who knows?

figuring out life, who knew it would be so hard?

[gettingoutofthewoods]

[gettingoutofthewoods]

grocery run and liquid iv

Well, I was gonna come on here and talk about what a good day I was having, but I am currently being given the silent treatment by a grown man about forgetting to grab something while I was out today. Yes, that was my fault, and I should've put a reminder in my phone, but we're both adults. Talk to me like a person instead of storming out of the house. The emotional capacity of the people I live with is that of a popcorn kernel.

Anyway, I'm still gonna talk about my good day! I had a small breakthrough in therapy today and finished everything on my to-do list (minus the store run)! Scheduling appointments, getting some housework done; it's such a relief when you're able to get important things done.

I've been trying to research coping skills in my spare time, and I came across some information about chakras. Don't get me wrong, this blog is not going to be about a religious journey. That's not what I want for this. On the other hand, the information I found just... clicked. I've felt so unsteady recently, like I don't have a good footing on my life or mental health. It seems like this practice could become a solid grounding technique! I don't know a lot about this ideology, but I'm excited to learn more and post about it along the way!

With this lack of footing in reality, I've noticed that nothing interests me anymore. The things I once loved hold no meaning, and I have no drive to be creative. Losing my passion is an obstacle I've faced before, but this time feels different. Maybe because my situation is completely different this time around? I'm not sure. Creating has always been a good release for me when I'm struggling, but finding the motivation to create has been a struggle in and of itself.

I tricked my brain into creating earlier while I was doing some chores. I forgot how good it feels. The lightness in my chest as warmth spreads throughout my body is unmatched, and I got to feel that for just a second today. I'm hoping that moment can propel me in the right direction and keep me creating.

That's all I have for today, so I'll leave you with this: liquid iv is incredible. I've been getting really into liquid iv recently. Their golden cherry is delicious; I can't go a day without it. Get into liquid iv.

To those of you who made it this far, thanks for rockin' with me! See you next time!

[gettingoutofthewoods]

Hey

Life is fickle and short. It comes with rules and a timeline we are expected to follow. If we don't, our lives are meaningless, unfulfilled, and unsuccessful. That's what I was taught growing up; if I don't graduate high school, go to college, marry a good man, have children, and have a successful career, my life will amount to nothing. I'm a grown trans man. I've only done one of those things, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to do anything else on that list.

My life has been uprooted in an unfixable way over the last month. Great introduction, right? I don't know you, you don't know me, but I'm sharing this piece of my life with you. Well, a piece of debris from what used to be my life.

To the dismay of my loved ones, my life has not gone as I planned. Don't get me wrong, I haven't had a terrible life. I grew up with a great family and a lot of stability. I did extracurriculars, I'm smart, I can say the alphabet backwards; I have a lot going for me. On paper, my life was perfect. Some serious things were happening below the surface (no details here, anonymity), and it has slowly eaten away at me for years. I've let it feast and feast on my soul for so long, and it finally broke everything to the point of no return.

Knowing you have your entire life ahead of you but having no clue what you wanna do with it is a unique hell I never thought I'd have to go through. I always knew what my future would look like as a child; there wasn't fear of not knowing what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. Now, I've lost my friends, my home, my school, and ultimately my identity, and it's my own fault. I am currently living with my parents. They and my sister are my only friends, and I struggle to make it through every single day.

At this moment, I have no plans or goals for my future. I'm trying to figure them out, but it's been so much harder than I thought. I'm doing my best to work everything out for myself, and I hope I can make it back on my feet.

I can't keep all of this bottled in, and my journal isn't cutting it anymore. I guess I'm making this blog for myself, but if you've found this and can relate or are going through something similar, feel free to stick around. I'm going to be posting every day about what I'm experiencing through all of this.

Anyways, it's nice to meet you!