[damien-summerfield-blog]

  Damien’s eyes grew wide After all this time, he thought the other male had forgotten their night together, now that he knew that the other male had lied, it changed a lot of things. “So all this time?” He responded, still not knowing exactly what to say because everything going on right now was still processing inside of his head. “You don’t have to, Gio. I honestly don’t want you to ignore it if you haven’t already realized.” Damien didn’t know if it was the right time to be joking but he went ahead and threw one out there just because it was normally his reaction to things that he didn’t know how to rightfully respond to. Even Gio acting like a complete ass to him wasn’t just going to throw Damien away, and in truth, he couldn’t just leave because he knew how much more empty and terrible he would feel. At least some smiles came out of this, and Damien’s face grew red at the compliment of his laugh. “It’s embarrassing is what it is.” He responded, quickly putting his free hand over his mouth. The quick reaction given by Gio of wanting Damien to stay made DAmien feel a kick in his stomach, and he didn’t know why. “That’s all I need to hear…I’m not going anywhere…” He didn’t know if that was the best thing to say, but it seemed that there was some continuous thing going on where Damien would blurt out whatever his mind put together. “But..can we go somewhere else? I think i’d feel a bit more comfortable if it were just us..and not in some public room.” 

[giovanni-walsh]

 Gio watched as Damien processed what was just said. Maybe he shouldn't have said that. Maybe he should have just let it go; burying it within his memories. Damien was presenting him another chance at whatever it was between them. He felt like a child that was always messing up. He squeezed Damien's hand harder before sliding his own out of his. He couldn't think straight while they were touching. Every time their skin connected it felt like there were firecrackers exploding underneath Gio's skin. It terrified him that Damien had that affect. His hands grabbed the edge of his chair instead."Yeah," Gio said quietly, looking down even though there was a slight smile tugging at his lips. He couldn't look at Damien right then. He just couldn't bare it. He loved Damien's laugh. Gio loved the way his eyes crinkled and his cheeks lifted up and the way his chest lifted and vibrated his shoulders. He caught the crimson blush that was blooming on the other's face. The corners of his mouth tugged up. Gio had made that happen and that fact made his stomach clench and flutter. It was sick how happy that made him feel. His teeth gnawed on his bottom lip in an attempt to not smile."Oh, yeah. Um, s-sure. Just lead the way," he nodded tentatively nervous at the idea, Gathering all his work he put it all in his satchel. 

[damien-summerfield-blog]

It seemed that Gio was really calming down, which brought a huge wave of relief went over him. He did narrow his way into the other male’s life, and kind of confronted him when he probably shouldn’t have. Everything he did was letting his emotions take over him, something that he rarely did because a majority of the time he would shut out his emotions from everyone else. It had been the first time he had actually cried in such long time, he couldn’t even remember the last time he had. Thankfully his words had worked and he was happy because he was finally doing something right with Gio.  The touch was one he hadn’t felt since the night two two had hooked up, a night that Damien constantly remembers all the time. He mostly expected Gio to pull his hand away, but didn’t want them to stop because he was enjoying this far too much and it seemed as if it was therapeutic for the both of them. “I still feel like I do…if only I had just left you alone..My emotions got the best of me and I promise that doesn’t happen often.” His eyes were looking into the darker males, and the environment around the both of him was completely black to him because he was focused mostly on Gio. “Sorry…like I said this normally doesn’t happen.” Damien was now laughing, and he had no idea why. At least the sadder part was over, well, he hoped it was. When he heard what now, all he did was take a deep breath. “I-I don’t know.” That was an honest answer, he truthfully didn’t know.  He was probably going too far, but he would rather help Gio now and suffer the consequences later. “I could leave..” That was the only thing that was in his mind, and he really didn’t want that. 

[giovanni-walsh]

 "No, even if you hadn't confronted me about it I still would have thought about it," Gio removed his head from the other boy's shoulder to look at him. "I was lying Damien. I did remember it. I thought about it. I just convinced myself that if I ignored it or denied it enough it would go away." He felt ashamed admitting his intentions "But I don't want to ignore it anymore." His hand squeezed Damien's a little harder. "I-I mean I understand if...." He trailed off not wanting to finish the sentence. In retrospect that's the same thing that Gio had done to the sweet boy. If Damien did it now it would be like karma. He didn't seem like the one to do that though. Damien was too sweet. Even though Gio was a huge ass to him he was still trying to help him. He saw Damien's features light up when he laughed. It made him want to see Damien happy more. "Your laugh is lovely." Gio laughed a little with him. "It's fine really it is." What Damien said afterwards though made the smile slip off Gio's face. "N-No. I mean I... I don't want you to go." A deep blush bloomed on his cheeks as he said it. "If you want to you could stay." 

[damien-summerfield-blog]

Damien was mostly incapable of just ignoring someone, even when they may have done something to him. It was just in his nature, and it’s something about himself that he could never change. He could see it in Gio’s eyes, the man was seriously hurt over what he had done to the other male- and he was sure it was a mix of other things. Damien wanted to just hug Gio and hold him as tight as he possibly could, but he didn’t because it would only make getting over him harder than it already was. “I know…I know you’re sorry, Gio. Seriously, I forgive you.” He couldn’t stay mad at the older male much longer even if he tried. It hurt him seeing him like this. Damien wanted to cry, but he was going to hold back his tears because he didn’t want to worsen the situation. “Gio, I promise everything is going to be fine. I just, want to see you smile again and not be upset.” He was at the seat, both of his legs were shaking, and he could feel the back of his neck and face getting hot. He just wanted to be able to comfort Gio and be there for him, but he didn’t think he was doing a great job at it. At least he could tell that lightly rubbing him and offering him a soft touch was helping in some kind of way.  ”I..just feel like this is….you wouldn’t have been feeling this way if I hadn’t shown up here and caused you to act out to students. One tear drop was floating out of his eye, and Damien wiped it with his sleeve hoping Gio hadn’t seen it. That’s when DAmien felt something he hadn’t expected - his hands to suddenly be filled with the other. The added cling made Gio’s eyes widen for a split second, but he didn’t want to move because he was loving the touch. He pulled himself closer to Gio, and allowing the other male to put his head on his shoulder. ” Gio…I understand, I do. You’re like the way you are now because of your actions, and I can clearly see that you feel terrible for it. I honestly forgive you..I shouldn’t have acted the way I did and caused you to get like this. What you did was bad, but I should have stayed and talked to you…This is my fault too.” He rubbed Gio’s back softly and slowly, hoping to add more comfort.

[giovanni-walsh]

 It was odd how much the past could influence someone. It stamped itself onto a person; shaping, molding the person making them change over and over. Gio was okay with change for the most part, but something that was entirely off putting to him for all of his life was just flipped around. He found his thoughts actually turning towards it in a positive way and it was all because of that, sweet blued eyed man, Damien. Hearing him say those words relieved Gio of a great tension that had settled on his entire being. His conscious let go of it's tight hold on their past conversations, although he would not forget them any time soon. It was one less thing to weigh him down though. The warmth of their hands together sent signals to his head like a warning shots to match the tingling sensation on the spots to where Damien touched, but in that moment Gio didn't mind. In fact it was comforting and he found himself, not only subconsciously, reaching out for it. "Don't blame yourself," he murmured, shaking his head sadly. "You have nothing to be blamed for." He looked to the other smiling shyly and looking uncertaintly in his eyes. The clear blues had changed to a more glazed over look that pulled at Gio's heart. He didn't think twice before reaching his other unoccupied hand out to gently caress his where Damien had wiped the fallen tear. "Please, don't cry." Gio had no idea what to do, which had made him feel so incompetent and ridiculous. It made him feel like he was failing all over again; letting Damien down. 'This is too hard.' He wanted to yell out in frustration at himself. Instead though he opted out to rest his head on Damien's shoulder just wanting to be comforted. Even if it was selfish, maybe he was crossing an unspoken line, he still wanted to feel like, to hear Damien say it's alright. There were still so many things he didn't understand. "What now?"

[damien-summerfield-blog]

  Damien’s hands gripped the top of his backpack even tighter. “Yeah, I get what you mean. Apparently I’m a lot like my father, which is what I hate hearing because he’s never been around.” He moved to sit at the seat closest to the desk, his backpack was taken off and set at the base of his feet. “But I can kinda see it from the stories he tells, but I still hate it with a passion.” Damien could tell that Gio was battling some demons, and he knew that it was probably - no definitely his fault. “I am supposed to hate you, but I hate seeing you feeling and acting this way knowing that it’s my fault. You can tell me that it isn’t, but it has to be.” His hands moved onto the desk, lightly rubbing the top of his hand. “That is true, but you could easily just fix it…That’s just how I see it.” This was awkward for him, but he was trying to put his feelings past it. “Is that what you’re feeling indifferent about? Look, Gio. If being around me is making things harder I can move classes, I really don’t like seeing you like this. “

[giovanni-walsh]

 Gio looked over at the other feeling a tug in his heart. Parents seemed to be getting more and more of a sensitive topic with everyone. People just couldn't seem to get it right. "I'm sorry," he meant it honestly. Gio blew out some air before continuing, "You are so nice Damien. I don't even understand it." It made him feel even worse. How could Gio still be acting like such a dick to this sweet boy? Damien honestly seemed to feel for him. Gio wasn't just confused and guilty he was scared. He was scared of love in general; anything to do with relationships. He was scared of the rejection and the acceptance because it meant someone expected something of him and he was terrified he would let them down. That's what he was doing to Damien expect in a much worse way. He felt a warmth rubbing over his thumb bringing him out of his thoughts. "No, God no!" He shook his head frantically. "You don't have to do anything like that. Get that thought out of your head. I just," he sucked in a shaky breath deciding to finally be honest, "this terrifies me and frustrates me and - God so many emotions. It's gnawing at me; the guilt. Damien, I didn't mean to say anything that would hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to make you feel like shit. Oh my God, I really am sorry." His fingers curled around Damien's, clinging to them like they were his life support as he blurted out his emotions. "I know I can't say anything to make up for it, but please know I really am sorry."

[damien-summerfield-blog]

  Damien wasn’t in the best mood over the past few days, and it was probably coming of to the people around him. He didn’t have very many friends mostly because he was new, and he’s been working on that but with Gio being around it’s pretty much turned his world upside down. He had been skipping the man’s classes, but still doing all of the work and passing everything that he needed. He decided to go today, just so that it wouldn’t make him look like he had been ignoring the other male. Most of his time was spent in the back of the room on his laptop, trying to avoid every potential glance or stare. Damien could tell that his teacher wasn’t emotionally there, and it came out when he yelled at a student which came as a shock to Damien because he didn’t know the man could get like that. As the class ended and he saw Gio put his head in his hands, Damien thought it would be best to step in and at least make sure he was alright. After waiting until everyone was gone, he shut the door and walked to the teacher’s desk. “A-Are alright..Something tells me that you aren’t  and I just want to make sure that this isn’t my fault and that you’re okay.”

[giovanni-walsh]

 "Have you ever realized that you're like someone whom you've never  liked? It's discouraging." Gio sighed, rubbing his tired eyes, "Aren't you suppose to hate me? I would hate me." He picked his head out of his hands and looked at Damien. "No - Well, yes, but no. It's not you directly." It wasn't Damien, but it was. It was about him completely. All of it directed itself to him. All of the confusion and annoyance and the little glimmers of joy when Gio thought about him. It was hard to explain even to himself. "You reap what you sow," he muttered to himself, biting his lip and contemplating his next move. Gio had promised to himself that if he had another conversation with Damien he would apologize, but he was having a hard time doing so. "I'm an ass, Damien. It's just that." There he was right in front of Gio and he couldn't say anything he wanted to. 

[giovanni-walsh]

     They say that time eases all emotion, but it seems to be doing the exact opposite for Gio. His mood had been getting worse and worse. He kept remembering how harsh he had been to the other; slashing out just because he was frustrated with himself. It made him feel horrible. The guilt kept gnawing at him with every passing hour. He wanted to apologize but he wasn't sure how. How could he apologize when the argument was created over an apology before? It was impossible. His goal wasn't to hurt Damien - he didn't want to make Damien feel bad for anything. He had been mulling over the reasons as to why he had acted like he had and it just made him even more frustrated. Gio liked to think of himself as an open book, but the more he thought about it the more he realized he was still acting like a teenager; flipping to one emotion to the next. Some of his students had even been yelled at after they had talked back. "God, I'm like my mother," he dropped his head in his hands feeling defeated.

[damien-summerfield-blog]

  Damien was trying his best to keep himself cool, but he was finding it harder and harder to. Even when drunk does no one act the way he did, talk the way that he did, and even have sex like they dad. It was the constant repetition and denial that was causing him to go red in the face. “You keep saying you’re not gay, I get it.” Damien didn’t believe him in the least bit. “But I don’t believe you. And I would have least wanted you to tell me that it was just a one-night stand, and I wouldn’t have been so mad. But I felt something…and you probably didn’t feel it because you were drunk or whatever. You promised you’d call and talk about it. I should have found it weird when you wouldn’t give me your number but I have to give you mine.” His head went down on the table. “I feel so stupid.” Damien said, as he put his head up and ran his hands through his hair.  ”Don’t apologize…I think I better go…I can honestly just walk back.” He was already getting ready to get up, not really wanting to be in here at the moment.

[giovanni-walsh]

 "What were you expecting," Gio spit out,"there was a bar with drinks! Usually it ends with an one night stand. Did you think you'd fuck someone so good that they'd want to marry you!?" He grip onto the edge of the table so hard that the splitting wood bit into his palm. He didn't mean to lash out it just sort of happened. There wasn't a filter in between his brain and mouth. It just kind of blurted itself out. He felt like a teenager again: lashing out. He sucked in a breath, shocked that he had said that. "I-I'm sorry I hadn't meant to..." Gio looked over at the boy for the first time during their conversation. He didn't have anything against gays. He's always been open and honest with himself so why was this so hard for him? It threw him off. Gio's known himself, he's comfortable with how he is. He didn't want to change. It was foreign and unsettling to him. "Maybe if you hitch-hike you'll end up finding your true love," he laughed bitterly before storming off to the bathroom.

[damien-summerfield-blog]

  Damien was probably making this awkward, and he really needed to kick himself back into gear. Even though he still couldn’t look at Gio in the eye, he could at least carry on some type of conversation. At least he was trying, which is something that Damien deserved but it wasn’t like the other man had to do that. His arms went out in front of him as he scooted the coffee aside and his right leg came on top of the other one. The best way to focus was to keep his attention the table and hopefully he would be able to keep himself together. “Well, I can start.  Why would you sleep with me, promise to at least call or text me…and then just ignore me. I would have been per-.” Damien had to stop for a second because he noticed the volume in his voice was getting higher. “Would have been perfectly fine if you would have just stated…it was a one night stand…You know, I …kind of thought something was going on..but…obviously not.”  Damien decided to give the other man a chance to respond and give his input.

[giovanni-walsh]

 Gio sighed, taking a sip of the bitter coffee. "I was drunk," he tried lamely. "I'm not gay. When I woke up I freaked out. I didn't know what to do. I mean did you want a note? I was confused as to how I even got into bed -" he stopped and bit his lip. "Honestly, I'm not gay Damien. I didn't want to remember what happen that night." It probably sounded like he was repeating himself, but it was more so for Gio's sake than Damien's. It was the same reason as to why he couldn't look at the other. Every time he did he could feel his stomach clench and his palms start to sweat. "I'm sorry. I really am," Gio said quietly.

[damien-summerfield-blog]

Damien really wasn’t in the mood for casual conversation, but it really wasn’t in his nature to constantly be nasty towards someone regardless of what they did to him. “I’ve always loved getting to know about people and how they think, criminals especially.” His attention was still toward the side of the road, and he silently jumped for joy when the car came to a stop and they were at the coffee shop. “That’s good. You must enjoy what you do if you’ve been here for nearly two years.” Damien slowly shut the door right as he got out of the car, and choosing to walk behind Gio or whatever he wanted to be called at the moment, as Damien was unable to look at him directly in the eyes at the moment. The environment around him was completely invisible to him, and his true focus was all in his head. Truth be told, he doesn’t even remember walking in the coffee shop because he was mostly just following Gio and stopping whenever he stopped. “Yeah….Coffee is fine.” He responded before sitting down at the table.

[giovanni-walsh]

 He took the coffee and continued to the back. He needed something in his hands to distract him. The scolding cup that was pressed against his hands was a perfect distraction. This whole situation was awkward. Couldn't they just act like it never happened? Damien did deserve an answer though. If it was Gio he'd want one too. "Um.. What - I honestly have no idea what to say," he kept avoiding eye contact with Damien. He couldn't look at the other. He brought up foreign feelings inside Gio. It was confusing. He had already figured himself out. He was comfortable with himself, but now he wasn't so sure.

[damien-summerfield-blog]

  Damien was tapping at his right knee, something he did whenever he was nervous or in a situation in which he didn’t exactly know how to handle. How could he forget that night?  It had been one of the best nights of his life. Even though Gio probably didn’t remember a lot of it, Damien remembered every part of it. He remembered the man coming up to him in the bar and how he talked about going back to his hotel room, and for some reason he constantly thought of it. The boy was still deciding if he was more angry about the man for actually forgetting or for ditching him, but he was still pretty angry. The tapping on his knee was getting louder as the silence continued, and soon enough he was brought back into reality by the sound of the man’s voice. “Huh?” Once he played the question back into his head, he replied but tried to not sound so emotional within his reply. “it was the place that gave me the most money and it had the best Psychology program. Plus my housing was also free and I got my own apartment, which was too stupid to pass up.” Damien decided it was his turn to ask a question. “So…how long have you worked here?”

[giovanni-walsh]

 Gio quickly looked over to Damien before turning his attention back to the road. "What made you interested in the field?" There wasn't a lot of traffic since he was taking the back route. They made a left turn and before a few hundred feet were met with a rustic cafe. "Well, not too long actually. Going on two years," he shrugged while parking. He briefly looked over to Damien and nodded before getting out of the low car. The uneven gravel crunched underneath his weight. He didn't bother locking the car. It was a nasty habit of his that he had adapted from his family. Of course their car had gotten stolen a few times, but it was always found. His way of thinking was he'd rather have it return in original condition than with a broken window. Besides they were in the boondocks who, out there, would steal his car? He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked into the cafe. There were a few workers there, but no one seemed to preoccupied, "Kathy, just the back alright?" The voluptuous red headed girl smiled and nodded. "Just, uh, back there," Gio pointed to Damien before turning to Kathy. "Coffee alright?" 

[damien-summerfield-blog]

  Damien was trying his best to hold himself together, especially after meeting his teacher whom he found out was the guy that he had sleep with over the summer. Normally he wouldn’t be mad because it was some hookup at a bar, but he felt something that night ad he didn’t know what it was, but once he found out that he was ditched, he felt hurt. He followed behind Professor Walsh, or what he wanted him to call him over the summer, Gio, and got right into the car once the door was unlocked. Once the seat belt was over him, he shifted his body towards the door and put his arms into a fold. Never did he expect his day to go like this, and this had to be the worst kind of bad luck for him.

[giovanni-walsh]

 Gio wasn't exactly telling the truth when that blue eyed beauty had come up to him. He did remember that night, but only in a hazy memory, There were certain moments he remembered like drinking at the bar and scoping the place out. The more he had to drink the less aware of what gender he had became though. Gio knew that he wasn't straight, but he denied the hell out of it. In that alcohol induced state he didn't have the fight in him to deny it, especially when he saw Damien. He had some how managed to get with Damien. All he remembered was how hot his lips felt against Gio's neck and how the bed post shook against the wall, leaving scratch marks behind. He had repressed it all though. That was his way with dealing with it; just block and forget. It was working until he had actually met the breath taking boy again. He rubbed the back of his hand against his brow in a lame attempt to scatter the thoughts.  The silence was suffocating in the car, He had hated it. He hated whenever there was silence with another person. "So, what made you decide to join the Uni?" Gio tried.

[damien-summerfield-blog]

Yeah…but I promise that I normally don’t act like this..but you don’t understand how-…Look I’ll just stop talking until it’s time for us to talk. Alright, I’ll follow.  One night that you promised to call me back afterwards and you didn’t…and if it’s something than you really know how wrong it was.

[giovanni-walsh]

No, I feel bad that you're so upset over this. I just... I meant it was different. It was just - I was drunk. I didn't mean something by something. 

[damien-summerfield-blog]

  A coffee shop…Yeah, alright. I don’t even understand why I’m talking to you right now when it probably isn’t even the smartest thing to do. And I walked here, I live in the campus apartments by myself so I’m pretty close to everything. But yeah…I’ll ride with you.

[giovanni-walsh]

No, you're right. We should talk about this. We should just get this all out. Yeah, alright just follow me to the car. It's not that far of a drive. I don't understand though. It was one night which was months ago by the way. I mean sure it was something, but...?

[damien-summerfield-blog]

  Can…we at least go somewhere to speak? I wouldn’t want you to run off again…

[giovanni-walsh]

How about we go to a coffee shop? I know one that's great... And far away from prying eyes an ears. Did you take a bus here or do I have to - I mean do you just wanna, um, ride with me?

[damien-summerfield-blog]

  Somewhere else? I get it…you don’t want to make a scene. And even though I’m pissed at you, I don’t want to ruin your career.  But you at least owe me some kind of explanation..

[giovanni-walsh]

Thank you. It would be.... Inappropriate to speak about it here.  

[damien-summerfield-blog]

  A hint? You can’t be serious right now? How do you even forget a night..like that one? 

But here’s a hint…it involved meeting at a bar in Florida.

[giovanni-walsh]

Oh. Oh. Shit.  Look, I'm sorry I must look like a complete dick, but can we please talk about - about that somewhere else?

[damien-summerfield-blog]

Yeah…..I..would have at least thought you would remember me….considering it’s only been about a month or two.

[giovanni-walsh]

A month or two.. Oh! Do you work at a coffee shop? I - sorry, this is embarrassing. Can you give me a hint?