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Cosmic Funnies
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occasionally subtle
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@gnarlywharly
hyperbole is my favorite literary device i use it like 600 times a day
video
Creepypasta #479: Replay
I wouldnât have noticed her at all at first, if she hadnât been listening to her iPod during her shift. We were training four of the new employees that day, and she had been shadowing Andrea, not me. I had my hands full with my own shadow, a slow, lazy worker who was let go before his training was even over.
But with my shadow dutifully (if a bit slowly) removing placemats from the lunch shift and putting down table cloths for the dinner shift, I had a moment to lean against the wall and breathe before setting up my tables. Thatâs when I saw her with her headphones in. Andrea had set her to folding napkins for the place settings before going off to get silverware and cups from the back, and no one else had thought to tell her any better. I took it upon myself.
âHey, I know itâs dull, but save the music until youâre on lunch break. Diana will kill you if she sees.â
She looked up at me, sheepish and admonished. âOh, Iâm sorry. I figured, once all of the old folks left âŠâ She gestured to the empty dining room. I nodded â it was an understandable mistake to make, especially on your first day.
âI know that the lunch shift only lasts until one, but we donât technically get on break until 2:30, because weâre setting up for the dinner shift. And if Diana catches you listening to music while youâre working âŠâ
âSay no more. I got it.â The girl had already stowed the headphones in her pocket.
âOkay, and âŠâ I paused to read her nametag. âPenelope?â
âYeah?â She seemed worried, like she thought I was going to yell at her. I tried to speak as gently as possible.
âWe call them âresidents,â not âold folks.â You definitely do not want to offend them.â
She winced; it was a bit obvious in retrospect, but it was a mistake most of the new employees made. âAh. Understood.â
I didnât give her much thought for the rest of the day. The dinner shift was especially crazy that night â one of the residents forgot what he had ordered yelled when the waiter brought it out for him, another refused to sit down at a table and then complained when no one took her order, and a visiting grandson decided to color on the tablecloth with crayon, earning himself a very loud scolding from his mother. To top it off, my shadow managed to spill soup on one of the residents as he was delivering it, dashing away immediately and leaving me to smooth things over with her. At the end of the day, Penelope was completely forgotten â all I cared about was my pajamas and a glass of wine.
She worked one other day that week, I think. Again, she was shadowing someone else, so I didnât pay her much attention. She was quiet during break, and answered any attempts to start conversation politely but shortly.
So the next time I gave her any real thought was when I saw her face on my television screen the next Thursday morning.
They speculated that it was a robbery gone bad. Penelope had been found in her living room, stabbed multiple times. Several items were missing from her home, including her television and her purse. She must have walked in on the robber while he was looting her home, and he attacked her.
My stomach dropped as I heard. I didnât feel like I really had the right to grieve â I had hardly known her â but I was unsettled all the same. I had spoken to her, I had seen her face and heard her voice ⊠And she was brutally murdered, right in her own home. My hands shook the entire drive to work.
I walked into Dianaâs office, picking up one of the ties from the basket and clipping it on. I wondered if my boss had even heard what had happened. âHave you heard about Penelope yet?â
Keep reading
100 Reasons NOT To Kill Yourself
Wow my post has gone up so many notes in such a small amount of time. I really hope this helps you guys and you really do use this a reference when needed. (boys-and-suicide)
1. We would miss you.
2. Itâs not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you.
3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow.
4. Thereâs so much you would miss out on doing.
5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there.
6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself.
7. You ARE worth it. Donât let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.
8. You are amazing.
9. A time will come, once youâve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and wonât regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better.
10. What about all the things youâve always wanted to do? What about the things youâve planned, but never got around to doing? You canât do them when youâre dead.
11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, thatâs still a reason to stay alive.
12. You wonât be able to listen to music if you die.
13. Killing yourself is never worth it. Youâll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about.
14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me.
15. Youâre preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born.
16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died?
17. Youâre gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect.
18. Think about your favourite music artist, youâll never hear their voice againâŠ
19. Youâll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day
20. Listening to incredibly loud music
21. Being alive is just really good.
22. Not being alive is really bad.
23. Finding your soulmate.
24. Red pandas
25. Going to diners at three in the morning.
26. Really soft pillows.
27. Eating pizza in New York City.
28. Proving people wrong with your success.
29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life.
30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can.
31. Being able to help other people.
32. Bonfires.
33. Sitting on rooftops.
34. Seeing every single country in the world.
35. Going on roadtrips.
36. You might win the lottery someday.
37. Listening to music on a record player.
38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower.
39. Taking really cool pictures.
40. Literally meeting thousands of new people.
41. Hearing crazy stories.
42. Telling crazy stories.
43. Eating ice cream on a hot day.
44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know.
45. Travelling to another planet someday.
46. Having an underwater house.
47. Randomly running into your hero on the street.
48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel.
49. Trampolines.
50. Think about your favourite movie, youâll never watch it again.
51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke,
52. Your survival will make the world better, even if itâs for just one person or 20 or 100 or more.
53. People do care.
54. Treehouses
55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse
55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees
56. I donât even know you and I love you.
57. I donât even know you and I care about you.
58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness!
59. You wonât be here to experience the first cat world emperor.
60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOUâLL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS!
61. Starbucks.
62. Hugs.
63. Stargazing.
64. You have a purpose, and itâs up to you to find out what it is.
65. Youâve changed somebodyâs life.
66. Now you could change the world.
67. You will meet the person thatâs perfect for you.
68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you.
69. You have the chance to save somebodyâs life.
70. If you end your life, youâre stopping yourself from achieving great things.
71. Making snow angels.
72. Making snowmen.
73. Snowball fights.
74. Life is what you make of it.
75. Everybody has a talent.
76. Laughing until you cry.
77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy.
78. The world would not be the same if you didnât exist.
79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down
80. Be yourself, donât take anyoneâs shit, and never let them take you alive.
81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero.
82. Being happy doesnât mean that everything is perfect. It means that youâve decided to look beyond the imperfections.
83. One day your smile will be real.
84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day.
85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds.
86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends.
87. Eating crazy food.
88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one.
89. Sleeping in all day.
90. Creating something youâre proud of.
91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didnât commit
92. Being able to meet your Internet friends.
93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate
94. Sherlock season three.
95. Cuddling under the stars.
96. Being stupid in public because you just can.
97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile?
98. being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years
99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this.
100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesnât seem so great right now, literally anything could happen
IF that isnât enough:
Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272
Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253
Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453
UK Helplines:
Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail [email protected]
Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111
Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected]
Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 [email protected]
b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected]
b-eat youthline (for under 25âs with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)
Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: [email protected]
Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600
Drinkline: 0800 9178282
Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected]
Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight
India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614
India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669
Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868, Free and available 24/7
suicide hotlines;
Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430
Australia: 13-11-14
Austria: 01-713-3374
Barbados: 429-9999
Belgium: 106
Botswana: 391-1270
Brazil: 21-233-9191
China: 852-2382-0000
(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)
Costa Rica: 606-253-5439
Croatia: 01-4833-888
Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67
Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908
Denmark: 70-201-201
Egypt: 762-1602
Estonia: 6-558-088
Finland: 040-5032199
France: 01-45-39-4000
Germany: 0800-181-0721
Greece: 1018
Guatemala: 502-234-1239
Holland: 0900-0767
Honduras: 504-237-3623
Hungary: 06-80-820-111
Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90
Ireland: 1800-247-100
Israel: 09-8892333
Italy: 06-705-4444
Japan: 3-5286-9090
Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292
Malaysia: 03-756-8144
(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)
Mexico: 525-510-2550
Netherlands: 0900-0767
New Zealand: 4-473-9739
New Guinea: 675-326-0011
Nicaragua: 505-268-6171
Norway: 47-815-33-300
Philippines: 02-896-9191
Poland: 52-70-000
Portugal: 239-72-10-10
Russia: 8-20-222-82-10
Serbia: 21-6623-393
Spain: 91-459-00-50
South Africa: 0861-322-322
South Korea: 2-715-8600
Sweden: 031-711-2400
Switzerland: 143
Taiwan: 0800-788-995
Thailand: 02-249-9977
Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800
Ukraine: 0487-327715
Uruguay: 095 73 8483
You will be missing out on every single wonderful thing yet to happen to you.
Boys-And-Suicide
this is the quality stuff i wanna see on my feed
This makes me so happy
*cries a waterfall*