Ghost Incorrect Quotes: Internet Edition

The band Ghost, but as random shit I find on the Internet. I can't edit videos for shit, but I can sure do this! Will include anything I find on the internet, even if that wasn't where it originates from.

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Sunshine: Live your life like you’re 2001 Nichole Kidman leaving her lawyer’s office after divorcing Tom Cruise.

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Young Nihil: I’ve been uncomfortable many times before, but today I was out with my son, and we were passed by a slow-moving hearse and funeral procession… My son is dressed as the Grim Reaper… He fucking waved to them…

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Swiss: What would you rather find living in your attic? A thousand roaches, or a person?

Copia: On Satan, this is the first “would you rather” that I’ve ever had to devote significant thought to. Neither of these answers feel good. With a thousand roaches, fuck, I have a thousand roaches! I have an infestation; how am I gonna deal with that!? I have to deal with pest control, I have to hire someone, I have to move all my rats while they fumigate, I’ve been living with a thousand fucking roaches (probably more). And then, there’s finding a person… How long have they been there? Have they been pissing in my sink? What have they been doing? Do I have to fight them?

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Sibling of Sin: So, you’ve been around for a while now, and have been to many places. What’s the weirdest thing about US culture in your opinion?

Special: Every twenty years or so, their government will declassify a document that says “You all were right! We did that! What are you going to do about it?” And, everyone just moves on like it’s nothing, because, yeah, what are they going to do about it?

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Mountain: Hey, Aether?

Aether: What do you want?

Mountain: Do you think the process of metamorphosis hurts?

Aether: What?

Mountain: Like caterpillars and stuff. Do you think it hurts? Does the transforming creature inside the pupa understand what’s happening to it? Do you think they’re scared? Do you think they’re afraid?

Aether: Why are you thinking about this at 3 AM?!

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Aether: What would the American people do without those courageous perves of the TSA willing to risk their life and your dignity to pat down that suspicious groin area?

Dew: I’ve been putting coins in my foreskin just to fuck with them.

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Special: I cannot put into words how much I fucking loathe the fact that when I search for something on Youtube, it will randomly intersperse blocks of “people also watched” or “for you”. THAT IS NOT WHAT I ASKED FOR, YOUTUBE! I typed in a search query because I wanted to see results for that specific thing, not random, unrelated garbage you have placed in my way, apparently to either inconvenience me or force me to scroll further for actual results. I despise your wretched little games! Every time I see it, I can only instantly close the tab as I am overcome with the urge to burn something down!

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Copia: I was walking a friend home last night, and I mentioned to her that I’m quite oblivious about when someone likes me. I said “someone could smack me in the head and I wouldn’t know they were into me.” She then smacked me in the head, and I responded with “Ow! What the hell was that for!?”

Terzo: I mean, to be fair, you did specifically tell her that wouldn’t work.

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Secondo: I’m sick of living in this satirically dark multiverse! How do I force my consciousness to shift to a sane timeline? Aether: You have to buy a banana with exactly 112 spots. Then, on a Friday at exactly 3:33 AM GMT, go to your bathroom naked from the waist down with the exception of a real leather belt. Stare yourself in the eyes as you eat the banana. Then, force a two second fart; it should have no odor. You’ll know you made the shift successfully if you exit the bathroom, and within 4 minutes, you hear a helicopter and a passing 2002 Toyota Camry playing “Muskrat Love” by America on the street.

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Dew: Ladies, what would you do if, say, you went to a funeral with a guy you’ve been kinda seeing for a little while, and let’s say he got up to be a pallbearer, but the casket was too heavy and he caused everyone to drop it?

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Swiss: Anyone know where I can buy a long spoon? Like, I want all the dimensions to be the same, but with a handle that’s, like, two feet long.

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Young Sister Imperator: I’d like to thank whoever told the boys that when they lie, their eyes change color. Now, whenever they’re lying, they close their eyes, and my job just became a whole lot easier.

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Terzo: Don’t you just love that mental disorders are basically buy one get seven free?

Primo: I didn’t even want the first one! Dad made me get it!

Secondo: Mine was a family heirloom from my mother passed down for generations.

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Hey all! Come Friday night, I'm going to be out of the country and unable to access Tumblr for 3 weeks. Ain't no way I'm paying the exorbitant amount they want to charge for internet access there; this trip alone was really hard to scrape up the money for without paying for unnecessary luxuries. Just wanted to let y'all know what's up when I go quiet for an abnormal amount of time. I'll get right back on it as soon as I get home though! Thanks in advance for understanding!

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Copia: Good luck sending me mixed signals. I don’t even understand the direct ones!

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Rain: Does anyone else go out with people and feel like their friend is some local politician that knows literally everybody, and you’re just their weird mute friend who just left the house for the first time in 8 years and is learning how to smile again, or is it just me?

[ghostincorrectinternetedition]

Aurora: Self-discipline is hard because I’m the boss of me, and that gal runs a real loose shipwreck.