I Kobayashi Maru'd Bioshock Infinite
Note: When Bioshock Infinite came out, someone asked me about my thoughts on it as a parent. Dadthoughts, if you will. I don't remember who that person was. I've tried asking the people I thought it may have been, but no one is admitting to it, and so, here are my Bioshock Infinite Dadthoughts publicly in the hopes that the person who asked for them will see them.
There are big spoilers here, since the spoiler is what I was asked about. I had it "spoiled" for me ahead of playing the game, and don't think it lessened my enjoyment any (until I stopped enjoying it.) Still. Some people are weird entitled babies, so: Spoiler Warning.
I didn't play Bioshock Infinite until it came out for free on Playstation Plus because that's where I'm at with gaming. I went in knowing Elizabeth is Booker's daughter and that Booker is Comstock.
Infinite isn't really the type of game I like playing. I prefer puzzles and adventure to gunning down faceless people, but that's just me. Still. Infinite was pretty fun. Shooting birds at people, though ludicrous, was surprisingly enjoyable.
I don't like killing people in games, but as Booker tells Elizabeth about killing, it gets easier. Or something. I don't remember the exact quote, and I don't care enough to look it up.
The world is weird enough that it was still fun, so I kept playing, the whole time wondering why someone wanted my dad-specific opinion on the game. Was it just that there aren't a lot of father/daughter team-ups in games? Maybe it's that you find out at the end of the game that she's your daughter, so maybe that might give people some weird feelings?
Then, at the end of the game, I came to the moment I'm assuming this person was wondering about. It's at the end, where you're not really playing anymore, just basically watching cut scenes. You press a button to move along, but can't do much.
The moment in question is when you realize the whole "Give us the girl to settle the debt" thing isn't about rescuing Elizabeth, and that the debt's already been settled when you handed over your infant daughter over to Lutece years ago.
That's your only option. You can stall all you want, but if you want to keep playing you have to hit the button to hand the baby to Lutece. You have to give up your daughter to keep playing the game.
So I stopped playing. I turned off my PS3 and uninstalled the game.
You can't have my daughter.