I spent much of the last day of 2013 taking inventory of my year. There were many things that went very right: I cultivated some amazing friendships, led worship with and for incredible people, went to Disneyland, visited Hawaii for the first time, and even rode my bike 100 miles from Irvine to Mission Bay. I see how God has faithfully provided for and blessed me. Undoubtedly, there were some really great moments last year for Gia.
There were also some not-so-great moments. I can and will consider myself a victim of some trials, but I’ll admit that many were due to “user error”. There are things that I’m not proud of—things I shouldn’t have said or done, a lot of time wasted, New Years resolutions I never followed through on. Then there’s the fact that I really didn’t go to Disneyland as much as I should have, which surely had a negative effect on my year.
As I weigh the good and the bad, there’s probably more bad on my list than I would like. But God is good. God is faithful. He is merciful and gracious. I’ve surrendered that “bad list”. My sins are forgiven and lessons have been learned. Fiery trials have refined me. Heartache and pain have made me stronger. I can read through every situation in my “bad list” and not grow bitter, because I see that God was with me the whole time. He never left me. He was there with love, patience, forgiveness, mercy, grace, strength and comfort. Surely, His goodness and mercy will follow me through 2014 and all the days of my life.
This year I’m not going to make any New Year's resolutions. I’m not good at them. However, I enter this year with hope and excitement. I do have a number of life goals that have nothing to do with a new year but everything to do with taking the next step. These goals are steps towards having a better relationship with God, being a more fervent worshipper, being a healthier and better woman, accomplishing more musically and artistically, living and loving more, and just being a better friend and human being in general. My heart is to take these steps as God leads and transforms me through His word; not in my own strength, but by the power of the Holy Spirit. Today is not the day that I overwhelm myself with starting a bunch of projects towards being a better me. Today and everyday I give myself to God that He might have His way. These aren’t New Year's resolutions. These are life resolutions that will cause me to grow throughout this year and the rest of my life.
I could dwell on that “bad list” I had mentioned earlier and get very depressed. Actually, I did that yesterday. I don’t recommend it. Maybe you did the same with your “bad list”, and joined me yesterday as I sat in the dark and ate my feelings (literally…ice cream, berry cobbler, chocolate, pasta, burrito…okay, burritos). Maybe you’re still there today, focused on what you've lacked rather than gained, dwelling and dying in the past instead of living today, and fearing your future instead of trusting the God who holds it. I haven’t reached the highest level of unshakable faith in one day. I was eating my feelings just yesterday and I might be right back there tomorrow. BUT I did read this out of Spurgeon’s “Morning & Evening” devotional this morning, and it was just what I needed to start the new year.
"They did eat of the fruit of the land of Canaan that year."
Israel's weary wanderings were all over, and the promised rest was attained. No more moving tents, fiery serpents, fierce Amalekites, and howling wildernesses: they came to the land which flowed with milk and honey, and they ate the old corn of the land. Perhaps this year, beloved Christian reader, this may be thy case or mine. Joyful is the prospect, and if faith be in active exercise, it will yield unalloyed delight. To be with Jesus in the rest which remaineth for the people of God, is a cheering hope indeed, and to expect this glory so soon is a double bliss. Unbelief shudders at the Jordan which still rolls between us and the goodly land, but let us rest assured that we have already experienced more ills than death at its worst can cause us. Let us banish every fearful thought, and rejoice with exceeding great joy, in the prospect that this year we shall begin to be "forever with the Lord."
A part of the host will this year tarry on earth, to do service for their Lord. If this should fall to our lot, there is no reason why the New Year's text should not still be true. "We who have believed do enter into rest." The Holy Spirit is the earnest of our inheritance; he gives us "glory begun below." In heaven they are secure, and so are we preserved in Christ Jesus; there they triumph over their enemies, and we have victories too. Celestial spirits enjoy communion with their Lord, and this is not denied to us; they rest in his love, and we have perfect peace in him: they hymn his praise, and it is our privilege to bless him too. We will this year gather celestial fruits on earthly ground, where faith and hope have made the desert like the garden of the Lord. Man did eat angels' food of old, and why not now? O for grace to feed on Jesus, and so to eat of the fruit of the land of Canaan this year!
Charles Spurgeon, Morning and Evening
That's how I want to eat in 2014!
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