John marston × fem reader
A Trip Down Memory Lane ♡♡
A/N: dont mind any typos if u see them lol i was half knocked out writing this. Ugh i love john sm. Idk if i should keep this a oneshot or not lmk
You and John go way back, far enough to a time where life wasn't too complicated, opposed to each trifling circumstance. An era where adulthood was further than clouds, life seemed brighter and the world was an encyclopedia with blanks itching to be uncovered. One of those blanks John was yet to discover was you- a rowdy aristrocrat. You were something. Someone loud and funny, refusing to be moulded into shape by your snobbish parents and the dumb flesh-robots they call servants. You also made John's soul sing since the day he met you; the orphanage was a distant memory when your laughter rang in his ears. At times, his own name left him too.
He didn't know when it happened but John realised he was in love- if that's what they call it. He adored your smile and your pretty eyes, the way your eyelashes would flutter when startled and the mischievous gleam in your eyes the minute you heard a scandal. Everything you did made his stomach churn. Even the way you rolled in the mud was so elegant, dirt staining your cheeks and dress, hopelessly clinging there for the rest of the evening. Mornings turned to nights too quickly with your company, and his heart raced as if every heartbeat of his entire life had been squeezed into a single hour. He had to confess, no buts.
So that's exactly what he planned to do. He managed to neaten up his hair, for once, unsure exactly how to do it. Well, he learned decently enough by watching the barber in town brushing other folks' hair- decent enough for a poor teenage boy at least. John somehow managed to gather some flowers, an assortment of colours with each one hand-picked with care. And he wore his nicest shirt, even if it wasn't as grand as your silk dresses. Yet, when he arrived to the spot you always met at, you were nothing but air.
Hours turned to days and then weeks; you never showed up, John didn't even catch you in town either. A tight ache seared through his chest, his heart bleeding to hear your voice again. Doubts ate John's mind, hypotheticals and theories running laps around his thoughts. It's easy to escape behind a wall of 'ifs' and 'I don't cares' which is precisely what the teen did. The ache slowly dulled, his life turned around- he could safely say you didn't live in his brain anymore.
A few years later, John has grown into a fine gunslinger, a member of the notorious Van Der Linde gang. This was his crowd, he believed, John was destined to be an outlaw for as long as the world dealt his cards. The young man found another beautiful woman that knocked the wind out of him, Abigail. Then, Jack rolled in, his son that he begrudgingly has to claim. No, he never said he was a good father, or a good man at all, but he's finally trying not to bicker with Abigail. Fishing with his son gradually became his job, not Arthur's. His found family grows prouder of him.
That was until San Denis streets decided to play matchmaker one fateful noon.
Supplies were running low, plus, Dutch said it'd be an intelligent idea to scope the scenery of the large city in advance of stirring up trouble. John had just finished loading up the wagon, preparing to hop on and get the hell out. The labyrinth they call a settlement drives him to crave the open country. Then, he stumbles across you.
Oh, he'd recognise your beautiful face anywhere, especially when painted with time in such a pleasant manner. You've grown out your hair, long silk cascading down your back in a manner that John could simply describe as angellic. Clad in a sleek, beautiful dress dripped in luxury, the pale blue silk hugged waist before falling loose down your legs. Cream white gloves, long and nothing short of stunning, end just on your elbow. Oh no, his memories of you don't even hold a flame to the refurbished real deal right before him. John is embarrassing himself, staring at you as if you're a ghost.
It's only a matter of time before your eyes meet his. For a minute, the earth started spinning in slow motion and you could've sworn the people around you have just become blurs in the midst of a grand painting. All these years suddenly feel so small, all of your worries have vanished upon recognising the scruffy man across the street. The boy behind your laughs, dreams and nightmares is now a man squinting back at you, confused. Steps morph into an uncertain run, rushing over to John. Nerves twitch in any way that'll bring him close enough to hold onto. Oh, you were so prepared to never see him again that you have no idea what to do in front of him.
"John...? John, is that you?!"
Oh, he could tell that voice is yours from a mile away, for some pathetic reason he'd rather not discuss. On the contrary, John is still squinting at her in unresolved misunderstanding, as if he's suspecting he's finally gone insane. It seems that his legs, however, didn't get the memo, eager to narrow the distance between them in a lazy jog.
You just have to show up at the worst time.
"John! Oh, it's so good to see you again! I-I'm sorry it took so long! I-"
"It did take you far too long. I... I missed you- a lot actually."
How could he not admit it? Since he was a teen, he'd been awaiting the arrival of the girl of his wishes every day. That bouqet withered with each night that went by, unease multiplying with each browned rose. The pomade in his hair only lasted so long, eventually his favourite shirt had also dulled. It had gotten to the point that every inanimate thing around John motivated him to give up. But, he can feel his efforts blooming again beneath your lovely gaze, the sole warmth of your pupils thawing the hurt that fossilized after years of hope. A decade quickly felt like nothing special, not when you remind him of how he hasn't grown much at all.
"My parents, John. They had to ruin that one thing holding me together again," You sigh, "but I'm back John. And I'll stay."
"Well I hope so. It's been a while."
You scoff. He hasn't changed one bit: the awkward silly stance, the painful lack of words. It screams John more than his own face does. Before he could process it all, arms close him into a tight embrace. Vanilla perfume starkly contrasts the earthy scent you used to carry, always playing around with dirt and animals together as a kid.
Guilt hits John like a high-speed supply train. He loves you, too much for a man with a woman waiting for him at camp to. John cares too much for a man with a home to come back to, let alone for a man with enough blood on his hands to stain an ocean. Fingers that have gripped more guns than any other now curl around his childhood best friend, a lady too prestine for such violence. He'll have to do what he's always been good at- being selfish.
"John, I'm heading over to my house now. Wanna walk me there? Only if you're free."
Pink hue on your cheeks- all the memories of a simpler time course through his blood. Tears, happy and sad, make sense now that John encountered the girl who caused it all once more. He should say no. John should be a good man to his darling Abigail and not risk getting attached at all. Sadly, the strings have already tied themselves from the millisecond his pupils narrowed at her silhouette, and John is already tripping at them like he's got two left feet.
"Uh yeah sure, I got time. I was just getting supplies."
You both stroll together. Whoever was in charge of feeding John should be left to retire; you remember the days you were taller than him like it were yesterday. Right now, he's a head taller than you'd imagined him to be.
"Supplies?" You ask, curiously raising an eyebrow, itching for some elaboration
"Yeah, I run with a gang now. The leader, Dutch, he took me off the streets, raised me."
The concern slips off your face upon noticing the appreciative lilt in his voice. His smile is contagious.
"You sound happy; I'm glad. You've really grown, John, eventhough you're just the same."
"Could say the same for you. Gonna ruin that dress too? Just like you used to."
Laughter eases between you both. This is just so easy. You're easier than camp and all the people in it. Because you don't expect him to be anything, nope, around you he can just be John, the silly boy he's been forever and there wouldn't be an ounce of disappointment. The care he feels towards you comes instinctively, not out of obligation as it is towards his most. Scarily enough, you make him feel so warm and fuzzy inside.
"Oh, I wish! Those times were simpler, for sure."
An elbow playfully nudges his arm, dark eyes meeting her dumb, funny expression, immediately warming.
"Marston- the man with such few words. It's almost like you learned english yesterday!"
"Oh hush. If I learned english yesterday, you got an hour of practice before me."
"Me? Oh please, my language is top-knotch! The best of the best! When I speak, the dictionary takes notes!"
You puff out your chest, head lifted high. Time couldn't change you any more than your parents ever could- perfectly boisterous and noisy.
"Still haven't gotten over yourself, huh?"
John's response forces a low thoughtful chuckle out of you, his raspy voice unchanged. Gosh, your relationship is a time capsule that's been buried far too long although never truly forgotten about. Eyes meet for a second and then more giggles tumble out, your hand patting his back. Neither of you can explain all the laughter but it sounds and feels so sublime.
"I don't think I have, have I?"
"You definitely haven't."
"Doesn't look like any of us have grown up. You're still a meanie."
"Mean? I'm a damn outlaw; mean doesn't begin to cover it."
He teasingly scoffs, to which you roll your eyes in mock offense. Jokes come naturally in your presence, just as naturally as minutes pass them by, your house now peeking into view at the end of the crossing. Today might be the first time you aren't glad to see the building that is your home, reluctantly spinning on your fancy heels to face John.
"Well, this is it. My house is just there... you can come in if you want, y'know?"
It's a measly, weak attempt to keep the conversation flowing. John's face says it all too- he doesn't want to leave. Not enough has been explained, and he'd rather not be left to his vices again by you. And yet, responsibilities pile up and block his chances to ever step foot into your not-so humble abode; he'd never leave. Obligations and duties always have to ruin his joy, don't they?
"I-I can't. I got people back at camp waiting, my woman too."
"Alright John, I understand," You sigh, hand rubbing ur neck, "But, you know where to find me now. Just knock on my door, say you're a friend."
You're too pretty, it hurts. That face of yours punches his gut harder than remorse or regret ever does. John can only justify his feelings behind a barrier of 'friendship', aware that the feeble excuse will only last so long. Being a selfish man and constantly pushing his luck too, John is more than puzzled. He's uncertain on what and how to feel around you. It'll pass, he prays, knowing that prayers don't work with raised hands stained with death.
"Bye, John. I'll see ya soon!"
One last smile and wave- he'll have that engraved onto a vinyll of memory. Like a breeze, the interaction is over before he processes that it even came. John, too, spins on his heels and walks off even when each step away from her has his knees buckling in longing and dread.