anonymous girl

‘i need to be redeemed to the one i’ve sinned against’

[girl-interrupted111]

shitposting

trying real hard not to go insane

[girl-interrupted111]

him

It was young love, running around, skipping school, dressing up.

His eyes were pools of a pure serenity hiding his solitude.

My heart longed for him, I was in love.

I yelled and argued and he fled with a heart full of sorrow and regret

"I have so many regrets, I miss you" he muttered over and over again.

Unlike all my other loves he would be permanently stuck to me for the rest of eternity.

His body may be gone but his soul is forever tethered to mine. I'll always run to him in my dreams.

[girl-interrupted111]

begging

I’m holding you, strangling you, screaming at you, begging you

‘please don’t leave’

‘please don’t go’

‘you love me right?’

‘what did i do wrong’

you still leave.

[girl-interrupted111]

the moon

before you the nights used to be dark, only illuminated by a circle of light.

after you the nights became beautiful, illuminated by a circle of light we both lay miles apart under.

that circle of light in the night sky is loved by many, drawn, studied and sang about… but to me it feels as if it was untouched by anyone’s gaze, it’s ours.

to me you’re the only person who’s ever looked at it, studied it and loved it.

when i happen to catch a glimpse of the night sky and that orb catches my glance, i smile ever so softly, memories flood my mind of your laugh and your touch.

it’s said by many, but it means the most coming from you

“no matter where we are we’re always under the same moon”

[girl-interrupted111]

Mother

I witness my grandfather yell at my mother the same way my dad yells at me.

I see her eyes well up with tears, her heart sinking into knots in her stomach. I feel her strength crack as she’s left defenceless.

My strong mother is standing beside me now a little girl, younger then me. Hurt and helpless.

We come from the same womb. She is simply a reflection of me, I am simply a reflection of her.

Side by side I feel the two souls of helpless lost children desperately seeking love.

[girl-interrupted111]

Heart of fire

I’ve never had a strong female friendship, I’ve only ever had male friendships, not that that’s wrong but it’s what my heart revolves around.

I love strong, smart, beautiful men. I love their kindness and intelligence, I love the protection they drape me with.

but for every beautiful man, there’s twenty horrid ones.

Ones who make you clutch your fists and grind your teeth together, one’s who drape you with lies and hate instead of protection, one’s who’s mere presence makes you shiver. The ones who leave a beautiful soul scarred for life.

The ones who look down on us, the ones who ridicule us. The ones who deceive us and betray us. The ones who smile and wave as they proudly say “I would never dare to lay a hand on a woman, I love them” all the while behind closed doors he has rows of damaged female souls locked away.

The danger of these evil creatures is that they’re no different from the divine ones. They smile the same smile, they wave the same wave, the laugh the same laugh. That’s what makes them so dangerous, they’re everywhere.

And when I beg and plead to his friends, telling them that women deserve love, they all shy away and frown, as if they’re embarrassed to love us.

I hold so much fire in my heart for the destruction they hold and the pain they bring with them everywhere they go. Yet I still love them, unconditionally

[promqueendyke]

aleksandra waliszewska + mitski, class of 2013

[girl-interrupted111]

unlikeable

i’ll be 18 in less then a month. That makes me 17 now, what a beautiful age i’ve been told, mature yet young.

It’s like a weight getting heavier and heavier with each day that approaches, a weight of finally being ‘old’ being ‘undesirable.’

Although i’ve felt like an adult for most my life, it doesn’t feel right to actually become one.

I wish I could be happy about this, see this as a new chapter in my life, a new beginning, a way out of girlhood.

All I see is becoming undesirable, useless, a carbon copy of the next young girl. Why is it that i’m so afraid of growth?

If it’s meant to be such a beautiful thing, how come I become more undesirable with each minute that passes?

[maddieisnotreal]

motion sickness - phoebe bridgers // stone butch blues by leslie feinberg // quote by E.E. scott // dream girl by clementine von radics // my name (2021) // the asylum for wayward victorian girls by emilie autumn // quote by kristin chang // unknown // would’ve, could’ve, should’ve - taylor swift // if there’s a way out i’ll take it by lora mathis

[girl-interrupted111]

Advantages

You know the in’s and out’s of my body better then I do.

You’re able to retrace my outline blindfolded. I’m not able to do that, not to my own, not to yours, not to anyone’s.

I opened my gates for you, I smashed down every single wall, it was free access, you loved it.

You used that and nourished my trust until I was no longer needed. It started off slowly and bitterly.

Everytime I would hurt, I would feel guilt, You were to good to me to ever hurt me. Why would you?

Now I find myself picking up the pieces of what was once our house trying to protect it.

I was once a careful child, but now i’m a careful guard.

Stood quietly, observing the world around me as bustling crowds sway in and out of my house, never staying long enough to build a second floor.

I long for the days where I was safe with you.

[girl-interrupted111]

evil woman

I am the evil woman, you read about her in books in fairy tales in novels.

The woman who hurts others before herself, the neglectful woman.

What’s not being told in the novels is how everyone in her life shaped her to be so cold hearted.

Easy to blame her when no one’s ever showed her love, how could she possibly know what it looks like?

No one talks about how if she gives in, she loses every single sense of herself she’s ever had, she’s loses her grip

I hope one day people will look at her with delicacy and care instead of malice and blame.

[girl-interrupted111]

delusional

While i’m sat with my heart in my hands, digging out the knife from my back, everyone gathers around me.

“It’s really not that bad”

“C’mon now you’re just being dramatic”

I’m hypersensitive they say, it’s my fault i’m upset, nothing even happened right?

If it wasn’t that bad then why do I feel like a knife being twisted in my stomach and a bullet through the head, it hurts as much as the death of a lover or the betrayal of a friend.

All i need is someone who lifts me up, reaches out and finally believes me. But that won’t happen, it never does.

I could be lying dead on the floor, and still be the delusional female who ‘gets hurt easily’

[girl-interrupted111]

lock you up

Oh how I wish I could lock you up

in the chamber of my memories.

You follow me like a dark cloud,

In every bus I enter, there you are.

In every room I enter, there you are.

Your memory trails behind me like a snake hunting on its prey.

I wish i could freeze it. I wish i could stop it.

I wish I had never looked at you, never gave you the reassuring glance for you to touch me.

I wish I didn’t give myself over to you.

I wish you weren’t the first to take my girlhood away from me.

I want my peace back.

“Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts, give me back my girlhood it was mine first” - Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve by Taylor Swift.

[girl-interrupted111]

dumb stupid girl

How could I be so stupid.

I let my guard down once again.

The countless times you’ve stood at my door begging to be let in, and the countless times I was stupid enough to open that door.

My gut was screaming in agony telling me to stop believing him but yet i fell for his deceit once again.

I place the fragile glued-together pieces of my heart in his hands once again and he shuts his hands, as too say “I’ve got you” and it feels right.

But he keeps squeezing, he doesn’t stop until it shatters and I’m left with double the amount of original pieces to pick up because god forbid he cleans up the mess he made.

I’ve been a dumb stupid girl for blindly trusting him again,

and again,

and again,

and again.

[girl-interrupted111]

Cut hair

My hair has grown back, from a short cut bob to a beautiful long cape covering my shoulders down to my waist.

I love my hair long, having the wind touch my scalp as I run free, so feminine so right.

He loved my hair long. That’s my problem. I hated the idea of him loving it. That’s why when he left so did my hair, chopped in one fast motion, gone was my hair, gone was his touch.

Now it’s back, my hair that is, and as beautiful as it makes me feel there’s an eerie feeling of him that lingers within, following me everywhere I go.

I hope one day I’ll be able to meet my reflection and have my hair be mine again.

I long to see myself in my reflection.

[girl-interrupted111]

Starving

It hurts when the one who’s meant to feed you doesn’t

He watches as my stomach twists and turns in knots, as it screams for something, anything.

I could beg but even when he tosses me a bone, it doesn’t suffice my need.

Maybe I ask for too much, an eternal hunger that no one can satisfy.

[girl-interrupted111]

You left as you came in

You left me stranded, all those years ago when I most needed you, you had left me for another, another who left you too. karma, isn’t it funny? I always hoped silently that they would leave you so you would hurt like I hurt, but it didn’t bring me closure, or peace, or anything near that sort of feeling.

It’s been a year or so down the line and you walk up to my door, my heart still in your hands as you say “I love you now” why now? why not a year ago? two years ago? why now? why didn’t you love me before when I needed you? You barge into my house, I finally found my inner peace and I let this be just another body buried in my back yard but you walked right in, towards the garden and unburied it. I never asked you to do that, why did you?

I should be happy that you finally love me, but I can’t seem to love you back anymore, I lie to myself and say I do, well of course I do why wouldn’t I, I spent months and years loving you while you placed your body next to another. I finally win. I got what I always wanted.

But it’s far too late now.