Getting Artsy

When I was little I felt discouraged to spend time with things that won't necessarily earn you money. I am done with that. This page represents the inner most person I am. The Me, that no-one in my life knows; because I protect it to my own detriment. I am here, because I want to get to know that person. She is an artist, an author, a painter, a singer. But above all else, she is curious.

[gettingartsy]

I am neurodivergent.

I have suspected there was something seriously "wrong" with me for 6 years and after a lot of search I realised the reason for it about 4 years ago. I haven't told it to anybody until after I filled out that really long test for the psychiatrist, because that was the point where I believed myself. I believed that it is not my fault.

At this point I have told some close family (I needed to in order to fill out the childhood portion of the test) and today I have my diagnosis and medication for it.

Sounds like a success story right?

From one perspective it is, and I am thankful for the long way I come. But on the other hand it is also really invalidating and lonely. Family members keep telling me that they don't think I have a problem and treat me as if I was a hypochondriac. Others laugh at me as if I was unreasonable and talk about other people with similar conditions as if they were zoo animals or circus freaks.

I feel really lonely. I do not feel like I can share my feelings with anyone.

If you are also lonely, looking for a friend, or maybe in a similar boat, please reach out to me.

[gettingartsy]

I just lost my Instagram account, it got deactivated because I didn't use it 🙃

I don't know why this affects me this much, since I literally didn't open it for 6 months, but I am still very upset.

To be fair I didn't really use it that much, because I worry too much about what people would think. I didn't even have much followers. I think I got 0 in the fist 3 months, and then got 2 of them 😂

Somewhere inside I always wanted a big Instagram, and I love putting in the effort, I have helped many friends with their accounts. I just don't have the confidence to share my photos. I am afraid of what people might think.

What would you do if you were me? Fight for my account/create a new one? How would you get the courage?

[gettingartsy]

I just arrived to my family's home yesterday after a long time, and today I wore one of my lovely long dresses to the beach.

My family laughed at me, trying to convince me how overdressed and ridiculous I looked for wearing something that actually fits me instead of what they wanted me to wear.

To be honest it feels like they just want to pull me back so they don't look as ridiculous when they go out in public in whatever they wear, because a a beige summer dress will always look better than a neon green bed sheet or what ever that was.

A couple years ago I probably would have changed to avoid hearing all the empty criticism they said, but for the first time today I kept strong and stuck to my decision.

I am so grateful for all the progress since then.

[gettingartsy]

Why are rainy days often more cozy for staying at home. Drinking a tea, having some cake and reading a good book by the window. Or just watching the rain.

This is a storm in the distance

[gettingartsy]

What's the point of knowing what I want to wear and how I want to look like if I am afraid to leave the house like that.

How do I stop caring about strangers' opinions?

[gettingartsy]

Pink lights and cozy nights

[gettingartsy]

Why is it, that now that I pulled my life together I am suddenly alone.

How do I find friends again in my 20s.

Why do I feel so alone if I am around people.

Whe aren't my old friends happy for my succes.

Why do I still feel like a failure.

[gettingartsy]

My partner in crime for my filmphotography

I just started shooting film, and I have shot 3 rolls of film so far. One is scanned, the second is getting developed, the third is in the fridge ❄️

[deviika]

Mary Oliver