The best thing I learned from getting older was how to shut the fuck up once in a while, but I still struggle with it, especially on Discord. Being clever off the cuff seems to come naturally to everybody and I just don’t know how people do it. How do you just BE cool? How do you not have the urge to delete everything you say as soon as you say it? How do you deal with the mortifying ordeal of being known? Does it EVER get easier? I feel like if I was ever gonna figure it out I’d’ve done it already.
There was an AskReddit recently, asking “When did you realize YOU were the problem?” Somebody wrote and said they were painfully shy and insecure in school, and noticed that nobody wanted to talk to them, which made it worse. Someone finally told them, “It’s because people think you’re stuck up.” The Mr.Darcy syndrome. If you’re insecure you’re quiet, and that reads as aloofness, when really you’re just a brick of worms held together by a desire to be cool. I’m so afraid that’s how I come off sometimes, because if I had endless hours, I’d heap love on everyone, always.
Tough also because I am exhausted ALL the time, mentally exhausted. I just don’t have a huge capacity as it is, and I spend most of it on my son and just trying to be a person doing regular stuff. I’m trying to divide a single portion of mental energy among ten plates and it gets pretty thin when I get to the Fandom plate. I want to tell every person who creates gorgeous stuff how much I love it, want to write sonnets for the best of them. It’s what you deserve, but I got one little proverbial spoon to dish up with.
Love you, though. I hope you know that.
vaporwave
turnnoffyourmind
2087
titsay
gummygunk
annaxmalina
ellievsbear
blakekathryn
