Hi everyone! Iâd like to start off saying back in 2017 when I started this blog I was in no way a Tumblr newbie. I have had Tumblr since I was about 14 years old and through the years it has evolved with my different interests and grown with me. Iâve meet some great friends on this blog as well as my ex-fiance who I co-wrote sized with. I appreciate everyone who has followed me not only for my stories but to see what I post as well. I hate to let glitterhowell go as its been my identity since Iâve started writing but I think its time. I will leave this blog up and people can still read my stories as much as they please. I will still post stories on glitterhowell A03 but Iâm not sure how much of it will be phan. I love the phadom and Dan and Phil, but with them not posting much my interests have gone else where. I am not quitting tumblr as I will be making a new blog that is not Phan related. I will not be giving this blog out to people simple based on the fact I want to disappear to some people. I will no longer answer asks or probably even ever check this blog again. Itâs been a great ride thanks everyone!
Phil wants to prove to his friends that fairy's are real so he decides to summon one, only it doesn't go as he expected.
Close to you*<
Dan is deathly afraid of thunderstorms and runs to Phil for comfort
Colors In Disguise^+:
Dan Howell has struggled with Binge Eating Disorder and food addiction his entire life but after he met Phil, he went into remission. After several years, Dan relapses and he slowly starts spiraling out of control yet again. Will he be able to get the help he needs, or will he fall victim to its vicious cycle?
1 / 2Â / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 /
~~~~~~~
Time Ignites A Spark SeriesÂ
The Bully*= / The Puppy*= / Adoption*= / Pills*^+=: / Christmas*=
Seized^=!+=
It started out as a fun day at the park but it ended in terror. Phil takes his little Dan to the park and while Phil is not looking, Dan suddenly gets kidnapped. What will happen to Dan? Will Phil ever see his boyfriend again? Did Phil have something to do with it?
Part 1*< / Â Part 2*< / Part 3*< / Part 4*^+= / Part 5* / Part 6*= / Part 7*> / Part 8*^+=
Make You Feel My Love*!
After their Christmas liveshow, things get a little heated. Including Dan telling Phil he has been naughty but Phil is quick to prove him wrong.
An Empire For Two*<
Dan sit's down and tries to film a video after not having done so in months. He has a bit of a breakdown but luckily Phil is there to comfort him.
Take Me In Your Arms*<
After a weekend spent together Dan starts to question whether his feelings for Phil are more than just friendship.
The llama fic*!
Phil brings Dan home a special surprise to try out in the bedroom
Black Water*<
Dan's having one of his bad daysÂ
Demons* ^+=
One night Dan and Phil have a terrible fight which results in Dan storming out of the apartment. Dan finds himself in the neighborhood he used to get drugs from the only thing is Dan has been sober of any drugs and alcohol for over six years. Will Dan be able to resist his old comfort and fight the temptation? Will one night ruin his entire life?
TW: Rape non-con / alcohol abuse / drug abuse / drug use
Can you mend the broken?*^+:
Dan's struggled with his depression his entire life until he met Phil. Life was good until one day it just wasn'tÂ
By your side*
Dan really hates flying but what he hates more is he always seems to run into problems while trying to fly as well. One day Phil completely embarrasses him in front of the TSA agent
(No trigger warnings)
Romper From Hell !*
Phil really likes Dan in a romper
Donât Fall =*
Planning the tour has been stressful. One day Dan wakes up wanting to be little, but that canât happen. Will Dan be able to be big or will he slip into little space?
Iâm Proud of Us <*
Dan and Phil have finished the first show of their tour and Phil canât get over how beautiful and proud of Dan he is
Iâm Not a Baby =+*
What happened when Dan slips into little space during a meet and greet? Little!Dan and Daddy!Phil
Scaring Phil <*
Dan likes to scare Phil by pretending to be a fan started as a joke. He claims it is to get Phil ready for the tour. But is there more to it?
In this together +^*
TW is Blood
Dan Falls on stage during a show ii and hurts himself how will Phil handle it
Itâs ok <=*
After Dan and Phil had their daughter Dan decided he didnât need to be little anymore. But what happens when Phil is away for the day with their daughter and Dan is overworked and stressed? Little Space
I'm officially going to be rebranding to a BTS blog soon. If you followed me for my Phan fics or for Phan I will still write Phan and post phan as well as SPN but it will mainly be BTS. Feel free to unfollow, but if you'd like to stick around for the ride that's cool too!
Summary: Phil wants to prove to his friends that fairy's are real so he decides to summon one, only it doesn't go as he expected.
Read on Ao3
Read on Wattpad
Author note: I havenât written in probably a year so I have no idea if this is any good.
"Phil that's absolutely mad." PJ said looking at his friend with concern.
"Mad that's beyond mad." Chris howled and held his side as he shook with laughter.
Phil's face burned red with embarrassment as his friend laughed at him.
PJ glared at his boyfriend, "Chris stop it!" he said as he lightly smacked his arm.
"Phil surely you can't possibly believe any of this." PJ said, turning back to Phil.
"It's true my mum told me!" he insisted.
"Phil fairies aren't real." PJ said rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.
Phil's face was still on fire and his expression matched it. He couldn't believe his friends were being like this.
"They are so, and I'm going to prove it to you!" he shouted storming away from his friends.
"Phil wait!" PJ yelled after him.
"Let him go play pretend." Phil heard Chris say.
By the time Phil made it, home, he was still angry but not as much as he had been. He closed the front door behind him. This was the perfect time to use the spell to summon a fairy as his dad was still at work. Running up to his room he threw his bag on his bed and began rummaging through the draw by his bedside. Where was it Phil thought as he started throwing stuff out of the draw onto his bed. He was just about to give up when he noticed the gold lettering at the very far back corner. There it was! Being as careful as possible Phil removed the scroll like paper from the draw.
He admired the paper in his hands. The paper felt like nothing he had ever felt before. It was slightly rough, and the paper itself was really heavy. The lettering was in some kind of gold ink, and the words were written in a beautiful script like writing. The thing to admire the most about the paper was the fairy that was drawn in the right-hand corner of the paper. The fairy had dark brown hair and eyes. He was wearing a dark green tunic, showing off his long legs. And atop the curly brown mess on his head, was a crown made of flowers. Phil stared at the photo for a while before he was broken out of his trance like state by his phone going off.
Sighing, he pulled his phone out and looked; it was a text from PJ.
PJ: Phil I'm really sorry about early, you know we love you and just don't want you to believe in this childish stuff anymore. We'll talk more at school tomorrow OK?
Phil threw his phone down on his bed, he'd prove his friends wrong.
Phil hurried down to the kitchen to look for the last thing he needed to summon the fairy. He needed a container to capture him in, then he'd prove to his friends that he was right. After about five minutes of looking Phil found a container that he was happy with. He grabbed the old looking paper and the container and headed out into his backyard.
Phil was still in awe every time he saw the garden that his mum had planted when she was alive. There were flowers on both sides making a pathway to a tree that sat in the far end of the yard. The garden hadn't been maintained that much since his mum had died but you could still see all the different kinds of flowers in the weeds.
Walking the path was a bit difficult since it was overgrown but Phil managed fine and it didn't take him more than a few minutes to reach the tree. The tree was extremely big and old, and the branches were hanging close to the ground. The tree had been there when they had moved in and his mom said it had to be over a hundred years old.
Sitting down at the base of the tree Phil read over the paper one last time. Here goes nothing he thought to himself. In the most confident voice he could muster Phil began reciting the spell
Fairy of the ancient lands
Come to me
Be my best friend, forever
Show me love and affection
Be everywhere I am
Make it done!
The last line he said with the most confidence. For a moment nothing happened and then right in front of him there was a bright light that nearly blinded him. Phil covered his eyes with his arm and leaned back from the light. After a few moments he uncovered his eyes and his jaw dropped to the ground. Standing in front of him was the most beautiful man he's ever seen. He almost look familiar. Gasping Phil looked at the picture on the ancient paper and back up. It was the same man. The same curly brown hair and dark brown eyes, the only thing that surprised Phil was he was nearly 6 feet tall. He'd been expecting someone smaller.
"Who dares summon me." The fairy spat at him.
Unable to speak Phil just stared at him.
"Summoned by a mortal I see." He sneered again at Phil.
"This hasn't happened in years how did you find the ancient summoning spell?" He asked glaring at him.
Without speaking Phil handed him the paper.
The brunette took the paper and looked at it.
"How in the world did a mortal human acquire this." He asked what mostly seemed like to himself.
The fairy pocketed the spell and looked back at Phil. He opened his mouth to say something when angry flashed across his face.
"What is that?!" He demanded angrily.
Phil looked to where the fairy was pointing. His container, the one he was going to trap him with. Phil started to speak to defend himself but the fairy interrupted him.
"You were going to try and catch me weren't you mortal." He didn't wait for Phil to speak before he continued,
"Stupid humans always believe the myth. You know we're the same height as you," he spit out at Phil.
"I'm sorry." Phil managed to mummer.
"It doesn't matter the punishment for trying to capture one of us is enslavement. "
"What?!" Phil asked clearly shocked.
"Come on you're coming with me."
Phil tried to pull away but the fairy was to strong. The last thing Phil remembers is a blinding light.
Summary: Dan is deathly afraid of thunderstorms and runs to Phil for comfortÂ
Read on Ao3
Read on Wattpad
Author note: I havenât written in probably a year so I have no idea if this is any good.
It had stormed all day but it was after Dan tried to go to sleep that it got awful bad. Thunder cracked loud in the sky and Dan could have sworn he felt the apartment shake. He pulled the blanket closer to himself hoping that hiding would somehow make the storm less scary.
He shook with fear as another loud clap of thunder rattled the windows of his bedroom. He wondered how Phil could sleep through this. Every time it stormed Phil slept like a baby.
Determined to fall asleep Dan closed his eyes and tried forcing himself to think of anything but what was happening outside. It actually worked, and he started to drift off when he was awakened by another crack of thunder. Dan ripped the blankets from his shaking body and ran as if his life relied on it. He ran down the hallway and made a beeline straight for Phil's room. He stopped for a moment outside and wondered if he should man up and go back to bed when what he swore was the loudest crack yet went off. Throwing all hesitations aside he opened Phil's door with such force he wondered if he had maybe taken it off his hinges.
Dan could make out Phil's sleeping form in the bed. He seemed to be sleeping just fine despite the terror that was going on outside. Dan tried to be as quiet as he could as he walked over to the bed. Dan felt horrible about waking Phil up but Phil had told him he could wake him up anytime he needed to, and Dan thought this justified it.
"Phil," he whispered.
The sleeping form didn't move.
"Phil," he said a bit louder, this time shaking Phil's shoulder.
This time Phil stirred, he opened his eyes barely, "Dan? What's going on?" he asked, clearly confused.
Dan felt ashamed for waking Phil up, he was such a baby.
"Um nothing," he muttered, turning around to go back to his room.
Another crack rattled the apartment and Dan jumped turning back around to look at Phil.
Phil smiled softly and lifted the corner of his blanket. Dan took no time to question as he leaped into the bed and buried himself under the blankets. Phil laughed softly as he pulled Dan towards him.
Dan relaxed the moment his skin came into contact with Phil's.
"Thanks Phil," Dan said, yawning. If he wasn't so tired he would have laughed at himself for how sleepy he had gotten the moment he was in Phil's embrace.
Phil smiled and kissed the top of his head, "Anytime Dan."
Phil could tell Dan was already sleeping as the boy's body had become relaxed and there was a soft snoring coming from him.
With contentment in his eyes Phil looked out his window to watch the storm because unlike Dan he loved nights like this. Not just for the rain but also because Dan without a doubt always came to him, and that made him the happiest person in the world.
Summary: Dan Howell has struggled with Binge Eating Disorder and food addiction his entire life but after he met Phil, he went into remission. After several years, Dan relapses and he slowly starts spiraling out of control yet again. Will he be able to get the help he needs, or will he fall victim to its vicious cycle?
Read on Ao3
Read on Wattpad
Previous chapter / Next chapter
Chapter Master list
Dan had been keeping good on his promise to himself he hadnât been eating as much and he had gotten a handle on his snacking in general. In fact, he didnât eat much these days. He spent most of his time in bed sleeping. He hadn't posted a video in over three months and with the gaming channel on hiatus people were starting to notice his lack of content but he couldnât bring himself to care. Heâd occasionally tweet something to let everyone know he was still alive but other than that he was pretty silent on the internet. Phil had been a saint taking care of him and taking care of their business stuff, heâd taken on the full workload. He hated doing it to him but he couldnât help it he was terrified of going out of control again like the weekend he had when Phil had left so he hardly eat but that didnât mean he didnât think about food. So to keep his mind off the food he slept. Sleep was the only thing that kept the thoughts away and the only thing recently.
It was one of those rare days he did manage to pull himself out of bed. He made his way to the lounge. Spotting Phil sitting on the sofa he decided to plop down next to him.
âHi, love!â Phil said turning his attention away from his laptop. âItâs good to see you out of bed.â He said smiling brightly.
It hurt Dan's heart how happy Phil looked.
âYeah, Iâm feeling a little better.â he lied.
âThatâs good!â
Phil look so genuinely relieved and happy Dan wonders how long he had been worried about him.
~~~
The next few days Dan tried his hardest to stay out of bed and act as normal as possible. He helped out around the flat cleaning up and they watched some animes together and all and all Dan did enjoy himself but that hungry in the back of his mind was still there.
Dan currently sat in his sofa crease browsing Tumblr on his laptop trying to ignore the constant rumbling of his stomach.
âHey, Iâm going out to meet Martyn and Cornelia for lunch,â Phil said walking into the lounge.
âOh ok,â he said trying to hide the hurt of not being invited from his voice. But just seconds later his stomach gave a loud grumble and he was now thankful he hadnât been invited.
âIâll be home in a few hours alright love,â Phil said planting a kiss on his forehead.
âAlright,â he mumbled.
âMaybe we can have a movie night tonight when I get home?â Phil asked almost hopefully.
Dan perked up at the idea, âYeah that sounds really nice.â
âOk then while Iâm gone can you answer some of the emails we have? Theyâve been piling up and really need answering.â Phil chuckled.
âConsider it done,â Dan said, with excitement in his voice.
âAlright love you,â Phil said before turning and leaving.
âLove you too,â Dan called after him.
~~~~
After Phil left Dan procrastinated doing what Phil had asked of him but how many emails could there be to answer anyway. So about an hour after Phil left he decided he should probably get to it but first he had to use the bathroom. Â
When he stood up he felt like he was going to be sick and he would have run for the bathroom if it wasnât for the fact that he felt extremely dizzy and lightheaded as well. He rocked back and forth on his feet trying to regain his balance and wait for the room to stop spinning but that didnât happen instead everything just went black.
~~~~~
âPhil, are you sure your alright?â Martyn asked him for probably the tenth time.
âIâm fine Iâve just havenât been sleeping all that well.â he lied.
Well technically it wasnât a lie, he hadnât been sleeping well because he had been worried about Dan. Dan had been sleeping a lot recently and Phil worried he was going through a really bad rough spot. And he didnât know how to help. The only thing he could do was keep working, so he continued to make videos made sure both their shops had merchandise and all their business stuff was up to date. But he hated to admit it but it had become quite a bit taking all that on himself. It seemed like all he ever did was work and worry about Dan the last few weeks and it was really taking a toll on him, which is why when Martyn had invited him out for lunch he had accepted almost instantly.
âEarth to Phil.â
Phil was snapped out of his thoughts as his brother waved a hand in front of his face.
âSorry,â he mumbled.
They continued their lunch avoiding the topic altogether.
~~~~~~
The flat was quit when Phil got home, he set his keys down on the counter and walked into the lounge. Dan was curled up on the sofa snoring softly. The sight would have been precious if Phil hadnât been so concerned with him sleeping so much lately.
âDan. Dan wake up.â Phil softly shook his shoulder.
âWat?â he slurred still half asleep.
âYou fell asleep on the sofa, come on let's get you to bed.â
Phil helped the younger man up and helped him walk to the bedroom. Phil stripped him of all his clothes except his boxers and put him to bed. He pulled the covers up to Dans chin and bent down giving him a gentle kiss on the cheek before walking out of the dark room.
~~~~~~~~
Dan woke a few hours later he rolled over trying to remember how he had gotten to bed in the first place. But his thoughts were interrupted by a hushed voice coming from the next room. Curious he tiptoed out of the room and down the hall the office where the voice was coming from. The door was shut but inside he could hear Phil talking in a hushed voice.
âI donât know what to do anymore.â
Silence; he must be on the phone.
âMum I donât think I can do this anymore.â
Danâs heart sank in his chest not staying to hear the rest of the conversation he turned around and left.
Once back in the bedroom he paced back and forth. This was it wasn't it Phil was going to finally leave him. After all these years heâd finally realized what a fuck up he was.
He threw on some clothes and grabbed his keys and left the flat not even stopping to tell Phil he was leaving.
Not even knowing where he was going he just walked he probably walked for hours because by the time he finally stopped it was pitch black outside and hardly anyone on the streets. He looked around; he had no idea where he was.
His he was so weak from hunger that he was surprised when his stomach rumbled,
âOh fuck off, will you,â he mumbled to himself.
He shivered realizing now that he hadnât grabbed a jacket before heâd left.
He looked around hoping to find a place he could go in and warm up at when he spotted this small 24-hour diner across the street. Just a coffee he promised himself crossing the street.
The bell chimed when he opened the door and nice older lady behind the counter motioned around and said, âSit anywhere you like love.â
âThanks,â he said as he chose a both close to the back of the restaurant.
The restaurant was deserted except for him so it didnât take more than a minute for the women to come up to him with a menu, âWould you like to hear the specials?â
âNo thank you, just coffee please.â he smiled.
He stomach growled embarrassingly loud.
âAre you sure there love?â she chuckled.
What the hell Phil was leaving him anyway. He took the menu from her and ordered the first thing he saw. A burger with a side of chips.
âIâll be back out with your coffee.â she smiled and took his order back to the chef.
His hands shook with anticipation he hadnât had any proper food in probably three days.
After about a fifteen minute wait for the waitresses brought over his food and set it down in front of him. Â
âIf you need anything else just let me know dear,â she said walking off.
Dan was literally drooling it looked and smelled so delicious.
The first bit could be described as heavenly, the flow of the juices mixing together in his mouth and all the different flavors were absolutely divine. But after that first bite, he didnât taste much of anything else as he scarfed down the rest of it in several big bits. Next were the chips, those were harder to eat all at once since there were many but somehow he managed. And before he knew what he was doing he had the waitress back over ordering more food.
He left the diner over two hours later in shame having consumed two more burgers and three pieces of pie all by himself. He had been absolutely horrified when heâd come out of his binge haze. Stuffed to the brim with plates spread out all around him on the table. Luckily the waitress hadnât said anything to him, sheâs made some joke that he must have been hungry but Dan had seen in her eyes that she had been disgusted with him. And who wouldnât be, who eats that amount of food in one sitting its gross he thought to himself. Â Â Â Â Â Â
Dan was so ashamed and disgusted with himself he couldnât face going home yet, besides he wasnât sure if there was going to be anything to go home to. He started walking again slower this time because he was uncomfortably full when he came upon another little restaurant. It was like his brain was going crazy, he wasnât physically hungry but he craved that feeling he felt when he eats. The way his brain would completely fog over forgetting about all his problems, just the pure happiness it made him feel. Without even second-guessing himself he went into the restaurant.
Summary: Dan Howell has struggled with Binge Eating Disorder and food addiction his entire life but after he met Phil, he went into remission. After several years, Dan relapses and he slowly starts spiraling out of control yet again. Will he be able to get the help he needs, or will he fall victim to its vicious cycle?
Read on Ao3
Read on Wattpad
Previous chapter / Next chapter
Chapter Master list
Over the next few weeks, Dan managed to lose the half a stone he had gained and he was pretty proud of himself. He had been able to resist food pretty well ever since that night with the Chinese food.
Dan walked out of their en suite bathroom. âYou sure you have everything?â
Phil rolled his eyes, âYes Iâm sure mum.â
âIâm not sure where you're going then if Iâm your mum,â Dan giggled.
âOh no, you caught me; Iâm really off to see my secret husband,â Phil joked.
The smile fell from Danâs face. Of course he knew Phil was joking but it still kinda hurt.
âCome on, you know Iâm kidding.â âCome on,â Phil said, throwing a sweater unfolded into his suitcase.
âYou know I was just joking love. You know youâre the only one for me.â
Phil snaked his arm around Danâs waist and pulled him closer.
âI know,â Dan mumbled.
âLove, I donât know what's been going on lately but you know you can tell me anything right?â Phil said almost pleadingly.
âYeah of course,â he answered, averting his eyes.
âMaybe I should cancel my trip, just stay here for the weekend-â
âNo! You canât do that!â Dan interrupted him.
Phil looked at him a bit shocked.
âWhat I mean is your mum and dad have been looking forward to this trip for a long time and I know you have to. Phil, I promise Iâm fine, ok?â
âOk,â he said after a few moments. âBut Iâm just a phone call or train ride away, ok?â
âI know,â Dan smiled at him.
~~~~~
Dan sighed as he set the grocery bags down on the counter. The moment Phil had left for the train station he had gone to Tesco to pick up what he deemed to essentials for the weekend which consisted of several bags of cookies, cupcakes and crips and popcorn. He knew he shouldnât have gotten any of this stuff but he honestly couldn't help himself. He unloaded the bags and started his weekend.
~~~~~
It was Saturday night and heâd spent most of the day sleeping but the moment he had woken up he had begun snacking. He was at the point now where he thought he was going to burst; his brain was floating and he was content and happy. He was scrolling through Tumblr on his phone a few hours later when he noticed that the happy feeling he was used to feeling after eating was fading. He groaned because there was no way he was eating anything more unless he wanted to be sick all over the floor. But he had another idea.
He padded into the kitchen and opened the cupboard that held all their alcohol. He rummaged around until he found what he was looking for. He pulled out an almost full bottle of wine. Pulling it out he found a wine glass and poured himself a glass and then another an another. And soon he had drunk over half the bottle and he was a little more than tipsy.
He poured himself one more glass and pulled out his phone and hit the number for a local pizza delivery near their flat. He ordered a large pizza with extra cheese because Phil was gone and once that was ordered he presses the little button with Philâs picture. Â
To Phil
From Dan: I miss you
To Dan
From Phil: aw love I miss you too <3
To Dan
From Phil: So what are you doing?
From Dan
To Phil: Nothing. Slept some today and watch anime
To Dan
From Phil: Watch anime boys without me how scandalous daniel!
To Dan
From Phil: Iâm only teasing by the way
Dan rolled his eyes at that message
To Phil
From Dan: I need something sexy to watch while you're gone ;)
Dan giggled.
They exchanged a few more flirtatious messages back in forth before they said goodnight and Phil said he would be back bright in early tomorrow morning.
The ringer for the door went off and Dan went and collected his pizza swaying slightly as he made his way down the stairs.
~~~~~~
Dan didnât even have time to process what was going on before he was up and out of bed and in the bathroom, emptying the contents of his stomach. Undigested pizza and food were in the toilet and the sight of it made Dan want to be sick again.
âWhatâs going on?â Phil asked, rubbing his eyes and coming into the bathroom.
Dan only had a moment to look confused before another wave of nausea hit him and he was leaning back over the toilet again.
âYou ok?â Phil asked, blinking the sleep from his eyes.
âYeah, I think so.â
Once Dan was sure he wasnât going to get sick again, he flushed and stood up making his way back into the bedroom.
âWhen did you get home?â Dan asked him, sitting down on the bed next to him.
âEarly this morning. You were still asleep and you looked really tired so I figured Iâd let you sleep,â he said.
âMmm,â Dan said shoving his face into Philâs side.
âDid you have a good time?â he asked.
âYeah it was fine, it was good to see mum and dad and of course Martyn and Corn. But it would have been more fun to stay here with you.â
âReally?â he asked, not really getting his hopes up that Phil would actually rather want to spend time with him than his family.
âOf course! Iâd always choose you over anything, Dan,â Phil said.
Dan looked up at his eyes close to filling up with tears.
âI love you so much,â Phil mumbled pulling him up for a sweet but gentle kiss on the lips.
When they broke apart, Dan did have tears on his face, âI love you too Phil,â he said, shoving his face into his chest. He didnât know how someone like Phil could love someone like him, but right now he wasnât going to question it.
And while it was far from his mind, he promised to never eat so much as to throw up again.
Summary: Dan Howell has struggled with Binge Eating Disorder and food addiction his entire life but after he met Phil, he went into remission. After several years, Dan relapses and he slowly starts spiraling out of control yet again. Will he be able to get the help he needs, or will he fall victim to its vicious cycle?
Read on Ao3
Read on Wattpad
Previous chapter / Next chapter
Chapter Master list
Dan groaned as he looked at the number on the scale. Heâd gained half a stone in the last few weeks. He put his hands on his stomach and shook the pudge that sat there. He shut his eyes trying not to cry; how could he have let this happen? Yeah, he had eaten bad a few times the last few weeks but surely it hadnât been enough to make that much of a difference. But there is was; the proof was right in front of him.
Cheeks burning with embarrassment, he made a promise to himself that he would get on track right away and he would lose that half a stone. He couldnât allow himself to become any more disgusting than he already was.
The next few days were awful as he started out with skipping several of his meals in hopes of dropping the weight fast. But when that became apparent that wasnât something he could maintain he went to just skipping his breakfast and eating a light lunch and small dinner. But still, food was literally the only thing he thought about. The first thought when he woke up in the morning and the last when he went to sleep. It had gotten to the point his brain was so fucking exhausted from thinking about food and fighting the cravings that heâd taken to just sleeping most of the time.
He knows Phil had noticed something was up as he had tried talking to him about it. Dan may have not on purpose, but had bitten his head off when heâd had tried asking what was wrong. Ever since then Phil had been keeping his distance and been giving Dan his space. Which Dan had been grateful for as he really didnât feel attractive or worthy of Phil or his love at the moment.
~~~~~
Dan groaned as he rolled over, pulling the blankets closer around him. He had no idea what time it was but he had no intentions of getting up. The hunger pains had been particularly bad all day and he hadnât been able to focus on the video he had been trying to edit. Theyâd been so bad in fact, that heâd almost broke and went to the kitchen and made himself something to eat, but he just couldnât and so instead, heâd told Phil heâd had a headache and went to lay down.
His stomach gave another loud rumble and he grimaced and held it in annoyance. He reached over to the bedside table and grabbed his bottle of water. He took several big swigs and waited for them to reach his stomach and hoped that would help the hunger pains.
Heâd read on a fasting website that he had been on that water was an excellent way to beat the hunger pains and so far it seemed to be helping some.
Dan shoved his head back into the pillow and put the water bottle back and instead grabbed his phone. He brought up the app he had downloaded that told him when his fasting period was over and he groaned, still another 15 minutes.
He had found this lifestyle choice people like to do where people fast for sixteen hours a day and only eat eight hours out of the day. With his crazy sleep schedule, it had been difficult to make it work but he had. The process was supposed to help you not eat as much or something, and you didnât have to count calories or something, only Dan still counted calories because he was a fat cow and he needed to.
There was a soft knock on the door before it opened and Phil popped his head inside; âYou up?â
âYeah.=,â he yawned, curling himself into a ball like a cat.
Phil giggled, sitting down on the bed next to him. âI ordered Chinese for dinner if you're hungry.â
The smile fell from Danâs face as he remembered his app.
âWhat's wrong?â Phil asked, clearly confused.
âNothing,â Dan smiled.
He could eat something when the app said he could for another fifteen minutes. He hadnât really eaten anything else all day; it would be fine.
âOk, the food should be in ten minutes,â Phil said leaning down kissing his head.
Dan giggled and pushed him, âGo on and wait for the food, I donât want cold fried rice.â
~~~~
Dan moaned as he laid down on the sofa, head in Philâs lap. âI donât feel good.â
âYou shouldn't have eaten so much,â Phil said, laughing at him.
âI didnât eat that much,â he protested.
âDan you had two plates of fried rice, two egg rolls and at least half of my low mein. And donât think I didnât see you eat that biscuit before dinner as well. Someone must have been hungry,â he teased.
Danâs face reddened with embarrassment and the subject was left with that but the rest of the night Dan fought the guilt and couldnât help but feel disgusted with himself.
By the time midnight rolled around, theyâd watch two movies and Dan was pretty tired and Phil looked like he was about to just fall asleep right there on the couch.
âHey, why donât you go get ready for bed? Iâll be there in a minute; Iâm just going to go get a drink of water, ok?â Dan said, stretching his long limbs above his head.
âMmm alright,â Phil yawned standing up and heading towards the bedroom.
Dan made his way into the kitchen and picked up a glass and filled it with water. He slowly slipped the liquid eyes falling on some bananas sitting on the counter. In no way was he hungry - in fact, he was still overly stuff from dinner - but the thought of feeling the rush and the content and happy feeling that food gave him won out and he shoved his glass of water to the side and in no time the bunch of bananas became a pile of banana peels.
Danâs brain rushed but it wasnât the same rush as when he ate cookies or the other stuff but it was still pleasant. His stomach hurt quite a lot but it didnât overrule the happiness his brain was currently feeling.
Even in his daze, he knew he needed to clean up and get to bed so he cleaned up and made his way to the bedroom. The light was already turned off and Phil was already in bed by the time he got there. He slipped in next to him and Phil turned around to spoon him.
âI thought maybe Tumblr had consumed you,â Phil said.
âNope, just really thirsty.â he giggled, snuggling closer to Phil.
âGoodnight Dan,â Phil said, snaking his legs around his.
âNight Philly,â he whispered.
He was already beginning to hate himself.
And he promised himself this was the absolute last time. Heâd get back on track if it was the last thing he did.
Summary: Dan Howell has struggled with Binge Eating Disorder and food addiction his entire life but after he met Phil, he went into remission. After several years, Dan relapses and he slowly starts spiraling out of control yet again. Will he be able to get the help he needs, or will he fall victim to its vicious cycle?
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The next few weeks everything seemed to go back to normal; they filmed and watched anime together, the usual. There was still lots of tension in the apartment but both of them seemed happy to not mention it.
âPhil Iâm going to Tesco, do you want anything?â he called, grabbing his keys off the counter.
âYeah I think weâre out of milk, someone drank the last of it this morning,â he grumbled, walking into the kitchen.
Dan winched. He was sure Phil didnât mean for it to come out that way but it was quite hurtful.
âYeah ok, Iâll be back in a little bit.â He quickly turned and left before Phil could say anything else.
~~~~
He walked up and down the isles of Teso; really he was just killing some time before he went home. He stopped when a bag of frosted cookies caught his attention. Surely he deserved a treat right. He grabbed the bag and shoved them in his basket and kept walking; when he came to the end of the aisle: Oreos. He couldnât remember the last time heâd had Oreos. His mind went foggy as he grabbed the packaged and thrown it in his basket as well.
By the time he made it to the check out his mind was completely fogged over and he hardly remembered half of what he had thrown in his basket.
âThatâll be ÂŁ50 sir.â
Dan was shaken from his fog, âWhat?â
âThatâll be ÂŁ50.â The young teenage girl smiled at him.
Dan was a little taken back, he didnât think heâd bought that much. He paid and quickly left the store hoping to avoid seeing any fans on the way back to the flat.
Lucky he made it back to the flat without running into anyone (physically or otherwise) and he was able to make it into the apartment without any more confrontations with Phil. A little embarrassed with everything he bought, he let Phil know he was going to spend some time in the office editing a video.
With the door shut and carefully locked Dan sat on the floor with the bags surrounding him and slowly one by one began to unbag everything.
Cupcakes, cookies, ice cream, candy bars and a bag of crisps.
His jaw fell to the floor; had he really boughten all of this? He felt disgusted with himself who in their right mind could eat all of this? Shaking his head, he got up and quietly unlocked the door to stick his head out, making sure Phil wasnât anywhere in sight. As quick and as quietly as he could he made his way to the kitchen to grab a trash bag to throw all that garbage away.
âI thought you went to the shops?â
Dan screamed.
âWhat?â Phil asked him, clearly annoyed.
âYou canât just sneak up on me like that Phil!â he screeched.
âI didn't!â he said, now angry.
Dan caught his breath before he answered, âI did go to the shops.â
Phil looked at him confused, âThen where is the milk?â
Dan mentally facepalmed himself; heâd been so wrapped up in snacks heâd forgotten the milk.
âOh umm, I must have forgotten it.â
Philâs face softened. âBear, is there something wrong?â
âNo of course not! Iâm sorry I forgot the fucking milk, Phil! Jesus!â He turned around and stormed back off towards the office slamming the door behind him, leaving a very confused Phil in his wake.
âWhat the fuck is wrong with me?â he cried to himself as he sank to the floor.
His chest heaved as he sobbed into his knees. He had snot and tears running down his face and he really just couldn't care less.
His eyes fell on the food on the floor in front of him. Tears still pouring down his face, he ripped open the first packet of cookies and started eating. Shoving cookie after cookie into his mouth, he didnât care how pathetic he looked at that moment.
By the time he was finished with the first package, his tears were drying up and he was ripping open something else and that is how it continued for the next 30 minutes until all the food he had boughten was gone.
Dan groaned and laid back on the floor his brain swirled with pure joy and happiness. The feeling was absolutely indescribable.
And an hour later, he swore to himself this was the last time.
Summary: Dan Howell has struggled with Binge Eating Disorder and food addiction his entire life but after he met Phil, he went into remission. After several years, Dan relapses and he slowly starts spiraling out of control yet again. Will he be able to get the help he needs, or will he fall victim to its vicious cycle?
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After their fight, it didn't take Phil long to come home and apologized. They quickly made up and spend the rest of their night cuddling on the couch watching Buffy. It didn't take long for Dan's little problem to slip from his mind.
The thought of bingeing didn't come back to his mind until over two weeks later. Dan was having a little bit of writer's block, he had loads of ideas for videos but none of them seemed to be the right one to film. The fans had been hounding him for a week now, asking him when he was going to upload next. He knows most of them were just teasing him when they joked about how little he updated, but that still didn't stop the words from going straight to his head.Dan was currently laying on his favorite patch of carpet in their hallway, he had been there for over three hours trying to come up with a video idea. But nothing he thought of was something he wanted to film. He would ask Phil about it but he had gone out earlier to spend time with PJ and Sophie, Dan had declined to go, knowing he had to film something today. Â He groaned in frustration; this was getting him nowhere. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and saw he had a text from Phil.
From: PhilTo: DanDid you film a video today? People keep @ me on Twitter asking when the next one is. I don't know what to tell them :p
From: DanTo: PhilNot yet but I have a really good video idea, I'm going to film now.
To: DanFrom: PhilOk, bear see you later love you <3
To: PhilFrom: DanLove you too Phil
He sighed, he hated lying to Phil but he just couldn't tell him that, once again, he wasn't going to be able to upload a video because his shitty mind can't come up with something creative. They were in no way struggling to make a living; Youtube paid their bills and allowed them to put some aside for the future but they still had to put out content. Phil had upload three times since he last had and they had uploaded several gaming videos since then as well. He couldn't help but feel like a failure; he knew he was just a fuck up. He couldn't even get a stupid video up on time. Tears started leaking from his eyes when out of nowhere his stomach let out a loud grumble. That's when the light bulb went off in his head. He stood up and quickly dashed to the kitchen.He swung the cupboard open and his eyes scanned the contents. His eyes fell on a packet of crisps. He licked his lips and reached for the bag when his eyes fell on a full bag of chocolate cookies. Grinning he pulled both of his treats down and turned around to get a bottle of Ribena out of the fridge when his eyes fell on the half a pizza that was still in there from the night before. His heart sped up just thinking about the satisfaction all this food was going to bring him.
He carried all his food to the lounge and plopped down on the sofa, setting the food out in front of him on the coffee table. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath; this was going to feel so good.
It didn't take him more than ten minutes to finish the entire half a pizza as well as the full bag of crisps and cookies. He groaned as he laid down, he was absolutely stuffed to the brim. His stomach was so full it was uncomfortable, but that is how Dan liked it. His eyes slipped back in his head as he drifted off to sleep.
He was jolted awake when he heard the key in the door. Shit, he hadn't cleaned his mess up he couldn't let Phil find him with all this garbage. He took all the garbage and shoved it under the sofa, he would have to take care of it later.
"Dan I'm home," Phil called cheerfully."I'm in the lounge," he yelled back, hoping he didn't sound off."I'm starving; I think I'm going to have some leftover pizza, do you want some?" He called from the kitchen.Dan's blood ran cold. Shit, how was he going to explain half a pizza missing?"Dan, where did the pizza from last night go?" Phil walked out with a puzzled expression on his face."Uh...I...uh dropped it on the floor on accident earlier," he said, saying the first thing that came to mind."You what?""I went to have something earlier and accidentally dropped the whole pizza on the floor I had to throw it out." He said not meeting Phil's eyes."Oh ok, I guess I can make myself a sandwich then. Do you want one?""Uh no thanks I think I'm going to take a shower. I'm all sweaty from the lights." He said dashing out of the lounge passing a very confused Phil.
He slammed the bathroom door behind him and sank to the floor. What was he going to; do he couldn't start this again. He had been doing so good he thought he had grown out of this shit. His breathing started to pick up, on the verge of a panic attack. "Dan, are you alright?" Phil gently knocked on the bathroom door.
He choked in a sob "I'm fine Phil."Phil was quiet for a moment. "All right. If you need anything Bear, I will just be in the lounge."With that he walked off, leaving Dan to himself once again. The guilt was so strong he felt like he couldn't breathe. This was part of the cycle, feeling guilty after a binge had been something he had grown accustomed to over the years. He almost had forgotten how bad it got. He slowed his breathing out and stood up. Looking at himself in the mirror, he promised himself this was the last time he was going to binge.
Warning/Genre: Rape/extreme violence/ depression/PTSD/Degradation/torture/ Non-consensual pretty much everything/Little!Dan/Daddy!Phil/Kidnapping
Summary: It started out as a fun day at the park but it ended in terror. Phil takes his little Dan to the park and while Phil is not looking, Dan suddenly gets kidnapped. What will happen to Dan? Will Phil ever see his boyfriend again? Did Phil have something to do with it? Heavy trigger warning
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âI hope youâre not offended but I donât completely trust you.â Dan scoffed at the women sitting in front of him.
Her eyes soften at eyes angry blazing oneâs and it just made him angry.
âMr. Howell I donât know exactly what went down with your last attorney but what I do know is that he did not have your or your boyfriends best interest in mind. All Iâm offering is to assist Mrs Raines here in helping Mr. Lesterâs innocence be proven as well as getting the proper justice for you and the other victims.â
Danâs blood was boiling. His blood had been boiling since heâd learned of all this nonsense with Phil but the moment it had really hit him was when he had seen Phil for the first time in months in court last week.
He would never have described Phil has active or fit but whatever muscle and fat he had on his body was now gone his skin just hung on his bones. His face was sunken in and he had had dark circles under his eyes. But the most jarring difference about Phil that dan noticed was he now had a two-inch scar that ran down the side of his face. With the hassle of trying to get Daul off the case and get another lawyer assigned Dan hadnât had the chance to visit Phil and ask him about it yet. And quite frankly he was scared to find out what it was from.
âMr. Howell?â
Dan was shaken from his thoughts. He sighed, âWell I donât see any problem with you helping Philâs lawyer. Youâre highly recommended and Iâm sure paying enough for you.â He said spitting out the last part.
She simply smiled at him, âSo do we have a deal?â
âMrs. Fawn you have yourself a deal.â
~~~~~~
âMrs. Raines, Mrs. Fawn do you have anyone else that you would like to question?â the judge asked looking down shuffling through her stack of papers.
âWeâd like to call Mr. Kide back to the stand.â
The whole courtroom went silent at the request.
âI object!â Shouted the defense.
âUnder what grounds?â The judge questions
âMy client has already testified more than enough times and has been very accommodating of this court, there is no reason to bring him in to go over what Lester made him do again.â
The judge thought for a moment before she spoke, âIâll allow it, I want Kide kept in isolation tonight so is testimony is not tampered with and all of us will be back here bright and early tomorrow morning to continue this.
âYour honor!â
âMr. Evens! This is my courtroom, therefore, we go by my rules you got that?â
The man mumbled something under his breath but nodded his head in agreement.
âOk for the day court is dismissed.â
âWait! Phil!â Dan said, trying to catch Phil's hand before he was lead off by the uniformed guards. He was so close he could reach out and hug him just one more step and he could hold his boyfriend.
âWhat the fuck do you think your doing boy?â Â the guard asked pushing him back.
âI...I⊠was just trying to give him a hug,â Dan said.
It was at that moment Philâs eyes found his and his heart shattered into a million pieces. All the pain Phil was feeling, he could suddenly feel and it was becoming too much. it was consuming him; he had to tear his eyes away. A pitiful whine left his throat as he did, but it was the only thing he could do unless he wanted it to consume him.
âNo touching or talking to the prisoner!â the guard barked at him.
Dan looked up just in time to see the guard leading Phil out of the courtroom roughly pulling at his arm in a way that he knew would bruise in the morning.
~~~~~~~~
When Dan walked into the courtroom the next morning the one thing he had not been expecting to see was his parents sitting on Philâs side of the courtroom. Angry tears fell from his eyes. What were they doing here? And that's exactly what he asked them when he marched right up to them.
âDan honey-â
âNo, I donât want to hear it! Youâve wanted nothing to do with me my entire recovery and you havenât cared this entire time! Why are you here now?â he yelled, tears still rolling down his face.
âDaniel, calm down,â his mother tried again.
âDonât you dare try and tell me to calm down!â he shouted again.
He could feel himself slipping; this wasnât good. His parents may have meant good but all they were doing was causing him stress.
âDan love, how about we go sit down over here?â a sweet soothing voice whispered in his ear.
Dan looked up and saw Louise smiling at him. She wrapped her arms around him and guided him to the other side of the room and sat him down.
âYouâre trembling love,â she fussed, wrapping her own jacket around his shoulders.
âYou're alright now,â Kathryn said pulling him into a hug.
Normally he would have resisted but not right now, right now he just wanted to be held. He looked back at Louise and mouthed âThank you,â to her and she just nodded her head.
Eventually, he calmed down and the slip seemed to have passed at it was time for the trial to begin
~~~~
âMr. Kide the first thing I would like to ask, has your story changed from the last time you have told this court?â Mrs. Fawn questioned.
Kide gave a sly smile as Dan would call it and answered, âNo I stick by everything I said before. Lester was the mastermind and he made us do everything, threatened our families if we didnât do what he said.â
âVery Mr. Kide, Since Iâve already given you the chance to change your story and you have declined I guess It shouldnât even matter to you that Conray confessed the truth to everything late last night?â
Danâs heart stopped; he hadn't been informed of this information and surely he would have been right.
The look on Kideâs face was priceless though it was of pure horror confusion and angry all at once.
âHe wouldn't! That little bastard would never betray me!â
âI object! I wasnât informed of this information!â Kideâs lawyer screamed.
âOverruled! The questioning may continue!â
âWell I hate to tell you this Mr. Kide, but it is indeed true; he flipped on you so fast it was comical. All the men at the station were having a good laugh at it.â Mrs. Fawn chuckled. âHe was very adamant that you were the mastermind behind all this and how he didn't do anything wrong.
Kide growled in anger, âIs that so?â
Dan couldnât believe his ears as Kide literally spilled everything. Not just the stuff about Dan but the other victims as well. He explained how Conray had come to him and shown him Danâs videos. At first, he thought it had been a harmless infatuation but Kide would spend hours and hours pouring over this kids videos and social media accounts trying to pin down is exact location. All Kide would talk about was when he got him and what he would do with him. âHe had my cabin covered in photos, wall to wall with pictures; it was starting to get fucking creepy.â
âI knew he wasnât going to stop and I knew I couldnât let him kidnap this Howell; he was big news there would be a worldwide hunt for him. So I thought I would try and find someone who looks just like him, though that might satisfy Sethâs needs. They never seemed to last long though; heâd use them a few times, abuse them but he tired of them quickly and his fixation was always back on Howell. â
âWhat did he do with them when he was done with them Mr. Kide?â
âWell sometimes he would kill them, sometimes weâd just leave them there and shove the next person in there with them.â
âAnyway, I tried several different people: women, men, younger adults that all looked and acted much like Howell and none of them ever kept his attention. Finally, after doing some research, I followed Howell around for a few weeks a realized he was what people call a little and that must be what Roger found so appealing about him. So I thought if I could find someone in the same family that maybe just maybe it would be enough. So I acquired Nico Howell. â
The courtroom was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.
âWhat happened after that, Mr. Kide?â
âWell he did last longer then the others did; he wasnât what his cousin was - a little or whatever - but he was innocent enough and he looked enough like Howell for Roger.â
âBut even in the end that wasnât enough for him, was it, Mr. Kide?â
âI suppose not because here we are.â
âMr. Kide I just have a few more questions. Why do this for a friend?â
Kide Shrugged his shoulders, âBecause he let me do whatever I wanted.â
The courtroom booed and shouted and it had to be silenced by the judge.
âOkay, Mr. Kide, just one more question. Was Mr. Lester involved at all what-so-ever in the kidnappings?â
This was it the moment the whole trial had been leading up to. The tension in the room was thick you could cut it with a knife. And then he answered.
âNo, Phil Lester had absolutely nothing to do with any of it.â
The courtroom burst with excitement and had to be brought back to order once again by the judge.
âI think we have heard enough if the jury will now make a decision we will all wait.â
~~~~~
âDaniel this has to be good news right?â Kathryn asked, pulling him in for a hug.
Dan was still in shock.
âDan?â
âUmm, yeah, of course, it has to be,â he said trying to sound as reassuring as he could.
It only took the jury an hour to come to a verdict and Dan, the Lester family and their group of friends were all shuffling back into the courtroom. They had to bypass the huge group of press that was packed in the back of the courtroom like sardines but they finally managed to make their way safely to their seats.
The moment they brought Phil out, the cameras began clicking behind him and that was something he was still getting used to, but he tuned it out and put all his focus on Phil. Phil looked absolutely defeated and if Dan had to guess, he was just going through the motions. It broke his heart. Â
The judge cleared her throat. âThe jury has reached a verdict. Will the defendant please stand.â
Phil stood as the Jury entered the room.
The judge continued, âOn the count of Kidnapping we the jury find the defendant Philip Michael Lester: Not Guilty.â
Dan's heart leapt from his chest did he really just hear that. He turned to Kathryn and she had tears in her eyes and nodded her head and that's when he knew heâd heard correctly.
âOn the charge of rape, we find the defendant not guilty.â
The courtroom burst into whispers, but all Dan heard was the beating of his own heart. He couldnât believe it this nightmare was finally over.
Dan couldnât move; his brain was going a million miles a minute and all he could think about was Phil. He could feel himself being pulled in for multiple hugs but he really wasn't paying attention; all he could focus on was Phil.
Phil had sunken down into his chair and was sobbing into his hands his whole body was shaking with sobs, it was then that it hit him that Phil had been found innocent. He broke out of the grasp of whoever was embracing him and took off towards Phil.
Each step brought him closer and closer to Phil, when he was finally there it wasnât anything like he imagined. They didnât embrace each other and kiss or hold each other and cry. Dan stood there and looked at him.
He cleared his throat hoping to get Philâs attention, âPhil?â
Phil looked up at him through his tear stained eyes and he whispered, âDan?â
They stood there staring at each other for a few moments before Dan fell to his knees and before he knew it he was a sobbing mess as well.
âCan I hug you?â Phil asked softly.
Dan nodded his head as he shoved his head into Philâs lap. It was awkward because he still had handcuffs on his hands but they made it work.
~~~~~
Philâs trail was the only thing they were talking about on TV some of it was bad but most of it was good. Also apparently when you're found innocent they donât release you right away you have to go back to prison and they have three days to release you. Dan was angry when he learned this. He didnât understand why they couldnât just let Phil go; he had been found innocent. But the lawyers sat him down and explained that there was a lot of paperwork to fill out and the system always took a long time to get stuff like this done.
Dan looked down at his phone; Phil was supposed to be out five minutes ago. He stood outside the gates of the prison where they would be releasing Phil this morning and he didnât know if he was more excited or nervous. What if they changed their minds and decided to keep him? Could they even do that? All these thoughts raced through his head when the gates opened. He looked up and saw the most beautiful sight. Phil.
Phil walked towards him in baggy joggers and a worn out sweatshirt; his hair was long, almost to his shoulders and he was in desperate need of a haircut. As he got closer Dan couldnât help but notice how much skinnier he looked. That was not something he had noticed the last few days in court.
âHi,â Phil said, walking up to him.
âHi,â Dan breathed.
Since the trail was over, everyone was getting back to their lives and since Kide had confessed to his and Conrayâs charges, they would be sentenced and would probably spend the rest of their lives in prison.
Luke would continue to make the city of London safe with his recent promotion to captain, thanks to his hard work on the Lester-Howell case.
And as for Dan and Phil, they were just happy to be together again.
Summary: Dan Howell has struggled with Binge Eating Disorder and food addiction his entire life but after he met Phil, he went into remission. After several years, Dan relapses and he slowly starts spiraling out of control yet again. Will he be able to get the help he needs, or will he fall victim to its vicious cycle?
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Author note: This story is very close to my heart as myself currently struggle with B.E.D. (Binge Eating Disorder) and food addiction and several of the feelings in the story are feelings I have had myself or maybe even instances that have happened to myself. I have found writing this story is helping me in my recovery and I don't intend to stop so if your interested in coming on this journey with me I intend on updating once on Tuesdays. This story will also deal with other mental health issues such as self-harming so if that triggers you this might not be the story for you.
Disclaimer: I am not a mental health specialist everything I write is from experience and research
Ever since he could remember, Dan had had issues with food. He wouldn't say he was a fat kid but he was definately on the chubbier side which was something the kids at his school never let him forget. He was endlessly teased for everything about his appearance; he was a tall freak, a fat-ass emo fag. The insults during his childhood never seemed to end. And as far as he could remember, he had always loved food. The savory-filled taste of a big bag of crisps, or the nice thick coating of bubbling cheese on a delicious pizza. But as much as he loved the savory food, he love the tooth-achingly sweets just as much.
The earliest he can remember binge eating was when he was around twelve years old. The teasing at school had been particularly bad that day; the bully at school had pushed him down into a mud puddle after school and Dan had come home sopping wet and dripping muddy water everywhere. Of course, heâd been alone; he was always alone with his brother in daycare and his mum and dad at work. That was how he spent lots of his time. Alone.
Dan had went straight to the kitchen to get himself a snack, not even bothering to dry himself off. Once he was in the pantry, all of his problems seemed to float away, it was like nothing could hurt him. His parents kept a variety of snacks in the house just for occasions like this when he was alone. His eyes fell to a bag of gummy worms and he grabbed them excitedly only to stop when he saw there was still a bag of his favorite crisps. Having both won't hurt right? And so he grabbed his snacks and headed to his room; he plopped down on his bed tearing open the crisps in the process. It didn't take him long to finish an entire family size bag of crisps as well as a pretty moderate-sized bag of gummy worms. Once he was done he smiled at himself and collapsed back onto his bed, but as he lay there the events from that day started coming back to him. Frustrated because they hadn't been there just minutes ago while he was enjoying his snacks, he sighed and he reached into his bedside drawer to retrieve three different candy bars from his stash of Halloween candy he still had left over. He wasn't hungry but the sight of the chocolate made his problems once again slip from his mind.
That should have been a major clue to Dan that he had a problem because ever since then, he used food as a way to escape his problems and relieve his stress. It was a vicious cycle that he had become accustomed to over the years; when he was feeling stressed he would stockpile on his favorite treats and binge until he physically couldn't eat anymore. Of course, this lead to him feeling ashamed and guilty and all he could think was what the hell was wrong with him? Those kids were right; he was a fat ass. But of course, the only thing that would make those thoughts go away was more food. So the vicious cycle continued.
When he was fifteen he stumbled across a blog on Tumblr that suggested to him that he purge all the food that he binged; he tried that only once before he decided that wasn't for him. The feeling of throwing up just was not something he enjoyed, much preferring the feeling of being uncomfortably full.
He was sixteen when he cut himself for the first time. He had come across this method on Tumblr as well. He had taken his dad's razor, breaking it apart and cutting his finger in the process of trying to remove the blade. He remembered just staring in awe at the thick red blood that ran down his finger, it was beautiful to him. He knew in that moment he was hooked as it was the only thing that seemed to take the pain away like food did. During the year he used self-harm to deal with his problems instead of food, he dropped two stone and really slimmed down for his height. And since he slimmed down, he didn't seem to be bullied quite as much at school anymore. So Dan was happy using self-harm as a way to cope instead of binging eating. That was until the day he had cut too deep and hit a vein. All he remembers was a lot of red and passing out. He later learned in the hospital that his mom had happened to come home early from work and had found him unconscious and bleeding all over the bathroom floor. He had been forced to go to therapy after that, and his parents checked him daily for new scars. So Dan had to stay clean, he couldn't use cutting as a form of release anymore and he fell back into the cycle of binge eating. One where he had to stop scratching his scars, but also one where he resorted to sneaking food out of the pantry all the time yet again.
This continued until he was eighteen and had met Phil, and instead of cutting or binge eating anymore, he would talk to Phil about things. Eventually, over time, Dan revealed to Phil of his cutting but was too ashamed to admit to the binge eating. What kind of freak binge eats the whole pantry to take the pain away? So instead, he keep that secret close to himself.
In the time he was clean, he started Youtube, became best-friends-turned-boyfriends with Phil, and he moved in with him. He expanded his fan base, Phil and him went on tour, wrote two books and presented a radio show. Life was good; sometimes he still got the itch to cut or binge but usually it went away if he forced his mind to think of something else. He was finally happy: he had amazing fans, a gorgeous boyfriend and the times of hiding his scars and sneaking food was over.
That was until he had a really bad fight with Phil one night. If you asked him now, he wouldn't be able to tell you what the fight had even been about, but if he were to guess it was either about Phil leaving his socks laying around the house or something to do with editing.
Phil had stormed out of the house without a word leaving Dan standing in the kitchen all by himself. He squeezed his eyes shut and let the tears start to fall. That is when his arm started to itch, the intense need to cut becoming overwhelming. He sucked in a breath not too far gone to ration with himself; he couldn't cut, Phil would surely notice that. His eyes light up; he may not be able to cut but he could eat. He smiled, remembering the feeling that eating too much used to give him. The feeling of his stomach about to burst, the pure joy and ecstasy of it.
He rushed to the fridge and pulled out the pizza they still had in there from last night as well as some Chinese food they had left over from a few days before. He happily grabbed his food and started to leave the kitchen when a big bag of crisps caught his eye. Without even thinking, he took all his food to his room and dug in and, just like old times, he ate until it was physically impossible to eat anymore. He gave a satisfied grunt as he curled up in his blanket and let his eyes fall closed. He was happy for only a moment before the old feelings of guilt came rushing back to him. He shot up and looked at all the food around him and started crying again. He was a failure after all this time and he had fucked it up, just like he fucks everything he touches up.
Wiping his tears, he quickly gathered the evidence of his crime and went to throw them in the trash. He stood in the kitchen by the trash can he looked down at his stomach. There was the visible curvature of his stomach that hadn't been there before. Groaning in frustration, that was when he promised to himself that this was going to be the last time.
Warning/Genre: Rape/extreme violence/ depression/PTSD/Degradation/torture/ Non-consensual pretty much everything/Little!Dan/Daddy!Phil/Kidnapping
Summary: It started out as a fun day at the park but it ended in terror. Phil takes his little Dan to the park and while Phil is not looking, Dan suddenly gets kidnapped. What will happen to Dan? Will Phil ever see his boyfriend again? Did Phil have something to do with it? Heavy trigger warning
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Dan unlocked the front door, sighing at the sight that their apartment had been left in. It was wonderful to be home and see the familiar paintings and posters of their home, it was just rather messy.
Groaning, he dumped all his belongings onto the bed and picked up his phone. He typed out a quick message to Pj, asking if he was free to come over. He replied minutes later with an affirmative and a selfie of him walking along the street.
With the excuse of having company, he began packing up. Nothing was too bad thankfully so with two minutes to spare, Dan had the entire flat back in order.
âHey,â Dan greeted, stepping aside so Pj could come in.
âHi, why arenât you staying with Kathryn anymore?â Pj asked, getting straight to the point.
âShe hid Philâs trial from me cause I was acting like a fucking baby,â Dan explained, face flaring again as he thought of Phil - scared, lonely Phil - going through that again.
âShit, you found out?â
âWhat?! Everyone was keeping it from me?â he shouted, glaring at Pj as they stood in the lounge.
âWe didnât want it to affect your progress,â he tried to explain.
âThatâs not for you to decide!â Pj looked down, eyes watering.
âIâm sorry. Please- can we just not fight?â he asked hopefully.
Dan, despite feeling so many emotions at once, put Pj first. âOf course. Sorry, itâs just a lot to take in.â
âItâs okay, it really is. Just- I havenât spoken to you - like, you you - in so long and I donât want to argue.â
âThatâs fine,â Dan said, reaching out to rest his hand on Pjâs shoulder before deciding not to. âWould you like a tea or anything?â he offered, lighting the fireplace as he spoke since the apartment was just too cold to be comfortable.
âYes please.â Dan nodded and made his way to the kitchen, enjoying the silence for a change. After a quick fill, the kettle began to heat up and Dan pulled out his phone.
âDan?â a voice pulled him from his thoughts and he looked up from his phone. Pj looked worried. âSorry, itâs just been ten minutes and tea doesnât take that long,â he explained, stepping forward with his hands out as if Dan were a spooked animal that might bolt.
âSorry,â he mumbled, clicking his phone off and shoving it into his jumperâs pocket.
âWhat were you looking at?â Pj asked suddenly. He moved throughout the kitchen, taking it upon himself to serve them some tea.
âNothing,â Dan tired, only to be met with a raised eyebrow. âJust Philâs trial,â he settled on.
âAnd were you reading facts or fiction?â Pj asked.
âDoes Phil actually have a chance?â Dan asked instead of answering.
Pj looked sad for a split second before smiling. âIf heâs on trial, heâs got a chance.â
Dan saw straight through him; he didnât have any hope that Phil would win this time either. And maybe Kathryn didnât too; maybe thatâs why she kept it from him. She didnât want him thinking they had a chance at a normal life only for it to be ripped away again due to a lack of evidence for Philâs innocence.
âI can talk to them!â Dan suddenly shouted, jumping and slamming the mug onto the coffee table.
Pj looked shocked for a second, then confused, before a grin spread across his face. âYou actually could!â he agreed. âThey only didnât like little-you cause you just agreed to everything and they thought you might be remembering wrong. But now that youâre mostly recovered and in an adult mindset, they canât just ignore what you say!â
~~~~~~~~
Sighing, Phil braced himself to head back to prison, disappointed as always. It was going to be another long day in court. Turns out having to sit still for hours while people argued your innocence wasnât too fun. Especially considering it never looked good for him. Donât get him wrong, he loved that he got another chance, but he wished he wasnât given it if he was just going to get his hopes up just to have them crushed yet again.
âYour honour, I have another witness Iâd like to bring to the stand with your permission,â Mrs Raines said, taking a seat once she finished speaking.
The judge gestured approval with a nod and so Mrs Raines nodded a polite thank you and stood back up. Fixing her suit jacket, she cleared her throat. âIâd like to summon Mr Daniel Howell to the stand.â
Phil, whose head had been slowly dropping over the hours, shot upright in his seat, confused and excited at the prospect of seeing Dan again. Mrs Raines, with Lelaâs help, had told him there was no chance Dan could help his case as he was permanently regressed and would just agree with everything. So why sheâd changed her mind - and without consulting Phil - raised more than a few questions.
Philâs eyes flickered to his boyfriend who he hadnât noticed was in the crowd. He was dressed in a simple but formal suit. As he stood, he did up the jacket buttons and shuffled out of his isle to make his way towards the witness stand.
After swearing to tell the full truth, Mrs Raines began to ask her questions.
âI have notes from the previous trial, dictating all the questions asked and your answers, word for word. Iâd like to go over each of these and have you confirm your answers.â
Dan nodded, determination on his face, as she began reasking questions and awaiting his answers. By the second question, his responses were already changing.
âAnd is it true that while you were like this, Mr Lester abandoned you out in public for some of his friends to assault you?â
âNot at all. Phil had taken me to the park so I could play and just before I went to the sandpit, heâd told me he had to go to the bathroom and that I should stay in the pit. Iâd agreed and ignored his request when Sir came up to me. I in no way believe Phil abandoned me so his friends could attack me. And on that note, Sir and the other one are /not/ Philâs friends. Heâd never befriend demons like them.â
And after that answer, all the questions changed, along with their answers. Rather than agreeing with everything asked as heâd done while little, he was now fully aware of what the questions were actually asking and he insisted on Philâs innocence with each and every answer.
âMr Daul, you may now question the witness.â
The lawyer nodded, standing from his seat on the other side of the room.
âI donât have any questions for my client, your honour. I would like to bring some evidence to light, however.â
Dan scoffed loudly. âI never even wanted you,â he growled.
âFirstly, Mr Howell, you signed an oath to tell the full truth. You also did this last time; so why have your answers changed so significantly?â
âI was little when you asked me before. As Mrs Raines said, I simply agreed with anything I was asked. Lela can confirm that too.â
âIâd simply like to state that you were under oath both times. One of those times you must have been lying. Iâd argue that this time you are not telling the truth; a childâs mind doesnât understand repercussions of answers and would, therefore, have no interest in lying. As an adult, you understand Mr Lester will be sentenced to prison and you donât wish for that, therefore you lie.â
Dan slowly breathed out a shaky breath. âListen, I never wanted you to begin with. I was the two fuckers who kidnapped me in prison, not my innocent boyfriend. No matter what you say, he is innocent and I will argue that till the day I die if need be.â
~~~~~~~~
Luke sighed, locking his front door and pocketing his keys. Itâd been another long day at the station. Not only did he have his regular work to get done but he also was continuing to work of Mr Lester and Mr Howellâs case. And it wasnât easy. He wasnât given any time during the day since it was extra work so if he wanted to use the databases at the station, he had to do so during the lunch break.
âReady?â Julia asked, lifting her handbag up to her shoulder with her free hand.
âYep,â he agreed, beginning the walk down the hall with his friends.
They arrived at the bar reasonably quickly. It was a typical Friday night, drinks clinking and people dancing. The small group of three ordered drinks and took a seat in the last free booth.
âHowâs work been?â Paul asked, sipping his drink.
âSame as always,â he chuckled. âBusy,â he added as an afterthought.
âAny breakthroughs?â Julia piped in. As his best friends, they were both aware he was working the extra case for no pay; they were also aware of how damn complex the case was.
âNot yet.â
He and his friends continued to chat and catch up. When it was dark out and the bar was too loud to maintain a conversation, Julia and Paul headed home. Theyâd offered Luke a ride but heâd declined. He wanted to stay out a little longer. Maybe have a drink or two more.
He hugged his friends goodbye before taking a seat on one of the bar stools and pulling out his phone. He tapped open the police database and found his case file for Philâs trial.
âMind if I sit here?â a voice asked. Out of instinct, Luke clicked his phone off and turned to look at the man whoâd spoken.
âNa, go ahead.â
âThanks.â The man was silent for a minute before waving over the bartender and ordering a dozen shots. âNameâs Chris,â he introduced.
âLuke,â he returned, nodding his head. âTrying to forget something?â he chuckled, watching as the man - Chris, he reminded himself - chugged three shots in a row.
âJust my work,â he laughed in return.
âI can vouch for that.â
âWhat do you do?â
âUh, IT stuff,â Luke replied. He didnât like telling people he was an officer, half the time it scared them off.
âYa know you look kinda familiar?â Chris then said.
âI donât know why.â
âYa got a cute face,â he said.
Luke blushed. âUh, Iâm not looking for a relationship,â he tried to explain.
âIâm not either. Iâm happy with my partner. Things are just tough at the moment, ya know.â
âWanna talk about it?â Luke asked politely, ordering another round of shots for the pair to share.
âNa, Iâll work it out.â
Luke wasnât really sure how it happened. The two had talked for an hour or so before shuffling out of the bar and back to Lukeâs apartment. They were both drunk from the amount of alcohol theyâd had and neither were really caring about what was happening. All they knew was hands felt good and tounges mingling together was almost just as pleasurable.
They fell onto the bed, puffing as they calmed down.
âYa better than me boyfriend,â Chris laughed. âRogerâs prob-problematic.â
âProblematic?â Luke questioned, sitting up after his heart rate returned to normal. He reached for tissues as Chris sighed.
âRoger messed up and could be going to jail for a long time. We were getting ready to start a family, ya know, I think heâs the one. So if I say and do the right things, I might be able to get him out or at least have his sentence shortened.â Chris paused, snuggling up to Luke and closing his eyes. âWanna have a family with him,â he continued. âI know he did some bad things but he doesnât deserve to go tâ jail. Itâs the fucking Lesterâs fault he did it anyway. He threatened him, ya know. Threatened to kill him and his family, me too. Ya donât mess with Lester, heâll kill ya.â
Luke hummed, only half listening in his post-orgasm, sleepy haze.
âShouldnât be telling ya this. Itâll be our little secret, okay?â he whispered, cuddling even closer to him.
âShit. Fuck. Oh fucking shit.â It was these words that awoke Luke from his sleeping state. His head hurt too much to think and he groaned, rolling back over.
âI got a fucking boyfriend mate! This is a serious problem!â the man complained, collecting his clothes.
âDonâ tell âem then,â he mumbled in response, letting his mind wind down so he could fall asleep again.
âYa donât understand. Ya donât mess with Roger, he can fuck ya up. I gotta go. This stays in this room, got it?â the man panicked, already pulling open the bedroom door.
âYup,â Luke mumbled.
It wasnât until he woke up for a second time that morning that he realised what had happened. Heâd had a one night stand with some guy in a relationship. And not only that, that guyâs boyfriend was apparently terrifying as all hell if the panic in the guyâs voice that morning was anything to go off.
He blinked the crust from his eyes, his head pounding as he tried to remind himself of the previous night. He sighed, pulling himself from the bed and clicking the power button on his phone. Seeing it flash red reminded him he never put it to charge the night before so he plugged it in and went to the bathroom. He splashed his face and got a drink from the tap before swallowing some painkillers. He brewed a coffee and buttered a single slice of toast before heading back to his room.
There was a message from Julia asking him if heâd made it home safe, to which he quickly replied. Other than that there was an email from a college, telling him something they found out about one of the perps theyâd brought in the morning before.
The last notification was a warning saying his phone storage was full. He tapped it, opening setting and finding his storage was a solid 80% photos. He opened his photo app, confused as he only had about three-hundred images on his phone. He saw oranges and browns in one of the squares, the little numbers in the corner, telling him it was a video. He assumed it was one of those accidental photos. It wasnât until he read the numbers though, that he realised why this âacidental photoâ (or video, technically) had stolen what little was left of his phone storage. It read 4:27:02. A four and a half hour recording, seemingly by accident.
Most people would ignore it and simply delete it. But with a hangover and a lack of ability to remember the night before, he pressed play.
~~~~~~~~
âTrial of Philip Michael Lester, day seventeen,â the judge said to the court full of people.
âYour honour!â a person in the crowd shouted, standing and marching forward only to be held back by some officers.
âOfficer Luke Temple, your honour. I have some evidence which I believe will severely affect the outcome of this case.
âWhile this is rather uncalled for, I will allow it under the pretense that I am curious as to what this evidence is,â she said, nodding and the officers let him go. He made his way to the stand where he plugged in his phone to the cord, sharing his screen with the projector in the room.
âLast night, I went out to a bar with my friends and stayed behind after they left. I got into a conversation with Mr Daul and in our drunken states, we participated in some sexual acts together. The morning after - this morning - I found out Iâd accidentally recorded the conversations we had. As the tape is hours long, I wonât bore you with the full recording. However, I will bring to light this one clip from directly after the sexual exchange ended,â Luke explained, blushing a little but pushing forward and ignoring it. This was far more important than his nightly activities.
The video was of nothing, simply a black screen.
âRoger messed up and could be going to jail for a long time. We were getting ready to start a family, ya know, I think heâs the one. So if I say and do the right things, I might be able to get him out or at least have his sentence shortened. Wanna have a family with him. I know he did some bad things but he doesnât deserve to go tâ jail. Itâs the fucking Lesterâs fault he did it anyway. He threatened him, ya know. Threatened to kill him and his family, me too. Ya donât mess with Lester, heâll kill ya.â The dull sound of a hum came through the speakers. âShouldnât be telling ya this. Itâll be our little secret, okay?â
Once he paused the recording, the whispers in the room became known. âItâs quite clear Mr Daul has a relationship with Kide and therefore is not fit to be a lawyer in this case,â Luke explained.
âWell, this is some important new evidence. But Mr Daul also states that Lester was threatening Kideâs safety; this is also rather important evidence.â
âMy apologies, your honour, but that is bullshit. It doesnât even make any sense. Itâs clear that Mr Daul is in a relationship with Kide and therefore is altering information so his lover will stay out of prison.â
âWho the lawyer is is up to the prosecutor,â she informed him.
âI know that but he clearly canât be trusted. Just question Kide! Seriously! Iâm onto something! Phil is innocent! Surely Danâs words and all the evidence should confirm that!â
âMr Temple I suggest you lower your voice before I have you escorted from the building,â she snapped, eyes serious as she stared him down.
âMy apologies, your honour,â he said, lowering his volume. âMy theory is that Kide is stringing Mr Daul along to get a less serious sentence. As you know, if Phil is proven guilty, Kide and Conrayâs sentences are reduced; however, if Phil walks free, their sentences will go even higher for lying to the police, obstructing justice, and for the threats. I really believe this is a lead that could prove Philâs innocence.â
The judge seemed to think before she reached a conclusion. âWe will look into this claim.â
Warning/Genre: Rape/extreme violence/ depression/PTSD/Degradation/torture/ Non-consensual pretty much everything/Little!Dan/Daddy!Phil/Kidnapping
Summary: It started out as a fun day at the park but it ended in terror. Phil takes his little Dan to the park and while Phil is not looking, Dan suddenly gets kidnapped. What will happen to Dan? Will Phil ever see his boyfriend again? Did Phil have something to do with it? Heavy trigger warning
Read on Ao3
Read on Wattpad
Kathryn and Dan had settled into a schedule over the last few weeks. During the day, Dan would occupy himself with colouring or cartoons. And during the night, Dan wrapped up in blankets, a paci between his lips and Pooh Bear between his arms. Kathryn would kiss him goodnight and leave him to sleep through till the morning.
Sometimes Dan still woke up from nightmares; they werenât likely to ever stop, or at least for a very long time.
âHey, hey, itâs okay, Dan, Iâm here,â Kathryn comforted, settling onto the bed beside Dan. The lamp was on, illuminating the room in an amber glow, enough for Dan and Kathryn to see each other without being blinding at the late hour.
âKathy,â Dan mumbled questioningly, eyes clouded with tears and sleep. He raised his fisted hands to his face and rubbed at both his eyes with his palm. He whimpered at the images his mind conjured when his lids slipped shut.
âHey, Iâm here, youâre okay,â she said again. âI wonât let anyone hurt you.â
âWant Daddy,â Dan mumbled, more tears sliding down his cheeks as Kathrynâs expression soured.
âYou canât. Iâm sorry love,â she tried. Dan grumbled, pushing his hands into the bed and climbing up onto his knees.
âWant. Daddy,â he said certainly as if this would make his Daddy come back.
Kathryn simply shook her head sadly. âI want him too,â she whispered into the quiet.
âKathy okay?â Dan asked when he saw a tear slip down her cheek.
âWhat? Yeah, Iâm fine,â she answered quickly, wiping the tears. âDo you wanna sleep with me tonight, love?â
âYes please,â he said, climbing from the bed with Pooh in his arms. Kathryn led him to their room where an air mattress was already set up for nights like these.
âGet some sleep,â she said, tucking the blankets tight around Dan. âYouâre safe here. We wonât let anything happen to you.â
Dan, who still had tears in his eyes, nodded and snuggled into his blankets. âLove you,â he mumbled, eyes closed.
âI love you too,â she smiled, pressing a kiss to Danâs forehead before standing and climbing into her own bed. Linking her hand with her husbandâs, she sighed and closed her eyes, hoping Dan would sleep through âtill the morning.
~~~~~~~~
Phil sighed, opening tired eyes with a yawn. His long limbs stretched out across the too-small bed. He swung his legs over the side and rubs his eyes with yet another yawn. He went to the toilet and did his business before pulling open his jail door since theyâd already been unlocked for the morning.
He followed other prisoners on their way to the canteen and collected his breakfast of green-yellow potato chips and overcooked bacon with a side of mildly mouldy fruit.
Once he was finished he slid his tray through to the wash-up area and made his way to the yard. He waited at the small line for an available phone and punched in the numbers heâd memorised.
âHello? Kathryn speaking,â a familiar voice said, tone warm and comforting.
âHey Mum,â Phil whispered, tears coming to his eyes. He wished he was able to give her a hug but he couldnât at trials for obvious reasons and all his visitations had been with his lawyer and sometimes Luke. With the trial holding such high steaks, he couldnât afford to miss a week with Mrs Raines.
âDear, you sound so sad, whatâs wrong?â she questioned, motherly instinct kicking in and informing her her son was upset.
âNothing- just- Iâm happy to hear your voice again,â he smiled into the phone, not that she could see.
âIâm happy to hear your voice too, especially when you arenât defending yourself.â
âLetâs not talk about the trial,â Phil said. It was all he ever heard and he just wanted a mother, not another person with their own opinion of his situation.
âOkay, what do you want to talk about then?â
âHowâs Dan going?â
Kathryn chuckled, likely having guessed Dan would have asked that question.
âHeâs doing well. He had a nightmare last night but got back to sleep alright and slept through till morning.â
âThatâs good,â Phil sighed out.
Kathryn hummed. âDan isnât in the hospital anymore,â she stated. Phil waited as she thought. âDoesnât that mean you could speak to him without breaking any rules?â
Phil thought on that. Technically there was nothing stopping him. There were no hospital rules demanding they stay away and the prison didnât care who he spoke to. But still, it felt kind of cruel. Itâd be torture for himself to have to say goodbye after hearing his loverâs voice. Not to mention what it could do to Dan. So, while it hurt, he sighed and shook his head.
âI donât think itâs a good idea.â He felt tears in his eyes and looked up, blinking them back. He could not cry here, who knows what the other prisoners would do in reaction. Probably laugh at him, maybe even punch and beat him. He wouldnât put it past them.
âAre you sure? Heâd love to hear you,â she continued.
Philâs eyes broke and tears slipped. âI canât. I want to so bad Mum but itâll hurt too much to say goodbye. I canât- I canât do that to him or me.â
âItâs okay, thatâs fine,â she comforted quickly. âYouâll see him when you win the trial and you can come home,â she continued.
âIf I win,â he corrected.
âDonât think like that. If you donât, weâll work with it. Dan can come to visit you and he can continue to stay with me.â
âYeah, I guess. I donât know, sorry Mum.â
âItâs okay, I understand.â
âI gotta go now. Love you.â
âLove you too,â she said, kissing him through the phone. And with that, he pushed the phone back into its receiver and walked away.
~~~~~~~~
âMum!â Dan called out loud from the lounge. Kathryn had excused herself to answer the phone, leaving Dan with his colouring book.
âYes, dear?â she asked, rushing back to the room. In her haste to make sure Dan was perfectly content, she hadnât realised heâd called her âMumâ rather than âKathyâ.
âWhy the fuck wasnât I told about this?â The cuss word startled her; sheâd raised her kids to never swear and while Dan wasnât her kid, he was usually rather polite when he came to visit. The second thing that startled her was the obvious anger in his eyes; that and the way he held himself - plus the swearing - informed Kathryn that Dan wasnât regressed anymore. No, in front of her stood a fully grown adult, fuming from head to toe.
In the seconds itâd taken her to realise all this, her eyes trailed to the tv where the news lady was informing watchers of Philâs trial.
âDan- you have to understand-â she tried, only to be cut off.
âNo offence, but you donât keep shit like this from me regardless of how fucking messed up you think I am! Heâs my boyfriend! If heâs on trial for something he didnât do, I want to fucking know about it.
Dan tugged on his hair in frustration before abandoning his drawings on the floor and heading to the guest room.
âWhat are you doing?â Kathryn asked, following him.
âGoing home,â he seethed, looking through his belongings and realising they were all little things before just chucking them in the bag anyway.
âNo you are not!â she declared in her typical âIâm a mother and I know whatâs bestâ tone.
âYou canât keep me here. Iâm going home and defending my boyfriend in court!â he shouted, pushing past her when she didnât move from the doorway.
âHow are you getting there?â she asked next, worried.
âA taxi or something - I donât know,â he muttered, collecting his phone from the kitchen and his small carry bag of important belongings before pulling open the door and slamming it closed before Kathryn could argue anymore.
It became evident as he walked the cold London streets that he really didnât know how to get home. He just held his arm out, waiting for a taxi to come by and pick him up.
âNeed a lift?â a voice said. Danâs head snapped to a black Sudan, the man who spoke standing next to it.
âUhh,â Dan mumbled out, not sure who this man was. He was well dressed but Dan knew he couldnât trust anyone anymore. This man wouldnât try to do anything in the middle of the morning, would he? Though Sir had. Dan shuddered at the memories and blinked them away, focussing back on the man.
âNo thanks,â he mumbled.
âCome on, where ya headed?â the man pushed.
âNo. Thank you,â he said determinedly, trying to show this man that he wasnât backing down.
âNameâs Chris. Youâre Dan. Now come on, taxiâs donât come to this street; ya too far outta city central. Where do ya need to go? I can take ya to your house if youâd like?â
âHow do you know my name?â Dan asked, stepping backwards and away from the strange man.
âFine, walk home. Fucking storms coming mate, a big one.â The now-annoyed man climbed back into his car and started it up, the engine rumbling with the sky. Just as the man started to drive off - as if Danâs life was a movie - the clouds broke and buckets of water landed atop him, drenching him instantly. He shivered, pulling his hoodie over his head and cuddling his belonging to his chest to protect them from the rain. He ran into a small little shop on the corner of the street, not stopping until he was inside the cozy space.
âCan I help you?â a cheery young girl asked. Her hair was tied up into a messy bun, red curls falling around her face.
âNo thank you, Iâm just getting out of the rain,â he said, looking around his surroundings and realising he entered a cooky little cafe.
âYeah, it just suddenly came on, didnât it? Would you like a drink? On the house, just to warm you up a little,â she continued.
âUh, yeah, thanks. Could I get a hot chocolate if itâs not too much trouble?â
âNot at all, take a seat,â she insisted, gesturing to the entirely empty store.
Dan shuffled into one of the chairs by a table, not wanting to soak the couch with his dripping clothes.
Three minutes later she came out with a drink and a cookie. âI took you for a double-choc person,â she laughed, placing the drink and small plate down in front of him.
âThanks,â he smiled, unzipping his backpack and grabbing his wallet.
âOh, no, this is on the house,â she insisted.
âBut-â he tried to argue but she shook her head. âIf you donât mind me saying this, think of it as a thank you gift. When I was fourteen I was at a really low point in my life but I discovered you and Phil and you both really helped me. You actually posted your video about depression on my worst day yet. I was really close to giving up but that video made me feel less alone. I just want to say thank you for helping me and so many others through hard times and I want to help you too - even if itâs just something like a hot chocolate and a biscuit,â she smiled at him gently and Dan nodded wordlessly.
âThank you, I really appreciate it.â
âThank you ,â she said in return before heading out the back of the shop.
Dan finished his drink off, enjoying the warmth it brought to his body. Heâd called and ordered a taxi too so he had a ride home any minute now.
He pulled out one of his colouring books which were in his pre-packed bag and ripped one out. On the back, he wrote a letter to the lovely girl who had remained unnamed throughout their entire interaction.
He saw his taxi pull up so he quickly put the letter atop the cash register and made his way out and into the car. He gave the woman his address and they set off.
Warning/Genre: Rape/extreme violence/ depression/PTSD/Degradation/torture/ Non-consensual pretty much everything/Little!Dan/Daddy!Phil/Kidnapping
Summary: It started out as a fun day at the park but it ended in terror. Phil takes his little Dan to the park and while Phil is not looking, Dan suddenly gets kidnapped. What will happen to Dan? Will Phil ever see his boyfriend again? Did Phil have something to do with it? Heavy trigger warning
Read on Ao3
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âAre you comfortable?â Kathryn asked for the twenty-seventh time since the two had arrived home just over an hour ago. Dan, as happy as he was to be out of the hospital, didnât quite know what do do with himself.
At the hospital, it had been a reasonably strict schedule, free time here, appointments there. Now all twenty-four hours of the day were free for him to do what he wished. And, well, he wasnât sure what he wished.
âWhy donât you do some colouring?â Kathryn asked, still fussing over him. She hadnât left his side since they got home, determined to have something for him to do before she went off to make dinner.
âOkay,â Dan agreed, laying his hand on top of the book pile and sliding one off. As any mother would for a young child, she had spoiled Dan. As soon as the papers were signed to say heâd stay with her after being discharged, sheâd gone out to buy all the things Dan would need. Colouring books, crayons, texters, pencils. Sheâd bought new pacifiers, nappies, an Eeyore onesie, as well as socks, in case he got cold.
After sheâd bought all this, and it was a week until Dan was being released, sheâd went to visit Phil. After making sure her baby was okay despite being in hospital, sheâd told him Dan was getting out in a weekâs time and would be staying with her.
Phil had been super excited to hear the news and began listing things Dan would want to do and what heâd need. Kathryn, true to her mothering nature, hadnât forgotten anything.
With Dan happily colouring in a Disney Princesses book, Kathryn made her way to the kitchen. She was exhausted. At fifty-seven years old, she shouldnât be having to look after a toddler. Sheâd had her turn raising kids, two to be precise, and now she felt she was raising a third. She knew it was rude to complain; sheâd agreed to have Dan stay with her and she loved him to pieces it was just, well, he was exhausting.
She flicked the tv on in the background, not really paying attention to or caring whatever it was they talked about. She focussed on preparing a lovely dinner for three. Which reminded her; William would be home soon.
âKathy!â a small voice called and she abandoned the stove in favour of finding Dan.
âYes, love?â she asked with a warm smile. She knelt down to Danâs height.
âFor you!â he declared, holding out a picture of what she assumed was supposed to be her family.
âThatâs very nice, deary. Iâll put it on the fridge, okay?â
âTâank you!â
She made her way back to the kitchen, putting it on the bench with a mental note to find a magnet later. The tv had now begun the six oâclock news and first up was Philâs trial. It was pretty much on the news every night; updates and theories running rampant around the city. She quickly found the remote and clicked off the tv so Dan would remain unaware of the situation.
As she cooked, she remembered back during the first trial. How their fanbase had begun a fundraiser for a bail he never received. Theyâd raised over âŹ2,000 in the first 48 hours but none of it had gone to his bail. Instead, the organisers sent it off to YoungMinds, figuring thatâd still be helping someone.
âKathy, I sleepy,â Dan yawned out, standing in the door to the kitchen.
She nodded. âWhy donât you go have a nap, love? Dinner is still forty minutes away.â
Dan rubbed his eyes before yawning again and stretching his arms out wide.
âDo you need any help?â she asked after he nodded in agreement.
âI can be big boy!â he declared before running off down the small hallway and up the steps.
She smiled. While it might be work, looking after a young kid again was enjoyable. There was none of that sass that came with the teenage years, just pure and innocent enjoyment.
~~~~~~~~
Phil dreamt of life before the trial. And before Dan was kidnapped. Before their once-peaceful life got flipped on its head. Before Dan needed bi-weekly therapy and Phil needed handcuffs to be taken anywhere. Back in the good old days. They felt like so long ago now.
After Luke had come by to inform him of the news, heâd found what little hope he had left locked away inside him and brought it out. He let himself think of a day where he could go to Tesco to get some cereal and return home to a grumpy Dan shouting at the tv screen as he played whatever video game he was obsessed with at the time. He let himself dream of a day where heâd be able to kiss Dan on the head without having to think anything of it.
But for now, they still remained fantasies. While the case was reopened, that didnât mean Phil would be set free. He didnât even care about being free anymore. Sure, heâd like to be able to live his life, but heâd happily go to prison if it meant he could just hold Dan in his arms once more. To know he was safe and loved and cared for. Of course, he trusted his mum. But Dan had gotten away under his watch and he knew the ins and outs of Dan. His mum didnât.
He sighed, rolling on the stiff mattress and trying to get some shut-eye. After his hospital stay and a report from Doctor Mander, the prison warden had concaved and agreed to move Phil into another cell. Last he heard Kide had been put int even higher security and therefore had to move prisons. That didnât mean Phil was safe though; his cronies were still there and somehow - even if Phil didnât understand how - Kide would contact them.
For now, though, he could sleep easy, knowing he wasnât at risk of being beaten or raped in the confines of his cell.
âLester!â a sharp voice demanded. Phil abruptly sat up, sleep clouding his mind.
âHuh?â
âTrial day. Get changed,â the guard snapped.
Phil shook his head, clearing his mind. Trial day. Trial day. Oh my god, it was trial day! He leapt out of bed with energy he didnât have three seconds prior and quickly went to the bathroom and changed uniform. Heâd stopped caring about privacy a few weeks into his prison stay. There was no point; all it did was make him uncomfortable when he needed to shit but couldnât. His shy bladder had gone away near instantaneously when it realised the options were peeing in front of people who didnât care, or peeing himself in front of people who would, in that situation, definitely care, and not in a good way.
âTrial of Philip Michael Lester, accused of kidnapping, raping and torturing Daniel James Howell, with the help of Seth Conray and Roger Kide,â the judge announced to the packed hall. There were family and friends who had taken the front few rows. Behind them, were general public now invested since their own loved ones were involved, and a shit tonne of press. A good half of the people there held cameras, paper and pens, microphones or makeup brushes.
The judge summarised the last trial with the notes of the courtroom scribe. After that, the trial began.
Warning/Genre: Rape/extreme violence/ depression/PTSD/Degradation/torture/ Non-consensual pretty much everything/Little!Dan/Daddy!Phil/Kidnapping
Summary: It started out as a fun day at the park but it ended in terror. Phil takes his little Dan to the park and while Phil is not looking, Dan suddenly gets kidnapped. What will happen to Dan? Will Phil ever see his boyfriend again? Did Phil have something to do with it? Heavy trigger warning
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The moment the words Nico Howell had left Danâs lips, Lela had sprung into action. Sheâd alerted the proper authorities and everything since had been a whirlwind. The police were now taking Dan more seriously since they actually had a name to go off of. Although it had been thought that Nico was a runaway and he had been presumed deceased by his family it had still reopened the investigation enough that the police were now were combing the wooded area around the cabin. Â
Two weeks after beginning their search, they finally uncovered the bodies. It had the whole city in a frenzy; families flooded the police station, desperate to know if one of the bodies found was a missing loved one.
Despite the investigation being reopened, nothing had really changed for Dan. Lela had avoided mentioning anything about the investigation to him since he really wasnât in the mindset to understand. The only thing that had really changed was that Dan was now well enough that he was getting to go home. Well as close to home as he could. Dan was not being allowed to go back to their apartment since it was still technically still a crime scene, and Dan really wasnât able to take care of himself anyway so theyâd settled on Philâs mom taking him in.
Since Danâs parents wanted nothing to do with him, Katherine had rented an apartment in London close to the hospital so Dan could be close to Lela. It was something sheâd been thinking about anyway after the five-week-long hotel bill came through. And at this point, Dan didnât argue anymore about Phil, so he had just shrugged his shoulders and clammed up when heâd been told this.
Dan yawned as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. He looked around the room for Eric and when he couldn't find him he pouted with confusion. Eric was always here when he woke up, Eric was the one who walked him to breakfast. Dan grabbed Pooh bear and made his way to the cafeteria hoping maybe Eric had just gotten up early.
He rounded the corner into the cafeteria. His eyes widened there where a few balloons and streamers hung as well as a piece of paper hung up that said âCongratulations Danny!â and underneath it sat Eric, Kate, and Lela. Dan giggled and squealed with excitement.
âDan, do you understand what this is all for?â Lela asked him as she enveloped him in a hug.
âIs it cause Pooh bear and I get to go home?â
She smiled, âThatâs right, youâve made enough progress that you're going home today.â
âBut not home with Daddy?â he asked in a small but hopeful voice.
âBut not home with daddy,â she confirmed.
Dan sighed and he hugged Pooh bear closer.
âDan thereâs another surprise for you!â Kate said clapping her hands together.
Glad that Kate had taken the attention away from Phil, Lela let Kate continue.
âHi, love,â Louise said as she awkwardly stepped out from behind one of the doors.
âLou-Lou!â He squealed.
Dan had spent plenty of time with Louise while in little space before everything happened so the age regression wasnât much different.
Dan ran up to her and squeezed her.
âItâs been a while huh love?â
âUh huh,â he said, gripping her tighter.
Dan and Louise spent several minutes hugging and just enjoying each other presence it had been so long since the two had even seen each other. Before Dan had been kidnapped if Louise was remembering correctly. But it didnât take long for the conversation to take a turn and Dan was asking her about Phil. Lela had given her strict instructions to not mention Phil, or the investigation, as she didnât want it to disrupt his progress. She tried her best to redirect the conversation but Dan was pretty protestant. Louise was just in the process of telling Dan for the fifth time she hadnât talked to Phil when she breathed out a sigh of relief; his attention was diverted to Lela who came walking out with a cake.
They spent the rest of the afternoon eating, playing games and talking and by the end, there were tears from everyone involved. Both Eric and Kate promise to visit once they were out and although Dan didnât quite understand why they couldn't leave, he didn't put up quite as much of a fight as Lela had expected him to. Before she knew it, Dan was in the back of a cab with Kathryn, leaving the hospital.
~~~~~~~~
âThis has got to be enough for another trial,â Luke said slapping the paperwork down on the desk in front of his superior officer.
âOfficer Temple I really donât see how this is any of your business.â
âSir, if Iâm right an innocent man is in prison! Itâs my duty to take whatever information I have and turn it over to the judge!â Luke said breathing heavily now, clearly getting frustrated at his superior's lack of interest.
âLet me tell you this, Temple, if you take that to the Judge then your out of a job mate. This department doesnât need any more bad publicity.â
âFine!â Luke shouted grabbing the papers off the desk and storming out of the office.
~~~~~~~~~
Phil spent the next two weeks in the hospital being pumped full of medication and slowly healing from his injuries. While the whole time he was still chained to the bed and he always had guards on him he had to admit it was still better than being actually in locked up in prison. The food was decent and the doctors were nice and he actually got to watch TV and have a little bit of privacy even if that privacy was a non-locking door on the bathroom.
Phil knew any day now he would be getting the ok from the doctor, telling him he was ok to go back to prison and he was absolutely dreading that day. He was not looking forward to going back, period, but he really wasnât looking forward to going back to kide and his gang. Ever since Kide had become his cellmate, every second had become a constant fight for his life. He was constantly being jumped and it had gotten so bad he hardly slept at night in fear that Kide would beat him up in his sleep.
There was a knock at his door and Phil expected Doctor Mandor to stick their head through. However, when the door opened, he was instead met with a kind looking officer.
âOfficer Temple, what a surprise,â he said, shocked.
âPhil,â he nodded before he stepped in.
The room was uncomfortably quiet for a moment before Phile spoke.
âSo what are you doing here?â
âOh yeah well. Iâve come to tell you some big news. Iâve just talked to the judge and they're willing to reopen your case!â
âWait, what?â Phil asked.
And so, much to the guardsâ distaste, Luke told him about how they had found bodies buried in the woods around the cabin and how one of them had been Nico Howell. He explained he had pointed out to a judge that it couldnât have been Phil because he had gone missing before Dan and him ever met. The entire time Phil was completely shocked to the core and didnât know what to say. When he did finally say something it was, âSo I get to go home? I get to see Dan?â
There was nothing but happiness on his face and it almost killed Luke to have to crush it,
âNo, Phil, sorry. You still have to go back to prison. Your sentence is being upheld until a new verdict is come to.â
Phil was crushed. While he was grateful for the new trial, all he really wanted was to go home.
They talked for a few more minutes before Luke left and Phil was once again alone. But he wasn't alone for long because not more than ten minutes late doctor Mandor came in and told him he was well enough to go back to prison and just get check-ups in the infirmary there.
Warning/Genre: Rape/extreme violence/ depression/PTSD/Degradation/torture/ Non-consensual pretty much everything/Little!Dan/Daddy!Phil/Kidnapping
Summary: It started out as a fun day at the park but it ended in terror. Phil takes his little Dan to the park and while Phil is not looking, Dan suddenly gets kidnapped. What will happen to Dan? Will Phil ever see his boyfriend again? Did Phil have something to do with it? Heavy trigger warning
Read on Ao3
Read on Wattpad
Dan was tired. Insanely so. He couldnât sleep. He didnât know why; it was two hours after dinner and he was still wide awake. Eric and Kate had started putting him to bed earlier, saying he needed the extra sleep. He knew not to argue or Phil would give him a punishment. Not that heâd seen Phil recently.
Either way, it was an hour after his bedtime, and he was still wide awake. When he closed his eyes, he remembered the pictures of disfigured faces, young boys who, like Dan, had made the mistake of following his heart instead of his brain.
Even though he was meant to be sleeping, he pulled out his paper and crayons. Twenty minutes later, heâd finished three drawings, each of a different boy, the same mangled faces and limbs. He clutched pooh into his arms as he climbed out of bed, the slightly crumpled papers in his other hand. He wanted Lela. Sheâd know what to do; she always helped when he wasnât feeling the best.
He wandered through the empty quiet corridors, occasionally a nurse running past or some other patients walking towards their rooms. A hand wrapped around his upper arm and he squealed, trying to wiggle away.
âHey, hey itâs okay,â the voice said calmly, grip loosening on his arm.
âWant mummy,â he mumbled in reply, tears already beginning to slip down his cheeks. He didnât know this person. She was dressed in a blue button-down shirt and blue pants, making her seem like a nurse, but Dan knew appearances could be deceiving. Sir had seemed nice when he offered Dan the puppy.
âI can take you to her,â the woman said but Dan shook his head.
âNo,â he mumbled, pulling his arm from her now-loose grip. âLeave me alone!â
Dan took off and ran through the hallway, turning different corners that seemed vaguely familiar but he knew werenât really.
âWhoa, Dan, slow down,â a voice said. Eric.
âWhere mummy!?â Dan demanded.
âDanny, calm down, okay? Iâll take you to Lela,â he said carefully.
Dan linked his hand with Eric and swung them as they walked towards the offices.
Eric knocked on the door for them and waited. And waited. It became clear Lela wasnât in her office and Eric hoped she hadnât left to go home yet. She didnât usually leave until after Dan had gone to sleep, just to make sure there were no complications. Of course, Dan was supposed to be asleep by this point. Eric hoped he didnât have to turn to the night staff. There was nothing wrong with them directly, they just didnât really have much experience with Dan and tended to treat him like the adult he appeared to be.
An army of nurses rushed past them at that point and Dan insisted they followed. Eric didnât argue, knowing it was the quickest way to a tantrum. And besides, what harm could come from following the nurses?
Two Hours EarlierâŠ
Phil blinked his tired eyes open. The room was dark, only a small lamp on in the corner. His eyes focussed and he saw two guards in the room, one guarding the door and the other by the window. He instinctively tried to pull his hands up to rub the sleep from his eyes but was met with the cold resistance of metal handcuffs. He groaned, dropping his head back onto the pillow. He couldnât even remember how he ended up here; his head throbbed with every thought he had.
Surely this wasnât solitary. It was much too comfortable, with the bed and lamp. Besides, why would there be a window and what appeared to be a regular door in a solitary cell? Itâd been a long time since Phil had seen something so simple, something with no locks. Without his control, tears came to his eyes. He didnât understand why something so simple as a door could bring tears to his eyes. And his head hated it too if the knives stabbing his brain were anything to go by.
There was a knock at the door and it swung open, causing a large wave of light to swim into the room. He hissed before coughing, his throat burning all the while.
âAh, Mr Lester, youâre awake,â a much-too-kind voice said. He nodded his head a little, informing the mysterious voice that he could hear them.
âIâm Dr Mander. How are you feeling?â the woman stepped closer and Phil watched with sore eyes as she adjusted some of the wires and machinery.
He made a rumbling sound low in his throat, hoping to warm it up enough that he could speak with slightly less pain. It didnât work. âBad,â he choked out, puffing as he did so. Breathing was getting steadily harder to do and it was scaring him.
âYouâre breathing is rather staggered. Does it hurt?â the doctor observed, looking at the diagram that was measuring his pulse and breathing.
âYeah,â he breathed out, hoping she could hear him.
âIâll call a nurse to bring in some stronger pain medication for you,â she responded. She pressed a few buttons on the machines and pulled her walkie-talkie to her mouth, asking for a morphine bag to be to room 372.
Heâd gathered that he was in a hospital as soon as sheâd introduced herself but that didnât mean he understood why he was here. It must have been bad; Phil had witnessed people being beaten to a pulp before while guards stood there pretending not to notice. To take him to the hospital - and not even the prison infirmary - whatever happened must have been severe.
âSo, do you remember anything?â the doctor asked, taking a seat after scribbling onto the clipboard in her hand.
He shook his head, not wanting to have to verbalise anything. The nurse had come in and changed out his fluid bag but according to Dr Mander, that wasnât the morphine bag.
âOfficer White, would you mind explaining what happened so Mr Lester can remember?â
The man by the door - who Phil now knew was Officer White - ran his fingers through his light hair, sighing loudly.
âHe got beat up. Donât know what else there is to say,â he explained. It wasnât much help really.
âWhite, donât be like that,â the other guard who was no longer by the window said. âPhil, you got ganged. During pre-dinner free time Kide and his gang found you while you - we think - were on your way to the showers. We donât really know what happened since no guards were there but they definitely did some damage,â he explained.
âThanks, Officer Jewel,â the doctor said.
âYeah, thanks,â Officer White added. He didnât sound as sincere though; his tone told Phil it was most likely sarcastic.
âMummy!â Dan shouted, letting go of Ericâs hand and running up to Lela.
âHi, Danny. What are you doing still awake?â she asked.
âCouldnât sleep,â he mumbled, face still pressed into her shoulder.
âWhat have you got here?â
âDrawings!â he suddenly said, excited. âFor you!â He held out the pictures and Lela couldnât help but feel a little sick.
âAnd who are these, Dan?â
âCanât say.â
Lela shooed Eric away with a smile and began leading Dan to her office.
âAnd why is that?â
âHurt like them if say,â Dan explained. That was what heâd said the past two times heâd given her drawing of people and sheâd asked the same questions.
Lela unlocked her office door, annoyed that she couldnât go home and sleep but knew she had to get to the bottom of this first.
âIâd like to do another session with you, Dan,â she said carefully. Heâd mostly gotten used to the hypnosis again but that didnât mean he never argued.
âOkay, Mummy!â Dan agreed happily, lying down on the couch and cuddling Pooh to his chest.
âReady?â
âYes Mummy,â Dan responded, already closing his eyes.
And so she began the steps to take him into his subconscious. Speaking light and airy, allowing him to travel deeper and deeper into his mind. When she had her papers ready and she was sure Dan was deep in his subconscious, she began the questioning.
âI want you to go back to the cabin, Dan,â she whispered, forming a dot on her page. âAre you there?â
âUh huh,â Dan mumbled.
âDo you remember seeing anyone else when you were there? Any boys and girls like you?â
âIn pictures,â he said. âWas alone most the time. Unless Sir-â he cut off.
âUnless Sir what?â she prodded.
âSir hurt,â he whimpered.
âOkay. We donât have to talk about that, okay? Do you know who the people in the pictures were?â
âNo,â he whispered, clutching Pooh impossibly closer to his chest.
âCan you describe them for me?â
âUh huh,â Dan agreed. Lela quickly set up her phone to record this. âOne boy with curly hair. Green eyes. Like Pj. Dark skin,â Dan said. âTwo boy, twin. Me twin.â Lela sighed. Dan really wasnât making much sense and his descriptions would do no good to the artists at the police station. âThree. Three girl.â Dan shivered. âShe gone. Like one ânâ two.â
âWhat do you mean by gone?â
âNo air. Air no go in body,â Dan said. Lela watched to make sure Dan was breathing and itâs clear he was.
âDo you mean they were dead?â
âMhmm,â Dan hummed. âSir do same to me if no find.â
âIf we didnât find you Sir would have killed you?â
âSay. Say kill me,â Dan whimpered.
âAre you sure you donât remember any of the kidsâ names?â
