Good Old-Fashioned Advice

Slow answers to your fast problems, by @ADAMJK for BuzzFeed BFF.

[yrbff]

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

i’m saying goodbye to this blog, so here’s one final message. the questions that have come in (by the hundreds) are surprisingly similar. the things you’re facing now might seem impossible, but you will get through them.

relationships come and go, love is complicated but worth it, and if someone doesn’t treat you well, say goodbye. you deserve to take up space in this world, sometimes it’s okay to fight for what you believe. your upbringing, location, and job inform, but do not define, who you are. the world is big and you are small. you will look back at everything that seems impossible now and laugh.

in the meantime, just breathe. i’ll talk to you later.

– adamjk

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

Anonymous said: I met the love of my life almost 10 years ago and broke his heart [i was an awful person back then] he recently came back into my life and I got to spend an entire day with him! He gave me an old hoodie and a couple little things just to remind me of him, but has barely spoken to me since. I want to be with him, and even though he says he never stopped loving me, he has a very long term gf, and again. Has barely spoken to me. What should I do?

it sounds like he was seeking some closure. It sounds like it’s pretty over. Sometimes things aren’t meant to be. We have a chance and we blow it and we don’t always get another. Life moves on whether we want it to or not, but it’s going to be okay.

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

How do I stop falling love with jerks and move to New Zealand to live in a hole in the ground?

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

How do you know when to walk away from someone you know you could be amazing with, or when to stick around and let yourself keep loving them?

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

Anonymous said: Hi. Right now I'm really questioning my religion. Being Muslim doesn't make me proud. I don't agree with ANY Islamic rules at all. Hearing terrorist groups on the news every day makes me feel bad. I want to convert to Christianity really bad but the thing is I just turned a teenager and still leave with my parents. Help me please I don't know what to do it's making me sad every day praising a religion I don't believe in.

I don’t know if switching one religion for another is the answer. Also know that there are bad people of every race, religion and background, and they don’t speak for all the others. Being Muslim doesn’t make you a terrorist, and anyone who makes you feel like it does is a bigot. A few people don’t speak for millions of others. You can be a good person no matter what religion you practice, or if you practice no religion. 

If you don’t believe in ANY Islamic rules, then Christianity might not be the choice for you. Judaism probably won’t work either. The truth is that many major religious sects are actually quite similar. One God, some basic commandments... plus they all have restrictions on how to act, what to eat, how to dress, and more.

You’re young. You’re living with your parents. For now, you follow their rules. Remind yourself that your family religion doesn’t decide if you are a good or bad person. Remind yourself that other religions aren’t necessarily better or worse, just different. Remind yourself that at the end of the day the thing that matters most is treating people the way you want to be treated and standing up for what’s right.

Hang in there.

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

How do I become more confident in everyday case-senarios?

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

Anonymous said: May I ask you something?

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

I think ive met my soul mate. But we keep going in out of each others lives for the last 4 years. While we love each other a lot. I dont know why we cant seem to just stick. Im starting to doubt myself. Something must be wrong with meShould i give up

There are lots of soulmates out there constantly crossing paths or missing each other. Eventually one sticks. Some will come and go forever. It’s romantic and horrible.

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

Anonymous said: This may be a little different from your other questions, but I didn't want to google this, I wanted real advice. I'm 20 years old and I don't know "what I want to be when I grow up" I have a great interest in writing, mainly fanfiction; but I am thinking about making it a serious thing. I know being an author, you're either a big hit or a no hit :/ but I wanted some advice on whether it's a good idea, I can't ask friends or family because their advice would be biased. Is it a good idea? Or no.

Of course you can ask your friends and family! Yes, they will be biased, and that’s not a bad thing. They know you. They know your work. They might not tell you what you want to hear, but they may have some great advice for you. The nice thing about writing is that you can keep doing it. Lots of people write. It definitely seems like fanfiction is having a moment, with fanfic authors being published and doing really well for themselves. But it’s still rare. 

I think you should write and share and see what happens. But I also think you should be practical. Writing doesn’t pay the bills for most people, but that’s not why they write, right? It’s about loving what you do. It’s about needing to do it.

So get advice from those who know and love you, and consider it. But know that you can always write. You have the tools you need.

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

stare at this and zone out for as long as it takes the message to sink in

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

Anonymous said: Should I hold out for Mr. Right, or just settle? I am tired of being alone, but can't give up hope that the man of my dreams is out there somewhere.

I’m afraid I don’t have a good answer here. You know what you need better than I do. Personally, I don’t think Mr. Right is real, but rather different people offer different desirable and useful traits. Just like you do. You are not the total package. There is no such thing. So you come close by finding someone who has things you do not. Two halves making a whole and helping each other grow individually and together. Fingers crossed!

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

Anonymous said: How many times can a broken heart remend?

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Anonymous said: I'm dating this guy but I'm also crushing on my ex and another guy. should I dump my boyfriend or try to forget about the other guys?

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

I dont know what I am doing with my life. I have nothing positive going for me right now. I'm an average student. Not in a relationship. I dont get along well with my family. I dont see anything to life for. How do I find a way to want to wake up? 

wake up because there is just SO MUCH MORE TO COME and you won’t even know until you get there. wake up because you’re curious for the future and all it will bring. we all go through darker, harder parts in life. and then you come out the other side to face new challenges, but different variables change. you meet someone great. you’re working on something you believe in. you experience the kind of adventure you didn’t know could happen to you. 

there’s just so much out there. the world is so big. there are so many different lives happening all at once. you can be anything. life is infinite. but you need to be awake and alive to experience it all.

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

Anonymous said: I never thought I'd be that horrible, awful person but here I am. Trash. A married coworker, my boss's bf, both on multiple occasions. Got caught by coworker's wife and she acted like I had to have raped him so now my life is basically over.

you’re not the one who’s married. you made a questionable decision, but he’s as much at fault as you are, if not more. your life isn’t over but maybe watch your back. it’s easier to sleep with people who aren’t in committed, monogamous relationships... you know?

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

My friend claims to have DID and frequently talks about their personalities and other things. She told me before that her personalities were once imaginary friends of their's gone personalities. I don't know how to take it. I feel like their lying to me. But i don't wanna go off on them and be wrong. What do i do? Please help.

[goodoldfashionedadvice]

Anonymous said: Hi, I just got back together with my ex after being broken up for almost two years. The first time around, he didn't treat me well and was constantly pressuring me to have sex when I wasn't ready. I agreed to get back together with him when he said that it would be different this time and that he had changed. Cliche I know. It's starting back up though. We haven't been back together for 2 weeks and he's already pressuring me to have sex. He's not talking to me now. What should I do?