Hey there, so this is in regards to the post asking if you're over reacting to your partner commenting on another girl's post and a couple of your responses. I’m definitely sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong since you didn’t ask for advice so feel free to delete this as they’ll be no hard feelings on my end. But I've been there and I just want to put my two cents out there since it may help you work through what you're feeling. But I don't really know you or the details or nuances of your relationship so take this all with a grain of salt.
To start off I understand you can't help the way you feel, emotions can be a bitch, so this isn't in any way me attacking you for feeling the way you do. Like I’ve said I’ve been there and it’s easier to look back on a situation having already grown past it then having to deal with it in the moment.
It’s hard but relationships are built on trust, communication, and mutual respect. Having boundaries is important as well but they have to be reasonable for both you, and they need to be discussed. You can't expect him to read your mind or vice versa. It's not productive and will just lead to more heartache in the long run.
Having friends outside of each other is important and it's unfair for either of you to expect the other to not make new ones (or reconnect with old) based solely on their gender. Plus in the long run that's just not practical. One of you may want to socialize with coworkers, or want to have a friendly relationship with your current friends future partners, or maybe someone new gets invited into your circle of friends etc. Neither of you are interacting with these people in an attempt to replace the other and it seem's like you may be viewing his current actions as such. You're not a placeholder until he finds someone better, if he's treating you that way then that's a different issue.
So that brings me to this: Think about why exactly this is bothering you. Is it because you feel he reached out to her in a romantic/sexual manner instead of a platonic one? Is it because you think he's only talking to her because he finds her attractive and not because he wants to catch up with someone he used to know but drifted apart from? Are you worried you're not enough for him and he's trying to replace you? Is it some insecurities talking? Has he given you reasons not to trust him in the past that could be contributing to things? Is it her responses to his messages the problem? Is there a double standard happening? It could be any of these reasons or none of them, either way is fine just do your best to get to the root of it. Then talk to him. Discuss the way you're feeling with him now, get his side of things too. My guess is he's not out there trying to hurt you so a discussion of how and why you're feeling the way you are could ease your mind.
In the end how you handle this is up to you, but I'd recommend discussing it now rather then later so resentment doesn't build up between you two. And if the conversation goes sideways and it turns out that he is a dick that can't be trusted after all at least you'll find out now rather than later. You deserve to be with some you feel safe with and supported by, if that's not him it's unfortunate but the trash can be taken out now before it starts to stink everything up. But if he is that person you shouldn't throw the relationship away from something that could be solved by a heart to heart.
Regardless of what you do with this message I do wish you well, and I hope that things end up working out well for you.
hey, I appreciate you for coming at this in such a nicer manner than everyone else was, like actually!
I thought about it and it was a lot of my insecurities abt past relationships and myself, tho he admits that maybe he shouldn’t have done it on a video of her thirst trapping 😭 which was my main problem with the whole thing but I forgot to add in the video. It was on both of us tbh, but the problem is solved and everything is better. Ik i gotta get over my issues, they’ve just been so bad recently I can’t help it.
