So i was thinking about Akutagawa's entire character arc in Beast and need to get this out:
In early chapters we see his backstory. We know he's capable of violence and how that violence resulted in Dazai taking Gin away. He acts abrasive at first to Oda and the rest of the ada, and seems to think that everything could be resolved by force because that's all he knows.
In chapter 6, Kenji tells Akutagawa that his friends gave him their "better halves", implying that his act of avenging them was something noble (because of the intention behind it) instead of despicable (at least, that's what i understood). And he says that he's sure Gin and him would reunite. See how hopeful Akutagawa looks:
Multiple times the ada gives him encouragement words and (show him better coping mechanisms) help him tone down his violent reactions... the most important imo being this one and Oda's speech:
And then, chapter 11: Atsushi taunts him by saying that "there's no one on his side", but then Tanizaki comes to Akutagawa's aid and reassures him...
He just can't believe there are people willing to help him.
Tanizaki basically spells it out loud for him and he seems to understand, but Akutagawa, however, has this thing where he NEEDS to hear the right words from the right person. He's still so insecure about his own goodness, so Atsushi telling him point blank he can't ever be good, that his motives are selfish and that he will not stop at that and continue in a path of destruction is like pouring salt in an open wound.
When he reunites with Gin:
His sister resents him and that hurts him badly (metaphorically and literally). But she's not aware of Ryuunosuke's good intentions (because his end goal was just seeing her again, despite what Dazai made Atsushi and Gin believe) and the growth he went through in his short time at the ada.
She keeps on blaming him for something he did out of desperation as a kid, and her words are devastating to him. And no matter how many times he tries to convince her, the impression he left in her four years ago is terrible and Gin simply doesn't believe him.
(To be fair, he still has cruel outbursts and that does not help the case at all. See: Kyouka. It's logical though, because that's all he knew for years).
All the hope Kenji, Tanizaki, Oda, and the rest gave Akutagawa was crushed in seconds:
(hoshikawa's art is insanely good look at that face)
There's also the added weight that Gin's life was to be taken in exchange of keeping him alive. Of course Akutagawa would not accept that. So he reacted as he's accustomed to: Lashing out at his enemies. That made everything worse because again, he was proving the point that he wasn't capable of anything else. And he could tell.
Chapter 19: Akutagawa keeps a tough facade until this point, where he doubts his own resolve after seeing Atsushi's strength. He also remembers Oda's speech to him but questions (even dismisses) it.
He's done, he can't defeat Atsushi like that. He's basically unconscious at this point. We get the reveal that he the 2nd person he wanted to kill at the beginning was himself. He absolutely dreads being impulsive and violent. He knows that's what kept him apart from Gin and the cause of all his grief. He's already in an abysmal headspace so all he can think about is to just, end it.
until.. Kunikida comes in with the steel chair!
i literally cannot explain how impactful these lines are. (i'm sure somebody already pointed it out)
Kunikida's words are the catalyst. Akutagawa finally understands that he's not doomed. That he can turn his life around to be what he desperately wants to be: Good. And he, quite literally comes back to life because of the support he got from the ada.
Still, he has to deal with Atsushi. This new-found inner strength and confidence (which he lacked at first) helps him to do so, and this moment i feel is the turning point:
Atsushi begging him to kill him. And Akutagawa understanding all of Atsushi's past, the trauma and grief. And deciding not only that he won't kill him, but wanting him to heal.
"Spit blood, tiger. Spit blood then move forward"
He then tells Atsushi that if he fails to move on he would be there to make him come to his senses. In his own, messed up Akutagawa way after all, he wants to help him.
(i already mentioned this in another post but!) looking at the very ending:
“even if this world is no more than a fleeting shadow…”
This sentence is unfinished (it continues in the last pages), but can be read as “even if its no use, i’ll keep fighting to protect this world” (also part of the "mission" Dazai gave him and Atsushi). If his goals at the beginning were pure selfishness, now they are nothing but selfless.
if you made it this far, thanks for reading🖤
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