NSFW ALPHABET (Harry Potter Version)
Severus Snape
A= Aftercare
I can see Severus clean up the room with magic while you bath and soak in bath salts; he doesn’t seem like the guy to make his lady do any type of work after sex. He wants you to feel even more relaxed after making love together.
B= Body Part
Severus doesn’t seem like the type of guy to care too much about his physically appearance so I don’t think he would have a body part that he’s personally proud of. As for a favorite body part on a woman, I think he would favor the eyes because eyes are windows to the soul.
C= Cum
He would religiously use a condom and even if he did ejaculate inside you, Severus would always ask you if you were on birth control. To be very honest, I don’t think he wanted children at all so, that’s another reason why he would use condoms.
D= Dirty Secret
Severus is a big time introvert so, I think he would have a ton of secrets. Even after the two of your start dating, he would be very reluctant to divulge these secrets. One secret that he would keep from you is that he is a masochist - he gets aroused from receiving pain. Now you know why he completely loses it when you scratch up his back or dig your nails into his cheeks as you kiss him roughly.
E= Experience
A stark contrast to the likes of James or Sirius, Severus would probably be more interested in the latest Dark Arts book than chasing after skirts every day. So, I don’t think Severus would have much experience if any.
F= Favorite Position
After the two of you have sex for the first time, I think Severus would favor the lap dance position where you sit on him; I think he would like this position because it allows for face-to-face intimacy so he can maintain eye contact.
G= Goofy
We all know Severus to be a no-nonsense person as a middle age man and I think that wouldn’t change as a young adult either; even as a teenage he was very mature for his age. In the bedroom, he would be especially serious. I think he sees sex for what it is: an adult act and not recreation for kids. So, don’t expect jokes throughout the whole romp.
H= Hair
Before he met you, his hair was quite greasy since he didn’t care much to wash it as frequently as he should. Now, Severus has seen the error in his ways and washes his hair, which unleashed the latent beauty of his thick, jet black hair. As for his pubic hair, I think he would shave it, but not routinely; there will be times where you two will have sex and the forest has gone untrimmed. If he doesn’t even keep up with his shaving, I doubt he will care much if his lady shaved either.
I= intimacy
Out of all the Harry Potter guys I’ve analyzed so far, I think Snape would be the most romantic in bed. Under the facade of coolness is someone who is capable of loving a woman unconditionally. It might be hard to imagine, but he would be one of those guys in their twilight years that is still married to the same woman and says ‘I love you’ every night before they sleep. In bed, eye contact is an absolute must; since that is the most attractive attribute on a woman, I don’t think he would ever look away from you.
J= Jack off
I don’t think Severus masturbated that much even before he met you. It’s not that he he doesn’t like girls either. He has an unbelievably high level of self-control for a young person his age, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t think about it at times. When he started dating you, he didn’t masturbate at all because he has you. It does not make much sense for him to masturbate when he has a lovely girlfriend whom he loves with every fiber in his being.
K= Kink
As mentioned before, Severus is a masochist. When he gets around to actually telling you this dirty secret, he has a major kink for scratching up his butt. There are times when he’ll make you drag your nails across it because it arouses him even more.
L= Location
Snape is not the adventurous type; he sticks to what he knows and very rarely ventures into the unknown (only if it has to do with potions or DADA). You two are either doing the deed in his bed or yours. You might be able to coax him to do it in the shower together since he would do anything for you, but it will take time.
M= Motivation
Why do I feel like Severus would have a thing with girls who wear glasses? Maybe it’s because he himself is quite studious, but I think seeing you wear your glasses would turn him on.
N= No
I think he would detest Anal sex; in his mind, people defecate from there for a reason and his penis doesn’t belong there. Don’t try to fight him on this one because it will be a losing battle every time.
O= Oral
Despite him being an even switch, I think Severus would really enjoy doing oral on you once he got the hang of it and learned what you liked. Again expect lots of eye contact.
P= Pace
I think Severus’ pace would generally be slow and sensual; he might go faster by watching your eyes and you scratching him, but I believe even then he would hold himself back from increasing speed because he doesn’t want to hurt you. At all.
Q= Quickie
If he’s not very adventurous, I can’t see Severus doing a quickie - even if he was desperate. That self-control would pour out the fire just long enough until the evening.
R= Risk
Similar to quickies, Severus isn’t very adventurous and I don’t think he’s keen on taking risks -especially when they involve you and your body. He’s more likely to take risks inventing a new potion than try a new sex position that might kill you. If you asked him to, then maybe he would comply, but he isn’t going to go out of his way to have sex in the Ravenclaw common room when everyone is watching a quidditch game.
S= Stamina
I’d say Severus’ stamina is pretty average; he could go on for about 4 or 5 rounds. Nothing too crazy.
T= Toy
Severus wouldn’t be into toys at all. If you already owned one, he wouldn’t mind it, however he wouldn’t be forthcoming about using it during sex. His penis is all that matters.
U= Unfair
Severus is quite sarcastic, but this is rarely seen by most people. I don’t think he would tease that much during sex unless something happened that was unforgettable like you farting or something. That’s when the sarcasm and teasing would come out in droves.
V= Volume
Save heavy breathing and couple of groans, Severus is pretty quite himself during the act unlike Sirius and James.
W= Wildcard
Severus is unique in his own way and let’s very few people into his world. Although he isn’t quite adventurous, that doesn’t mean he is not creative and the highly creative guys are the ones you should watch out for. I think Severus would find ways to change up the way you make love within the sphere of reason. Not many people can do this which is why, you as his girlfriend, should be very proud to know him.
X= X-ray
Flaccid: 5
Erect: 7 1/2
Y= Yearning
I think Severus’ sex drive would be low for a man his age and the reason being is because of his self-control as well as his priorities; there is a time and place for everything. The two of you wouldn’t have sex every day, but when you do, the experience was always memorable as Severus would always remind you that he loves you very much.
Z= ZZZ
I think the two of you would fall asleep around the same time. So, if you fell asleep first, he’s not too far behind you and vice versa.
















