Today I am missing you a little extra. It’s only been a month since we said our goodbyes to you. A month since you held my hands, since I saw your eyes look up at me and smile for the last time. I am lost grandpa. I am struggling to hold on. I’m tired and I feel like I am fighting a losing battle. Every day I push myself out of bed, I don’t want to feel like this. I wish you were here to give me some advice, I don’t know where or who to turn to without looking like a fool. After the funeral I sat in your chair where we watched so many movies, I hugged your favourite shirts wishing it was you. I know how selfish it is because I was so lucky to have had you as long as I did and had the special relationship we had. I took for granted all our trips to chapters, our visits with you and granny, basking robins and more. I was living in a world where I had gotten used to you always being around I’m not sure what to do next, I’m also facing my own mortality. Where will I end up in life? Will I leave a legacy I can be proud of? You were the most humble man but you should have seen the church as was said our goodbyes, how many family members and friends filled the pews. How they sang your favourite hymns, you were so loved. I want to be remembered as you are. Your name spoken with love and care. Grandpa I am lost and I need your guidance. I wish you were here. I wish I could speak to you. I wish you could tell me it would be alright and smile at me one more time. I just want to make you proud.
