Buck admits that it wouldn’t be so crazy. While he’s at it, he admits some other things too.
It's quiet in Maddie’s kitchen. Six o'clock in the evening, sun still hanging high with its late summer warmth, the glow of golden hour leaking into the house through the windows to illuminate Maddie as she sips her coffee and Buck as he bakes. Chimney has taken the kids out with Hen, Denny and Mara. Buck arrived just after they left as has barely said a word. It's quiet. Just the two of them and the ticking of the clock.
Eventually, Maddie gets up to refill her coffee. Buck still hasn't said anything. She's not quite sure why he's here, and she figured he would tell her in due time, but it's been an hour and a half and he's still wordlessly pouring over his recipe. She lingers by his side, hoping she'll catch his eye, but his focus is fixed on his baking.
Or at least she thinks it is. But Buck pours some sugar into the bowl, then just keeps pouring, tipping it all in, sweetening his cookie dough far too much. His eyes, his mind, he is elsewhere.
"Buck," Maddie says, leaning into his line of sight. He doesn't move. "Buck, you're putting way too much sugar in. Buck, the cookies!"
His trance breaks. He looks to Maddie, still a little absent, then to the cookie dough, and he comes back to life.
"Ah, damn it," he mumbles, grabbing a spoon and carefully trying to take out the excess sugar.
Maddie aims for a joke. "Were you trying to make sure those cookies rot our teeth?" It's not funny, but she really doesn't know what she's supposed to say right now. But she certainly isn't expecting Buck's response.
"It wouldn't be so crazy."
She pauses. Thinks. Recalibrates. Still doesn't understand.
"It wouldn't be so crazy if... you were trying to sabotage everyone's dental care?"
Buck looks at her, bewildered. "What? No. It wouldn't be so crazy if..."
Maddie waits. Buck sighs. Throws his head back in frustration.
"If?" Maddie prompts after ten seconds of silence.
Buck doesn't look at her when he replies. His eyes are focused on the cookie dough again.
"If I was in love with Eddie," he says thickly. He gestures vaguely in Maddie's direction, mind elsewhere again. "You know... like you said before."
A desperate little, "Oh," escapes Maddie's lips and before she knows it she's hugging him. Her arms are tight around her enormous 6'2 little baby brother. She feels his arms move slightly as he tries to hug her back, but she's got him in such a vice grip that he can't quite manage it. He settles for nestling his face into her hair.
"Come on," she says eventually, pulling away and leading him to the couch by his arm. "Sit down. We'll talk about it."
"I don't know how to talk about it," Buck laments, throwing himself onto the couch with a thump. "I don't even know if that's what it is! I don't know what it is at all."
"Well, something must have happened to make you think about it," Maddie suggests. She waits while Buck thinks. All she needs to do now is be patient with him.
"It's just... it's everything," he says quietly. He turns to look at her, expression raw. She can see his mind working a thousand miles a minute, seven years of will-they-won't-they replaying in his mind when he had never even considered it before. "It's always been something, right?"
Maddie thinks for a moment, then nods. "Yeah. Yeah, I think it has."
"He said he wished he had been there when Bobby died... but all I could think was that I was so glad he wasn't. Because if something had happened to him, too... I don't know what I'd do."
Maddie opens her mouth to reply, but Buck gets there first.
"It's in his will that if he dies I become Christopher's legal guardian."
For a moment, Maddie forgets how to breathe. She can't believe she didn't know. Worse, she can't believe she didn't guess. It made so much sense. Buck had always acted like a father towards Christopher. Of course it was official.
"Is this... a recent thing?" she says carefully. Buck shakes his head. "When did he—?"
"After the well collapsed on top of him," Buck says grimly. The words escape him like it's painful to even think about. He's still not looking at her.
"Did you talk about it at the time?"
Buck laughs. Not quite humourless, but definitely not happy. "He didn't tell me until after he got shot."
He nods. He knows. "I love that kid like he's mine," he says.
Maddie understands. She hesitates, then decides to say it. "The same way Bobby loved you."
Buck sniffs. A single tear rolls down his cheek. He nods, quickly, more like he's trying to shake the thought out of his head than actually dwell on it. He says nothing.
"Did you know then?" Maddie asks. "That this is how you felt about him?"
Buck shakes his head. "No. Not then. I just knew I cared. And that if he wanted me to have Christopher, I'd do it. No questions. I still would. I hope I never have to, but I would."
"Are you going to tell him?"
"What?" Buck looks appalled. "No. He's straight, Maddie."
"So you keep saying," she returns, sipping her coffee.
Buck sits up. "What's that supposed to mean? Has he said something? Has someone else said something? Do you know something?"
Maddie puts out a placating hand. "No, no, nothing like that, it's just... I don't think it's a lost cause. Eddie sees you as his co-parent for Christopher. That's like... seeing you as his life partner. He brought Christopher back to L.A. for you. He didn't tell you about the El Paso job because—"
"Because he didn't want me to make it about myself."
"Because he didn't want to go," Maddie stresses. "Buck, you told me what he said, and I know it hurt, but... I just think it was a front for what he's really feeling. And if there's something he needs to tell you, then he will."
Buck laughs a little. "You said the same thing to me when I started seeing Tommy."
"Well, we don't need to talk about the Tommy of it all," she says with a smirk. "I have a hunch that entire relationship was really about Eddie anyway."
Buck smiles. Properly. "Yeah, you, uh... you might be right."
At that moment, the lock on the front door clicks and Chimney walks in, Jee-Yun rushing in ahead, Baby Bobby asleep in the carrier strapped to Chimney's chest. Buck shoots Maddie a look and she understands - not a word of this conversation to anyone else. As Jee launches herself into Buck's lap, Maddie realises just how confident she is that everything is going to work out for her brother. He's about to be happier than he ever thought possible.
