mid-exam thoughts: about growth
Give yourself time. Something you should tell yourself daily, every morning or evening, when you can't control things you want controlled.
Growth takes time. Consistency is key, that's what everyone says, but how consistent? I worry that if I don't do enough, I will never grow, and I worry how much is even enough––is the current progress "enough"?
These problems arise not more than once. For me, it was from last year, hoping that my essays get better and they return, marked, with an average 60. Well, that's not too bad, but it wasn't enough.
The easiest way to tackle with it is to observe. Write journals, keep up with what you have done, retrospectively judging the things you did in a day––how much time spent on social medias and on studying, what you understood from your study sessions, new methods of studying? Or perhaps new note-taking methods. Or just plainly your feelings. Actively observe yourself, your tendencies and motivation "triggers".
Sometimes days pass without anything done. You might too, but never judge yourself on that. Improve, give yourself chances, don't scold yourself. It demotivates you. You don't learn from "pain", you learn from "belief". It was a major mindset change, now that I reach the second final paper.
Saying, "You can do more if you want to," was better than saying, "You should've done more."
But it's true. Everyone can do more if he wants to, a desire that's supplemented by a belief and faith in one's capabilities. That's really what matters.
Now that I think about it, yes, I did grow. From the point I started my degree, until now, my writing definitely got better. I know it. I keep my written essays somewhere and once in a while I compare them. After you know what you did at two points in time, measure the time you took to grow from that point to this. Well, it was long for me––it took a good six months to get to a better but not perfect stage.
Was it enough then?
Of course not. I know what I have not been doing, and the reason I took so long to improve was the inaction, the inconsistency, and the slacking-off.
I start from this point, now, and keep track again. I'm striving to improve. I know how to do it now, it's just a matter of time.
ghosten xx
















