The fan fiction culture of "no criticism allowed ever ever ever!" has seeped into fandom culture in general, to the point that anyone who analyzes media is dismissed as pretentious and annoying and I'd just like to say: it sucks
genre: angst with a happy ending (hanahaki disease)
warnings: vomiting, blood and mentions of death; usage of childe's real name; very slight childe story quest spoilers
author's note: finally finished this! (◍•ᴗ•◍)✧ i hope it ended up being nice. reblogs are appreciated and requests are also open! i'll get to the current requests soon~
a trail of blood dribbled down the corner of your lips as you panted, trying to take in as much air as you can after you spent nearly half an hour coughing out flower petals. you leaned against the wall of your bathroom, eyes clouded with pain as you think about your decisions.
'was this really worth it?' you close your eyes. 'is he really worth it?'
it's been months since you first coughed up flower petals. it's been months since you realized you were suffering from hanahaki — from unrequited love — yet you made no move to either confess or get them removed.
how foolish, some might say. why keep it in when it's clearly killing you?
simple. you didn't to lose more things than you already had.
ever since ajax — your best friend, your childhood friend, your pillar, and your beloved — returned from wherever he disappeared to when you guys were fourteen, he was never the same. gone were the days of happiness and love. he was no longer around you as much as he used to, and when he was, he was colder than before. his eyes lost the light in them as his hidden lust for battles bloomed into fruition.
your ajax was gone. in his place was the tsaritsa's tartaglia.
you know that confessing to him is practically begging for your death to be swift yet despite it, you didn't want to get the petals removed either. because should you get them removed, you'll also lose your memories about ajax and the ability to feel love like every other human.
your memories is all you have left of your ajax.
so here you are, suffering alone in your cold bathroom, waiting for death to come knocking on your door.
shaking your head, you force yourself to stand back up on your feet. you flushed down the bloodied petals and brushed your teeth to get rid of any remaining blood in your mouth. as you changed into a fresher set of clothes, you heard someone knocking.
"big sis?" it was teucer. "i have something to give to you!"
forcing a smile on your lips, you open the door to your house and usher the young boy in. seeing him, a carbon copy of ajax, made your lungs constrict.
"hello, teucer," you greet, patting him on the head. "what is it? you seem awfully excited about it."
"here!" teucer passes you a small keychain. upon inspection, you realize that it's a starconch that you only used to see in books. "big brother sent us a letter with some keychains, mama said we should give you one."
hearing this, you force your smile to grow in order to hide the longing you were feeling.
"thank you," you say. "tell your mom that too. i should visit again sometime."
teucer nods, excited to have you around again in their home. "when big brother comes home with his new friend, you should totally visit! he told sister tonia how nice, strong, and pretty she is — you would totally get along with her!"
at his words, you freeze up.
you know it was totally possible for him to befriend someone of the opposite gender other than you but the way he described her made you feel uneasy. all this time, he cared nothing but to serve the tsaritsa. yet here he was, talking fondly about a woman he met in his travels — someone he wants to introduce to his family.
unknown to you, teucer noticed the way you froze up and started calling out your name. but you were too deep in your thoughts that it was only when you felt your chest tighten did you move.
"big sister, what's wrong?!" teucer shouts, panicking. he was at loss on what to do that the moment he saw you collapse, he could only run and cry for help.
a month later, in liyue harbor...
dull ocean eyes glanced up at the starry sky as childe falls into a deep state of thoughts. the last words lumine said before leaving the bank kept ringing in his mind.
"your brother wanted me to persuade you to come home," she told him, a frown on her lips. "he says that since you make a lot of money, you should also try getting medicine for (y/n). i assume she's either your sister or a friend."
"a medicine for (y/n)?" childe echoed, eyes wide with surprise and confusion. "did he say why?"
"he told me that she was sick and that she passed out when he visited her last month. it seemed like whatever she's experiencing is serious since teucer almost cried while telling me. he also said that she insisted that she was fine and that it was just because of a cold but teucer thinks otherwise."
lumine then looks into his eyes. "i don't know who she is but, childe, if she's important to you, you need to see her before it's too late."
memories of his childhood days soon flooded in his mind, feeling him with regret. it's been a long time since he last saw and talked to you. he can't believe he set you aside and forgot about you while he was too focused on conquering the world.
he feel ashamed to even say that he loves you.
wanting to make it up to you, he quickly arranges for a trip back to snezhnaya. in two days time, he found himself standing in front of your door.
back then, every time he returns to snezhnaya, he always runs straight back to his house after reporting to the tsaritsa about his mission. however, this time, he went the opposite way and went straight to your house. he wastes no time and uses the spare key you gave him before and flings the door open.
he runs inside, calling out to you with urgency and fear. as soon as he enters the bedroom, the stench of blood greets his nose, making his heart drop down to his gut. he enters the room carefully and grimaces at the sight of the bloodied flower petals on the floor.
with much hesitation, he raises his gaze to look at your form, wishing nothing but to see you smiling at him and that these were nothing but fragments of a nightmare. unfortunately, the moment he landed on your form, you were deathly pale and unconscious. and as much as he would like to deny it, you were lifeless.
or so he thought.
"i don't know if... if the gods are pitying me... or if they want to make me suffer more by making you appear in my dream..."
his glassy eyes immediately turned to you and he could only sigh in relief upon seeing you still alive. he quickly rushes to your side and puts your cold hand against his cheek.
"(y/n), it's me. it's me, ajax. i'm here—" he gives your hand a squeeze as he uses his other hand to caress your cheek. "you're not dreaming. i'm here, i'm home."
"ajax..." oh archons, he misses hearing his name from your lips.
"teucer told me what happened. i'm taking you to the doctor, you need to get treated."
he tries to scoop you up in his arms but you started hitting his chest, signaling him to stop.
"no," you croak out. "i don't want to get treated. i don't want to lose the most precious thing to me..."
"what— what do you mean?" what could be more precious to you than your own life? "(y/n), you're going to die at this rate if you don't get treated. you... you can't die yet."
at this point, childe was about to cry.
"i'm suffering from hanahaki disease, ajax. i'm suffering from unrequited love," you confess. "if i get treatment, i'll lose my memories and my feelings. i'd rather die than forget about you."
"...what?"
"i'm in love with you, but i know you don't feel the same way—" you started coughing, prompting childe to help you sit up so you can cough easier. "—and as much as it hurts me, i know that even when i leave, you'll be taken care of. after all, it sounded like you found someone who can be on par with you."
he looked at you, confused, until it hit him. you must've been talking about lumine. realizing this, he curses himself and tries to collect himself so he can clear things up to you.
"take care of her, aja—" "no. you got it wrong."
surprised, you look up at him. it was only then he realized how frail you've gotten — and it's all because of him.
"i don't like her that way. i don't like anyone else that way. the only person i love and want to be with is you, (y/n)," he confesses, hoping that you would believe his words. he knows that even if his words were from the bottom of his heart, it wouldn't help you if you didn't believe him. "i love you. so please, hold on. you can't die just yet."
to your and his surprise, he started crying. tears started cascading down his cheeks like a river as his grip on you became desperate.
"please, (y/n). let me show you that i really do love you. let me make it up to you for all the years you suffered alone. you can do anything to me, just don't die just yet," he whimpers. "please. please stay with me."
as you wrap your arms around his shaking form, you could feel the knot in your chest disappearing. for the first time in months, you could breathe freely.
"i promise—" he pulls away slightly, wiping his tears with the back of his hand. "—i'll take care of you. i'll help you recover, i'll show you how much i love you."
he presses a kiss against your forehead, relaxing when he felt you grow warm.
"i'll make sure that you'll never be alone again. i love you, (y/n). i really do."
"i love you too, ajax," you say softly, basking in his warmth. "thank you... thank you for loving me."
and for saving me — you add in your mind.
"i should be the one thanking you," he chuckles weakly, smiling at you. "you should sleep, i'll clean your room and make you dinner."
"can you stay with me for the night?" you ask, scared that this might actually just be a dream and that he will be gone once you wake up.
"of course," he reassures you. "tomorrow, i'll bring you to my house."
you nod and let him push you back down against your mattress. he tucks you in and presses a kiss against your forehead again.
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