@glitter--guts - Tumblr Blog

Hello it has been awhile.

I'm still alive.

Just having a high pain day and idk I ended up here. Thinking about a warm salt bath and making tea. I have a lot I want and neeeed to do before a trip in a few days.

I'm super excited about the trip though. I just need to physically recover from stressing so I can get back to regular life.

26 trips around the sun and I'm still confused about everything. Happy birthday to meeeee its gonna be a good one

Really need a good day. Its too early to get up, but I went to bed early as well so I feel rested? At least for now. I find more days than not I'm running out of spoons to do anything at all. I'm basically just taking care of the kids and struggling to keep myself going and remember to eat and shower when I can. I've been sick basically since July when I started my medication taper. Not to mention the mental impact its caused. Ugh.

Anyway, I have a lot of chores and self care things I want to do when everyone else gets up. And I think it's possible because my kids are spending the day with my mom and my husband will be there to help/keep me focused. I'm actually feeling okay for the first time in awhile plus we have ice coffee so things are looking up.

#spoonie #chronic illness #fibromyalgia #mental illness #personal #chronic pain

So, I've been entertaining the idea of a sensory corner. Then I find an indoor tent perfect for separating away from the outside world. So basically now I really want to work on it. I say work because right now there's no space for anything like that inside my house and I really need to adjust my environment for sanity sake/a place to unwind and not sleep.

All the rooms I Google are either huge class rooms, over crowded, or just so much bright sun I don't think it would work for me. Like I need a dark place I have the option of lights on or off. The other part is all these pictures seem to be for young children and not adults too.

Hopefully soon I will have a new mattress and be able to use my current one for the tent floor and just get some extra pillows for back support.

I have a small collection of fidget toys, sensory bottles and I'm pretty crafty. So I was wondering if anyone has a specific sensory space and what you would recommend? I specifically like tactile stims.

#autism #asd #asperger's syndrome #sensory #special interest #special needs #therapy #adults with autism #actually autistic

I've been trying to stay distracted today. I did face masks, skin care, and nail polish with my girls and it felt nice to self care and spend time together.

Does anyone have any recommendations on things that help detoxing suck less or in general reduce anxiety?

The most stressful bit is not knowing when they can take me and I likely won't hear anything until Wednesday. I know that's kinda soon but with how I'm feeling it seems like a long time. I also need time to prepare... like childcare, packing my shit, getting my prescription instructions rewrote correctly for my seroquel, and maybe order a few things to make my stay away from home more comfortable. I want some relaxing lavender lotion and detox foot pads cause I've nearly quit smoking even though it wasn't intentional, its a great thing and I want to purge as much garbage from my body as possible.

They're not allowing visitors because covid which I sc going to be the hardest thing but I heard they are probably letting people keep their phones for facetime and such which is pretty cool cause last time I went we couldn't have cell phones.

It's a super chill place and the staff is respectful and kinda so they tend to be lenient about what otc meds you can take and I'm going to ask if I can bring my legal cbd gummies for anxiety and sleep. I kinda doubt they'll let me but might as well ask. The only other non prescription meds I've been taking are a multivitamin and omega 3,6 9s which has done great things for the appearance of my skin.

I'm grateful that I recently got a correctly weighted blanket because hanging out under it has made the past few days tolerable and I can bring almost whatever I want for comfort to the treatment center. Idc if it looks like I'm moving in, I really regretted not bringing 2 pillows last time.

Oh also cause covid everyone gets their own room and bathroom which is a+ because my last roommate (poor thing) would grind her teeth all night so neither of us slept. Th hey have the option to sign out nightlights, fans, sound machines, and something like a kindle with music and meditation guides and reading. I'm amazed something like this is available for me and as weird as it might feel its hopefully going to help set me up for success.

Oy. Where to start.... I've struggled with mental illness for the past 15 years and have always had to take anxiety meds. I'm at a point where I'm trying to wean off and learn how to live without needing them in the future.

I guess that's the short version. I've already begun the taper. I'm on a waiting list for a wellness and recovery program so hopefully I can get there soon and start learning a better way of life. I'm so tired of knowing that I could be the person I want to be if I could feel stable and content without anxiety controlling every aspect of my life.

I super don't want to leave my family for 1-2 weeks but in reality I need the professional support for any chance of future success concerning benzos staying out of my life.

And to be clear it is not an addiction, but a physical dependency and lack of coping skills that always lead me back to it. I'm here to vent and process and I might post some jumbled rambles in the near future while I try to make positive changes.

Anybody's support right now would be really appreciated, I don't really have a support group irl. I love you guys and I think I can do this right this time.

For the love of god Facebook makes me feel like fighting someone. I rarely post but I'm tired of people "respecting " others ideals that are flat out not in line with basic human decency. No lie, I judge the fuck out of people who openly disregard the need for change, refuse to wear a mask, say racist shit, or support pedophiles in any way at all. Among other things but that's the current running list of things annoying me.

whitepeopletwitter

byjove

Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is…evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

cryoverkiltmilk

The spiritual successor to Miette

manicgoblinnightmarewoman

Might I also add

shydestinybread

May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit

unyanizedcatboys

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

explorerrowan

I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from “i can has”. Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they’re talking about.

dualclock

My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang

Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.

My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang

Me: ksst!

My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she’s been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!

Me: ok

My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang