I'm on the verge of a total breakdown. Sciatica. Taxes. Cars. Fleas, possibly. It's an absurd existence.
Jonathan Ames
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I'm on the verge of a total breakdown. Sciatica. Taxes. Cars. Fleas, possibly. It's an absurd existence.
Jonathan Ames
Hey
Life is fickle and short. It comes with rules and a timeline we are expected to follow. If we don't, our lives are meaningless, unfulfilled, and unsuccessful. That's what I was taught growing up; if I don't graduate high school, go to college, marry a good man, have children, and have a successful career, my life will amount to nothing. I'm a grown trans man. I've only done one of those things, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to do anything else on that list.
My life has been uprooted in an unfixable way over the last month. Great introduction, right? I don't know you, you don't know me, but I'm sharing this piece of my life with you. Well, a piece of debris from what used to be my life.
To the dismay of my loved ones, my life has not gone as I planned. Don't get me wrong, I haven't had a terrible life. I grew up with a great family and a lot of stability. I did extracurriculars, I'm smart, I can say the alphabet backwards; I have a lot going for me. On paper, my life was perfect. Some serious things were happening below the surface (no details here, anonymity), and it has slowly eaten away at me for years. I've let it feast and feast on my soul for so long, and it finally broke everything to the point of no return.
Knowing you have your entire life ahead of you but having no clue what you wanna do with it is a unique hell I never thought I'd have to go through. I always knew what my future would look like as a child; there wasn't fear of not knowing what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. Now, I've lost my friends, my home, my school, and ultimately my identity, and it's my own fault. I am currently living with my parents. They and my sister are my only friends, and I struggle to make it through every single day.
At this moment, I have no plans or goals for my future. I'm trying to figure them out, but it's been so much harder than I thought. I'm doing my best to work everything out for myself, and I hope I can make it back on my feet.
I can't keep all of this bottled in, and my journal isn't cutting it anymore. I guess I'm making this blog for myself, but if you've found this and can relate or are going through something similar, feel free to stick around. I'm going to be posting every day about what I'm experiencing through all of this.
Anyways, it's nice to meet you!
🤙🏻
make it stop
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Brad Sucks - Total Breakdown