Behind The Glossy Eyes

Glossy, 21yo just another sad person trying to heal

[mywordsfortheuniverse]

My need to feel valuable to everyone is a deep gash on my soul. As soon as it starts to scab, someone comes by and rips it open again. Perhaps I’m destined to be taken advantage of? Still, it makes me feel even less human each time it happens.

— Someone tired of only being here for your convenience

[glossysglassyeyes]

I feel like my stomach is constantly turning. Nerves tingling and I'm feeling nauseous. It feels like my mind is disconnected from my head, bouncing around and getting too high, causing dizziness. Breaths that come out in short puffs sting my lungs. My hands and body start trembling. Somethings is swelling up inside. Every rattling breath I take amplifies the pressure. I might puke. I might fall apart and scream with everything I have. I might cry until my eyes are swollen, red and sore. Until I have snot dripping all over my chin and that's when it's going to feel the worst. The peak of panic, sadness and hurt.

I keep hitting my head with my hands and rocking back and forth. I've never had a heart attack before. But I'm pretty sure this is what it feels like. The feeling of my lungs fighting to get enough air in makes my heart race. My head is pounding and ears are ringing. My vision is blurry and I feel like I'm millions miles away from everything I touch. My perception of time is deranged. It feels like it's been a minute. It also feels like I've been trapped in this state for three hours. I feel deranged. Trying to grasp the slippery threads of reality to ground me. I'm incapable of logical thinking. I just have to wait for the worst to pass. And then try to hold myself together enough that I won't take a head dive straight into the spiral of a phenomena I've grown to know as a panic attack.

[creativepromptsforwriting]

Be proud of the dumb, little thing you wrote, just because you wanted to write a dumb, little thing. Your writing doesn't need to be serious and award-winning for you to be proud of it.

[glossysglassyeyes]

After having more than enough trauma to have it change the way you look at love, affection and people, it starts stinging.

I'm at my best when I can love people and share that love. I love being loved. But I am paralyzed with fear by the fact that I cannot know in advance who are people that will stay and will not hurt me.

I want to love people, but I have a hard time letting people so close to me that they could hurt or love me back.

[evastraea]

[miakatedotcom]

Touch starved / comfort prompts :)

[a/n: if anyone has anyone prompts ideas or wants to see me write for any specific prompts (for any specific characters?) pls don’t hesitate to pop into my asks box :D and if you end up using any of my prompts pls tage me, i would love to read them!]

that big hug in the airport when character A comes home for a holiday. B runs into their arms and squeezes them so tight that A is thinking they might break a rib.

character B feeling character A’s hand on the small of their back while going through a crowd.

character A knows exactly when character B needs cuddles. long day at work? cuddles. didn’t get enough sleep? cuddles.

Character B is away on a trip (either with friends or for work) and Character A is laying awake in their empty bed. the only thing that can get A to sleep each night is a long phone call with their favourite person. telling B about their day calms them down enough for sleep. and they do it all again the next day.

“we don’t have to talk about yet it if you don’t want to. we can just lay here like this, just relax into my arms.” one whispers in the others ear.

Character A is worried about coming off as too clingy and first. Once Character B realised how much A thrives on physical touch, they make sure they set aside enough time each day to just hold them.

If they ever go to bed while in an argument Character B still wraps an arm around Character A, knowing that they won’t sleep without it and to let them know they still love them although they’re arguing.

[follow me on tiktok and instagram @/miakate.writes <3]

[glossysglassyeyes]

Being hurt in the past sucks. But holding onto that hurt, hurts you.

That's why letting go is so important.

Let go, but don't forget. It served as a lesson but don't let it be a leash.

[glossysglassyeyes]

I did not realize how much of a feminist I was until I came across posts, articles and clips of people's writings about it.

Though I am not the best feminist. When men start debating with me, I freeze. I forget all information, have trouble even processing what I'm being told. I just remember my experiences and feelings of terror that remind me why I am a feminist.

I'm not great at debating or arguing. It's honestly painful sometimes.

[glossysglassyeyes]

I'm a salty person. I'm bitter over the words that I left unsaid when blinded by my own guilt.

Then some time passes and I breathe and see again. Damn it. Now I have to sit with this bitterness in my chest.

Fuck you for being able to move on while thinking you did nothing wrong.

[glossysglassyeyes]

I hate when I'm feeling unsure. This or that? Whether this is the right course of actions or would that be the final blow at the wobbly house of cards.

I find myself running millions of scenarios in my head, shutting down for a moment and staring into space. Say something. Otherwise you'll look awkward. But what should I say? I'm not awkward.

"Haha, yeah". My goodness what was that? I'm definitely being weird. Just shush. Just stay quiet and listen. Throw a random comment here and there. Look at the person as they speak, nod along.

This or that again? Say something or nothing at all.

[derangedrhythms]

Rebecca Perry, Beauty/Beauty; from 'Kintsugi 金継ぎ'

[unboundprompts]

Different Ways to Describe Brown Eyes

-> feel free to edit and adjust pronouns as you see fit.

Her eyes were the color of honey, irises swirling like the sweet nectar.

His eyes—the color of an intoxicating champagne—beckoned her over with nothing more than a wink and a smile.

They had eyes like mud, perfectly matched with the frown that permanently stained their face.

Her eyes were as bright as the raging sun and the color of dancing flames.

They wore blue eyeshadow to contrast their dark brown eyes.

Her eyes were as beautiful as the leaves of trees in autumn.

His eyes were nearly black, like a void that held a lifetime of secrets.

Dirt. She had eyes like dirt. They were almost as dirty as her personality.

Their eyes reminded her of old brick libraries and vintage books.

She had the kind of eyes that made thieves wonder why they bothered to steal pieces of art.

His eyes made her think of the sandcastles she used to build as a kid.

Their eyes were the same color as the old oak tree their great-great-grandfather planted in the backyard.

His eyes were the same color as the bottle of liquor in his hand.

They had a smile like spring, but their eyes were autumn with a hint of passing summer.

Her dark eyes were flaked with gold.

His brown eyes had tragedy weaved behind his irises.

Brown, copper eyes that paired with the dry blood stuck to their face watched him as he stalked across the tiled floor.

[emotionalwords]

[glossysglassyeyes]

It's getting bad when I need to listen to Say Yes To Heaven by Lana Del Ray to be able to fall asleep.

To feel enough comfort to just slip into dreamland. To be able to trust that when I startle awake by a nightmare, there will be something... Something to know I'm okay.

It's getting bad when I cry when watching kid's cartoons. Seeing the parents be good to their kids. It makes my heart break into millions of tiny pieces and splinters. Jealousy raising it's head, towering over. Behind it is grief. I wanted that. Why can't the tv just suck me into it's universe.

[glossysglassyeyes]

I feel twinges of happiness, sparks of enjoyment and feathery light touches of excitement

I just wish the anxiety wouldn't be like a cape drooped over my shoulders and head and muffling all else

If the cape wasn't so heavy, maybe the joy could make my heart race and bring a relief. One that feels like when your chest is tight and exploding, adrenaline running through your veins and you can't breathe through the feeling of euphoria and freedom.

[sarhaltr]

It sucks to have been forced to grow up so quick.. I wish I could be a normal naive teenager and be reckless but I have always had to keep my shit together for other people’s sake and that’s kind of ruined things..

[glossysglassyeyes]

You are conditional. Everything from you is conditional, from your love to your help.

Too bad I needed unconditional affection and aid to truly flourish as a person.

Too bad I was forced to seek it elsewhere. And maybe the worst of all, I hold myself to a standard, an expectation to not receive any of it.