Stray dog 💀🧼
As always, early access, WIPs and other goodies are on my Patreon!

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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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Cosmic Funnies
Jules of Nature

Product Placement

oozey mess
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Three Goblin Art
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$LAYYYTER
ojovivo

Kaledo Art

Andulka
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Peter Solarz
taylor price
tumblr dot com
will byers stan first human second
RMH
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@gloomgooon
Stray dog 💀🧼
As always, early access, WIPs and other goodies are on my Patreon!
i am convinced that ilya is into doing old people shit with shane, especially after they’re out.
there’s a tulip festival in ottawa that shane has never even heard of despite living there for a major part of his life, and ilya’s like “please let’s go to the tulip festival” and shane’s like ???????? why???? tulips?????? wtf?? but of course he goes and he Doesn’t Get It but ilya’s having fun, he’s full on turning his megawatt super smile on shane and taking a million photos of shane among the many colourful tulips and holding his hand and kissing his cheek and talking to random old ladies who tell them (well, mostly ilya because shane doesn't compute information about flowers) about tulips and stuff, and shane stands next to him and holds his hand while ilya animatedly talks and gestures with their hands linked and shane watches him, so enamoured, so besotted, because this isn’t about tulips, it’s just spending time together somewhere outside of hockey, where they're not shane hollander and ilya rozanov but just two guys among people, and shane is happy to continue standing next to his husband and nearly letting him smack Shane's own hand in his face from waving their joined hands around so much.
Married Hollanov decided to do an ad campaign together and they chose Peloton to be the first one. They sit down with the Peloton team and they’re throwing out ideas for the commercial when Ilya cuts in with an idea of his own. As Ilya talks, Shane realizes Ilya is describing the night in the gym all those years ago. The Peloton people love it. They’ll need to work in some other aspects but they go with Ilya’s general idea. The commercial comes out and it opens up on a shot of Shane pedaling on the bike. Ilya joins him a moment later, not before running his hand along Shane’s lower back. They pedal hard on their respective bikes. That turns into running on a treadmill which turns into shadow boxing which turns into other exercises to show off all of the Peloton features before they end up on the floor facing each other, sharing a water bottle and smiling at each other as the Peloton label fills the screen. Shane and Ilya watch the commercial and then decide to read the comments:
‘I didn’t know Peloton was a porn company now’
‘So if I get a Peloton I’ll get a hot husband? He’ll just appear beside me?’
‘You ever look at two people and just know they’re freaks?’
‘Did you see how Ilya mouthed ‘more’ to Shane when he was drinking??’
‘The hand on Shane’s back, helping him stretch during the Yoga part, oh I know Ilya tore Shane up after that shoot.’
I will always add the follow up to this.
10k enemies to lovers slow burn
Bront redemption arc
Bront was like “I don’t understand why all these dogs get such high ratings.” And then he gets a puppy and Bront is like
Obsessed with the idea of Shane randomly encountering Bad Bunny at a bar just like he encountered Rose. (Because he has the BEST luck.)
But he doesn't know who Bad Bunny is, and Bad Bunny doesn't know who Shane is... So they're both just making small talk with this hot guy they met at the bar while they wait for their drinks. They're enjoying talking to someone who doesn't know their celebrity status. And Shane is getting a little flustered despite being married, because damn if this guy isn't his type, and Bad Bunny is lowkey flirting with him.
And then Ilya shows up and has a heart attack. Alternating between fanboying over Bad Bunny and wanting to fight him. Just standing there frozen with this bonkers expression on his face.
And Shane is completely oblivious. "Hey, you're back! I ordered you a beer. Oh, and this is Benito. Benito, this is my husband Ilya........... Baby, are you okay? Why do you look like that?"
Ilya’s doctor warns him that antidepressants often decrease sex drive but after eight weeks of taking the meds, the opposite has happened. His sex drive has dramatically increased. He’s horny all the time, and he’s constantly thinking about fucking Shane. It’s pretty much the only thing he thinks about. It’s the off-season, and they’re at the cottage, so he has mostly uninterrupted access to Shane and can fuck him around the clock, but he knows he can’t go on like this. They were having dinner with Yuna and David the other night and he almost bent Shane over the dining room table while his in-laws where in the kitchen. Ilya was horrified when he got hard from Shane placing a piece of garlic bread on his plate, and had to lie about being too full to move from the table so he had time to will his erection away before his in-laws saw it. He has to figure this out before the season starts or he might bend Shane over and fuck him in front of everyone in the locker room. He goes back to the doctor and tells them his symptoms, and they switch him to another medicine. Ilya tells Shane about the medication switch and he swears he sees a brief flash of disappointment on Shane’s face.
One time, Shane and Ilya are in a hotel in a major city and their room faces a huge billboard of one of Shane's steamier ad campaigns. He's either shirtless or wearing a wet t-shirt so thin he might as well not be wearing one. Like truly the hottest and sluttiest he's ever looked in one of these campaigns. Ilya doesn't draw the curtains. The windows are tinted and the lights in their suite are dimmed so they feel fairly confident no one can see in. Instead, he makes sure Shane's facing the billboard as he fucks him, one hand holding a fistful of his hair, keeping Shane's head in place so that he can't look away from it.
"My supermodel. See how fucking beautiful you look here. You are hockey and sex. Everyone in this city sees this billboard and wants to fuck you. But only I can. Only I get to fuck the sexy billboard man."
He keeps Shane this way for ages, not touching him, bringing him right to the edge, only to stop and talk about another part of Shane's photo he likes like he's talking about a work of art in a gallery. Then he goes right back to fucking him.
When he finally wraps a hand around Shane's cock and tells him that it's okay to let go, that he's done so well and that Ilya wants to see him come for him now, Shane comes so hard he almost blacks out.
For the rest of the time that campaign is running, Shane can't see any of the photos of videos from it without getting hard.
ilya responds to ig q&a questions that say ‘whats it like to be a fucking f*ggot?’ with a picture of shane in a backwards cap and a white tshirt casually lifting the hem to wipe his mouth with one hand so his abs are exposed while he’s holding ilyas hand with the other, with the text ‘VERY AWESOME 😍👍’
As soon as Shane realized he was gay, that mf Locked In. He said, we need to get this relationship Sorted, hired a stylist, and showed up to All Stars weekend ready to lock down the best dicking he had ever gotten in his life. And it worked.
Human bodies are so weird like the upper half consists of every single vital organ and the lower half is legs
I'm a firm believer that Cliff Marleau had to be told that Shane Hollander and Montreal Jane were the same person. I am of the belief that when the Fanmail video leaked, Cliff thought "oh, it must not have worked out with Montreal Jane but my boy bagged Shane fucking Hollander, so it's fine." He does think it's a little funny that both of the people Ilya's been seriously involved with are based in Montreal but he still doesn't put it together.
The Cens are in the locker room after a pretty light practice, the season not yet in full swing, and the topic turns to married life, as it often does.
Ilya and Shane mostly stay quiet, giving each other pointed looks when Bood and Wyatt swap stories about their fucking awesome wives. That is until…
“Yeah but like, Roz and Hollzy have the most ideal situation.”
There’s a mix of eyebrow raising and general murmurs of agreement, half of the team unsure if this is Holmberg’s way of coming out.
“What do you mean?” Shane asks, ever one to ignore a social rule.
“You spend all day together kicking ass and being the best at hockey, and then you get to go home together and be and love and shit but also still talk hockey.” Holmberg sighs and stares into his locker a little wistfully. “I wish I was gay so I could have a hockey husband.”
The team is quiet for a minute, some of the younger members nodding in sage agreement. Bood even looks like it’s an intriguing idea.
“Why don’t you date a PWHL player?”
Wyatt says it with it much fuss, shoving his pads into his bag unceremoniously. Holms, however, looks like he’s just been struck by lightning.
“Say that again.”
Wyatt turns to the kid, eyebrows raised like he’s confused by the reaction.
“You know that the PWHL exists, right?”
Holmsberg is too thunderstruck to scoff.
“Yeah. The Charge. They’re…oh my god.”
And thus starts the social media scrolling to figure out which Charge players are 1) single, 2) in Holms age range, and 3) into men
1st base: raw ethically dubious fucking
2nd base: exist in a public space together
3rd base: you witness me have a real, candid emotion
4th base: I reveal an aspect of my tragic backstory to you
image credits: @moonlightsonatah
Happy Pride Month to those two women dancing together in the foreground of the boat scene in Godzilla (1954).
I’m sorry your romantic foibles were overshadowed by a big ass atomic lizard thing.
out of the tags with you
Stiles and Derek go on a nice date... which is immediately derailed by another couples apparent terrible first date that Stiles and Derek are now fully eavesdropping on (Derek is eavesdropping on. Derek's using his superior hearing to relay everything to Stiles, whose human ears can't hear shit)
well the thing is that's an extremely reasonable concern
The first Nolan movie Pattinson signed on for was Tenet which straight up had the protagonist--literally a character named Protagonist--say "I'm the Protagonist."
So like. Yeah I don't blame him