The Pretty Side of Sickness

I love in a world were my heart is blue, but all I see is red. It's probably all the heat from hatred built inside my head. Bloody & Blue ♥ A: 26, S: F, L: Somewhere in space. To Oblivion and Beyond! Photos are not mine, unless stated.

[jxckiekills]

[cobaltbeam]

Heard you guys like watercolors, so

[fleur-aesthetic]

instagram | birgittetheresa

[gl1tchg3t]

It’s really not fair the power you still hold over me.

I can’t be happy til I think of you, even though you were horrible to me. I just think about the small ways you were good...Those small moments where I really believed you loved me and I wasn’t the toy you saw me as. Trying to move on from you has been the hardest thing I have ever endured over any other physical ailment I have gone through. You made me feel alone in a world that I didn’t have to feel alone in. You were the apple of my eye and still come across my mind in that way, when you don’t deserve it. I get nightmares and lack sleep. I don’t eat, because my body was unfit in your eyes. I cry on the nights I am alone and can only find satisfaction in thinking of you as a release. I feel so sick in the stir crazy of not being able to just let go. It’s been over 6 months and you still breed in me like a cancer. I hate you and how you consume me. Simply breathing on it’s own doesn’t work anymore and that is all I want to do. I wanted to thrive in leaving you behind, but i still sit here with panic. I want you out of my head! I want to erase you. Let me!

[vzd0h]

[timbllr]

[gl1tchg3t]

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[gl1tchg3t]

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[moan-s]

[addictedtolovee01]

[naturaekos]

I have lost and loved and won and cried myself to the person I am today.

(via amortizing)

[gl1tchg3t]

After an abusive relationship...

No one ever talks about the hyper sex phase you go through. The yearning to be touched, loved and appreciated. All you know is solving mind over matter. The matter being your body that took on too many lashings and was told that was love, and your mind slowly and willingly accepting that over time. I still crave a person who hurt me so badly. I cry bc I know that craving is not healthy for me to pursue any longer. i cry bc the only person i can think about is the one that hurt me to feel any connection to sex. i cry bc even though that person did not appreciate my body, i can’t get off unless i think of them. You can sleep with other people, sure...but are you pushing yourself or acting impulsive, as a desperate measure to fill that void, instead of acting spiritually to fill that void? I am at a point where I need to separate mind over matter...my spirit and what I do physically. But in sex you crave both. How is it something that is supposed to make you feel so good can make you feel so wrong?

- i feel awkward to say the least. Like a new born child with no social skills or self awareness. I feel lost.   

[gl1tchg3t]

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[cryptblood]

[understands]

[understands]

[destroymylife]