost? ❜
❛ you ever seen a ghost? ❜
❛ — which is the BEST answer. ❜
❛ say more right now! ❜
❛ LET’S CHANGE THE SUBJECT! ❜
❛ this is a weird topic. ❜
❛ none of us truly know our fathers. ❜
❛ that’s just the setup to my story, so forget about that poor son of a bitch. ❜
❛ and where were you? ❜
❛ so you saw what happened and you did nothing? ❜
❛ let me ask you this - in nazi germany… ❜
❛ just explain to me this - how are you BETTER than a nazi? ❜
❛ when he was holding back the gay part, he did some of his best work. ❜
❛ we don’t have time to unpack ALL of that. ❜
❛ what would leonard bernstein do? ❜
❛ tell him we’re here! ❜
❛ this is the closest we get in adult life to assemble. ❜
❛ you bought tickets, you knew this was coming. ❜
❛ i guess they’re finally gonna kill us all. ❜
❛ we are pretty big assholes. ❜
❛ i used to smoke crack. ❜
❛ freebasing is the greatest orgasm known to man. ❜
❛ sit up straight! show some respect! ❜
❛ i want to talk about what happened yesterday. ❜
❛ oh, you mean like - having friends? ❜
❛ — and they may just have to kill you over it! ❜
❛ none of that matters, but it’s important to me that you know that. ❜
❛ that was the general tone. ❜
❛ you remember the scourge of muggings when you were in second and third grade? ❜
❛ this was at NINE in the MORNING. ❜
❛ now i’ve thrown him off his rhythm! ❜
❛ a phone book doesn’t leave bruises! ❜
❛ i’m still terrified of secondary locations. ❜
❛ if i’m at a place, i never wanna go to another place. ❜
❛ i thought i’d be dead in a truck with my hand hanging out of the taillight by now. ❜
❛ GIVE US SOME MONEY. ❜
❛ WE WANT A GIFT. BUT ONLY IF IT’S MONEY. ❜
❛ what kind of a cokehead relative? you SPENT IT already? ❜
❛ i gave you more money than the civil war cost and you fucking spent it already? ❜
❛ if you’re an adult still giving money to your college, college is a $120,000 hooker, and you are an idiot who fell in love with her. she’s not going to do anything else for you. ❜
❛ hey, it’s been a while since you’ve given us money! ❜
❛ because you should be concerned! ❜
❛ hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? ‘cause it sounds like he sucks, and i’ll totally kill that guy for you. ❜
❛ i’m in a new phase right before ‘old’ called gross. ❜
❛ but only you know where the bathroom is. ❜
❛ i smell a robot. prove - prove, prove. prove to me you’re not a rOBOT. ❜
❛ look at these curvy letters! much curvier than most letters, wouldn’t you say? ❜
❛ is it an E, or is it a 3? that’s up to ye! ❜
❛ but now it’s time for the robot test! ❜
❛ fuckiNG WH A T? ❜
❛ think about that for 2 minutes and tell me you don’t want to walk into the ocean. ❜
❛ thank you for clapping for my political gazebo material. i’m very brave. ❜
❛ everyone everywhere is super mad about everything all the time. ❜
❛ things are getting pretty sticky. ❜
❛ it’s like there’s a horse… loose in a hospital. ❜
❛ i think everything’s eventually going to be okay, but i have no idea what’s going to happen next. ❜
❛ get out of here with that SHIT. ❜
❛ WE’RE WELL PAST THAT. ❜
❛ i dare you to do it. i want you to do it. ❜
❛ i don’t remember that in hamilton. ❜
❛ it’s tomorrow now. ❜
❛ just because you’re accurate does not mean you’re interesting. ❜
❛ you might think that’s an ignorant answer, but it’s not. it’s a great answer. ❜
❛ i don’t care for these new nazis, and you may quote me on that. ❜
❛ i know all that, how do YOU know all that? ❜
❛ i’m allowed to make fun of ___. i asked them, and they said yes. ❜
❛ the bread of bread is bread. bread is god is bread. ❜
❛ it’s just… dads, singing SO loud. ❜
❛ GOD CAN’T HEAR YOU. ❜
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