Aries: You love like a 3rd degree burn. Intense, occasionally painful, constantly covering yourself in aloe.
Taurus: You love like a Gregorian choir. Loudly, all at once, and only at the specific behest of the catholic church.
Gemini: You love like the battle of kursk, slowly, unshakably, wading knee deep through dead nazis.
Cancer: You love like the centurion in line at Starbucks. Furtively, simply wishing not to be bothered, and carrying a massive goddamn spear if anyone decides to piss you off.
Leo: You love like the large boulder perched atop a nearby hill. Ready, at any moment, to crush some unsuspecting human.
Virgo: You love like a sick elbow-drop. Inefficient, with great risk of injury, but terribly stylish.
Libra: You love like an antique store, slowly, fostering the orphaned and unwanted, home to at least two cats.
Scorpio: You love like gambling debts, growing constantly, with an even more constant threat of shattered knees, you know, from love.
Ophiuchus: You love like a Sasquatch, furtively, out of focus, but intentionally so.
Sagittarius: You love like the moth-eaten wedding dress locked away in the attic of an old house. Definitely haunted, like seriously goddamn haunted.
Capricorn: You love like a brick hurled through the window of a print shop in the early morning, either as a warning, or a random act of chaos.
Aquarius: You love the lullaby from inside the walls. You have no business being this comforting.
Pisces: You love like the Muppets. The stars refused to tell me what that means.